Relationship that starts with sex on day 1

[phenom]

I look at it like this:

If I bang a girl after the first date, then I consider that my game was good and I was just so charming that she couldn't resist me. It's all about your frame of mind and looking at things in a positive light. You can either be negative and jaded and put her in the slut category and never call her again. Or you can be happy that you bedded an HB after a few hours and call her later to set up another date and have some fun.

I know it's hard to do but you have to let every girl stand on there own two feet.

 

[MrCode]

I would just like to echo phenom's sentiments on this subject. Each girl should stand on her own, and as I said before you can take some time later to determine if she is the kind of girl you want to spend more time with. But it is pretty pessimistic to just classify her as a ho because she slept with you the first night.

Also while I understand that the world is not all lollipops and teddy bears, a little optimism never hurt anyone. And while we will all run into some seriously evil b*tches, how they affect us in the long run is all within our own minds. You can make your own reality and live in it.

 

[pipeman84]

Again, young one, you miss the point. I am honestly not trying to belittle you. I have been 19, you haven't been 30. I do understand your point of view. My advice to you is listen more than you speak and you may learn some things. It is dangerous to be so formed and thinking you cannot learn from people who have been where you are in life. It isn't your age that betrays your maturity, it is your words that portray your immaturity. God laughs at us when we say what we will or will not do tomorrow.

Im going to toss out a hypothetical situation. You meet a beautiful woman (HB 9-9.5), you pick her up at 1 in the afternoon. You spend the entire day together, you go to 3 or 4 places, and She pays for most of the date. The conversation is non stop laughter all day, there are very few awkward pauses and she is probably the best date you have ever been on. She reveals that she hasn't had a boyfriend in over a year and that she hasn't had sex in the same amount of time. At the end of the night, the kissing and hugging gets hot and heavy. She is dripping wet with anticipation and you are rock hard, so She decides to give in and the two of you have sex.

Are you telling me she is a ***** for sleeping with you? You never call this girl again because she slept with you? If this is true you are giving up something/someone who could be really great for you. Situations like these occur every day. Ive had it happen to me more than once.

You're 30 but more naive than the 19yrs old one....
Now to the bolded part: which one is more logical and probable: 1. that she's telling the truth about not having had sex in a year and you're such a DJ that you get to fvck her on the 1st date
2. that she's lying to you and she's a slvt.
Elementary, my dear Watson.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

This thread is 18 years old guys (2004). Lol talk about raising the dead. The poster in question is pushing 40 now…

 

[SW15]

I think it's good to resuscitate old threads and see some changes.

I think there's more importance for first date sex or first night sex now than in 2004. In 2004, the typical woman had fewer options and a longer attention span, although attention spans in 2004 were not all that great. I'll set some context before making my point.

In 2004, swipe apps didn't exist. By 2004, online dating websites had lost their stigma but they weren't that commonplace, especially in certain segments. I turned 21 in 2004 and most of the 20-25 year olds I knew then were doing nightlife. However for people pushing 30 around 2004, online dating was a real thing. OkCupid launched that year and Match.com had been around 9 years. Both Facebook and YouTube launched in 2004, though neither was big. Cellular phones were commonplace in 2004, but they were feature phones and smartphones with apps were still 3 years away.

It's clear that women have more options now than in 2004. More options = greater instability. There needs to be a way to get a woman to pay attention to you longer. Sex will do that, provided that it is good sex. If it's going to be mediocre to subpar sex, it's not worth having. A woman will ghost mediocre to subpar sex. The challenging is that first date sex is typically not set up for success. If a first date starts at 7:30-8 PM on a Tuesday or Wednesday night, it will reach its critical moment around 10 PM. Around 10 PM, either there is a nightcap at someone's home or you two part ways for the time and possibly forever. Sex at 10:30 PM on a weeknight after being awake since 6:30 AM, drinking alcohol, and being worried about work the next day isn't a recipe for the most memorable sex. Additionally, same night sex from a bar approach has some of the same flaws. Same night sex from a bar approach will result in 12 AM-2 AM first night sex after alcohol consumption too. If a man can manage to avoid some of the pitfalls of first date or first night sex, then it's worth having to hook her and give her a better chance of answering a phone call or returning a text message.

Another big change since 2004 is the ability to get dates from bar visits. In the mid-2000s, if you got a woman's number at a bar and had a good conversation, you had a better chance of having a date at some point in the near future than today. Women have had shorter attention spans and more options since the dawn of the smartphone, the growth of social media, and the acceptance of swipe apps.

 

[Ricky]

Haha i am honored to have an old thread that I don’t even remember writing posted!

 

[Ricky]

I think it's good to resuscitate old threads and see some changes.

I think there's more importance for first date sex or first night sex now than in 2004. In 2004, the typical woman had fewer options and a longer attention span, although attention spans in 2004 were not all that great. I'll set some context before making my point.

