Relationship/LTR tips from posters in relationships please

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

I cannot find that good topic that was recently posted about this, so I would appreciate it if someone posted it here if they know what I am talking about. I know a lot of men are interested in LTRS than they will admit it, so everyone can benefit lol. The difference between me now and before my previous relationship is that I do not have the same scarcity mindset. Before, I was constantly paranoid that she was just going to play me/pull women logic, so I would still lightly spin plates which led to me cheating multiple times. This time, if things go south then I am not worried about being single for a few months to catch up and breathe. Hopefully, this will help, but this forum could use more helpful LTR posts. Not all of us are trying to spin plates 247 lol.

 

[Zimbabwe]

Material on relationships/LTR are virtually non existent in the manosphere, it seems like men here just want casual sex.

 

[Plinco]

I cannot find that good topic that was recently posted about this, so I would appreciate it if someone posted it here if they know what I am talking about. I know a lot of men are interested in LTRS than they will admit it, so everyone can benefit lol. The difference between me now and before my previous relationship is that I do not have the same scarcity mindset. Before, I was constantly paranoid that she was just going to play me/pull women logic, so I would still lightly spin plates which led to me cheating multiple times. This time, if things go south then I am not worried about being single for a few months to catch up and breathe. Hopefully, this will help, but this forum could use more helpful LTR posts. Not all of us are trying to spin plates 247 lol.

My advice is not to think too much about it. Just do you. Compatibility is not something you can force.

 

[The Duke]

@Jake_Gyllenhaal69 are you wanting tips for selecting an appropriate girl to have an LTR with, or tips to make an established LTR work? Or both?

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

@Jake_Gyllenhaal69 are you wanting tips for selecting an appropriate girl to have an LTR with, or tips to make an established LTR work? Or both?

Established LTR work

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

How did you fix this? I'm pretty new and I suffer from this including the scarcity mindset.

experience with dating/focusing on more productive goals and hobbies

 

[The Duke]

Tips for an established LTR:
1. You

Established LTR work

1. Don't get lazy.
2. If you were in shape when you first met her, stay in shape.
3. Keep dating her. At some point you'll probably have to plan date nites.
4. Don't care more about the relationship than she does.
5. Don't put her on a pedestal.
6. Don't tell her everything, even tho you feel close to her and trust her. There are some things they just don't need to know.
7. Lead. Plan most of the fun things. Set the expectations.
8. When she tries to get you to do something for her, tell her no 25% of the time.
9. Go out with your boys.
10. Keep doing your hobbies.
11. Piss her off every now and then. Do something dumb. Apologize Later. (One time I told my LTR that my crazy ex was the best lay ever. I hurt her feelings, but you know what, my LTR turned it up two notches in the bedroom.)
12. Never be afraid to walk away.
13. When she acts up, don't get drug under the bus. Keep your emotions in check.
14. Take away attention when she acts up.
15. Realize women are great actors. They are on their best behavior when dating. Once they tie you down, she will begin to show her true identity. And it never gets better.
16. Plan random and fun adventures.
17. Give each other breathing room.
18. Get to know her family, and make sure she knows yours. You can learn a lot about who she is by interacting with her family members. The apple never falls far from the tree!
19. Don't stop doing you.
20. Don't let her get too comfortable.
21. Every now and then let her know that some hot girl was hitting on you. Its even better if it happens in front of her.
22. 30minutes of time on the phone at the end of the day is always good when you aren't living together.

As a guy that has experienced every type of relationship possible more than once. The best deal I've ever had was an LTR where she did not live with me. Reason being: Things stay exciting. You have more freedom. Less complaining you have to listen to. She tries harder. She acts better. She doesn't gain weight. Less arguments. She is more compliant. The secks stays hot. You get the best of everything, with out a lot of the drawbacks.

Just remember What Uncle Howie said when she tries to move in with you and you are tired of going back and forth between each others house.

If I ever split with my current LTR, I will never have another one live with me. It sucks some of the fun out the relationship.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

How did you fix this? I'm pretty new and I suffer from this including the scarcity mindset.

By realising if she plays you it ain’t the end of the world. There’s always another woman right around the corner. The more relaxed you are, the less chance she will play you.

 

[Dr.Suave]

If your girlfriend has a higher sex drive than you, you wont need a lot of tips to make the relationship work bro. Just have some basic common sense and dont mess it up.

 

[member160761]

Roosh's book Game had some material about that. But the best source is The Book of Pook to get in the mindset instead of going by instruction like an autist. All in all, trusting your gut-feeling is the end all be all.

