Relationship from hell, BPD, Sociopath,Animal Killer, Red Flags Everywhere

[comeonnow]

Hey guys, this will be a long one, so read on if you want. I want to know if you think my ex was a BPD. It has been 6 months since the breakup, ive been no contact for 3

months. We dated for 2 years and lived together for 1 year basically. It was my first serious relationship and I ignored a ton of red flags as I was eager to jump into a relationship and she was very seductive and sexy. I have seen basically every red flag you could see in a person, so please don't repeat my mistakes. My foolishness and lack of self respect

at this time in my life should not be in vain. I have learned my lesson, actually given a crash course by this girl, so I don't need any of you telling me I was beta or stupid....I am well aware I was both things.

We met through a mutual friend. Actually, this was my friends ex gf, and we actually had a huge falling out as friends even before I dated her. Interesting fact is, that before she dated me, she dated his BEST friend right after him. I always found it odd that she went after all his ex friends and even his current best friend at the time, but I ignored this. RED FLAG. We started hooking up in the summer a few years ago. We were hooking up for about 3 weeks before we were officially in a relationship. It took her one

week of knowing me to send me a video of herself squirting by using a dildo. I thought it was awesome at the time but....RED FLAG. Week 2 of hooking up with me she tells me

that she was giving oral sex to a 45 year old man who had a wife and kids before she met me. I asked why, and she said that "they fired him from work and gave me his position,

so I felt bad" ....I thought the chick was nuts but she was hot and interesting and we still clicked so I ignored this. She loved that I condemned this behavior and was attracted

to my "moral convictions" as she called them...but admitted that she (verbatim) "loved having a guy by the balls". (But I was different she said) RED FLAG. I was attracted to her

money as well, she bought me everything. She was worth at least 20 million dollars. Her father is in prison for over a decade for white collar crimes, and she inherited alot of the

money through real estate in her name, and trusts. He went away in her mid teens, and 8 years later she still was yet to speak to him. He would send her letters every holiday

and every birthday, and even at random, asking for her to please visit or write him. She would throw them in a drawer. I always thought it was odd she lived off his wealth but

would not speak to him. I always thought "if she could do this to her father, what will become of me?". Her justification was "when he was getting indicted when I was 16 they

acted like nothing was wrong, he treated me like a child" Around 16 years of age she started cutting. She was kicked out of a high profile private school for cutting. She cut till

she was 17, to "stop panic attacks that was caused by her father's legal issues."

But like a fool, I was in "love" at 21, and moving into her 3000 dollar a month apartment free of charge, and the sex, and companionship blinded me. I thought she was "turning it around" and she assured me "im not her father and im not like any other bf she ever had" (because she was 4 for 6 on cheating on other boyfriends,

and i was worried) RED FLAG...My ex only had guy friends, and they were single serving friends at best. She had 2 guy friends.....and one she was sexually active with so she lost him as a friend when we started dating. She had not a single female friend. I asked why....and her reason was "I dont get girls, and they dont get me" ok...RED FLAG. I can't

believe how emotionally immature I was, by week 3 of hooking up, we were saying "I love you" to each other, and by 4 weeks she asked me to move in....and I did. **RED FLAG again** 3 months into living with her, and 4 months of dating her, I noticed her issue with vyvanse, which is similar to adderall. She was not in school, and showed no signs of

"ADHD". I could not figure out her need for the highest dosage possible (70 mg) of this amphetamine, not to mention the constant flow of coffee. I eventually got it out of her that she is scared she will become "fat" again if she ever goes off it. I got her to agree to ween off it, but she ended up lying to me for 4 months about being off of it, she was secretly still taking it, and never stopped.

Half a year in I learned of her murder of an animal. I was still deeply "in love" with her, and looked past this. She was at one point(few years before I met her) working 50 hours a week, and had a sugar glider, which is a loud squirell type thing. She got sick of it shrieking at night while she was trying to sleep, so instead of waiting till

morning to give it away, she shoved it in a shoebox and threw it in the dumpster outside of her apartment.RED FLAG. 7 months into the relationship, that old "best guy friend with benefits" rears his ugly head. I find out that his name is saved in her contacts list as a girls name. I call him and he tells me that he hasn't seen my gf in months, but that she

calls him and "begs to suck his ****" and tells him she loves me, but "is only with me by default". I have no idea what "only with me by default" means. The ***** was not in an arranged marriage with me, she could've left me at any time....no kids,not married, in our early 20's. I ask for all these text messages from him, but he tells me he deletes them

all because he hates her, then he compares her to the scorpion who stings the turtle when carrying it across the river fable. He was about 12 years older than both me and my ex, but I didn't listen to him. I confronted her and she cried and said it was all bull**** and that he is a sick guy. I started packing anyway, and that is when she admit to me that

she met up with him after she lost her job. "He is the only one that wouldn't judge me and you can tell him anything." She swore nothing physical happened but I still felt

betrayed, as she told me it was her mother who she met up with after she was fired. I continued packing, and then she tried to cut herself. Apparently me leaving because she

lied about meeting up with him caused a panic attack that would not go away unless she took a box cutter to her arm. I ripped the blade from her and rocked her to sleep. She again swore she was not physical with him but reached out to him after her firing because he is her only friend. Blinded and beta,I stayed.

