Relationship advice with single mother...

[JohnChops]

Parenthood is ugly. You should just abuse the kids .

Seriously, I haven't read your OP yet but I have mixed feelings. The mixed feelings come down to this:

This woman is totally ready for any kind of sex, to phrase it like that. She'll be your sorry slave for the rest of the coming 10-15-20 years if you want that. There is only one thing in the way: when you have to be non-sexual (or whatever) with the kids and as a result of that they are going to overrule you.

Okay so now I read your OP. I hadn't read about her sex drive yet, so I was right on.

The point is that children become a burden when you can't F them. They become something you have to hide your sex with her from as well. In reality a 3 year old will have no issues whatsoever with the two of you fvcking while being around. In Indian (American) times the family members just ignored whomever were having sex. Now the Indians (e.g. Sioux) didn't have that great of a sex life so these men all started fvcking white women when they got the chance, because it was very hard to meet girls since you couldn't take one home (since you shared your 'living room' with your family).

And they also had extremely strict rules around not EVER flirting with your mother-in-law, in fact you could not even speak to her.

All the same it's not a 3 year old that has issues with sex, but a 5 year old does, because he/she has learned this by that time from sweet momma who tells her what's right and what 's wrong. So you get this rather unnatural trying to keep the kids away from the sex you're having which suffers every family everywhere. Almost everywhere. I know only one girl where they just have sex parties and I think the kids just walk around.

Back when I knew her.

So the point is you are very right in being afraid of this, at the same time you are being very harsh on her. The "no-support-ever" proposition is most unkind. Even if you don't have to pay her for her sex, if you really 'love' her or feel connected to her in that "shared fate" kind of way, why not throw money at her now and then, such as that split meal thing.... Now I agree that she shouldn't be your ... eternal dependent that you always pay for.

Because if you always pay for her, it means she becomes a kind of hooker and she owes you even more sex. She knows she is dependent and she knows the nasty spot she is in. Single mothers just have it really hard. They are on the looking for men like you and me, trying to subsist and not having any options in life, and the kids are always a problem, because the mother would move, but for her (15-y/o) son.

Like I have this chick in Romania who would consider coming to me but for her son. And another one in the UK .

Children are just nasty.

Now getting more sexual with or around kids will probably at first cause quite a social problem as the kids are going to talk about it to everyone (such as how big your c0ck is). They just blurt it out. Quite funny but people are starting to notice and think something is off . Sexual liberation, yeah... And after you might also get police inquiries into your person. Some friendly officers who would like to have a look in your house.

But with split-sex living in one room is just not really possible in our culture. So it is not really possible in any case in our culture since shared-sex is not possible either.

What I would do? Take the mom AND the kids in for one month and tell her you are going to abuse them. And then don't do it .

Then tell her the kids need to be gone again but she can stay another month and be used as The Eternal Sex Machine. Then you need three months off.

- one month with her and kids
- one month with her alone
- three months on your own
- repeat

The idea about telling her you're going to abuse the kids (I don't know if they're boys or girls, but I'm feeling there is at least one girl) is to get her to relax her mind around them noticing you and her having sex. If you can joke around with it, everything that is less bad than what the joke suggests, cannot be that much of a problem anymore.

And if you don't do that and if the "children are not ever allowed to see sex until they're 25" thing is allowed to subsist and persist, your life will become hell regardless. You need more freedom.

This is seriously (....) your best bet about having a healthy relationship with her. You can't just.... you can't just deny her living quarters totally.

The thing with women is to always conditionally accept them so you stay in control, because you devise the conditions.

Strangely I have this girl myself with 2 kids (but they're much older) and she was keen on being with me and she needed living space as well and I wanted her in my house because I was not there anyway. And she decided she was "in love with someone else". That I then saw having sex with another girl. I do not understand my own life at all.

Not just obviously having sex also walking hand in hand across town.

I'm in love with your girl you know. It's just this high school feeling. It's when you meet girls you've known for so long and you notice how much insanely much chemistry there is that you didn't know about back then.

These insanely warm feelings. The feeling of being able to trust someone so much. Just thinking back to some meetings I've had with some of them, those rare ones, and how I didn't just kiss her . My sorry life....

I run into random girl and ask her directions. She doesn't know. Then it dawns on me that I know her. I say hey aren't you the younger sister of this and that? She says why yes I am but who are you then? I am this and that. She and I were classmates for a while. Right. Say hi to her for me. Will do, will do, will do! Just felt like hugging and kissing the younger sister though .

I might be turning into that kind of storm where I don't care much more to waste even more time in life. Where I just stop wasting time. I have this sense of urgency in the sense of becoming this Unstoppable Force.

http://www.wowhead.com/item=19323/the-unstoppable-force

+22 critical hit
stuns target for 1 second.

