Reposting this in the mature forum, maybe i can get better advice here.

[hyperactive]

I'm 27, she's 28.

What's up everyone, i'm new here. I've pulled more women than I can remember but paradoxically haven't managed to develop true game. It seems like getting laid has usually been effortless but I have always craved women a league above, which is why I am writing this. The woman in question is a special one who i really like and don't just want to hit and quit. I have other options for sex but I want more with this particular one.

Met her and had instant attraction. Made a few mistakes along the way, revealed too much info, but she still contacted me and seemed interested, contacted me to meet a few times, even told me to slow down with the physical and still wanted to hang out.

Yesterday we had a good text exchange that I felt good about. She texted me and said "if youre around stop by my work to visit." I replied "if i'm around? Heck no I will drive all the way out there just to visit you." She seemed pleased and wrote "Thank you see you then!!"

So I started practicing the confidence and I wonder if I may have put her off by going too far with the teasing what not. I know it is a big no no to project negativity like this so today i have being a servicable job at putting this out of my head, relaxing, focusing on the here and now etc. etc.

Few other techniques I used, body contact, made it clear that i am attracted to her and don't want to just be friends, eye contact, teasing, let her do alot/most talking, got her to laugh a few times. I asked her if I could walk her home and she said no thanks, maybe tomorrow, and I pushed it, saying "come on, you're missing out". Some of my teasing she didn't laugh at. Overall the whole night was successful on other levels but it could have been better.

The night before the visit at her work was a good night too, she called me to talk, then called me again too talk after we had said goodbyes. That is a good sign, so of course I get all hung up with "could this be something special" and **** just because she expresses some interest.

So my concern is a text I sent her last night after the visit. I took the confidence even further and wrote her "hey u should call me when u get home I'd like to talk some more tonight." She didn't reply.

I really want to visit her at work again tonight. Should I or shouldn't I? If I should go there should I just show up or should I text her something like "what's a good time for me to come visit you today?" Should I let her contact me? Should I wait a few days and if she doesn't contact me then contact her? This woman I believe has had some bad excperiences with men and she wants to feel valued and sincerely desired on all levels. I almost feel like it might be difficult to convince her that I really do like her and I don't just want to hit it, because she is older, late 20s and has had some guys **** on her and may be a bit scarred.

I feel better having written this. any input would be greatly appreciated. Meanwhile i'm going to try to distract myself. I talked to another girl who i sleep with occasionally last night but it didn't help! I don't know but having a second girl doesn't seem to make much a difference, but maybe if I didn't have an option b things would be worse. Not that things are bad. I got to keep in mind that there will be plenty of women down the line.

thanks

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Hyperactive,


Welcome to the WAR, soldier.

Having said that, first things first:

DON'T GO VISIT HER AT HER WORK TONIGHT!!!!

Reread the above sentence again until you memorize it, soldier. And I don't mean JUST tonight, I mean EVER. Here's the reasoning behind it:

I fear ou have subconsciously put this girl up on a pedestal. You are in infatuation-mode and you probably aren't seeing her as CLEARLY as you need to. You are allowing yourself to become a SYMP (this is an old school PIMP word for "woman sympathizer"). Think of it in the same vein as being a NAZI Sympathizer, or ANY OTHER thing that's just as wrong-headed and uproductive to YOUR cause.

And NO. I'm not saying that WOMEN are evil. What I am saying is that you don't know yet if this woman is FRIEND or FOE. And as such, your defaut mode must be one of a self-defensive stance. You have already made it VERBALLY clear to this woman that your intentions are romantic/sexual as opposed to friendly/non-sexual.

What you have to focus on here now is communicating this to her more demonstratively---more directly----MORE physcially. You have to turn on the sexual vibe with this woman IMMEDIATELY. And NO, I'm not talking about taking a rape charge, soldier. What I'm talking about is making a SERIOUS physical pass at her----a simple lean in for a kiss.

You have already demonstrated that you are NOT a stupid, sex-crazed neanderthal---she KNOWS that all ready. So NOW that it is time for you to ESCALATE your interactions towards her, a simple kiss SHOULD NOT be a turn off to her---IF she's romantically/sexually interested in YOU.

But if she turns away, then it's a safe bet that she IS NOT interested in you physically/sexually the way you want her to be. Women who like you, tend to make it EASY for you to advance towards them physically/romantically. Even if it's NOT just all out go-for-broke sex, she SHOULD still be willing and open toward SOME kind of definitive romantic advance.

Again, if she's not, then unfortunately, she may be just another Attention Whorre who is playing wounded, and is using YOU as her post-relationship sounding board and emotional tampon to "dry-up" all her past boyfriend mess. The ONLY way you can distinguish if this is true or not is to at least GO FOR THE KISS, the obvious sexual body-part caress, or SOMETHING.

