Relationship problem

[xian]

Hi guys, my first post here. I've been an old reader of FS and this DJ forum, well, i've found myself a really nice gal, took her virginity and all...and into my 10th month of the LTR.
Everything was going well Due to my diligence on following this site and becoming a more of MAN, less of a wussy, but i've hit a snag, recently, she called me crying and says I don;t show her my feelings, she says she knows i care for her, but she just doesnt feel it...

Jeez, and i thought we were going fine, she misses me all the time, I dont call too often or talk long on the phone, we have fun during our dates every week....

The best part was, she told me early on that she finds clingy guys a turn off and too many "i love u's" boring, and i've done none of those wussy stuff too often....
I was at a total loss as to how to proceed.

I think i've diffused the situation by giving her a hand made LED " love message" circuit gift box i was saving for christmas which took me 2 months to build, she was happy after she found out how long it took me to make that; we talked about it and i agreed to try to show my emotions more... etc etc. (in other words, i sucked up to her..damn, but it worked)

Any of you guys have any suggestions on what i did? I want to learn from this and be able to handle the situation better in future on whichever gal...

Don't think whether this was a **** test cos the gals here in singapore are pretty much nice, Asian & conservative. My gal is probably willing to marry me already, lol, although i keep turing the tables and asking her when is she getting ME my 1 carat diamond ring!


Gals are mysterious creatures...crap....

 

[evolvingnerd]

i was under the impression that in a LTR you do'nt have to keep acting quite as cold, esp once you pass the 6 month barrier

after 6 months, if a relationship continues (after the 6 months, the initial giddy feelings usually dissipate) then i think u have to open up a little

but remember, dont chase her away by being cold
sounds like you have a good gal there

 

[Aresx]

ooh i've dealt with a similar problem...

don't make my mistake and become a starry-eyed wuss, she gets wants she wants but then 'feels nothing' for you... keep the attraction alive by remaining a challenge

she just needs reassurance.

it's not that you need to show her more love (maybe slightly, don't overdo it), you just need to diffuse her fears - she fears that she loves you more than you love her.

call her more often, but limit the time on the phone - just to show her you were thinking of her. if you REALLY don't want to talk, call her when you know she'll b busy and leave a message, short and sweet. show up unexpectedly once in a while, do the things AFC's do, but only do ONE thing like that every few weeks (one week - flowers, 5-7 weeks from then, show up, 5-7 weeks later, mail her a handwritten letter or something...

just because you want to be romantic doesn't mean you're an AFC - as long as you keep it few and far between, and unexpected.

she just needs to know than even when you guys are apart, she's on your mind. that's it.

Go here and look at some of the relationship/romance posts:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/forumd...1&perpage=35&sortorder=desc&sortfield=voteavg

by the way, tell her since she's ruined the christmas present you were going to give her, she has to do something EXTRA special to make it up to you.

 

[Dukester]

Originally posted by evolvingnerd
i was under the impression that in a LTR you do'nt have to keep acting quite as cold, esp once you pass the 6 month barrier

after 6 months, if a relationship continues (after the 6 months, the initial giddy feelings usually dissipate) then i think u have to open up a little

but remember, dont chase her away by being cold
sounds like you have a good gal there

very true. you dont wanna be standoffish towards her. esp after 10 months-jeeze. show her ya feelings man.

just dont be a pvssy about it, but do show her that you care

 

[xian]

Thanks guys, i was afraid i'd turn back into a wussy...I think i have some idea on what to do.
But i really really have no phone skills at all and avoid the phone like the plague, other than to set up dates...
You think i should go play the phone game with her? I'd figure that'd turn me into wussidom in no time...

 

[Dukester]

in regards to talking on the phone:

dont do it much at all. if you do not see her everyday, call her, but only keep it to a max of 15-20.
if you do see her, everyday (like in class or something). call her like every other, and keep it short (max 5-10).

just do what you've been doing w/ her, cuz you've gotten 10 months outta it.

again, i will repeat- open up to her a little, and let her know how ya feel

girls like to be told that someone loves them, esp if they love that someone too

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Things change once you start a relationship, you need to cruise control otherwise known as 'Maintenance Mode.' Put simply, and if and only if you have chosen the 'right' woman to be with, it is as simple as looking at the relationship as a partnership and occasionally showing your appreciation of her.

Doc Love tells about the three traits of a good woman in his "System," I'll leave that explanation to him. Women need interaction and to be engaged with you. She feels special when she in integrated and recognized in your life.

Supplication is not a part of this picture but recognition definitely is a part. Once a woman commits to you and you determine that she is worth the effort (which takes at least 6 months), it is alright to really lover the 'challenge walls.' If your woman does something well, let her know. Occasionally cook for her, create something for her.

During Monday night football, make a snack platter, get a bottle of wine and a bowl of popcorn and lay out a blanket in front of the TV. Tell her that you are going to explain the game of football to her. She'll appreciate the effort of dinner, that you are letting her watch the game with you (sharing in something that you enjoy) AND that you are willing to teach her how to enjoy it too.

The drawback of this is that its a partnership, this means that she has the opportunity to you into HER world. This could mean shopping, cooking any of those girly things. This is why choosing the right woman is a big deal. Choose a woman that already has similar interests as you and you'll have an easier time at it. You would have several things that you can do together as partners. Without it you may be regulated to a stamping party every Sunday afternoon...

In a nutshell, good women need appreciation and some form of intimacy (sharing) that goes beyond sex, a partnership. She feels special when she has a chance to get to know you better than anyone else and when you are interested enough in her to want the same. Again the key to all of this if first finding a good woman.