Relationship drag / rut

[Wannabe1983]

Hi everyone. I`ve been hanging around here for about a year now. Started out with SS but dropped it since it wasn`t my style. then on to DYD & Sosuave, it has been a real eye opener and i now have a bit more attention from the ladies

I`ve been with this girl exclusively for about 4 to 5 months. not a typical bf gf relationship in the oficcial term, but we do have exclusivity and we sleep together.
She has lived together for 2,5 years with her exbf so she doesn`t want a comittment like that so soon again, I`m ok with that.
btw. she was still with the exbf when I met her, although he was on a holiday for a month.

I see her about once or twice a week and we text once a day, sometimes more. in bed she always says I`m so sweet and stuff. We laugh a lot so this is good. but...

Here`s my problem:
last night after sex she said she was afraid that our relationship would become a drag. been with her fridaynight, saturday( she had a show so i "had" to go) and sundaynight)
in the beginning when she kissed me she could "feel" it but now she only feels it once in a while. I explained that it was only natural.. Then i said something and kissed her, she: I feel it now.

I think it has something to do with a guy at her work. he is obviously into her and she told me about it. she also said he was not her type, more like a brother.
After she confronted him about it he bluntly denied it. problem is I can feel it keeps her busy, and she is thinking about it.
I`ve been cool and laid back about it cause I don`t know how else to deal with it...

Another thing is she`s going to study in Montral for a year (we live in the Netherlands) And I don`t know what to think of it yet.
She did offer me to come over for 3 or 4 weeks..

Any advice you guys can give me would be very appreciated.

 

[Wannabe1983]

Update

She sent me this e-mail today:
(it is from babelfish translate, so please don`t mind the crappy English

Good afternoon kind prince, found it still a beetje crazy, as it went yesterday evening. It is not me not yet earlier this way happen, certainly at you. It hasn`t happened to me like this before. Hope that you did not find it al too terrible. I could really nothing do that I had that feeling. Sometimes I think sometimes that I am too spoilt: if it is no longer exciting, then I pull out. Really ashame. But this way it sits also not entirely. I know certainly that if we If we don`t see eachother all that much for a little while(because last week, it was a lot!) that it goes much better or. I find it simply too bad if that tension is gone, because then it becomes a habit and a habit is meant to me no more goosebumps ... Those goosebumps is for me a sign that I have it still cool with your and that I don`t have to be afraid that it becomes a rut/drag.
You know, I see you a bit like the prince on the white horse and that myth that just walked in my life. i would like to keep it alive. That feels much better than to fall in that drag again. you know why i use that word. Real desiring to you becomes less as we see each other more and I find that too bad. so please let we keep the fairytale intact, you are certainly orth it. With a very nig, warm hug of ...

What should i make of this? does she only want me 1 day in the week, or what??

 

[averagejoe]

From what I can gather you have become too predictable. Women hate that. They like some mystery. Be a challenge and don't be so available. Don't answer her text messages every once in a while. The next time she wants to get together tell her you already have plans. Try those things. If she continues saying she is not feeling it or that she doesn't have the tension then tell her if she finds this boring and "doesn't feel it" then maybe she should see what else is out there. Believe me that is something she won't find predictable. As far as the other dude goes. I think if she only saw him as a brother she wouldn't have mentioned it. When you confronted him you showed jealousy. Which is another thing I wouldn't have done.

 

[Wannabe1983]

Thanks for your swift reply.
been making my time scarce 4 her and it worked.
make up xes is really the best

now another question...
one day we were talking about relationships, not ours, just relationships between people.
I asked her: if you kiss another guy would that feel like cheating to you? she said no, it`s only cheating if you develop feelings for that person...
I was a bit stunned by her answer because I`ve had my eye opener only a year ago. So I`m still realizing that there are many more variations to realationships than I first knew..
(so I didn`t ask if she kissed someone since she met me.)
but I`d like some DJ insight..
what`s up with this girl?
keep her as a f*ck buddy or ...

 

[San]

whatever you prefer fellow don juan.

personally if a women would say that to me (about the someone else kissing part not seeing as cheating) i would know in the back of my head she's NOT for a Longtermrelationship!! (not with me anyway)

Big downer, but maybe she also said that to you to keep all her options open of future romances, so she says it and believes it herself! but we all know we want one person, one true love, especially the women!

Keep her for the sex if you like, but for me personally definitely not LTR stuff!

btw: ik ben ook van nederland, a'dam

 

[Desdinova]

last night after sex she said she was afraid that our relationship would become a drag.

Sounds like she's losing interest in you. This is a warning that she's losing interest in you.

Think about your relationship and the things you did when you first started dating. What kind of things did you do? Women like to keep that initial fun dating stage in their relationships. After all, that's what initially attracted her to you, right?