I didn't say "go for the date". No, because EVERYONE around here knows that there are a large portion of women who see NOTHING wrong with using some, poor, star-struck guy's money and attention in order to "entertain herself and distract herself" from thinking about SOME OTHER mutherfukker she'd REALLY rather be with.

I HOPE this isn't YOUR case, soldier, but my experience tells me that if I were in Vegas right now----I'd bet that it IS. Never sympathize with a woman you aren't SURE is already into you. When you sympathize with someone, you are entering THEIR mindset. You are accepting THEIR perception of things as THE only true reality. And this is usually a big mistake for a man to do because it robs him of his rationality and emotional control.

Around here, all the soldiers in the Sosuave Army know that the best way to maintain some objectivity when dealing with women is by NOT putting them on a pedestal. Put YOURSELF on a pedestal instead. This way you can evaluate her by paying close attention to her consistent ACTIONS towards you rather than just blindly embracing what you HOPE she is "thinking".

Your best ways to judge of a woman's interest in you is by noticing how she behaves towards you consistently over time---and also by noticing whtat that behavior indicates about her level of INTEREST in you.

Women who want to get with you, VALUE you and your time----and they will NOT do things to risk LOSING "you" losing your interest in "THEM". Women who don't return calls, break plans without making definite counter-offers, or constantly push away physical advances, are NOT that into you.

So again, don't call or text her tonight, and don't continue to pursue her at all on ANY basis that could be miscontsrued as SAFE or PLATONIC. If you talk to her again, ask her over, then try to make a move on her.

If she asks YOU out, go ahead and go. But ONLY go if you're gonna make a MOVE on her. Do not go and listen to her tales of woe about her past relationships anymore----that's what her GIRLFRIENDS are for.

And also during this time, keep your eye out for women who pique your interest---women who you find that are just as attractive, or preferrably MORE attractive than this one. The reason why your casual sex partner "friend" doesn't distract you enough is because you KNOW that she is NOT REALLY a good match for you and may really be a waste of your time and energy.

So go out and do some more hunting, soldier!

And most importantly, STOP FANTASIZING to yourself about what a wonderful person this woman is, because you don't know if she really is or not. You don't have ENOUGH information to make a good assessment yet. Make her EARN every good thought you ever think of her.

After all, a woman has to PROVE that she's WORTHY of being thought of for more than 60 seconds by a man as great as HYPERACTIVE, doesn't she??????lol

Lastly, keep your mind focused instead on OTHER worthwhile goals that have nothing to do with women and you'll be just fine.

You HAVE your mission...IF you choose to accept it...

Good luck in the FIGHT!

 

[Phyzzle]

I really want to visit her at work again tonight. Should I or shouldn't I?

Nah, you saw her yesterday and the day before, right? Just because this one is more attractive to you is not reason to see her ever single day.

You say you have plenty of experience. Well, has any girl ever been REALLY interested in you? (Like, to the point of being annoying?) How did you act around her? I'm betting you didn't see her every day! You need to take an objective look at what worked for you in the past to raise interest and do that.

Besides, it's about time to take her out, or do something other than see her at work. She's already had hours to talk to you, right? So if she turns down a trip to a bar or restaurant, there's obviously no interest anyhow.

 

[hyperactive]

Thanks phyzzle and victory.. Good advice both. I texted her again before I read these messages. I said "no pressure, just let me know when you want to get together again I like spending time with you." I was trying to do damage control, maybe a bad play so I will NOT absolutely not text her again. If she calls me to go out again, I will not meet her at work, and when and if we get together I will make a move to kiss her. I can stand to move slow on the sex but a kiss is a kiss and she needs to put out with the makeout.

I like the sympathizer bit. Yeah she has problems and I have been a shoulder. I have used every damn angle I could to get her to smile and have fun. I know this "therapist" approach can go either way.

One thing though, I do think I went to heavy with the teasing, to the point of it being a bit forced and unnatural. I wasn't in the zone where the teasing came fluidly and smoothly. My energy and demeanor was a bit jagged last night so I hope I have learned from that.

A few of the other occurances last night that were encouraging though: I caressed her hand twice. I hugged her long and tight.

Her eye contact was not sustained but I do believe this COULD perhaps be chalked up to shyness.

So gameplan is I don't contact her? What if a week goes by and I have no better alternatives, what about showing consistency? I mean isn't part of the game making women who aren't interested interested. If I really like her, can I see what I can do to make her like me? This woman is European, and beautiful, UNIQUE is a good word for her, I like women that are different. She clearly is very selective about guys, another turn on. She is damaged goods in some ways which happens to turn me on as well. I have always liked girls that are a bit jaded. Their tougher in a way yet fragile too.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Yesterday we had a good text exchange that I felt good about. She texted me and said "if youre around stop by my work to visit." I replied "if i'm around? Heck no I will drive all the way out there just to visit you." She seemed pleased and wrote "Thank you see you then!!"

