I tried to stay out of this thread, I really did. WESTCOASTER was on such a perfect set here I just couldn't step in, but now that the smoke has cleared and this idiocy is finally at an end lets review shall we?
First, some DJ math (*the classroom graons*):
MIKEMAN is 26 - the 1.5 years he's spent entertaining the idea of an LDR = he was 24 and a half when he met this single mother of 2 online.
MIKEMAN got involved in "the whole pickup scene 4 years ago" - 24.5 years old = he was 20.5 years old when he started 'sarging'. Ergo, MIKEMAN has spent a grand total of 4.5 years 'playing the field'.
Judging from his posts regarding monogamythus far; in that time, how many women do you suppose MIKEMAN has been involved with in his "wild oats sowing" 4.5 year sarge?
MIKEMAN, I'm not trying to dis you, I just want you to learn from this experience and change your mind about some things you obviously have internalized over the course of your life.
1.) Did you ever have an invisible friend when you were in grammar school? I'll let you in on a secret here; There is no such thing as an LDR, there is no relationship. LDRs become so absorbing because you fall in love with an idealization, but having a someone co-depend and enable this is akin to having an invisible friend. You assume all of the responsibility, accountability and liability of actually being in a relationship with no expectations of reciprocation of intimacy. For a woman (particualrly a single mother with security needs) this is an ideal situation. It actually takes the
surrogate boyfriend dynamic into a higher stakes arena. All of the dependency and expectations of fidelity by self-committment with no exchange of intimacy (or at least a very limited exchange if at all). It's analogous to a booty call for a man - all of the sex and intimacy with no expectation of committment.
This is the first myth you must disabuse yourself of and unlearn.
2.) You met this woman online over a great distance. While I know that some will disagree with me here about internet dating,
there simply is no substitute for direct interaction with a potential intimate partner. You cannot learn to read a woman if all you do is text message them or speak over the phone. You miss all of the sub-communications that she is all too capable of reading in you. There simply is no substitute for face to face communications and to build a fantasy, idealized relationship on this as a foundation makes the relationship a farce from the outset. Sexuality and attraction are spontaneous, physical, chemical processes that demand two bodies being together in the same space.
You will never have a satisfying, healthy LTR that is the result of negotiating it over the phone or internet.
This is the second myth you must unlearn.
3.) At the risk of inviting the ire of WYLDFIRE,
NEVER date single mothers. Period. Men who entertain this absurdity tend to lean towards the Savior Schema. This is a mental schema men (usually afraid of rejection) use as a rationale for the reciprocation of intimacy. The basis of the Savior Schema is that if a man can prove his worth by 'fixing' a woman's problems - whether emotional, financial or psychological - she will necessarily respond in kind by reciprocating her intimacy. Relationships based on this schema are a recipe for disaster.
Most rejection-phobic guys see single-mothers as 'in need' and use this to their advantage in courting them. They think that they're better able to prove they "aren't like other guys" by this overt recognition that most men will shy away from single mothers and these women are (most often) more than ready play to that fantasy. Single, childless women are
always preferable to single-mommies. Always.
This is the 3rd thing you must re-learn.
4.)
Rejection is better than Regret - POOK
It is better to live alone in quiet independence than settle for a lifetime of "good enough." No woman (including this one) will ever want to be with a man who lacks options. She want's a man who other women will compete for since this man's acceptance is social proof of her own worth. You lack severely in this area - you need to remake yourself as the PRIZE. An LDR with a single mother of 2 for a year and a half (of your 20s no less) with a minimum of contact should never be a better prospect that risking rejection with new and potentially better women.
You just squandered the time between 24 and a half to 26 with a loosing prospect - a 32 y.o. mother who is obviously grasping for straws herself to reorder her life if she entertained an LDR with you for this time. This is regret; you will never recapture the lost opportunities you may have had or knowingly passed up in order to untangle this woman. It would've been better for you to have been rejected by a dozen women in this 1.5 year stretch than for you to have wasted time on a prospect that any person loking in from the outside would've told was a loosing proposition.
Rejection is better than Regret
Learn this.
5.)
Spin More Plates.
The only reason this fantasy LDR appealed to you is because you had no other options. If you did, you wouldn't have started this thread. You simply would've moved on to the next girl in your rolodex. A man is only as deperate as his options - when you have no options you'll settle for situations that, under normal circumstances, you would never entertain.
Start spinning plates today.
MIKEMAN, no one here is trying to flame you or offend you, we're trying to help you. Guys with an AFC mindset to your degree tend to think that anything that contradicts this psychologically, ego-invested mentality is an attack on their personalities or in some case their world view. It's akin to someone telling you you're not living your life correctly or you're raising your children wrong. It sounds judgemental and is counter to everything any woman has ever told you or anything a romanticized socialization has culled in you. We're trying to get you to take the red pill here so you can see what manipulations you'll inflict on yourself.
