Relationships

[perseverance]

Once you experience your first break up in a relationship is the relationship more than likely doomed to fail or could it be repaired and grow stronger?

I know it's a gahey question to be asking, but I have made an observations and it does seem to head that way, that once you break up, it's as good as finished, no matter how hard to you fight to save it.

 

[Swift Shadow]

I'd like to think you are wrong and that people can change, mainly due to the fact that i'm in a similiar situation right now and i'm just waiting for the shi.t to hit the fan really, i shouldn't have to think that way but once you've broken up once the thought that the same will happen just clouds your mind...

 

[perseverance]

I was with a girl for seven months before we broke up. We got back together a week later and within two months we had split up again, we got back together again and lasted another six months before I finally called it a day. I wasted eights month of my life with a woman who was incompatiable with me! I have seen it happen with friends too, but I have also on the rare occasions seen a couple split, get back together and be alright, but it seems that most relationships are doomed when the first break up happens.

I hope you're an exception to the trend I've been noticing.

 

[JLW]

Once you break up, the relationship is doomed.

I cannot think of any exceptions to this rule. I'm sure there are a few exceptions where people broke up and then ended up getting married and staying together 'til death do they part. But I would say it's an EXTREME rarity.

 

[DonGorgon]

Once you experience your first break up in a relationship is the relationship more than likely doomed to fail or could it be repaired and grow stronger?

I know it's a gahey question to be asking, but I have made an observations and it does seem to head that way, that once you break up, it's as good as finished, no matter how hard to you fight to save it.

only the person who does the breaking up has the power to restart the relationship.. But yes 99% of the time relationships are over long before the participants acknowledge that it is really over..

The person with more options / power in the relationship tends to also have the power to end and restart the relationship and 90% of the time that is the female..

 

[perseverance]

..

The person with more options / power in the relationship tends to also have the power to end and restart the relationship and 90% of the time that is the female..

Very true, but once you split up I think the best advice I can offer a man is for him to cut all ties immediately, delete the phone number, even change the number, delete and block her from facebook and just go out and rave it up!

I have been guilty of hanging on and trying to make things work and it's all been futile, so that's what I recommend.

I bought this up because a female friend of mine has split up with her boyfriend of four years, three times in the last month. I met up with her on Thurs night and she asked me for advice and I plainly told her "that her relationship was riddled with 'cancer' and that is probably terminal and the relationship is good as finished". Of course she isn't speaking to me at the moment and got back with him earlier today. I had to laugh, some people just to have to find out for themselves!

 

[Hakuna]

Just remember this rule:

Girls will NEVER get back with you after a break up if you TRY and get back with them (call them constantly, apologize, etc etc)

Girls MIGHT get back with you if you don't try.

So no matter what, it is ALWAYS a better idea to move on. It's a win-win for you. Either you move on and she realizes she misses you and comes back, or you move on and find a better girl.

Most of the stuff you have to do after a break up is counter-intuitive. Do NOT call her or TRY and get back with her. If you try to "get her back," it'll just make her lose more interest in you.

lastly, FOCUS ON INTEREST LEVEL. remember, the ONLY thing that matters is interest level so you should be thinking only in terms of interest level. So for example, she broke up with you. What does that mean? Don't think "it's because she has too much going on in her life right now" or some other bull**** excuse. Just think: "her interest level has dropped to far down."

What should you do next then? Don't think "I need to try and fix this problem." You need to think: "How do I get her interest level back up?" Being a challenge, having other girls like you, cultivating mystery, etc. Does Apologizing or calling her constantly raise a girls interest level? No.

 

[perseverance]

Just remember this rule:

Girls will NEVER get back with you after a break up if you TRY and get back with them (call them constantly, apologize, etc etc)

Girls MIGHT get back with you if you don't try.

So no matter what, it is ALWAYS a better idea to move on. It's a win-win for you. Either you move on and she realizes she misses you and comes back, or you move on and find a better girl.

Most of the stuff you have to do after a break up is counter-intuitive. Do NOT call her or TRY and get back with her. If you try to "get her back," it'll just make her lose more interest in you.

lastly, FOCUS ON INTEREST LEVEL. remember, the ONLY thing that matters is interest level so you should be thinking only in terms of interest level. So for example, she broke up with you. What does that mean? Don't think "it's because she has too much going on in her life right now" or some other bull**** excuse. Just think: "her interest level has dropped to far down."

What should you do next then? Don't think "I need to try and fix this problem." You need to think: "How do I get her interest level back up?" Being a challenge, having other girls like you, cultivating mystery, etc. Does Apologizing or calling her constantly raise a girls interest level? No.

I'm not disputing that!

You miss the point that I'm making and getting clarification on.

When a couple split up, that's it. They can get back together somewhere down the line, a week, a month, a year and it won't last.

 

[JLW]

When a couple split up, that's it. They can get back together somewhere down the line, a week, a month, a year and it won't last.

Yes. You already have the answer to your question.

I guess you're looking for people who have had an experience that says that they had a relationship where they broke up, but then got back together and lived happily ever after...

...But you're not really finding any, because they don't exist. And if they do exist, it won't be very long til they break up again.

 

[perseverance]

Yes. You already have the answer to your question.

I guess you're looking for people who have had an experience that says that they had a relationship where they broke up, but then got back together and lived happily ever after...

...But you're not really finding any, because they don't exist. And if they do exist, it won't be very long til they break up again.

Nope!

I wanted to find out if I was right or not, so I can show my friend this, so she'll apologize to me for being such an ass.

 

[Bratt2230]

Once you experience your first break up in a relationship is the relationship more than likely doomed to fail or could it be repaired and grow stronger?