In 2004, swipe apps didn't exist. By 2004, online dating websites had lost their stigma but they weren't that commonplace, especially in certain segments. I turned 21 in 2004 and most of the 20-25 year olds I knew then were doing nightlife. However for people pushing 30 around 2004, online dating was a real thing. OkCupid launched that year and Match.com had been around 9 years. Both Facebook and YouTube launched in 2004, though neither was big. Cellular phones were commonplace in 2004, but they were feature phones and smartphones with apps were still 3 years away.

It's clear that women have more options now than in 2004. More options = greater instability. There needs to be a way to get a woman to pay attention to you longer. Sex will do that, provided that it is good sex. If it's going to be mediocre to subpar sex, it's not worth having. A woman will ghost mediocre to subpar sex. The challenging is that first date sex is typically not set up for success. If a first date starts at 7:30-8 PM on a Tuesday or Wednesday night, it will reach its critical moment around 10 PM. Around 10 PM, either there is a nightcap at someone's home or you two part ways for the time and possibly forever. Sex at 10:30 PM on a weeknight after being awake since 6:30 AM, drinking alcohol, and being worried about work the next day isn't a recipe for the most memorable sex. Additionally, same night sex from a bar approach has some of the same flaws. Same night sex from a bar approach will result in 12 AM-2 AM first night sex after alcohol consumption too. If a man can manage to avoid some of the pitfalls of first date or first night sex, then it's worth having to hook her and give her a better chance of answering a phone call or returning a text message.

Another big change since 2004 is the ability to get dates from bar visits. In the mid-2000s, if you got a woman's number at a bar and had a good conversation, you had a better chance of having a date at some point in the near future than today. Women have had shorter attention spans and more options since the dawn of the smartphone, the growth of social media, and the acceptance of swipe apps.

Very true. I still love in person talking. I feel like the app crowd is socially stunted which is why its even easier for someone with halfway decent social skills to pull

 

[SW15]

Haha i am honored to have an old thread that I don’t even remember writing posted!

It is great that you joined in 2002, posted this thread in 2004, and are commenting on it today.

I still love in person talking. I feel like the app crowd is socially stunted which is why its even easier for someone with halfway decent social skills to pull

I like sex a lot more than I like talking. I think most of my generation (Millennials) are socially stunted, even the Millennials with halfway decent social skills.

With online dating, your looks are your personality. Online dating (if defined as both swipe apps and sliding into DMs) has replaced in-person approaching and social circle as a way for a lot of people to start relationships. Since your looks are your personality for Millennials and Gen Z, the women get their dreams in shutting out a good portion of men from the sexual marketplace. Pure social skills don't matter as much now as they did in the 1990s/2000s when PUAs like Mystery were first getting big.

You come to this discussion right now from the perspective of a 48 year old man. Gen X'ers were the last generation to have decent in-person social skills. In 2022, we have 2 generations now (Millennials and Gen Z) with lousy social skills. It's common to criticize men for poor social skills but even the Millennial and Gen Z women have weaker social skills.

The de-emphasis on an in-person social skills was apparent when I was in college, which was 2001-2005. The time I was in college was when earlier Millennials were getting to campus. September 2004 (when this thread was last active) was during my senior year of college. I remember in 2001-2003, people were using AOL Instant Messanger to send messages instead of making phone calls. MySpace launched in 2003 and got popular in 2004. Facebook and YouTube launched in 2004. I wasn't using Facebook then despite it being geared towards college students.

For decades, as more people went to college, more people formed extended romantic relationships from random interactions on campus with the man approaching the woman. Around 2000, as the Millennials were first getting to college, formation of longer term couples in college diminished (see chart below). Boyfriend-girlfriend relationships while in college were common in my 2001-2005 day, but these relationships were rarely serious and rarely stood the test of time. This is a trend that continues in college to this day.

The Boomers and Gen X did romantic interactions differently than Millennials and Gen Z have done them. Gen X'ers will still use phones for voice communication. As an early Millennial who has dated mainly women born between 1983-1989, I know it's a big chore to get a Millennial woman to talk on the phone in the early stage of a romantic interaction. It's even difficult to get my mid to late 1980s born Millennial male friends to have a phone conversation.

 

[SargeMaximus]

well, if you think about it NO relationships actually work out!

This. And the obsession with relationships is a beta trait imo

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I think it ends up muddying the water and makes it harder for a relationship to pan out because from a guys point or view many times even tho you are happy when you bang a chick on date 1, you lose some respect for her and she automatically gets put in the FWB bucket instead of potentialy LTR bucket

 

[Barrister]

Whenever I get a first-date lay I automatically disqualify the woman from being relationship material. I always find it humorous how women react to this - "you're a hypocrite! You want sex and get it and then disqualify her from giving you exactly what you wanted!" These same women will think it is OK to string along a beta orbiter for free attention (and sometimes free tangible things like drinks and meals). Sorry hun, the shoe is on the other foot now and you want to be angry about it? And the fact of the matter is no self-respecting woman puts out on the first date. And if she doesn't respect herself, why would I be in a relationship with her? Doesn't mean I won't enjoy sex with her.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I’ve found it irrelevant one way or the other.

