Relationship duties

[Fruitbat]

So, I really like top plate and she. Wants exclusive. Fine by me, my other plates annoy me.

I told her I accept on a few conditions:

She doesn't change significantly
She doesn't try to stop me seeing my friends
We keep same sex life

I also discussed what constitutes cheating ie she can't aw with lots of guys. Going for drinks with single guys is not "friendship". She has no previous with me on this but needs to be clarified.

She made a few token demands of me too.

Anyway, we got talking about who does what and agreed:

Housework bills money 50/50 ( both work ft and similar income)
Me - trad men work like fixing stuff, negotiating stuff with companies neighbours etc, investing joint funds and property etc(my job), driving long trips, the garden, sex life

Her - the home, decor etc, social life (accepting this doesn't stop me seeing my friends)

I was amazed I was handed full control of bedroom. Said she would rather not have to think about it, I asked surely she has some desires of her own and she said basically if I find something hot, she's hot. Women are weird I guess some don't have sexual creativity, but this arrangement suits me fine.

Similarly, she was amazed I gave her social life. I don't want this. I'm fairly anti social and just don't bother seeing friends. Having a woman run this is of benefit to me.

So, good negotiations? No mgtow "you're gonna get burned as women are evil" but sane comments welcome!

 

[Fruitbat]

Btw we haven't moved in yet, this was a hypothetical chat about basis of relationship

 

[ubercat]

Great work. Hey maybe a naff idea but y not make up a nice poster with some photos and yr areas of responsibility. Spend some $ make it a real art work - hang it in the BRM. Might head off some demarcation disputes.

 

[Desdinova]

I would've thrown in "not living with each other for a minimum of 10 years"

 

[bmp2cpm]

Fruitbat,

Conditions are great, but at the end of the day you have to meet all of her needs in the resource department, otherwise she will look elsewhere. Every woman is this way.

Typical resources include:

Money
Time
Kindness
Listening
Making her feel safe through physical presence, actions, and finances
Physical and emotional intimacy
Resources to allow her to pursue her goals - don't let her get too carried away with the last one

Lack in any of the big areas and a woman will look elsewhere. So, don't put much faith in verbal conditions with a woman as all women are driven emotionally to obtain resources.

Also, the reason she isn't creative in bed is because women love sex with a man who can provide them with the resources they are looking for. Sex has nothing to with technique or fancy moves with women. If the man has good genes and good resources, just entering creates a huge emotional connection and bond. That's all a woman needs, nothing fancy. Sex is designed to keep the man interested in the woman, so if she wants your resources, sex is whatever you want. Once she has all your resources, well.... that's the real trick in a relationship, isn't it?

 

[MOTU]

Fruitbat, good for you for talking about it ahead of time. I did a lot of that with my now Fiance when we were just BF and GF. I think it sets a good tone for you to be clear on your expectations.

That being said, don't just take for granted that even though she agreed that she will always comply or even that she understands all the concepts involved. You still have to maintain frame and manage the relationship.

She cooks?

 

[Warrior74]

Women marry men hoping they will change, men marry women hoping they won't.

She doesn't change significantly
She doesn't try to stop me seeing my friends
We keep same sex life

The point of a relationship for a woman is to change all of those things. It's to do less than what she did in the beginning and to get you to do more than what you did in the beginning. It's a renegotiation of terms. LOL. If you don't know that you need to study more. Go read the Iron Rules of Tomassi.

http://therationalmale.com/category/iron-rules/


Iron Rule of Tomassi #4
NEVER under any circumstance live with a woman you aren’t married to or are not planning to marry in within 6 months.

 

[Fruitbat]

Is it really all about resources?

My best friends gf left a man who's father was incredibly rich. He was an ok guy but he was literally a multi millionaire and he also had access to the funds too. She left him for my mate who was completely broke.

They are still together and she loves him. She earns more than him. But he's got his head screwed on and he's doing well.

If it was all about resources she'd be with the other guy.

Thing is, they really like each other. She is hot btw.

Surely there is personal synergy. My colleague earns massive amounts, has a big house, nice car and earns huge money, double my earnings. Terrible with women. I'm poorer and chubbier and still score loads more girls. He has no clue. He will find one I'm sure but I used to subscribe to the money resource view but things don't always work that way.

I mean, all women want a rich guy but won't be with a rich guy they don't like. Rich guys, like hot girls, are spoiled often and lose out sometimes.

I mean, I could date a hotter girl than my main plate, also a younger girl possibly, but in my experience the hotter younger ones will waste my time, be a crap shag, waste all my money and piss me off.

I can always pay for hot young chicks of I want, they can be in a hotel room whenever for a small fee.

I agree if you are super rich you'll find a hot girl easier, but not all hot girls are the same. They want a friend too, not just gold digging

 

[speed dawg]

You should not even be talking about this with her at this point. She should be literally begging you to move in, before you do it. And even then, don't do it unless you're certain you are going to make an LTR out of this.

Sorry fruitbat, your post reeks of AFC. I love your qualifier "No mgtow "you're gonna get burned as women are evil". Whatever, bro. You obviously just want a pat on the back. I actually suspect that she's already moved in with you, and you are already seeing problems.

"Negotiating" does not raise attraction. It's not like you've been married for 10 years here. You shouldn't be negotiating anything. Do you negotiate when you want a blow job? It's up to you to keep her IL high, then you won't have to negotiate anything.

Either way, we need more details. How long have you known her? How long have you been dating her? How long have you been f*cking her?

 

[Fruitbat]

I can divulge this info but I fear any response will result in more afc accusations.

