Relationship coming to an end??

[diceman]

OK.

I've been i've been going out with this girl for just over a year now. We've had no major arguments, though it's obvious to both of us that being together has lost it's 'spark'. It's not as fun anymore & somtimes feels like we're just going through the motions.

Anyway, recently she's been getting annoyed with me about the littlest things. She annoys me from time to time too. Sometimes she's a little too clingy, bothering me when she knows i have alot of work to do, or showing disaproval if i want to go out with friends and have a few drinks.

I thought that's just what happens when you spend alot of time together. But now she's told me she wants to have a 'chat' ergently.

What d'ya think i should do. Is this a sign that the relationship has run it's course?

 

[AlexTheGreat]

Did she call you and say "I wanna talk" ? or did she randomly say "you know, we should chat" ? Putting it in context might be easier to figure out her real motivations. But the fact that the relationship isn't going so good can be a sign. How long has the spark been gone for?

Maybe you've become too predictable? Try something unusual -- bring her to a fancy restaurant without telling her where you're going. But do that only after the chat. Figure out what she wants first (because it might be a breakup as you state), and then figure out what you'll do.

 

[Mavrick]

If she's clingy, then it's not over. She wants you to change, but don't because once you do, she'll be gone. Having your own life and doing things without her has kept her clinging. Don't change, bro.

 

[KontrollerX]

She's trying to create a reason for you to get angry at her so she can justify being a little slvt and go cheat on you and leave you.

The way it looks to me this relationship is already over and her urgent chat request is just her attempt to give the old breakup speech putting the power in her hands.

Cut her off by breaking up with her first.

Pull it the cowardly chick way by using email or the phone to do it as well which sends the subtle message of how insignificant to you she really is.

Stick it to her buddy because thats what she's got in mind for you with this little talk of hers ie the LJBF ego boosting (for her) dead end (for you) move.

 

[Lishy]

She's trying to create a reason for you to get angry at her so she can justify being a little slvt and go cheat on you and leave you.

The way it looks to me this relationship is already over and her urgent chat request is just her attempt to give the old breakup speech putting the power in her hands.

Cut her off by breaking up with her first.

Pull it the cowardly chick way by using email or the phone to do it as well which sends the subtle message of how insignificant to you she really is.

Stick it to her buddy because thats what she's got in mind for you with this little talk of hers ie the LJBF ego boosting (for her) dead end (for you) move.

WHOA!!!!!!!! Where did THAT come from???????????????

How on earth did you come to the conclusion that she is a cheating slut from what he wrote? Is there something we dont know?

 

[KontrollerX]

Well its not always true Lishy baby but in my experience and many of the other brother's experiences I have read of here this is usually the case.

Not always.

Sometimes its simply the girl needing a reason to get angry at you and leave you without the cheating.

 

[Purple-Haze]

Well its not always true Lishy baby but in my experience and many of the other brother's experiences I have read of here this is usually the case.

Not always.

Sometimes its simply the girl needing a reason to get angry at you and leave you without the cheating.

Or maybe she's bored and trying to spice things up by adding drama. He's become complacent, so maybe she wants some kind of reaction out of him... Just maybe?

 

[Lishy]

Or maybe she doesnt want to remain in a boring relationship? It doenst make her a slut and a cheat does it?

The OP has admitted it is boring with no spark and now she obviously wants to talk about it one way or another.

You should think before you post K, you are not giving good advice saying things like that about the dude's girlfriend, he is obviously worried. Not every girl is one of your ex's or your friend's ex's

Diceman the question you have to ask yourself is do you want to remain in this relationship? How would you feel if she did break it off? Do you think you can get the spark back?

 

[IPalindromeI]

I thought that's just what happens when you spend alot of time together. But now she's told me she wants to have a 'chat' ergently.

What d'ya think i should do. Is this a sign that the relationship has run it's course?

Well, it has either run its course or she wants to talk to you about taking it to the next level: engagement. Some women think that taking it to the next level will change things for the better. Maybe her annoyance comes from her wanting you to take the initiative to move things along to a more committed arrangement.

Hard to say really. It could go either way just based on what you posted.

 

[KontrollerX]

"You should think before you post K, you are not giving good advice saying things like that about the dude's girlfriend, he is obviously worried. Not every girl is one of your ex's or your friend's ex's"

Actually I did think before I post and I thought about your post as well.

Both of our posts were equally valid things that could be at play here as well as what Purple Haze posted.

All good stuff and scenarios that may be at work here.

No not all girls are my ex's or the ex's of the DJ's here but when a poster mentions a familiar scenario to you in a post he makes it is absolutely valid to bring up what has happened in one's own past as advice of what could happen in his scenario.

I could be right, I could be wrong and the same can be said of you and Purple Haze's advice.

We'll just have to wait and see if this poster continues to give us updates on his situation.

 

[Lishy]

K Seriously!

So if I posted that I had a pain in my arm would your advice be that I would be dead in 15 minutes cos thats what happen to your friends?

You dont just make stuff up K, he has not said his girlfriend is cheating or that he even thinks she is, so why take it to a whole new level? You just didnt stop to think, you just assumed she is the same as your ex. She has said she wants to talk - She probably wants to sort it out, not screw around!

 

[KontrollerX]

"So if I posted that I had a pain in my arm would your advice be that I would be dead in 15 minutes cos thats what happen to your friends?"

If the pain shot up your left arm I'd absolutely be concerned you may be having a heart attack.

"You dont just make stuff up K, he has not said his girlfriend is cheating or that he even thinks she is, so why take it to a whole new level? "

Its not making stuff up or taking anything at all to a new level.