This is problem #1. You don't fvcking text chicks. Chicks text chicks. Get a sidekick or blackberry for work or to keep your social life in some semblance of order not to pvssyfoot around and text girls.

So I started practicing the confidence and I wonder if I may have put her off by going too far with the teasing what not.

How the fvck were you confident? How did you tease her? You told her that you're a wuss who holds her time in higher regard than your own by chasing her ass around.

I asked her if I could walk her home and she said no thanks, maybe tomorrow, and I pushed it, saying "come on, you're missing out". Some of my teasing she didn't laugh at. Overall the whole night was successful on other levels but it could have been better.

This is doomed to failure. Your fault is that you asked to walk her home. Did you carry her books home as well? She didn't laugh at you because you weren't being funny. You can't laugh at a doormat.

Sorry to be so hard on you brother but you need the truth shoveled down your hole.

 

[hyperactive]

Actually I think I stated it, "I'll come back after your done and walk you home." or somewthing along those lines. I might have asked it but I was pretty focused on stating.

Haha I agree with the texting chicks though, it is pretty jeuvenile. Christ I didn't think of this! I have to stop texting chicks! There are always exceptions though. But thanks karma for that idea. i'm going to stop texting and see how that goes.

Oh and I teased her verbally numerous times that night.

The thing is this lady is a bit broken, obviously, she has issues.

I'd like to get other opinions on text messaging. Maybe I should start a text messaging thread. A search of the forums turned up nothing. Any other opinions on to use text messages or not?

Librito-

If I were to tell her that I just wanted to be friends, would I then arrange for a time to meet and then make a move? I enviosion myself saying "I didn't realize that I was stil attracted to you."

Anyways I'm working on two other HB's right now. Or, rather, I will be working on them. One is at my work, the other is in a produciton I am in right now, (I am an actor). I'm going to use this thread as a journal for these two and any other HB's I start putting game on. I figure why not have fun and if an LTR is on the horizon it will happen sooner if I keep venturing.

 

[Bonhomme]

Frater Karma is right on.

Regarding texting, I was hanging out with a couple female friends, and they were joking about how much of a wuss a male friend was for texting them all the time, rather than calling, after the unfortunate chump texted one of them. This was on the weekend, when they have unlimited minutes, too.

Texting is so high school. Glad you've come to realize this, hyperactive. Good that you have others in the picture. As for this one, people have short memories, though it would be best to keep her on the sidelines until you're fully cured of any oneitis ...

 

[Mind_Body_Soul]

Yeah man, you need to realize that what you think was confident and teasing was anything but.

The woman in question is a special one

Not likely. She's probably run of the mill at BEST. You've stated yourself that she has issues. This isn't special - unfortunately, it's pretty common.

even told me to slow down with the physical and still wanted to hang out.

Did you get physical with this girl? Why did she say this?

I replied "if i'm around? Heck no I will drive all the way out there just to visit you."

NO, NO, NOOOOO. Why on earth would you say that? You aren't impressing her with this. There are 100 guys behind you willing to drive out to see her. You need to be a challenge. Make her drive all the way out to see you. Sh1t like that.

I pushed it, saying "come on, you're missing out".

Now you sound like you're begging her. This comes off as childish, feminine, and wussy.

Also, it sounds like you two talk on the phone a lot. Stop that! Use the phone to set up dates where you can talk in person. Don't let her associate you as a little b1tch that she calls to complain about her issues.

Bro - forget about this one. She's done. Any more effort that you expend on her is WASTED. Move on to bigger and better things. Delete her # from your phone and forget where she works. Ironically, this is the ONLY chance you have of getting her interested in you. She may end up missing the attention you gave her and start chasing you. Just don't be all "oh I missed you" when she calls, or when she asks "Where have you been? Why haven't you called??!!" dont' be all "Oh I'm sorry I've been busy." be vague.

Good luck.

 

[Bible_Belt]

good advice on this thread. I like the 'chicks text chicks' expression. I have always been averse to texting; I thought it was because I was too old for it, but now that I think about it, it is passive female-type behavior. My gf is always getting texts from her guy 'friends' (AFCs), and I've never seen her reply to one when I'm around. Texting is good for receiving the 'I'm horny, come over' messages, but I never use it more than to reply to the ones I receive.

And about your oneitis woman, like I said, this thread is full of good advice. You need to back off and make her think you have other options. If I could add anything, I'd suggest let her see you talking to other women, especially women who are very interested in you. Don't force it, and be subtle, but jealousy in a woman is a powerful force. It can make her start chasing you, and give you back the power that you have lost due to your supplicating behavior. Good luck.