Bear in mind that in my opinion afc does not mean you don't want a stable relationship. On the contrary, living a teenage lifestyle into middle age reeks of a poorly developed ego and an inability to form long term stable relationships.

I can categorically state I am sitting alone in my flat with no oestrogen in sight.

We have been dating about 3 months. I have been seeing others and her, but she said she dumped them and wants me. I've been thinking of the same.

We have only recently become sexual and had a long "companionship' period. This makes me much more attracted to her. We've actually only been fvcking a few weeks, but bear in mind we are professional people, not bar trash. We are also both come from long, long term relationships where we both wanted a family and other partners did not, our jobs are v similar; we have a lot in common.

I sense the bitterness in the accusations of afc ery and liar accusations, so I expect nothing less than accusations of more chumpery.

I got very red pill when I was chasing ass too hot, too young. Since I started looking for women of a similar age, who actually sincerely liked me, I feel almost embarrassed by some of my bitter past views, borne out of sexual frustration as much as anything else.

So, this was a chat we had over coffee where I was asked to be a bf, and instead of just saying yes, on any terms, we had a decent discussion about serious stuff, who does what and what we both want. To me, being able to discuss that in a mature way, putting your needs and requirements forward while respecting hers, is pretty alpha. Playing some stupid immature mind game to me, is pretty beta!

Bear in mind there have been no roses, no I love you's, I live my own life, I am at my own beck and call, she has been very, very good in paying, doing me favours, no games, very pleasant all round. She is of the age where she has no time for this as breeding season is slowly ending.

Now, the red pillers will scream that she's an alpha widow settling. May be, but I've met her ex and he isn't alpha in my view. I've chased hot young things for 3 years since divorce. Not too many hot young things out there who want to settle down. Which is what I want. A family, stability etc. fed up with endless drinking sessions.

So it's not so much an alpha widow settling as an alpha settling.

 

[Bible_Belt]

You both sound boring, stuck-up, and naive about relationships.

If all of this is a social contract arrangement to get to the point where she spits out a couple kids...what then? What comes after that, when she no longer has any incentive to do what you say? If her prime directive is "breeding season" as you put it, then she should feed you whatever bs you want to hear so she can get those kids. They come first, you come second - that's fun before they exist, but afterward, probably not so much.

 

[Warrior74]

Yah you suspect accusations of AFC and chumpery because deep down you know moving in with a woman after 3 months of dating is AFC and chumpery. Guys like you come here, ask for help, get your back up when you get told the truth and then pop back up a year later saying, damn...you guys were right.

I would tell my son and my father the same thing. Don't move in with a woman after only three months of dating. Don't start planning long term after three months of dating.

She is of the age where she has no time for this as breeding season is slowly ending.

So? You've only been dating this woman for three months. You don't know her and that's not your problem.

 

[Fruitbat]

We're not moving in. This is about being exclusive

 

[Fruitbat]

Kids generally come before spouse. For both sexes, half the reason the world is so ****ed in the west is ppl don't respect that.

 

[Amazing]

Is it really all about resources?

My best friends gf left a man who's father was incredibly rich. He was an ok guy but he was literally a multi millionaire and he also had access to the funds too. She left him for my mate who was completely broke.

They are still together and she loves him. She earns more than him. But he's got his head screwed on and he's doing well.

If it was all about resources she'd be with the other guy.

Thing is, they really like each other. She is hot btw.

Surely there is personal synergy. My colleague earns massive amounts, has a big house, nice car and earns huge money, double my earnings. Terrible with women. I'm poorer and chubbier and still score loads more girls. He has no clue. He will find one I'm sure but I used to subscribe to the money resource view but things don't always work that way.

I mean, all women want a rich guy but won't be with a rich guy they don't like. Rich guys, like hot girls, are spoiled often and lose out sometimes.

I mean, I could date a hotter girl than my main plate, also a younger girl possibly, but in my experience the hotter younger ones will waste my time, be a crap shag, waste all my money and piss me off.

I can always pay for hot young chicks of I want, they can be in a hotel room whenever for a small fee.

I agree if you are super rich you'll find a hot girl easier, but not all hot girls are the same. They want a friend too, not just gold digging

You answered your own 'dumped a rich guy' story with the last line. Resources are not just money. I used to have girls tell me 'well, at least you're funny' and I didn't understand wtf they meant. What they meant is they had a good time with me, so whatever else they might have thought they needed that I didn't have, it took a backseat.

 

[rugby11]

Fruitbat have you been to therationalemale.com ? Their may a few articles to help out.

 

[rugby11]

Fruitbat
http://therationalmale.com/
Have you checked this site their is a lot of good articles over in that direction about what you bring up here.

 

[G_Govan]

I told her I accept on a few conditions:

She doesn't change significantly
She doesn't try to stop me seeing my friends
We keep same sex life

Honestly, think about this for a second.

If you could expect women to honor their word and be reasoned with would we all be here on this website?

Women are almost the polar opposite of men when it comes to dating/sex. They literally have tens, if not hundreds of guys chasing them at any given time, which is why they're able to branch swing and shuffle guys around like a deck of cards.

Even while in "exclusive" relationships. Should things not work out another guy is literally a phone call away. Often times they'll have someone waiting for them if they're unsure about their current relationship, WAY before the actual break up.

All you can do is observe their behavior and plan your exit should things take a turn for the worse. Don't put yourself in a situation where you'll end up destroying your quality of life because you've become "dependent" on this chick.

Genuinely hot chicks tend to be terrible for LTRs unless you have something well above average to offer them, even then there are no guarantees.

This game is very unbalanced in women's favor. LTR game is for the advanced.