Rejected in the library (People watching)

[static]

I went to study in the university library this afternoon. I chose a seat 2 seats away from this HB9 (seat between us was empty, though). I didn't give her much attention for the hour and fifteen minutes I was there until the time when I was getting ready to leave. We made EC and then she turned back to her book with a smile. Then I packed my book bag. Then right before I got up we made EC again and she smiled at me. I smilied back. The seat between us had been occupied for some 45 min., so I got up and sat at the seat on the other side of her and started some convo.:

(As I approach the seat she moves her backpack for me and turns toward me. I sit down in the seat next to her and turn toward her. She know's what's up of course...why else would I pack my bag and go and sit a few spots down when I already had a seat...especially with the EC + smile that took place)

Me: What are you studying (very low voice because the area was almost dead silent...I have heard people engage in small talk in this area of the library where people study but this time just happened to be almost dead silent and I was trying to respect this but at the same time talk to her).
Her: What? (because I spoke with such a low tone)
Me: What are you studying (say it a little louder and point to her study material)
Her: Sociology
Me: Oh, that's cool
EC
Her: I'm a new transfer student here
Me: Oh, that's cool, how do you like it here?
Her: I'm adjusting to it
Me: yeah, it's tough if your accustomed to a semester system (my university follows the quarter system)
Her:yeah
Me: Where are you from?
Her: [her city] , It's not too far from here
Me: Yeah I know where that is
Me: I'm from [area where I'm from]
Me: Are you gonna take a break anytime soon (she was studying straight for at least the 1hr 15 minutes I was there)?
Her: No, I think I'm gonna be here for a lot longer
I look around with that look "I really shouldn't be talking to you any longer given that this is a quiet area."
Me: Well, it was nice meeting you, and I like to meet new people, what's your number so that we can talk again ( I forgot exactly what I said here, but I was kinda lost on words and I might have asked instead)
Her: I'm sorry but I have a boyfriend.

(I was so embarresed. I would imagine that 20-30 people around heard and knew what was going on. I'm concerned that it might have tarnished my reputation...not that I really have one, but I might and not even know about it. You know how girls talk and stuff. Also there are regulars there and I'm sure I'll see some of those people that witnessed my rejection again. I'm actually becoming a regular there.)

Now I try to act like I just wanted to be her friend given that she was a new student in attempt to play it off...I usually would just say " that's cool, bye"

Me: Oh
(pause in loss of words)
Me: Well
(pause again)
then I forgot what I said but it was too the effect of, but not so direct in words, "well I was just befriending you, that's it, why are you telling me you have a boyfriend"

then I just said "well I'll probably see you around" and left.

As I got up and left the area, people knew what was up. I think I got more heads turned than when I usually just get up and leave. This girl looked at me as I was walking away and I think she was giving me a "you failure" look so then I gave her a "WHAT BVTCH"? look and she quickly turned away. I walked away with major confidence though. I concerned about girl talk that might go on. I don't know any of them, but who knows if they talk about me.

Could any of this affect my future chances given that my next targets might have heard about this or witnessed it.

Should I even do such approaches again? If so, what modifications do you suggest?

anything else?

 

[Lafarge]

Whoever said you had be embarrassed by this?

When people look and take notice of you approaching a girl it does not necessarily mean that it has to be negative even if you fail.

I bet ya if there were guys there they would be jealouse as to how in the world you had the guts to approach this girl.

If there were girls they might think this is funny but deep down they are hiding also jealousy as to why you didn't hit on them

As long as you can walk away and be cool and not do anything silly you are a champ and do it again regardless whether or not you succeed.

You will see with time (as i assume you are relatively young) how right you were in doing what you did.

 

[EFFORT]

I give you props for getting that rejection!! I'm in the process of getting 10 rejections right now and thats really motivational reading your post and how you just did it.

Don't you worry at all man its a success since you had the balls that the rest of the people there didn't have

and theres no need to even worry about those people that saw...theres nothing wrong with what you did (see hot girl....approach...go for number close)

i encourage you to keep on approaching and gather yourself a load of rejections until it no longer effects you ! I'll be doing the samething (i have a pretty big fear of being rejected at this point)

but anyhow 2months from now we'll no longer give a fvck about getting rejected!