I know it's a gahey question to be asking, but I have made an observations and it does seem to head that way, that once you break up, it's as good as finished, no matter how hard to you fight to save it.

I hope this is not a TL;DR thing that i am going to post, but ill try too keep it short and simple.

I am the kind of guy, that LOVES to have LONG TERM relationsships, so i have a bit of experience (even though i recently posted about one, acting lige a chump with no brains).

Usually, when a relationsship ends, it has a reason, whether it is a good reason or not is something else. If you are determinated to make this relationsship get back together, you can!

- Insted of trying to fight for it, leave it like it is, ignore the girl for 3weeks - 1 month, DONT IGNORE HER COMPLETLY, answer her messeges, but DO NOT sound needy, or like your life is over because you broke up, act like if you have moved on (which in 9/10 cases will make her go nuts).
She will start missing you, and the good times you had, and evedentually she will want you back, and that is where you will be able to strike - and if you really want to get back togheter - get her back.



BUT ONE SUGGESTION TO YOU IS! find a piece of paper, and a pencil, and write all the NEGATIVES and ALL of the reason that caused that you wanted to brake up / did brake up. and then analyse them, and then once again reconsider if you REALLY want to be with this girl!

- if there is like a million negative things, then i guess you should move on, since there is a big chance that you will find something better than her - as usual, there is a reason for the relasionship ending.


- Hope you did understand my "ENGRISH"


Good luck

 

[Bratt2230]

ohh... i did not read all the responsos, so i will answer in another way;

The relationsship is not DOOMED, but in 80~90% of the restartet relationsships, thing screw up! WHY? because in reality, they did not want to get back together, they just wanted that "comfort" back of having someone.

- most people forget the reason they broke up, focus on the "good things" and then all the suddently want to get back together.

** But for thoose who actually want to get back together, because of love, because they REALLY WANT TO BE TOGETHER, for them, the relationsships TEND to work out just fine, even after a "break"/Breakup.

 

[Twitch]

Once you break up, the relationship is doomed.

I cannot think of any exceptions to this rule. I'm sure there are a few exceptions where people broke up and then ended up getting married and staying together 'til death do they part. But I would say it's an EXTREME rarity.

Of all the ones that I can think of, the couple in question broke up for reasons outside their relationship. Example: My cousin and her boyfriend have been together for 6 years. They mutually broke it off because she was failing her pharmacy classes and he was depressed about a family issue. They got together again for another year and are getting married.

 

[john_trenor]

Yeah, it's definitely possible to get back together after a break up if none of the two parties did anything truly horrendous.

Think of it this way, if a woman was with you, she had reason for doing so, yeah? I hope that the guy and girl got along and that the girl saw something really special in the guy. Obviously, this does not apply to flings or short term relationships, but to serious ones.

In fact, the guy, even after a break up, has far more chances of getting back together with his ex than other guys do... if he plays his cards right. Most guys are oblivious to this fact, but it takes a woman some time to develop trust and real feelings for someone. The ex boyfriend already has his foot in the door in this respect. Again, he just has to play the game well.

 

[DonGorgon]

"there is always someone else" PURE TRUTH

 

[Colossus]

... but I have made an observations and it does seem to head that way, that once you break up, it's as good as finished, no matter how hard to you fight to save it.

IMO there is no such thing as a "break", and once a breakup has occurred the relationship is essentially doomed. There might be some rare exceptions, but dont make that the rule. "Breaks" are just a softer way of saying we are breaking up but this way it isnt so harsh. It's gonna end. I have never seen two people go on a break and remain together long-term.

 

[jophil28]

Nope!

I wanted to find out if I was right or not, so I can show my friend this, so she'll apologize to me for being such an ass.

IT is unlikely that a breakup can be transformed into a successful reconciliation. IF the women initiated the breakup, then the chances of a successful reunion are zero - it never happens.
I have been dating around and in LTR's for over 30 years and that is my observation and personal experience.

Secondly, you are wasting your time gathering evidence to convince your female friend that she has it wrong. There is no recorded incident of a woman apologizing to a man for being wrong in an argument...EVER . I checked the Guiness Book of Records... :crackup:

 

[Kailex]

I've only seen it work out ONCE in my entire lifetime.
A female friend of mine dumped her boyfriend over a simple argument. They got back together and have been happily married since. They have 2 kids and they both have spoken to me about how they love each other so much and getting back was the right decision.

The circumstances? She broke up with him because they had a small argument over her father's funeral. She had lost her mother 7 months earlier and her father followed soon after. She was left with the burden of arranging everything. He wanted to help out so badly that she couldn't deal with the stress of it all and broke up with him. He still showed up at the funeral to pay respects and shortly after, they got back together.

Just as the examples are extreme, so is this case.

I've yet to see a single miscellaneous breakup turn into a successful relationship. I've lived it myself. I broke up my ex-LTR of 6 years a number of THREE times.

As Jophil once said on these boards, the problem with getting back together isn't that the conflict that caused the breakup is resolved... more like it's doomed to be repeated.

 

[ArcBound]

There is a saying about trust but I suppose it applies to this as well. Trust is like a sheet of paper. You can do something to break the trust (crumple the paper into a ball), and no matter how much you try you cannot straighten the paper back to its original form. There will always be at least some wrinkles and creases that you can't straighten out. So yes you can restablish trust in a way but it will never be in the same form as it was before, there will always be some lingering thoughts, feelings, effects (the creases and wrinkles that you can't get out).

So sometimes its better to just... get a new sheet of paper.

 

[Swift Shadow]

You know what i looked at some of these replies and thought to myself "What do you know about relationships" ...needless to say it didn't work out for the second time, i feel like such an idiot thinking it would ever work out, now i sit here feeling the worst i've ever felt in my life.