 

[BriBri]

The best deal I've ever had was an LTR where she did not live with me. Reason being: Things stay exciting. You have more freedom. Less complaining you have to listen to. She tries harder. She acts better. She doesn't gain weight. Less arguments. She is more compliant. The secks stays hot. You get the best of everything, with out a lot of the drawbacks.

Just remember What Uncle Howie said when she tries to move in with you and you are tired of going back and forth between each others house.

If I ever split with my current LTR, I will never have another one live with me. It sucks some of the fun out the relationship.

The above was and is exactly my situation. My LTR was great when we lived apart. I moved in with my LTR a couple months ago, and the drama and emotional antics have escalated to the point of intolerability. Plus, her 2 dogs are PITA nuisances, especially as I work from home. I'm calling it off soon (after I arrange my logistics).

 

[The Duke]

If your girlfriend has a higher sex drive than you, you wont need a lot of tips to make the relationship work bro. Just have some basic common sense and dont mess it up.

Secks solves all the problems? How many LTR's did you have and how long did that last? Did you live with them?

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Tips for an established LTR:
1. You

1. Don't get lazy.
2. If you were in shape when you first met her, stay in shape.
3. Keep dating her. At some point you'll probably have to plan date nites.
4. Don't care more about the relationship than she does.
5. Don't put her on a pedestal.
6. Don't tell her everything, even tho you feel close to her and trust her. There are some things they just don't need to know.
7. Lead. Plan most of the fun things. Set the expectations.
8. When she tries to get you to do something for her, tell her no 25% of the time.
9. Go out with your boys.
10. Keep doing your hobbies.
11. Piss her off every now and then. Do something dumb. Apologize Later. (One time I told my LTR that my crazy ex was the best lay ever. I hurt her feelings, but you know what, my LTR turned it up two notches in the bedroom.)
12. Never be afraid to walk away.
13. When she acts up, don't get drug under the bus. Keep your emotions in check.
14. Take away attention when she acts up.
15. Realize women are great actors. They are on their best behavior when dating. Once they tie you down, she will begin to show her true identity. And it never gets better.
16. Plan random and fun adventures.
17. Give each other breathing room.
18. Get to know her family, and make sure she knows yours. You can learn a lot about who she is by interacting with her family members. The apple never falls far from the tree!
19. Don't stop doing you.
20. Don't let her get too comfortable.
21. Every now and then let her know that some hot girl was hitting on you. Its even better if it happens in front of her.
22. 30minutes of time on the phone at the end of the day is always good when you aren't living together.

As a guy that has experienced every type of relationship possible more than once. The best deal I've ever had was an LTR where she did not live with me. Reason being: Things stay exciting. You have more freedom. Less complaining you have to listen to. She tries harder. She acts better. She doesn't gain weight. Less arguments. She is more compliant. The secks stays hot. You get the best of everything, with out a lot of the drawbacks.

Just remember What Uncle Howie said when she tries to move in with you and you are tired of going back and forth between each others house.

If I ever split with my current LTR, I will never have another one live with me. It sucks some of the fun out the relationship.

I agree with every one of your points except for the last one. If marriage/kids are your end game, then you are going to have to live with one another. I completely understand where you are coming from though because this is something I fear as well. There has to be a way to get over this lol.

 

[The Duke]

I agree with every one of your points except for the last one. If marriage/kids are your end game, then you are going to have to live with one another. I completely understand where you are coming from though because this is something I fear as well. There has to be a way to get over this lol.

Yeah for anyone that wants to start a family, its super high risk these days. That's another level. One thing I saw in my parents relationship as well as my grandparents relationship was they might not have been super in love and affectionate, but they were amazing partners that deeply respected each other. They were good at working together as a team to build a strong family and successful businesses. Lots of give and take and compromising. However, that mindset is lacking in modern culture. Nobody wants to stick together to accomplish anything. Individuals are too selfish. Things like satisfying each others personal feelings seem to drive the happiness of the relationship vs. working together to build something. We are a "me, Me, ME" culture which makes it harder to stand the test of time.

 

[BriBri]

Wy

Why did you move with her in the first place? Didn't you know that's a no-no? A kings needs to have a castle not move in with the queen.

Geographic transition. I moved to a better location, and I planned to 'test the waters' with living together anyway, as we are splitting the rent of a 'penthouse' apartment. The living together situation failed, and I learned my lesson. Never again.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Secks solves all the problems? How many LTR's did you have and how long did that last? Did you live with them?

I did not live with them.

Longest LTR was 4+ years.

No, it doesnt solve all problems, but it helps a lot.

 

[EyeBRollin]

She has to like you more than vice versa. Keep her chasing your validation. Reward good behavior and punish bad behavior. Do not waver under any circumstance when she is misbehaving. Women constantly test. They get lazy and complacent once they get commitment. All of them do. Keep a cool head and check her on that shvt immediately.