PEACE OUT

 

[Mercenary]

You did good young lad. I have a few suggestions.

1. Anticipate the "I have a boyfriend" response! This is one of the few things short of "No" that a woman will say to you.

There's a good list of counters to this comment in the archives forum.

2. NEVER EVER EVER ask her a question you want her to say "yes" to right after she has said the word "no". You asked her if she was going to take a break, she said no. Then you asked if you could have her phone number. Women obey Newton's First Law of motion. Once you get her going in a certain direction, they will continue that way unless acted upon by another force.

You needed to build a bit more rapport with her b4 you asked for the digits. She was still focused on your approach and not your conversation.


There are a lot of little niches that you can learn along the way to increase your pick up %. But you took the biggest step toward that goal just by approaching... Big up yourself for that.

 

[Capitol39]

Don't be so hard on yourself. Ya did good.

Don't worry what other people were thinking of you. I bet the other guys were impressed by what you did, and they wish they could do the same. And the other girls you didn't talk to are probably secretly envious.

The only thing I'd critique is how you seemed to get defensive after she told you she had a boyfriend. When a woman tells you she has a boyfriend, don't let it bother you. Play it off. She might just be testing you, seeing how much you persue her.

You're well on your way to becoming a true DJ.

 

[OddTech]

Re: Re: Rejected in the library (People watching)

Originally posted by Mercenary
2. NEVER EVER EVER ask her a question you want her to say "yes" to right after she has said the word "no". You asked her if she was going to take a break, she said no. Then you asked if you could have her phone number. Women obey Newton's First Law of motion. Once you get her going in a certain direction, they will continue that way unless acted upon by another force.

Nah, I don't agree. Chances are 50/50, because the questions are statistically independent. In those discrete cases, law of motion doesn't obey. Get your physics straight.

She will finally answer "no" anyway because she has a boyfriend (unless she gave you the # to make you go away). If she is the honest type, there is nothing you can do that will coerce her to say yes. Nothing. Take it as an experience.

The point that he should've notice was how "one-sided" the conversation is.... looking at the conversation, the girl doesn't expand on the answers that he gave her. She basically answered in one sentence. Not a good sign; I thought women are pretty chatty in general. I still give you props for the balls. Look at it this way, you did something most guys can't do.

 

[Vigilante7]

Ye man props, for me, I can visualize everything but I cant even get the balls to do it, so props on you going for it….

IMO, some of the problematic areas were…

1) Your conversation still didn’t flow completely, you need to guide the convo and take control, ex:

Me: yeah, it's tough if your accustomed to a semester system (my university follows the quarter system)
Her:yeah
Me: Where are you from?

See, you should of asked more about it, even if you don’t give a fukk, she knows a lot about it, this shows a lack of ‘connection’ and you need that connection to make her feel welcome

2) You shouldn’t of Number closed, you asked to get served….example

Me: Are you gonna take a break anytime soon (she was studying straight for at least the 1hr 15 minutes I was there)?
Her: No, I think I'm gonna be here for a lot longer

- You should of said “Im taking a break now, why don’t you join me”, don’t ask her, make her, if she says no like her response here, IMO don’t number close, cause if she dosent make time for you, this is an obvious signal that she is not interested…
If she said ‘No, I think I'm gonna be here for a lot longer’, say ‘oh that’s cool, good luck with your studying ect. Hopefully we can talk some other time’ this will make her feel ‘why did he leave me? Isn’t he interested? Itll make her feel insecure, cause most guys cling to her…’

BUT MAJOR PROPS !!!!! WALK away with confidence, you did a damn good job, and these were just a few points to improve the weaker areas, but as you say ‘you got rejected in fron of 20-30 people’ if these people see you again (especially the girls) and if you show a confident / happy look, then they’ll be more attracted to you then a depressed / pathetic look, cause at least you’ve taken the ‘rejection’ in stride……

But nice job….