 

[Pandora]

Girls that have sex on the first night have impulse control inssues. They also have emotional regulation issues. They lack discipline in many aspects of life.

When you get into a relationship with them you will often be in many arguments due to their lack of emotional regulation.

It usually does not work out when a girl smashes on the first. Btw it also shows a lack of self esteerm and she has done this many times before.

 

[Murk]

I’ve had 4 relationships from first date lays. At the time I didn’t discount them or think less of them (I should have), I just thought what a charmer I was. All the relationships deteriorated because ultimately I didn’t want to commit or didn’t see a happily ever after with them. I’m yet to find a woman I think I could settle with. Mainly because only now I’m coming into my prime and feel capable of getting what I deserve.

Moving forward, I will look for women with self restraint and morals, if I smash first date (something I used to expect and work towards) I will discount to fwb max.

You have to go through some relationships and women to hone your skills imo.

Girls that have sex on the first night have impulse control inssues. They also have emotional regulation issues. They lack discipline in many aspects of life.

When you get into a relationship with them you will often be in many arguments due to their lack of emotional regulation.

It usually does not work out when a girl smashes on the first. Btw it also shows a lack of self esteerm and she has done this many times before.

100% This has been true for me in the past.

 

[Gamisch]

It is great that you joined in 2002, posted this thread in 2004, and are commenting on it today.



I like sex a lot more than I like talking. I think most of my generation (Millennials) are socially stunted, even the Millennials with halfway decent social skills.

With online dating, your looks are your personality. Online dating (if defined as both swipe apps and sliding into DMs) has replaced in-person approaching and social circle as a way for a lot of people to start relationships. Since your looks are your personality for Millennials and Gen Z, the women get their dreams in shutting out a good portion of men from the sexual marketplace. Pure social skills don't matter as much now as they did in the 1990s/2000s when PUAs like Mystery were first getting big.

You come to this discussion right now from the perspective of a 48 year old man. Gen X'ers were the last generation to have decent in-person social skills. In 2022, we have 2 generations now (Millennials and Gen Z) with lousy social skills. It's common to criticize men for poor social skills but even the Millennial and Gen Z women have weaker social skills.

The de-emphasis on an in-person social skills was apparent when I was in college, which was 2001-2005. The time I was in college was when earlier Millennials were getting to campus. September 2004 (when this thread was last active) was during my senior year of college. I remember in 2001-2003, people were using AOL Instant Messanger to send messages instead of making phone calls. MySpace launched in 2003 and got popular in 2004. Facebook and YouTube launched in 2004. I wasn't using Facebook then despite it being geared towards college students.

For decades, as more people went to college, more people formed extended romantic relationships from random interactions on campus with the man approaching the woman. Around 2000, as the Millennials were first getting to college, formation of longer term couples in college diminished (see chart below). Boyfriend-girlfriend relationships while in college were common in my 2001-2005 day, but these relationships were rarely serious and rarely stood the test of time. This is a trend that continues in college to this day.

The Boomers and Gen X did romantic interactions differently than Millennials and Gen Z have done them. Gen X'ers will still use phones for voice communication. As an early Millennial who has dated mainly women born between 1983-1989, I know it's a big chore to get a Millennial woman to talk on the phone in the early stage of a romantic interaction. It's even difficult to get my mid to late 1980s born Millennial male friends to have a phone conversation.



View attachment 9093

Yeah, it's not even that crazy to revive old threads, as OLD only exists 10 years now and the landscape completely changed after the introducing of OLD. You can't discredit posts pre 2004, but you might have to look at them from a different perspective now.

Context matters a lot. If you meet a woman on tinder she already picked you out of a pile of D's. When you play it right (e.g you've busy and not too eager to meet up) her anticipation will be through the roof. I bet she'll shaved her pvssy when you meet up with her.

A man gotta lead. The scenario @princelee described is very possible to happen. You do everything right, and she basically cant resist you.

And that's where things get murky. If I DONT hit it first day, she might assume you want a serious LTR instead of a quick lay. If you have the the "old fashioned pre 2004" where you wanna " protect" the woman from being a slvt(?) you might be torn between two different era's

Things move way faster nowadays. Women mostly date their equal or better. With that in mind , a true dj or Chad or whatever, will ALSO have many options. His date tomorrow might be willing to put put immediately. So women have to pick between two poisons; lose him because you are "boring ", or lose him because you "acted like a slvt".