You need to keep things fun in your relationship if you want to keep her around. It sucks that the man has to do all the work, but unfortunately that's the way it is.

Good luck.

 

[wiseman]

it sounds like is not going to work for the LTR so give that ship up now you just have to make a decision on keeping as a ****1n buddy or cutting loose because after the answer she gave about the cheating you defintiely know she's not LTR material


tell us how it went

 

[Wannabe1983]

Originally posted by San

btw: ik ben ook van nederland, a'dam

--> Hey, tof. volgens mij zijn er veel meer nederlanders hier op t forum. zou graag een paar willen ontmoeten om dingen eens door te spreken. Meeste mensen die ik ken zijn AFC`s...

trouwens, Ik woon in Groningen, kom maar eens langs als je deze kant ooit op komt

Wiseman, everyone, thanks for your advice.
I`m still learning everyday about people, really fascinating...

the update, things are going fine between us. last wednesday we took a free course on dancing (done that too on our first date, free kino!! and it gives you more of a connection when dancing, tango / cha cha cha)

she had her period so no sex, but she did me the favor
I`m still thinking about what to do with her statement: Kissing is only cheating when u get feelings. Methinks she is using chick logic to rationalize the situation. In the past she switched from boyfriend to boyfriend after she kissed them (did this 2 times)
And in her mind doesn`t want to cheat, so she comes up with this.
Guys whats your take on this??

I haven`t asked if she kissed other guys in the time she is with me, should I ask her about it?

this in regard to keeping her as fbuddy...
Btw. I`m realizing she perhaps is not good LTR material so I`m open to meeting someone else (promised myself never to have one-itis again, been there too many times)

 

[Wannabe1983]

Update?? Need Help

ok an update.
she texts me: pity I can`t come, I need to talk to you
Me: why what about?
She: thw way we interact with eachother, I think you expect more from me, and I think it is becoming unfair to you, just a feeling, kiss..

Ok, now I think she wants to tell me she needs more freedom and/or wants to bang other blokes. Now I don`t mind keeping her as a Fbuddy because she is an 8...

how should I go about with this?
do you have advice and or comments?

 

[penkitten]

Originally posted by Desdinova
Sounds like she's losing interest in you. This is a warning that she's losing interest in you.

Think about your relationship and the things you did when you first started dating. What kind of things did you do? Women like to keep that initial fun dating stage in their relationships. After all, that's what initially attracted her to you, right?

You need to keep things fun in your relationship if you want to keep her around. It sucks that the man has to do all the work, but unfortunately that's the way it is.

Good luck.

bump

 

[FratAndDiddy]

personally, i like women like this one. no committment and just see her when i feel like it.

however, if you are into getting deeper with a woman then i would keep looking

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Do not get emotionally attached to this hor - she seems callous and will fvck you over for her benefit!! She says, " Kissing another dude is not cheating if there are no emotions involved" --- this sounds like a man -- and hors take on masculine traits!!! And this hor had an in-house pimp for three years?? She is dangerous and will trample you if you let her!!

If she doesn't "feel it" - tell her that you are not a performer or an entertainer who needs to keep her adrenaline flowing - this is not your purpose in life!!! And yes, when she leaves to school she is going to give up the pvssy - this is what hors do!!!

Pimp others hors as well! Never be loyal to one hor!!!

 

[Wannabe1983]

Need some sincere advice...

Hey aspiring DJ`s

an update. last months have been really good, seeing her once a week with me sleeping over...
even had a weekend trip with her. Which was her idea and she paid most of it.

She even siad to me that she would like to marry me sometime, but not now, perhaps in like 6 years or so. Now i fully understand the implications of her saying that, and i shot back with something like, yeah but then you would have to take an exam to see if you`re really capable...

but now she is in Canada for a year... She mails me that she misses me and all and that we had a very good time and if it will ever come back.

she keeps a blog on the net. in which she writes her experiences. but somehow it makes my stomach go in a rollercoaster when i read that she made some male friends.

I myself am open to new women but haven`t done any approaching yet, since i am still a bit of rafc...

But i just don`t want her to... you know what i mean ;-)

I probably have one-itis?
but how should i cope with it??

saying sayonara and have a good life seems the easyest thing to do but wouldn`t that be very harsh considering we`ve been so close the last few weeks?

any comments or advice would be greatly appreciated!!

thx!

 

[Bible_Belt]

it`s only cheating if you develop feelings for that person.

She is banging every guy who turns her on. This girl shows every sign of being a ho. Those male "friends" are all doing her. If you want to "keep" this girl, mirror her and bang about a hundred other chicks while she is away. In her subconscious, this is what she wants you to do, because it makes her not feel guilty about being such a ho herself.

 

[Wannabe1983]

thanks for the advice, but for now I don`t see myself banging 100 chicks in a row...

any other advice would be greatly appreciated