Its posting a reasonable scenario for why his girlfriend has lost interest and is wanting to have a little talk.

"You just didnt stop to think, you just assumed she is the same as your ex. She has said she wants to talk - She probably wants to sort it out, not screw around!"

Not my ex alone but my friend's ex's, a ton of Sosuaver's ex's, family members ex's etc, etc.

Its not exactly scientific polling but well...we are only on a message board here.

And I clarified Lishy that you could be right this is not always the case but a lot of the time it is and it is a valid reason for why she may be losing interest and acting strange and I also kindly said that the alternative reasons you and Purple Haze gave also have an equally valid shot at being true.

You need to respect my opinion as I respect yours, instead of focusing on trying to shame me to come to your side or shame me by saying I should "think my posts through more" as your shaming tactics that work so well on other men in your life will not fly with me. Logic, reason and fairness is the only thing I will respond to from you or anyone else and I'm sad to say you are not showing any of this at all to me sweetie.

I take a misanthropic cynical view of humanity as a whole and I am very proud and happy to hold that view as I have found it to be reality from not only my observations of society from a far but my experiences of society up close and personal.

This is why I made the post that I did, I am a worst case scenario kind of guy but when you think about it neither your scenario or Purple Haze's scenario are much better than mine.

Either way she is drifting away from the relationship for one absurd reason or another.

 

[youngwilliam]

Let her "talk". Then, do what you want anyway!

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

After being with a girl for awhile things become routine... You need to decide something right now.

1. Is she worth keeping and getting things on the right track.

Or...

2. Are you tired and ready to move on?

I've had to make this desicion a few times in my life. Usually, I said fvck the b!tch and move on. But, my current girlfriend of 1 year I had some bumps along the road but smooved them out. Hopefully, I made the right choice. It is your life and happiness so choose wisely!!

If you do decided to stick things out I would come to her first and say whats on your mind.

 

[jacob]

Kontroller X you are so right on bro! You read women like a book. Listen to the man and break up with her before she does it to you. Her interest level is below 50% like Doc Love says and that's why she finds you annoying. She got you, game over. She is trying to make you mad so she has an excuse, So turn the tables. In fact you become unpredictable and all of a sudden get irritated at her and pick a fight for some insignificant stuff and blame her, raise your voice at her and if she starts yelling back say "we're done!" and leave. But really be for real. She'll be frickin trippin and wondering "whoa!" wtf! that shet ain't supposed to happen. How the hell does he come off doing that to me?! Is he efing someone else? He's cheating on me! waaaa And then when she calls hang up on her like the whole day and even for the next 4 days. Then give her like a text maybe on the 5th day if you want to get her back. Say something like " so are you gonna apologize" if she responds then good you can take it from there and work your magic again, but be a challenge now, and be warned that the relationship is already screwed even if the two of you get together again. You'll have to dominate her and abuse her this way and keep it up if you want her to stay. As of right now what I pick up is she's tired because she can predict what you'll do, like you said it's boring now. I could be very wrong and this is my 2 cents, but I suggest you take to heart Kontroller X's advice.

 

[MacAvoy]

Diceman,

Everyone here's been focussing on your women but my question to you is how do you feel about the relationship? Do you want to continue or are you starting to get bored? You know The Cardinal Rule of Relationships In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.

Who has the power in the relationship?

 

[diceman]

OK everyone.

For those who are interested, this talk was not focused on what i was worrying about, ie. the relationship going stale.

It was more to do with me not giving her enough attention. She said that being in a relationship for over a year means that we should be more intimate together. She said she feels sometimes that we're still like F Buddies, ect.

&, yeah, she had a point. We don't do 'relationship-y' type things enough. Which i guess does explain the boredom lately.

Though this chat did bring up many other issues, though i'm not sure if i should start a new topic about those as this a completly new dilema i've got myself into involving this woman..

 

[Faded Image]

We need to chat is just another obligatory way of saying that we need a break from each other.

 

[mintxx]

time for mintxx's balanced assessment of the situation:

OK.

I've been i've been going out with this girl for just over a year now. We've had no major arguments, though it's obvious to both of us that being together has lost it's 'spark'. how's the sex? It's not as fun anymore & somtimes feels like we're just going through the motions. have you been spending too much time together? try once a week at an hour's notice.

Anyway, recently she's been getting annoyed with me about the littlest things. She annoys me from time to time too. Sometimes she's a little too clingy, bothering me when she knows i have alot of work to do, or showing disaproval if i want to go out with friends and have a few drinks.

I thought that's just what happens when you spend alot of time together. But now she's told me she wants to have a 'chat' ergently.

What d'ya think i should do. Is this a sign that the relationship has run it's course?

i think it's a sign you need to do the above, draw the line when it comes to her bothering you, and perhaps do some exciting new things together and separately. this has kept many a chic on the cards for me.

 

[Lishy]

OK everyone.

For those who are interested, this talk was not focused on what i was worrying about, ie. the relationship going stale.

It was more to do with me not giving her enough attention. She said that being in a relationship for over a year means that we should be more intimate together. She said she feels sometimes that we're still like F Buddies, ect.

&, yeah, she had a point. We don't do 'relationship-y' type things enough. Which i guess does explain the boredom lately.

Though this chat did bring up many other issues, though i'm not sure if i should start a new topic about those as this a completly new dilema i've got myself into involving this woman..

Isnt it a shame that the peple who give advice do not read the posts before doing so!

So what other problems have arisen hon?