Sorry for the ridiculous length of this post. Hopefully this can turn into a great discussion.
I am 28, and freshly single out of an 8 month relationship, as those who followed my epic denial of reality in another thread will know.
Right now my confidence is absolutely shattered.
Girl 1:
To understand why I'm so lost right now, first I have to brag a little bit.
A year ago, I was spinning plates, getting laid like crazy, and felt like the world was mine.
My phone game was sick. My conversation skills were sick. My online game was sick. Women were approaching me. Women were pursuing me.
But I met a girl that made me feel something I have never felt before in other relationships. And over time, the only future I wanted was one with her. I cared about her more deeply than anyone else on the face of the earth.
When I started talking to her, I was traveling and spinning so many other plates. I went into the relationship with such a strong frame - she knew I had a lot of other options. This is nothing I told her; this is just what she saw from my Facebook, from seeing me in social situations, and from women she encountered that she knew I had slept with, or who obviously had serious attraction to me.
During our first interactions she saw me leading my friends and having fun with large groups of people. I established massive social value.
I established that I had a vibrant, thriving life before she ever came into the picture.
As time went on, I observed how conservative and proper she was, yet when it came to me, she wouldn't stop touching or kissing me. The chemistry and frequency of sex was insane.
I was the perfect guy. Tall, dark, and handsome. Just added 20lbs of muscle to a lean frame. Making killer money (that year about 180k) though my business was on autopilot then so I had all the free time in the world. Spontaneous. Great personality. Funny. Loved to do exciting and interesting things. Love to travel. Great communicator. Emotionally stable.
I honestly don't know how else I could've gotten the hooks in deeper.
We have all dealt with flakes, liars, and girls who just aren't interested or emotionally available. After a little bit of time with this girl though, it was very obvious that she was completely in love with me. I took her car one day to have some maintenance done and stumbled on a journal that made it very clear I was right.
This is basically a summary of the relationship: I went out of town for a few days and when I got home, she made and served me a candlelit dinner in lingerie. There were rose petals leading to the bed. Obviously high interest.
But throughout all this, I never lost my masculinity with her. I still picked on her. I still told her when she was out of line. I still let her pay for things sometimes. She would tell me without prompting that she appreciated how decisive and manly I was.
I was the perfect boyfriend.
Fast forward - 8 months later, and she lets confusion about old feelings for an ex destroy our relationship. I end it.
Girl 2:
Now rewind about 4 years ago. I am BROKE. I have no job. I drive a POS car that my mom got me. I live in my dad's unfinished basement with sheetrock walls and huge bugs.
I don't have groups of friends. I don't travel. There are no girls leaving comments all over my Facebook. There is absolutely nothing going on in my life. I'm good looking; that's it.
I email a girl about a funny picture I see on her Myspace profile. We start talking. She asks me to go out and I literally have like $20 to my name. I tell her I can't afford it. She says, "that's OK, I'll pay."
She is about to graduate. She has goals and is highly intelligent. She's attractive with a natural beauty and gets plenty of attention from guys.
Our second date is a hike. Afterwards I take her back to my dad's house, he's out of town. I make her dinner (AFC!). We go down to the basement and she is ready to have sex. I go to put on the condom and I went soft. No idea why. Just something in my head. So she leaves.
There is no need to tell me how utterly pathetic this whole thing, and my life, was. But, as time went on, it became apparent to me that this girl really liked me. And over the next year, I got my ass in gear and changed my life (not for her, what motivated me is an entirely different story).
I got a job and started a business on the side. I started making a little money, not much though. It would be later before I would transition to my current business, move away, and really break out.
Throughout this entire time I was with her though, I still lived in my dad's basement. We lived 45 minutes apart. She never lost interest despite the interest I observed other guys having in her, and I could sense the growing desire on her part to move the relationship to the next level.
Ultimately I ended up leaving her because deep down I knew she wasn't right for me. I cared about her and it was difficult to do, but I had to set her free.
So:
Girl 1 lost interest even though I was the perfect boyfriend (NOT the AFC version of perfect). With Girl 1, I was in the best mental/physical/emotional/financial state of my life.
Girl 2 never lost interest and wanted to marry me when I had little value and nothing going for me. With Girl 2, I was at the lowest point of my life.
Now I'm left with two questions:
How was I able to keep Girl 2 when I demonstrated no LTR value?
How was I able to lose Girl 1 when I demonstrated massive LTR value?
And if I can't keep a girl when I am at the top of my game, what is the point?
People can and will say, "It's not your fault." But let's face it, we are logical and results oriented. I guess it's driving me insane trying to figure out what I did wrong, and how things could've turned out differently.
Sometimes women have huge hangups or issues. But isn't there a point where they can love you enough to get past that?
Finally, I am really worried about getting back to that place I was before.
It would be great if she could put down on paper exactly what happened, so I would be able to make sense of things and have the confidence of knowing that I learned a lesson and can avoid that same thing from happening again. But that's probably not ever gonna happen.
I have been out of "the game" for a bit now and it just seems like I will never be able to get that level of confidence I had back, after this. What are the steps to pick up the pieces and become alpha again?