 

[seulaxplaya]

Stuff happens

Happens all the time. You could have played it off real well. You could have said

her: i have a bf
U: Thats cool, Does he goto school here?
Her: No, he lives back home
U: That must be hard being way and going to a new school not knowing anyone
Her: Yeah it is
U: Well you must have gotten the wrong impression of me by asking for your number.
Her: I suppose so
U: I just figured I would introduce you to some people and show the city coinsidering your new here, But if your feeling awkward going out with a man when you have a bf thats Fine.
Her: Exactly
U: If you feel that way I can get a group of friends together and we can all go out.


Simple man, you always have to have the last say and direct the convo. By doing this of what I said, you read her perfectly, you still got what you wanted and your putting her in a comfort zone. Just keep that in mind. Her saying she has a bf is a test bro on your persistence. You failed this time. But there will be other times

 

[Mercenary]

Re: Re: Re: Rejected in the library (People watching)

Originally posted by OddTech
Nah, I don't agree. Chances are 50/50, because the questions are statistically independent. In those discrete cases, law of motion doesn't obey. Get your physics straight.

Statistics have nothing to do with it. It was simply a metaphor. Both questions are infact related as they both are an invitation to spend more time with the guy. If the girl was interested she might have said "yeah, i'm going to take a break soon (even if she hadn't planned it." or "no, i'm not taking a break anytime soon, but you're welcome to chat w/me for a while." If the questions we ask women are independent of each other, then why do we try to establish rapport at all if all yes/no questions have 50/50 probability?

Originally posted by OddTech
She will finally answer "no" anyway because she has a boyfriend (unless she gave you the # to make you go away).

You proved my point. She can lie to get him to go away. Having a positive conversation with positive answers builds rapport and decreases the liklihood that she will feel the need to lie to get you to go away.

 

[OddTech]

Rapport is important to attract the girl, assuming the girl doesn't already have a boyfriend or have enough interest (to cheat). If she has a boyfriend and isn't interested, all "rapport building" goes out the window! Why not just flat out say, "what's your phone number?"

You proved my point. She can lie to get him to go away. Having a positive conversation with positive answers builds rapport and decreases the liklihood that she will feel the need to lie to get you to go away.

You obviously never heard of a flaky chick before, have you? If he builds the rapport, he will make her LIE even more because she now feels she needs to be "nice."

If she lied or gave him the "I have a boyfriend." Wopee do, what an improvement. I don't see a difference. The end result is the same.

 

[peter_g]

give it up

Dude!!!! She has a boyfriend, go for someone who does not have a boyfriend, and to the jerkoff who said you should of said some garbage about showing her around town!!! That is pure crap!! Most girls who have boyfriends do not wanna meet new guy friends!!! You can lie all you want and say that it would not bother you, but if you can somehow ever get a real girlfriend I guarantee you would not want her to go hang out with some guy who was trying to hit on her in the library!!

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

hahahahahaha - that was a classic! The old library 'talk in a whisper everyone's listening' pick-up - this is the toughest approach, only confident men would even attempt such a feat!

Was your face red?

Why are you shamed - you did nothing wrong - I know the feeling though with all the ears on your convo...it was better than a soap opera in their minds!

Nest time - write a note to her and state that, "in keeping with the code of silence in the library, I am writing you this note to........

This will save you from the public stare lashing that is sure to follow.

Was it a long walk to the exits? Did it feel like 200 degrees in there? Where you dropping sweat on the floor? Libraries are hot enough without the added pressure of picking up hot babes.

You probably felt embarassed because you were fumbling with your words and others heard this inept attempt to conquer. Did the unwanted audience cause you to stammer?

 

[squirrels]

Let me emphasize this again:

IT IS NORMAL FOR MEN TO SHOW INTEREST IN ATTRACTIVE WOMEN.

This means that it is NOTHING to be embarassed about.

If anyone laughs at you, big f'in deal. They aren't getting any, either.

 

[Mercenary]

Originally posted by OddTech
You obviously never heard of a flaky chick before, have you? If he builds the rapport, he will make her LIE even more because she now feels she needs to be "nice."

That makes absolutely no sense!

You come with an ad hominem and then sputter some crap because you tried to stroke your ego a bit, but now you can't cash the check that you tried to write initially.

Oh please, please try to explain to me, the unenlightened, how building rapport will cause a woman to "LIE even more".