You just stun the girl and you kiss her .

Anyway, I would want to be and stay with her. Don't treat it as "has to be mrs. perfect for remainder of my life". Please no white horse here. She is awesome, it's clear.

what in the **** did I just read.... :nervous:

 

[Dryden]

what in the **** did I just read.... :nervous:

You see, now I'm wondering and being very curious as to what banned word you could have used in that sentence.

I just can't imagine one that fits in.

 

[grayclif]

Parenthood is ugly. You should just abuse the kids .

Seriously, I haven't read your OP yet but I have mixed feelings. The mixed feelings come down to this:

This woman is totally ready for any kind of sex, to phrase it like that. She'll be your sorry slave for the rest of the coming 10-15-20 years if you want that. There is only one thing in the way: when you have to be non-sexual (or whatever) with the kids and as a result of that they are going to overrule you.

Okay so now I read your OP. I hadn't read about her sex drive yet, so I was right on.

The point is that children become a burden when you can't F them. They become something you have to hide your sex with her from as well. In reality a 3 year old will have no issues whatsoever with the two of you fvcking while being around. In Indian (American) times the family members just ignored whomever were having sex. Now the Indians (e.g. Sioux) didn't have that great of a sex life so these men all started fvcking white women when they got the chance, because it was very hard to meet girls since you couldn't take one home (since you shared your 'living room' with your family).

And they also had extremely strict rules around not EVER flirting with your mother-in-law, in fact you could not even speak to her.

All the same it's not a 3 year old that has issues with sex, but a 5 year old does, because he/she has learned this by that time from sweet momma who tells her what's right and what 's wrong. So you get this rather unnatural trying to keep the kids away from the sex you're having which suffers every family everywhere. Almost everywhere. I know only one girl where they just have sex parties and I think the kids just walk around.

Back when I knew her.

So the point is you are very right in being afraid of this, at the same time you are being very harsh on her. The "no-support-ever" proposition is most unkind. Even if you don't have to pay her for her sex, if you really 'love' her or feel connected to her in that "shared fate" kind of way, why not throw money at her now and then, such as that split meal thing.... Now I agree that she shouldn't be your ... eternal dependent that you always pay for.

Because if you always pay for her, it means she becomes a kind of hooker and she owes you even more sex. She knows she is dependent and she knows the nasty spot she is in. Single mothers just have it really hard. They are on the looking for men like you and me, trying to subsist and not having any options in life, and the kids are always a problem, because the mother would move, but for her (15-y/o) son.

Like I have this chick in Romania who would consider coming to me but for her son. And another one in the UK .

Children are just nasty.

Now getting more sexual with or around kids will probably at first cause quite a social problem as the kids are going to talk about it to everyone (such as how big your c0ck is). They just blurt it out. Quite funny but people are starting to notice and think something is off . Sexual liberation, yeah... And after you might also get police inquiries into your person. Some friendly officers who would like to have a look in your house.

But with split-sex living in one room is just not really possible in our culture. So it is not really possible in any case in our culture since shared-sex is not possible either.

What I would do? Take the mom AND the kids in for one month and tell her you are going to abuse them. And then don't do it .

Then tell her the kids need to be gone again but she can stay another month and be used as The Eternal Sex Machine. Then you need three months off.

- one month with her and kids
- one month with her alone
- three months on your own
- repeat

The idea about telling her you're going to abuse the kids (I don't know if they're boys or girls, but I'm feeling there is at least one girl) is to get her to relax her mind around them noticing you and her having sex. If you can joke around with it, everything that is less bad than what the joke suggests, cannot be that much of a problem anymore.

And if you don't do that and if the "children are not ever allowed to see sex until they're 25" thing is allowed to subsist and persist, your life will become hell regardless. You need more freedom.

This is seriously (....) your best bet about having a healthy relationship with her. You can't just.... you can't just deny her living quarters totally.

The thing with women is to always conditionally accept them so you stay in control, because you devise the conditions.

Strangely I have this girl myself with 2 kids (but they're much older) and she was keen on being with me and she needed living space as well and I wanted her in my house because I was not there anyway. And she decided she was "in love with someone else". That I then saw having sex with another girl. I do not understand my own life at all.

Not just obviously having sex also walking hand in hand across town.

I'm in love with your girl you know. It's just this high school feeling. It's when you meet girls you've known for so long and you notice how much insanely much chemistry there is that you didn't know about back then.

These insanely warm feelings. The feeling of being able to trust someone so much. Just thinking back to some meetings I've had with some of them, those rare ones, and how I didn't just kiss her . My sorry life....

I run into random girl and ask her directions. She doesn't know. Then it dawns on me that I know her. I say hey aren't you the younger sister of this and that? She says why yes I am but who are you then? I am this and that. She and I were classmates for a while. Right. Say hi to her for me. Will do, will do, will do! Just felt like hugging and kissing the younger sister though .

