Regretting not making a move

[slapstick]

I'm sure this is an incredibly common thing on this forum, but I figured I'd share this and anyone else can share their own stories or opinions on this topic as well.

So today I walk in to pickup some take-out and notice there's a very attractive late 20ish early 30ish chick in there sitting at a table by herself who immediately stares at me. I look away and pay for my food. I glance back and this chick is still staring at me. At this point I'm thinking I'm either a horrible ugly monster, or this girl likes what she sees. I'm tall and decent looking, so I don't think it was the former.

So what do I do? I find an excuse not to go over and talk to her. First off, I didn't like the setting. Middle of the day, customers all around, not my thing. Walking over there randomly and starting a conversation would feel unnatural especially since I'm not sure she's actually attracted or just staring at me because I'm the newest person in the room. I should note also I never do cold approaches so it's completely out of my element to do anything like that, but I would like to do it. Eventually her friend shows up while I'm getting my food also, so I guess a potentially awkward situation was averted?

Basically, I'm kicking myself for not doing anything. How do you guys get over making approaches in inconvenient settings? Also, how do you get over feeling like sh!t for not making a move on someone you'll probably never see again who was actually pretty hot and possibly attracted? I know there's plenty of fish in the sea, but still...can't help but wonder.

Also, if you have any stories about not making a move and regretting it, feel free to share. Any advice would be great also. Hopefully can help some people out with this thread.

 

[Furyguy]

Yes it's a pain in the ass, and it's definitely something that happens to a lot of guys very frequently. It really, really blows when you know you should do something and don't have the balls to do it. And then the moment passes and you know you ****ed up and now you have to live with it, and it's all the worse because you know you could have prevented it so easily.

I broke myself of **** like this happening to me by devoting an entire week of life to doing every social thing that scared me. Every instance where I wanted to hesitate or hold back or turn and run, I said **** that and attacked it full force. The results were magnificent. I became much, much more comfortable with every interaction and every situation.

And I think comfort is a HUGE part of getting good at dealing with women and people. When you're comfortable it's easier to stride confidently and do whatever it is you want and need to. Think about how you are at work after a year or two there, compared to when you first started there. Or how it is chilling with people at your own place compared to somewhere you've never been before. You know where stuff is, you know what needs to get done, you can be the guy who solves the problems instead of asking someone else what to do.

Here's a bad analogy for you but I think it gets the point across; I see it kind of like playing catch. When you're first learning how to catch a ball, you learn by playing catch with someone else. You start slow and easy and you know the ball is coming and you're completely ready for it. In the beginning it's still tricky, but soon it becomes a natural reaction. It doesn't take very long to get to the point where if you're walking down the street and suddenly someone hurls a football at you, you're going to instinctively reach out and grab it because it's just second nature by now.

And in the end, even if something completely humiliating and embarrassing happens to you, give a week or two and then it's just going to be another hilarious story of some funny **** that randomly happened one day. So it's pretty much a win-win situation.

 

[Fat_Flirt]

Tony Robbins says (lol I know I know) that anything that you keep putting off or fear doing is what you MUST do. I'm about to approach business door to door tomorrow. I don't fear it, but I could always come up with an excuse to not doing it. Save gas by cold calling on the phone.

 

[LuisGarcia10]

It happened to me yesterday although fortunately it was in a swimming pool and she looked a very regular swimmer, so hopefully she'll be back and I can make a mends.

If you were after a story, I was doing lengths and had noticed her although she seemed pretty focussed on her swimming so never even thought about hitting on her at all. I then stopped for a rest about the same time she did, she was to my right, I turned round, caught her looking at me and she then smiled, a proper broad smile with eye contact not like the nervous polite one you tend to do. I just bottled it because I wasn't expecting it at all, even worse she'd been doing lengths of the pool almost none stop since she'd got there, after I'd done a couple more lenghts following her smiling at me, I stopped for another rest and she then stopped next to me, obviously waiting for me to say something. Wait, there's more, they have this kind of communal shower area where you just wash off after your swim, and lo and behold, the only free shower happens to be next to her, she was almost just staring at me waiting for me to say something, and I still don't know why I didn't, I guess I just couldn't find the words.

And I am not a social phobe at all, there's some situations where I'm quite comfortable with approaching random girls but for some reason that was not one of them. I've been kicking myself ever since, hopefully I'll have a bit of luck and bump into her again, you frequently see the same people in that pool so fingers crossed.

 

[horaholic]

This is exactly the point Im trying to make in the other approaching thread. Had the OP forced himself to do cold approaches, he would have been able to handle the situation.

OP, Im not picking on you at all, cuz I have done the same thing my whole life. I have recently started working on my cold approaches, to make sure that doesnt ever happen again. I suggest you start doing it to. Click the RSDN link on my signature. Those guys philosophy is all about being in the right mindset to cold approach, and there is a goldmine of great info, and field reports. Do yourself a favor.

When you do approaches, let every rejection build 'fury' inside you. Not homicidal fury, mind you, but 'fury' as in "alright, goddamn it, Im gonna take home the next hot chick I see NO MATTER WHAT! Now, WHERE THE HELL IS SHE?" I guess extremely focused, would be a better term.

The more you approach, the more comfortable you get. The master PUA's all say they have to do about 2 or 3 warm up approaches on any given night, before they get comfortable enough to really throw down some game. Now, most of us dont even do 2 or 3 approaches, therefore most of us dont even get ourselves into the right mindframe, and we wonder why we arent more successful. All games require some warm up. Take your first game of pool of the day or night. You usually dont play too good. By your fifth game, your nice and warmed up. You wont get better, by playing one game of pool every few days. You get good by playing a bunch of them in a row. Same thing with this game.


In the beginning, start simple. Just say 'hi, how's your day?' just to get comfortable doing it. Half the battle, with this, is being comfortable with yourself. The more worried you are about what to say, the more you will freeze up. We blow OURSELVES out more often than she does. The mor eyou do, the more natural it comes.

 

[slickaz]

what you do is..
smile at her, and if you get the smile back.
then you ask the cafe wait staff what drink she had, and ask for a top up.
take it over, say you brought her a top up and sit by her.
ive never done this before
but a friend of mine, ive seen him do this, and he 90% gets in.
atleast a conversation and makes em laugh.
but he's a very open friendly guy that talks to everybody so maybe its easy..i dunno

 

[decadentdestruction]

I know the same feeling , so many hot girls , walk into my work , and I can't , do **** , I tend to over analyze . a psychologist told me thats my problem , I worry too much , I am trying to reverse that sh*t . what they told me to do is, whenever the overanalyzing starts kickin in to block it out of my head and go with a gut instinct . so far so good . but like everything else . it can all be better .

I started working in sales environment , and our job is approach , and approach . but its one thing approaching someone because its your job, and another thing to get girls number and split . but I know how that missed opportunity stuff is like, besides ,try and sweat it off, there are more women out there .

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Basically, I'm kicking myself for not doing anything.

Lesson One: Rejection is better than Regret