1st day s3x isn't as bad as it used to be ,and simultaneously it's way worse then it's ever been...great time to be alive isnt it?

 

[SW15]

Yeah, it's not even that crazy to revive old threads, as OLD only exists 10 years now.

Wrong. Swipe apps may only be 10 years old, but there was plenty of online dating before swipe apps. Match.com launched in 1995, making it almost 30 years old. EHarmony launched in 2000. Plenty of Fish and OkCupid launched in 2003 and 2004.

I was sending DMs to women on MySpace to try to get my penis wet in 2004 and 2005. Facebook also launched in 2004. In 2005-2009, Facebook was a big deal for younger people. Now, only older people use Facebook. People in their 30s only use Facebook for wedding pics and baby pics for their old people relatives to see.

Context matters a lot. If you meet a woman on tinder she already picked you out of a pile of D's. When you play it right (e.g you've busy and not too eager to meet up) her anticipating will be through the roof. I bet she'll shaved her pvssy when you meet up with her.

A man gotta lead. The scenario @princelee described is very possible to happen. You do everything right, and she basically cant resist you.

True

And that's where things get murky. If I DONT hit it first day, she might assume you want a serious LTR instead of a quick lay. If you have the the "old fashioned pre 2004" where you wanna " protect" the woman from being a slvt(?) you might be torn between two different era's

Things move way faster nowadays. Women mostly date their equal or better. With that in mind , a true dj or Chad or whatever, will ALSO have many options. His date tomorrow might be willing to put put immediately. So women have to pick between two poisons; lose him because you are "boring ", or lose him because you "acted like a slvt".

1st day s3x isn't as bad as it used to be ,and simultaneously it's way worse then it's ever been...great time to be alive isnt it?

Partially agree. Things move faster today. Swipe apps took all the bad aspects of website dating and made them much worse. Women are even more selective now than they were using websites to arrange dates.

It's not a great time to be alive.

 

[logicallefty]

My record is a 4 year LTR after sex on day 1. Never thought much about it. Interesting old thread here.

 

[bat soup]

I had this debate with my brother one night.

He said "Any time I slept with a girl the first night I met her, the relationship never worked out".

His point was a girl you meet where she doesn't put out the first night may make a better dating partner.

Now my argument was that if I could get a girl into bed the first night and do a good job, the pressure was off as far as dating was concerned and we could hangout and have a good time without worrying about the first kiss, awkwardness, etc.

What do you think?

Is there really a difference between a relationship started by sex the first night vs one that wasn't?

I think it´s BS. A woman that is very attracted to you will be like that from the first moment. Sex might not happen that first date due to circumstances, but becomes inevitable as soon as two people meet that like each other enough.

A person that artificially delays things and makes things difficult in my opinion is being dishonest and manipulative. Also the same woman that makes one guy wait, isn't going to do that for another guy that she's more attracted to.

Men that think "she's a good girl because she made wait" don't know that Chad and Tyrone didn't have to wait. They had her the first night.

 

[MtmVaott]

I think it´s BS. A woman that is very attracted to you will be like that from the first moment. Sex might not happen that first date due to circumstances, but becomes inevitable as soon as two people meet that like each other enough.

A person that artificially delays things and makes things difficult in my opinion is being dishonest and manipulative.

I observed women who are more accepting of themselves, more in the moment, more ego-less are the ones who have no problem at all with this and as long as they want it, they will follow. The ego-fixated woman on the other hand will try to control the situation and the outcomes. Mainly because she's afraid she doesn't get what she wants and she attached herself to that, so who she is depends on the outcome. Exactly what most of us are doing.
It's not possible to lose respect for the self-accepting women, because they simply are.

 

[cns]

I am not you can trust a woman who goes to bed with you day1. It probably means she has done this x amount of times in the past and could do it again with someone else as well. It is true men wants to get physical ASAP. But relationship is much more than sex.

I think it´s BS. A woman that is very attracted to you will be like that from the first moment. Sex might not happen that first date due to circumstances, but becomes inevitable as soon as two people meet that like each other enough.

A person that artificially delays things and makes things difficult in my opinion is being dishonest and manipulative. Also the same woman that makes one guy wait, isn't going to do that for another guy that she's more attracted to.

Men that think "she's a good girl because she made wait" don't know that Chad and Tyrone didn't have to wait. They had her the first night.

lol no. I completely disagree. Attraction does not mean you need to have sex. This is BS.

For women especially sex is suppose to be a big deal. I am not sure men wants to be in a relationship with a hoe who sleeps with random chads or tyrone as you say. Even women know it and if she has any standard would ideally want a relationship with that man who she thinks is worthy of her, attraction alone is not enough. Also woman have more social pressure and are more vulnerable so it is normal for them to delay it and see if the man is right fit for her. Having said that there are woman who are promiscuous and would hookup day1 with random dudes.