10 months into the relationship things were getting bad, she was getting violent with me, and admittedly I was getting rough with her too. The fighting was constant. She got fired from her job and had not pursued another job, or going back to school for about 4 months. She literally stayed home all day waiting for me to get home

from school or work, and that was her life. No hobbies, just me, and her television shows. She promised she would get better , it was just a rough "patch". I stuck with her through her weeks in bed periods. I stuck with her through her "i feel fat phases" that would last almost the whole winter, which meant no sex for me. She would ask me to leave

her, out of guilt, but I stayed. I thought that love meant that I would see her through her worst times.

 

[comeonnow]

Then it happened, 11 months in, we have a normal day, and really good sex at night. I wake up in the morning though, and my bags are packed. She is kicking me out and breaking up with me. She also has a plane trip scheduled later that day for Florida to go live with her mother.(my ex actually has the Florida mansion in her own name

though,technically her house). She leaves. I leave. We speak on the phone for 5 days, before I realize Im getting played like a puppet.(she doesnt want to break up, just needs

space) After 5 days of speaking on the phone only at her convenience....I dont pick up her calls for 3 days. She technically hopped a plane to florida with no notice, and the only


thing she said to me before she left was , "sorry, I dont want to feel subservient to you" I still have no idea what this comment means. I did not feel I needed to pursue her, and

call her while she was in Florida. After 3 days the phone calls stop. I wait another week and call her. She is crying hysterically. Because I stopped talking to her she had a threesome with 2 35 year old men she met. She did not want to do it but felt like she was "having an out of body experience" I **** you not, cant make this **** up.


A month goes by and she returns to my state. We get back together, but this time she brings a doggie. O and by the way I dont live with her anymore. The dog consumes the relationship. If it try to take her to lunch, the dog has to come. If i try to take her to dinner, the dog has to come. If i texted her "good night babe I love you" her response

would be "**insert dog's name here** loves you" she wouldn't say "i love you" the dog would talk for her..Not making this up. I called her the next day and told her how much of a turn off it was that it seemed like the dog was an extension of her. She broke up with me for this comment. We were broken up for months, but she sucked me back in with

sex. We lasted another 2 months, before I got the fateful text "I just want to be alone in my house with my dog." She refused to talk to me on the phone about this, and I went no contact for awhile.
Now that it is summer again, she is once again spending 2 months in Florida. I refuse to speak to her but she sent me a friend request 2 weeks ago. Stupidly, I accepted, but only to see the fact that she has a new guy plastered all over her Facebook wall. I look at his page, and he is a smaller, uglier version of me. I say that because I am a power lifter, and apparently he is too. Better yet, he is a multiple felon, with gun charges and burglary charges. I have multiple degrees, a job, looks, no record.

She finally found her match that she has been looking for I guess. I don't know why she sent me the friend request after months of no contact. She later told me "it was an accident." Sorry for the rant, but I wanted to get my whole 2 year on and off nightmare off my chest. Since May I have been dating multiple girls, and have been so much

happier. My career and life is on the rise. I do look back in horror at how stupid I was to allow myself to be treated like this though. I am ashamed, but I learned alot about self

respect and self control. If any of you guys are embarrassed that you were with someone who was low quality and also treated you like ****, just read my story. By the way, what the **** is wrong with this girl?

 

[Tictac]

More important question - what is wrong with you?

 

[Rival]

Normally I don't believe in hitting women at all but I honestly woulda prolly gave this girl at least one damn good beating, I think she needs it.

 

[johnywhite17]

More important question - what is wrong with you?

Get off your high horse big shot he's asking for help not ridicule.

 

[ghp]

Look in perspective, it was a valuable life lesson

 

[SmooveMooves]

Separate text into paragraphs, or even lines.

Like this-

Makes text easier to read.

If no one wants to read it, no one can help you.

Hell, I didn't even read that massive wall of text. Just the initial question.

But to answer said question, stop asking SS if we think she's BPD. None of us are doctors or psychologists, and even if someone was they can't give out diagnoses based on a story.

Whether she's BPD is irrelevant.

The only thing that truly matters is:

Did she add or subtract from your life?

