Relationship 'Speed Bump'

[A-Man2151]

I love my girlfriend very much. We just celebrated our six month anniversary and things are going very well...except for this new attitude she is 'developing'. Every so often, (and more and more lately) she has been extremely snappy towards me for no reason. She literally does it for no reason, and I have no idea why. I don't just take it like a puppy being scolded; in fact, on one occasion, after telling her to stop and that she was being ridiculous, and her continuing to do so, I left her apartment in the afternoon when we were planning to spend the day together. This incident was pretty big. When I left, I texted her saying, 'Don't you dare call me later, saying how sorry you are, because you continue to do this, and I'm not just gonna shrug it off every time.' Sure enough, just as I got home, I receive a call from her, crying her eyes out, saying how sorry she is, and she realized how ridiculous she was being and that she will never do it again. Since this time it was more serious than past minor incidents, I genuinely talked to her for awhile, and eventually accepted her apology, and told her that everything was alright. Well, just today, a similar incident happened. It wasn't as serious as the 'walking out' incident; that was the climax. But the fact that it's even still happening, big or small, just makes me feel like she is lying when she calls me crying, saying that she is working on it. The crazy thing is, when she called me after this afternoon, after this morning when it happened, she told me that I'm the only person she treats this way. There is no doubt in my mind that she loves me very much. She has shown it in so many ways that she loves me more than anything, and that she wants us to be together forever, that type of thing. But the thing I'm trying to figure out is if she loves me this much, why I am the only person she treats this way? Does she just assume that she can treat me this way sometimes because she knows were so in love that it will eventually get resolved? She knows exactly when she's doing it, yet she does it anyways. Today I told her I'm not putting up with this anymore, and that we should take a break, so we can figure out some things. So as of now, we are on a 'break,' but I know for a fact that later tonight she will call me crying saying how sorry she is. But I've heard that story before. What do I do? I love this girl, and I want to marry her someday, but this is getting really annoying.

 

[KontrollerX]

Well you can have a talk with her and ask her whats going on in her life if anything that has made her attitude change so drastically towards you.

As the way I figure it either something has happened that has changed her attitude towards you or she's simply getting comfortable enough in the relationship to show you her true self.

As for what you should do...

Exactly what I said and if that doesn't work you will then have to ask yourself if this is a dealbreaker for you.

If it is you will sadly just have to next her.

Sorry if it comes to that man but yeah from what you said it seems as if she's never going to change this behaviour.

 

[JDA70]

Yeah you have to be a man and tell her you won't tolerate this
activity anymore and if she does it again then it's over.
You got to put your foot down.

It's that simple.

 

[A-Man2151]

I see the standpoint of your suggestions, but is that really the best way to go about it, by saying 'If you do that one more time, I'm going to break up with you forever.' And when I look back in 5 years on how I lost the love of my life, wishing I had taking more steps into fixing it than just ending it so suddenly....

 

[Rata Blanca]

First you say this:

I love my girlfriend very much. We just celebrated our six month anniversary and things are going very well...except for this new attitude she is 'developing'.

And then:

I love this girl, and I want to marry her someday, but this is getting really annoying.

So you have been dating her for six months and you want to marry her already?! Good luck with that.

About her behaviour, it's pretty simple, she is either testing you or getting interest on someone else. Interested girls don't start arguments for no reason, they try to avoid it.

The reason she keeps doing it it's because you allow it. You should have already made clear that if she disrespects you, you walk away. But don't verbalize it, simply stop giving her your time.
She should associate:
disrespecting b/f = b/f goes away
respect /love b/f = b/f rewards her

 

[JDA70]

Yes it is the best way to go because if you don't
she'll just keep abusing you emotionally.

You got to put it all on the line and show her that if she doesn't stop
you'll go find someone else that treats you better.

 

[KontrollerX]

I see the standpoint of your suggestions, but is that really the best way to go about it, by saying 'If you do that one more time, I'm going to break up with you forever.' And when I look back in 5 years on how I lost the love of my life, wishing I had taking more steps into fixing it than just ending it so suddenly....

You can't fix another person.

I've tried twice and others here have tried as well in their AFC days.

It is not possible.

A person has to want to genuinely change on their own before anyone can help them and you keep getting the sense that when she apologizes she is lying to you and will not change her behaviour and you know what happens?

She doesn't change her behaviour!

You were right every time!!

Once a person sees that you will keep forgiving them for their wrongdoing they see what else they can do to you and get away with.

Massive disrespect in relationships must be stopped in its tracks and the only way it can be stopped is by telling your significant other something they don't want to hear and sticking to your guns if they don't comply with what you say.

I like what Rollo Tomassi posted a while back about this where his current wife before they were married hung up on him because she was mad at him about something.

He had this happen before with another woman that he loved and he hated it but let her get away with it and the disrespect just kept getting worse and worse until he was dumped.

Remembering this horrible thing that happened to him he told his now current wife but girlfriend at the time that if she ever hung up on him again they were done.

She never hung up on him again and they've been together ever since.

He established the frame and what he wanted for his life from a partner and he got it.

If you let a chick get away with behaviour that you really really hate she's just going to treat you worse and worse to see what you'll take before she gets disgusted at how pathetic you are and dumps you herself.

Its messed up but thats the way it works.

And she can't really be the love of your life if you are not worth enough to her for her to stop treating you like crap when you ask her nicely.

 

[ducaro]

The crazy thing is, when she called me after this afternoon, after this morning when it happened, she told me that I'm the only person she treats this way. There is no doubt in my mind that she loves me very much. She has shown it in so many ways that she loves me more than anything, and that she wants us to be together forever, that type of thing. But the thing I'm trying to figure out is if she loves me this much, why I am the only person she treats this way? Does she just assume that she can treat me this way sometimes because she knows were so in love that it will eventually get resolved?

Man from 2151,

First, never say this to yourself or anyone else, no matter how much of a truth it may be - ' I love my girlfriend very much'


moving on..

I sense trouble.:trouble: Don't ask me how, and as strange and irrelevant it may sound, that when a woman tells you that ^, you have to be wary. very wary. This is a classic example of taking you out of the 'equation' - take notice of how you are the cause for all the misery, for no reason whatsoever.

Now this generally happens when she is swinging onto another branch. she has already found the new host and is in the 'transition' phase.

Now, I may be completely wrong, but you better clarify this by doing some research... there are good chances you will be discovering something nasty.
And if you come to know that this is the truth, you have had the misfortune of coming into contact with one of the shallowest kind of women of all time. Mind you, they are a breed.

Action: Play usual and do your background check.

ATB!

 

[Alkali]

Highs and lows, everyone has them. But remember, she's a Psychotic Murder Suspect. Typically referred to as a degenerate of PMS. Give it two weeks.

 

[honeyshark]

Before you start over analyzing, find out if she is bleeding out of her vagina.

Also, it can take 6 months for a person to start feeling comfortable around someone else and acting on his or her true nature.

Peace.

 

[ready123]

Man from 2151,

First, never say this to yourself or anyone else, no matter how much of a truth it may be - ' I love my girlfriend very much'

man, there's nothing wrong with that. he loves his girlfriend, so what. she's a girlfriend, not a f-buddy

as for the OP, it's always a balance scale. do those episodes make it or break it for you? is she still worth it, given the frustration. coz unless you figure out the psychological root of why she trips like that, it's not going away any time soon