I am 28, and freshly single out of an 8 month relationship, as those who followed my epic denial of reality in another thread will know.
Right now my confidence is absolutely shattered.
Girl 1:
To understand why I'm so lost right now, first I have to brag a little bit.
A year ago, I was spinning plates, getting laid like crazy, and felt like the world was mine.
My phone game was sick. My conversation skills were sick. My online game was sick. Women were approaching me. Women were pursuing me.
But I met a girl that made me feel something I have never felt before in other relationships. And over time, the only future I wanted was one with her. I cared about her more deeply than anyone else on the face of the earth.
When I started talking to her, I was traveling and spinning so many other plates. I went into the relationship with such a strong frame - she knew I had a lot of other options. This is nothing I told her; this is just what she saw from my Facebook, from seeing me in social situations, and from women she encountered that she knew I had slept with, or who obviously had serious attraction to me.
During our first interactions she saw me leading my friends and having fun with large groups of people. I established massive social value.
I established that I had a vibrant, thriving life before she ever came into the picture.
As time went on, I observed how conservative and proper she was, yet when it came to me, she wouldn't stop touching or kissing me. The chemistry and frequency of sex was insane.
I was the perfect guy. Tall, dark, and handsome. Just added 20lbs of muscle to a lean frame. Making killer money (that year about 180k) though my business was on autopilot then so I had all the free time in the world. Spontaneous. Great personality. Funny. Loved to do exciting and interesting things. Love to travel. Great communicator. Emotionally stable.
I honestly don't know how else I could've gotten the hooks in deeper.
We have all dealt with flakes, liars, and girls who just aren't interested or emotionally available. After a little bit of time with this girl though, it was very obvious that she was completely in love with me. I took her car one day to have some maintenance done and stumbled on a journal that made it very clear I was right.
This is basically a summary of the relationship: I went out of town for a few days and when I got home, she made and served me a candlelit dinner in lingerie. There were rose petals leading to the bed. Obviously high interest.
But throughout all this, I never lost my masculinity with her. I still picked on her. I still told her when she was out of line. I still let her pay for things sometimes. She would tell me without prompting that she appreciated how decisive and manly I was.
I was the perfect boyfriend.
Fast forward - 8 months later, and she lets confusion about old feelings for an ex destroy our relationship. I end it.
Girl 2:
Now rewind about 4 years ago. I am BROKE. I have no job. I drive a POS car that my mom got me. I live in my dad's unfinished basement with sheetrock walls and huge bugs.
I don't have groups of friends. I don't travel. There are no girls leaving comments all over my Facebook. There is absolutely nothing going on in my life. I'm good looking; that's it.
I email a girl about a funny picture I see on her Myspace profile. We start talking. She asks me to go out and I literally have like $20 to my name. I tell her I can't afford it. She says, "that's OK, I'll pay."
She is about to graduate. She has goals and is highly intelligent. She's attractive with a natural beauty and gets plenty of attention from guys.
Our second date is a hike. Afterwards I take her back to my dad's house, he's out of town. I make her dinner (AFC!). We go down to the basement and she is ready to have sex. I go to put on the condom and I went soft. No idea why. Just something in my head. So she leaves.
There is no need to tell me how utterly pathetic this whole thing, and my life, was. But, as time went on, it became apparent to me that this girl really liked me. And over the next year, I got my ass in gear and changed my life (not for her, what motivated me is an entirely different story).
I got a job and started a business on the side. I started making a little money, not much though. It would be later before I would transition to my current business, move away, and really break out.
Throughout this entire time I was with her though, I still lived in my dad's basement. We lived 45 minutes apart. She never lost interest despite the interest I observed other guys having in her, and I could sense the growing desire on her part to move the relationship to the next level.
Ultimately I ended up leaving her because deep down I knew she wasn't right for me. I cared about her and it was difficult to do, but I had to set her free.
So:
Girl 1 lost interest even though I was the perfect boyfriend (NOT the AFC version of perfect). With Girl 1, I was in the best mental/physical/emotional/financial state of my life.
Girl 2 never lost interest and wanted to marry me when I had little value and nothing going for me. With Girl 2, I was at the lowest point of my life.
Now I'm left with two questions:
How was I able to keep Girl 2 when I demonstrated no LTR value?
How was I able to lose Girl 1 when I demonstrated massive LTR value?
And if I can't keep a girl when I am at the top of my game, what is the point?
People can and will say, "It's not your fault." But let's face it, we are logical and results oriented. I guess it's driving me insane trying to figure out what I did wrong, and how things could've turned out differently.
Sometimes women have huge hangups or issues. But isn't there a point where they can love you enough to get past that?
Finally, I am really worried about getting back to that place I was before.
It would be great if she could put down on paper exactly what happened, so I would be able to make sense of things and have the confidence of knowing that I learned a lesson and can avoid that same thing from happening again. But that's probably not ever gonna happen.
I have been out of "the game" for a bit now and it just seems like I will never be able to get that level of confidence I had back, after this. What are the steps to pick up the pieces and become alpha again?