If she did the latter then she must be cast aside and need not energy wasted on contemplating whether she may have had a disorder or not.

Focus on chicks who don't make you title threads "Relationship from hell..."

Cause' there's no sympathy here, if you're in a relationship that's toxic, stressful, abusive, it's not the chicks fault or BPD striking again-

It's YOUR fault for not screening properly and choosing to be with that woman

 

[wishyo]

^
yea, it's unreadable

 

[Spence]

I don't actually think this is entirely a negative experience, pretty messed up yes but my God you will have seen a lot just from being with this girl. A pretty incredible if horrific experience and as ghp said valuable.

What I don't understand is this, she clearly had mental issues from the outset, real problems from childhood, her father, teenage stuff manifested into her 20s.. I think BPD is thrown around too much but it probably is this and I can only imagine the horrors inside her mind and terrible emotions making her behave the way she did.

Did you not consider getting her help? I'm talking serious Psychiatric help.

I would have forced her to get help and then slowly exited the relationship, as the therapists kicked in and the support she needed came from elsewhere..

I mean I know we tend to villanise women like this and it's not about trying to 'save' her. But if you see this individual as just a person who is very unwell mentally it puts another perspective on it, rather than the usual I'm alpha I don't put up with **** from girls.

You should not be ashamed at all and like you said you learnt a great deal from this experience...

 

[comeonnow]

Thank you for the replies guys. As far as getting her mental help....well after the cutting at 16 year old she was forced by her family to see a team of highly paid doctors.

They diagnosed her with bipolar disorder and was put on lithium. She was on the lithium for about a year, when she ran away from home and stopped taking the meds.

She got a full time job and moved out, and later was given access to millions of dollars. There was no getting help for her, not with that ego.

What is wrong with me?

First love I guess, first serious girlfriend I ever had. I came from an abusive family. I was always "used" to dysfunction I think. If things were normal for too

long I would get uncomfortable. I actually broke out of this strange way of thinking. This relationship was actually the reason I no longer think living in

chaos is normal. I am not really looking for help honestly. My issue was a lack of experience, a lack of self respect, and lack of giving credence to cons because I thought the pros she brought to the table were not replaceable.

I woke up one day and it hit me that this was just serious oneitus, and I could find a girl with all of her pros without any of her horrific cons.

I do have OCD, and when she would "leave" me, she would be stuck in my head for 90 percent of the day. Serious OCD, like I couldn't concentrate on school, work, or even listen

to anyone else speak to me because of flashing images. They would go away when I recontacted her. I toughed out the no contact and kept focusing on my gym training and getting my Masters in IT, and she began to fade. Medication did help as well, I must admit.

I am dating different females at a constant rate, and I don't plan to get into another serious relationship till I am 30. I turn 25 next month. I want to finish my Master's and work on my self while spinning as many plates as possible. Reading this site, and realizing my self worth, etc helped me put her behind me.

I am not embarrassed or ashamed that I put myself through all of this because I went into it a boy and came out a man(in some respect.) Thanks for listening.

This story was more of a warning/experience I wanted to share with people.

 

[Skyline]

Extremely promiscuous, extreme variations of emotions, cutting, daddy issues, compulsive lying, extreme self-esteem issues, becoming "her dog" or anything else essentially, and even killing animals... Normally those are all symptoms of BPD, but no one here is a psychologist as far as I know. This women is terrible news and most likely won't get help.

At least she's with someone of similar quality now.

 

[comeonnow]

See I don't wish ill on her, but I do think someone like this is kind of "dangerous" in a way. I feel like in an alternate universe I would be allowed to be some type of vigilante and stop

her from trying to destroy another person with her "chameleon" ways. She could mold her personality to anyone. "I need to have a guy by the balls."- in reference to the fact that

she was having an affair with a family man and could've destroyed the family at any given time. Someone like that should be barred from relationships. Scary stuff.

 

[hudpes]

A relationship like that will get you hooked and will cloud your judgement, you only begin seeing things in their true light when it boils over the top. Then, looking back it's painfully obvious. So you shouldn't beat yourself over it, what is important now is you don't succumb to the desire to get back with her, which, deep down is still present in you and there is only one way to root it out, look back on it as a lesson, not as an opportunity for a new beginning. As far as lessons go, if you haven't fully learned it, you might attract someone similar into your life and if you do, break it up as soon as you pick the first sign.

 

[Spence]

They diagnosed her with bipolar disorder and was put on lithium. She was on the lithium for about a year, when she ran away from home and stopped taking the meds.

I was actually thinking this when I read over your thread. It sounded a lot like bipolarism, and I know this bastard well myself, robbed some of the best years of my life, although my type of bipolar just hurt me and no one else.

Althought not ruling out BPD in her case... Certainly self-esteem and other issues.