 

[Gamisch]

I cannot find that good topic that was recently posted about this, so I would appreciate it if someone posted it here if they know what I am talking about. I know a lot of men are interested in LTRS than they will admit it, so everyone can benefit lol. The difference between me now and before my previous relationship is that I do not have the same scarcity mindset. Before, I was constantly paranoid that she was just going to play me/pull women logic, so I would still lightly spin plates which led to me cheating multiple times. This time, if things go south then I am not worried about being single for a few months to catch up and breathe. Hopefully, this will help, but this forum could use more helpful LTR posts. Not all of us are trying to spin plates 247 lol.

some great posts here, they cover mostly everything imo.

I think a lotta guys(here) simply lost their faith in the traditional LTR. Personally I know I did. Besides that the process is always the same, right? Meet her a seduce her sleep with her, and after some time (3,6 12 months) the spark disappears. Meet a new girl , same shyt. RInce and repeat . After a while you get numb.

The initial power of the " first love syndrome" will deteriorate after negative experiences, and this is bound to happen to every man at least once. This 1st love syndrome thing is impossible to repair. BUT, the positive side of this might be that it's also expected from a man . A man meets women, gets burned, mans up. If you are 30+, a woman expects you to know how life works, including how LTR's tend to fail. Nothing wrong with that.


I said it before, most men ending up in the manosphere dont get there because they had so many positive experiences. If you want a more general view on LTR, a "one size fits all" forum like r/relationship will give different , maybe more balanced point of view. But it will be extremely "meat and potato " bluepilled. (Read some divorce threads, about how dudes were taking to the cleaners and were completely obvious to how it happened. You'll notice sosuave dives WAY deeper into the actually processes of game and the female mind ).

How did you fix this? I'm pretty new and I suffer from this including the scarcity mindset.

A man has to go through stages. Let no one fool you they are naturels. You gotta fall hard a few times and get reality checked to find your place in modern dating. And even then it's a never ending process.

I ve learned that once I am in scarcity with a woman,I am lost already. What helped with me was the realization that the inevitable will happen anyway. Like, going to a boxing gym being scared to get punched. Once you lose the fear, it actually becomes fun.


Basically your expectations of women and love needs adjustments if you wanna lose scarcity mindset. And that NOT a one day course, and can't be done without women in your life who used to"scare " you .

 

[SW15]

As a guy that has experienced every type of relationship possible more than once. The best deal I've ever had was an LTR where she did not live with me. Reason being: Things stay exciting. You have more freedom. Less complaining you have to listen to. She tries harder. She acts better. She doesn't gain weight. Less arguments. She is more compliant. The secks stays hot. You get the best of everything, with out a lot of the drawbacks.

If I ever split with my current LTR, I will never have another one live with me. It sucks some of the fun out the relationship.

I agree with the idea of keeping girlfriends but not moving in with them or marrying them. Eventually, the vast majority of girlfriends will push for at least one of those options, if not both.

 

[The Duke]

some great posts here, they cover mostly everything imo.

I think a lotta guys(here) simply lost their faith in the traditional LTR. Personally I know I did. Besides that the process is always the same, right? Meet her a seduce her sleep with her, and after some time (3,6 12 months) the spark disappears. Meet a new girl , same shyt. RInce and repeat . After a while you get numb.

The initial power of the " first love syndrome" will deteriorate after negative experiences, and this is bound to happen to every man at least once. This 1st love syndrome thing is impossible to repair. BUT, the positive side of this might be that it's also expected from a man . A man meets women, gets burned, mans up. If you are 30+, a woman expects you to know how life works, including how LTR's tend to fail. Nothing wrong with that.


I said it before, most men ending up in the manosphere dont get there because they had so many positive experiences. If you want a more general view on LTR, a "one size fits all" forum like r/relationship will give different , maybe more balanced point of view. But it will be extremely "meat and potato " bluepilled. (Read some divorce threads, about how dudes were taking to the cleaners and were completely obvious to how it happened. You'll notice sosuave dives WAY deeper into the actually processes of game and the female mind ).

A man has to go through stages. Let no one fool you they are naturels. You gotta fall hard a few times and get reality checked to find your place in modern dating. And even then it's a never ending process.

I ve learned that once I am in scarcity with a woman,I am lost already. What helped with me was the realization that the inevitable will happen anyway. Like, going to a boxing gym being scared to get punched. Once you lose the fear, it actually becomes fun.


Basically your expectations of women and love needs adjustments if you wanna lose scarcity mindset. And that NOT a one day course, and can't be done without women in your life who used to"scare " you .

Creme always rises to the top, good post buddy. Spot on. Only an experienced guy can post what you did.