I might be turning into that kind of storm where I don't care much more to waste even more time in life. Where I just stop wasting time. I have this sense of urgency in the sense of becoming this Unstoppable Force.

http://www.wowhead.com/item=19323/the-unstoppable-force

+22 critical hit
stuns target for 1 second.

You just stun the girl and you kiss her .

Anyway, I would want to be and stay with her. Don't treat it as "has to be mrs. perfect for remainder of my life". Please no white horse here. She is awesome, it's clear.

Wat!!!

 

[Albatross953]

You were hurting pretty badly when you first got here. You sure you're up for this?

Be sure on the commonlaw.
Be sure on the birth control.
Be sure on your frame.

 

[bmp2cpm]

......She knows that she can never be dependent on me because I have laid those rules out......
......I dated her in high school and she is the same girl I had known then personality wise, she is not putting on a facade because I have known her since high school......

So she's known for years that you carried a torch for her even after high school. Then when her relationship went south, she went through her list of best prospects to provide her with resources, and she picked you! You are her top guy to provide resources to her. You beat all the other guys out. She specifically picked your for this moment. She probably didn't even think about it as women are hardwired to automatically think this way.

Women are programmed for survival. Your little list of rules is quite clever, but no match for evolution, I think. She's been setting you up for this moment for over a year and only now are you starting to see the trap. Good luck!

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Thanks to SS I stopped dating single moms. It's been close to 2 years now and hands down the smartest decision I've ever made.

 

[latinnova]

Thank's for the replies, needed to hear it. My gut was telling me this and I just needed someone else to tell it to me. Matter of fact I was looking for some harsh criticism so that it would be a slap in the face I needed to get out of this. After her I think I will just chill for a while and enjoy being single. So far every women comes with some kind of baggage, and the only baggage I want to carry around for a little while is my own.

 

[Twodogs]

It's funny OP I'm in a very similar position.
Been dating a woman for about the same amount of time and lately I have been considering the benefits of having her move in on a temporary/trial basis.

On the positive side:
1. She cooks cleans and generally takes care of the household whenever she stays over.
2. She understands the traditional male/female roles and is happy following my lead, no sh1t tests or drama so far.
3. She's great with the kids, she has two (8 & 10) and I have one (7).
(They mostly get on really well and it's good for my boy to experience what it's like to have siblings)
4. Very hard worker,motivated, self employed and successful at what she does.
5. Keeps in good shape with regular exercise and eating healthy.
6. We have a lot in common, both of us are very outdoorsy and she gets my sense of humour.

The things I'm cautious of:
1. She has her children a lot of the time and things are currently up in the air about custody arrangements with the father.
Week on week off would be ok but not sure if I'd be keen on any more than that.
2. Exposing my assets.
I have no debt, own my own car, house etc outright. She's just settled her property with the ex after selling the family home and has considerable savings although not quite enough for a deposit on a decent house of her own.
3. Loss of time to myself. After years of being single I've become accustomed to simply not communicating with anyone if I don't want to.
4. Potential for drama with her ex over child discipline etc.

I spent a lot of my 20's in a LTR with a good woman and it can certainly make life easier when you can focus on your goals and career while she takes care of the household stuff.

For the moment I won't be making any decisions, just see how it pans out over the next few months.

I'd be interested to hear from anyone in a similar position who's taken this step. I guess don't really expect the'd be too many on a forum like SS though.

 

[latinnova]

It's funny OP I'm in a very similar position.
Been dating a woman for about the same amount of time and lately I have been considering the benefits of having her move in on a temporary/trial basis.

On the positive side:
1. She cooks cleans and generally takes care of the household whenever she stays over.
2. She understands the traditional male/female roles and is happy following my lead, no sh1t tests or drama so far.
3. She's great with the kids, she has two (8 & 10) and I have one (7).
(They mostly get on really well and it's good for my boy to experience what it's like to have siblings)
4. Very hard worker,motivated, self employed and successful at what she does.
5. Keeps in good shape with regular exercise and eating healthy.
6. We have a lot in common, both of us are very outdoorsy and she gets my sense of humour.

The things I'm cautious of:
1. She has her children a lot of the time and things are currently up in the air about custody arrangements with the father.
Week on week off would be ok but not sure if I'd be keen on any more than that.
2. Exposing my assets.
I have no debt, own my own car, house etc outright. She's just settled her property with the ex after selling the family home and has considerable savings although not quite enough for a deposit on a decent house of her own.
3. Loss of time to myself. After years of being single I've become accustomed to simply not communicating with anyone if I don't want to.
4. Potential for drama with her ex over child discipline etc.

I spent a lot of my 20's in a LTR with a good woman and it can certainly make life easier when you can focus on your goals and career while she takes care of the household stuff.