First love I guess, first serious girlfriend I ever had. I came from an abusive family. I was always "used" to dysfunction I think. If things were normal for too

long I would get uncomfortable. I actually broke out of this strange way of thinking. This relationship was actually the reason I no longer think living in

chaos is normal. I am not really looking for help honestly. My issue was a lack of experience, a lack of self respect, and lack of giving credence to cons because I thought the pros she brought to the table were not replaceable.

I woke up one day and it hit me that this was just serious oneitus, and I could find a girl with all of her pros without any of her horrific cons.

I do have OCD, and when she would "leave" me, she would be stuck in my head for 90 percent of the day. Serious OCD, like I couldn't concentrate on school, work, or even listen

to anyone else speak to me because of flashing images. They would go away when I recontacted her. I toughed out the no contact and kept focusing on my gym training and getting my Masters in IT, and she began to fade. Medication did help as well, I must admit.

I am dating different females at a constant rate, and I don't plan to get into another serious relationship till I am 30. I turn 25 next month. I want to finish my Master's and work on my self while spinning as many plates as possible. Reading this site, and realizing my self worth, etc helped me put her behind me.

I am not embarrassed or ashamed that I put myself through all of this because I went into it a boy and came out a man(in some respect.) Thanks for listening.

This story was more of a warning/experience I wanted to share with people.

See dude you have the right answers. Although I cannot see you on the other side of the screen from reading I can tell you are a tough and resourceful guy. We all like to think we are totally immune hard men with women, but there is no normal guy in the world who isn't affected at least a little by women except for sociopaths.

You've had a tough experience, you've analysed your weaknesses, you are more aware now than you have ever been, there is pain in growth and learning, you are a bigger person than you used to be and like you say you are not a boy anymore.

because I went into it a boy and came out a man(in some respect.)

No from what I've read you are quite on your way to being a man or already there, all positive stuff and sometimes I wish I had such an experience as yourself simply because it is such an acute and intense learning experience..

Just don't let it jade you that's all, (and I don't think it has).

I wish you the best...

 

[comeonnow]

Thank you Spence great reply. I am definitely jaded in a sense that my trust for females is shot for now.

I do believe if your a quality man you can attract a quality female though.

I just don't feel like im there yet, so I refuse to get into a relationship until there are more positive people in my life. Just going to spin plates for now.

Actually I love having all the freedom and interaction with different females. Last few months have felt like I am on a wine tasting tour. Fake it till you make it.

As far as "PTSD", I don't know. I used to talk to my close friends about her constantly but now we only talk about the chicks we are gaming...such a difference from a few months ago when the only topic I had was "my ex." Sad lol. Honestly, something triggered me to take my 2 years and put it infront of me in writing, so i did just that.

I have pretty severe anxiety and OCD as it is, so it is a battle everyday to keep my mind clear. I can take on PTSD to an extent, even though that might sound strange to some of you.

I think it comes down to the emotional feelings. I went from deeply in love, to obsessed, to sad, to hateful. It wasn't till after the hateful stage that I began to move towards indifference of this woman. I am almost there I think. Alot of the hate for her has subsided, but I am not totally indifferent yet. Thats where I want to be, total indifference to her.


Number one thing I tell my buddies though that are in similar situations I was in is that I don't understand why they rather be in a toxic relationship than be alone. Also, dont get sad, get angry. It helped for me lol....

Great community here though. Very thankful to of found it.

 

[dk1990S111]

your story sounds really familiar to mine. I was with my ex for 4 years and I had to deal with a lot of the same bu11sh1t you did. She would swallow a bunch of pills, get a knife out of the kitchen and threaten to stab herself, even broke the glass from a picture frame with her bare hands. I tried to get her to get help but she would say she doesnt need help. Been about a year and a half now and still have to deal with her thinking she can walk back into my life whenever she chooses. Got a call from her friday night but obviously have no interest in talking so I didnt even bother picking up. Crazy b!tches man lol like you though I learned a lot from the experience and am a lot more selective in choosing who I get serious with.

 

[christoff522]

Firstly, well done for going NC, that is VERY VERY difficult because of temptation and PTSD.

Where you are now is the 'making sense of it all' phase. You can and will recover.

I understand the FOG and sense of unreality one feels in the relationship, and so I can understand why you didn't leave immediately.

All I can say is don't feel bad, just keep doing what you're doing, and you'll get there.

 

[Zarky]

Hey, the OP is young, the chick is nuts... bad combination.

Live and learn OP. At least you're still in one piece and not in jail.

 

[Tictac]

You don't try to make sense out of nonsense.

You look at it from a safe distance and laugh.

 

[El Payaso]

That girl was a nutbar factor 6.