For the moment I won't be making any decisions, just see how it pans out over the next few months.

I'd be interested to hear from anyone in a similar position who's taken this step. I guess don't really expect the'd be too many on a forum like SS though.

That is dead on Twodogs. The more I think about it though the less I want to have to deal with her kids. I know that sounds selfish, but coming from a marriage in which I was the disciplinary authority to one in which I have no authority is pretty much not doable. It's hard as hell to just sit there and watch the kids act like little arse holes with me not being able to do anything. While she is good at the disciplinary stuff, it just irks me that they can do anything they want with me around, and then I have to tell mama about it rather then me handling it right there and then. Again, if it was just her and no kids, this women would be the unicorn everyone speaks of, but perhaps the only reason she is this unicorn is because she has kids and has to act like one to get anyone interested.

Another thing which I am not looking forward to is always having to spend time with herl, even though she is amazing. I found that I always had a place to go and chill with no interruption and do what ever I want, watch any TV show I want, eat what I want with no concerns about what the other person wants to do. Guess after getting divorced I got used to, and really started to enjoy, doing what I want, when I want, how I want.

 

[Lozboss]

Dude- dating a woman with kids who can't support herself is a clusterf*ck waiting to happen.

I know it's hard as you're a nice guy. But you're better to eject now (just be like" you need to sort your life out and then we can pick up") and avoid getting snared.

She may be perfect apart from her situation but guess what? We all deal with what we got- doesn't mean anyone else has to.

Sounds selfish but you gotta protect yourself.

 

[MOTU]

While she is good at the disciplinary stuff, it just irks me that they can do anything they want with me around, and then I have to tell mama about it rather then me handling it right then and there.

So that is not how it is for me. I do deal with disciplinary matters that effect me or the household. Teachers and babysitters aren't parents but have some authority to discipline, right?

 

[Twodogs]

Finding the sweet spot with discipline has been a challenge for me.
Mostly I've left it up to her to sort her own out but her son (8) really knows how to push the limits and at times her discipline is ineffective.
In my experience boys respond better to firm male discipline as they get older.
I've noticed this with both my sons mother and this new girl.

My theory is that women tend to use too many words at times, threatening with removal of privileges, extended time outs etc. and this tends to escalate the aggravation. It's like the kids switch off and mums words just become annoying white noise to them. Know the feeling guys? Lol

Lately when I see this happening I've been telling her to back off and sorting the kids out myself. Rather than getting sh1tty about her child being disciplined she appreciates me taking control.

My own boy will get a smack if he pushes it too far but that's a line I don't really want to cross with someone else's child.
Sooner or later her boy will work this out though which is a bit of a concern.

I haven't yet but at the moment I can simply tell her to take him home if he goes too far. If they were living here I'd obviously loose that option.

It's not easy and you have to keep in mind that a lot of the kids behaviour can be a result of underlying emotional turmoil due to the parents separation and all the uncertainty that comes along with that.

 

[latinnova]

Finding the sweet spot with discipline has been a challenge for me.
Mostly I've left it up to her to sort her own out but her son (8) really knows how to push the limits and at times her discipline is ineffective.
In my experience boys respond better to firm male discipline as they get older.
I've noticed this with both my sons mother and this new girl.

My theory is that women tend to use too many words at times, threatening with removal of privileges, extended time outs etc. and this tends to escalate the aggravation. It's like the kids switch off and mums words just become annoying white noise to them. Know the feeling guys? Lol

Lately when I see this happening I've been telling her to back off and sorting the kids out myself. Rather than getting sh1tty about her child being disciplined she appreciates me taking control.

My own boy will get a smack if he pushes it too far but that's a line I don't really want to cross with someone else's child.
Sooner or later her boy will work this out though which is a bit of a concern.

I haven't yet but at the moment I can simply tell her to take him home if he goes too far. If they were living here I'd obviously loose that option.

It's not easy and you have to keep in mind that a lot of the kids behaviour can be a result of underlying emotional turmoil due to the parents separation and all the uncertainty that comes along with that.

Very true my friend, you have very insightful understanding of this situation. And yes, I absolutely do keep in mind that the kids may be suffering from some anxiety, turmoil, etc... with their parents seperating and all, and I feel for them. However, I am going to sound really selfish, I'm really not giving a damn of the cause of their bad behavior due to the fact that I don't want any whinny, stubborn, kicking and screaming kids in my life that aren't my own blood. I have been there and done that. My kids are way past that stage, and it was hard to go through even with them, but I made it through and they are wonderful, respectful kids. I won't be able to be as patient with someone else's kid.

 

[LiveFreeX]

There is so much fail on this thread.

 

[latinnova]

There is so much fail on this thread.

You say fail, I say education...