Regaining attraction through jealousy?

[Evermore87]

Hi all

Me and my (ex) girlfriend have been together for three years and half. During this time we were happy and connected extremely well, and i was sure i had found the woman of my life. This all changed near Christmas, when she started becoming distant with no apparent reason.

Finally last week she told me she was no longer sexually attracted to me and needed to rethink our relationship. My world fell apart and i left the country for 1 week to meet a friend of mine (to seek advice and to keep the distance as we live together).
When i came back she told me she loves me deeply but can't be with me without that spark.
She can't explain why it happened as she always loved my body and the sex.

I think i could do something to reignite that spark, however she says she doesn't believe it is possible and it ia better to move on.

Now.. i have this "golden opportunity" before i move out. I was invited to a party in town with loads of girls, 3 of them that my girlfriend HATES because they were hitting on me a while ago. I read on SoSuave that jealousy is one of the best weapons to use on a girl, but how can i do it right?

Does just mentioning i'm going to this party and slipping out a few names of who's going to be there enough? Maybe making sure i wouldn't be home before she leaves? (She leaves at 6am to work)

Lastly do you think this would work? I appreciate any tips! Thank you!

 

[Mr Gyalist]

If it works it will be a temporary fix. As hard as it feels now, you need to look forward and let her go....by doing this she may or may not come back...let it burn as she is lying that she loves you...

 

[Infern0]

No.

What happened was she lost attraction because you most likely started going soft.

" During this time we were happy and connected extremely well, and i was sure i had found the woman of my life"

See this part here, those are the words of a man who is losing his balls.

Women aren't attracted to soft cuddly nice guys who are all loved up. Despite what society would have you believe. Its the male equivalent of your hot girlfriend getting fat and starting to smell and become disgusting.

Also take note of:

"Now.. i have this "golden opportunity" before i move out"

Excuse me?

If this woman wants to go, you let her go. No need to be butthurt about it or anything, you just say "oh ok, cool" and then you get on with your life without giving a ****.

See because what's happened is she feels more valuable in the relationship than you now.

Trying to play jealousy games isn't anything to do with being a DJ in my opinion. It's manipulation, which shows weakness.

Weakness is what got you into this situation in the first place.

You move on, you don't be a ****. You just are cool with it and start getting on with your own life. When she sees that she's NOT as valuable as she thought to you, that's when there is the best chance she will come back because it will damage her ego and women live for validation.

And if/when she comes back don't ever say "i think i've found the woman of my life" or anything similar ever again.

Women NEED to know, deep down inside that they could leave you and you'd be just fine. AKA that YOU can walk from them at a moments notice and that you could replace them with another gurl easily if you wanted. Otherwise you are no longer a challenge and that's never a good thing.

See society would tell you that you "get the girl" and live happily ever after but that isnt the case, relationships require YOU to stay on point. This is where most men mess up, they stop being the guy from early in the courtship and become this lame "content" dude.

If she doesn't come back it's no loss as you have got a lot to learn and it might be easier to do that without an emotional attatchment already in place.

 

[lizardking82]

Dude, **** her and her ****. She;s not sexually attracted to you anymore means she's either attracted to someone else and doesn't wanna tell you because that would hurt your feelings OR she might really not be attracted to you anymore for whatever reason. I mean, she's a woman, she hasn't got much reasoning anyways, that is the way she feels.

No matter what the problem is, your absence will make her come to a conclusion, but at this point, I would advise you sit with yourself, start grieving the lost person because that person you knew couple of weeks/months ago? She's not there, bro. She's gone. Phew. And you most probably will never know why and you gotta be OK with that, try to be OK with the fact you won't know why. I wouldn't advise you going back to her because as women usually do, she won't tell you what the real problem is and if she won't tell you, you cannot fix the problem. Problem unfixed = impossible reconciliation. Do not play games on this ****, you don't need to make her jealous. Do you want her to be with you because of genuine feelings or because her ego thinks she owns you? Common, be better than that.

 

[BeExcellent]

Someone very wise here once said that a woman gets over you while she is still with you. That the break up is just a formality.

I am a woman and I'm here to tell you this is truth.

You have missed her subtle clues along the way and mistaken creeping indifference for comfort.

You became complacent. Complacency is the devil in relationship.

The only way you get things back to having any chance with her is to man up and put YOU first again. You do not mention anything to her, you do NOT do anything like try to incite jealousy overtly. As said above you'll look weak, idiotic and desperate.

If it pleases you to go to the party you simply go. She is not your keeper. If she finds out and gets jealous, that's her problem but you don't go with the intent of making her jealous. That will utterly backfire on you.

You need to redevelop your own life outside her and outside your relationship. You focus outward on your own goals and let her focus on you. This is the only way a relationship works.

That means you cannot make HER your focus. You must have a focus for the course of your own life that is your target with or without her.

Women are repulsed subconsciously by unfocused men who have nothing better to do than fawn over them. Get in the gym, get busy with your own goals. Either she comes around or she doesn't but she is well on her way out the door. But jealous makes you look dumb. Don't go that route.

 

[wifehunter]

Wrath is cruel, anger is overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?

 

[Young_Don]

No.

What happened was she lost attraction because you most likely started going soft.

" During this time we were happy and connected extremely well, and i was sure i had found the woman of my life"

See this part here, those are the words of a man who is losing his balls.

Women aren't attracted to soft cuddly nice guys who are all loved up. Despite what society would have you believe. Its the male equivalent of your hot girlfriend getting fat and starting to smell and become disgusting.

Also take note of:

"Now.. i have this "golden opportunity" before i move out"

Excuse me?

If this woman wants to go, you let her go. No need to be butthurt about it or anything, you just say "oh ok, cool" and then you get on with your life without giving a ****.

See because what's happened is she feels more valuable in the relationship than you now.

Trying to play jealousy games isn't anything to do with being a DJ in my opinion. It's manipulation, which shows weakness.

Weakness is what got you into this situation in the first place.

You move on, you don't be a ****. You just are cool with it and start getting on with your own life. When she sees that she's NOT as valuable as she thought to you, that's when there is the best chance she will come back because it will damage her ego and women live for validation.

And if/when she comes back don't ever say "i think i've found the woman of my life" or anything similar ever again.

Women NEED to know, deep down inside that they could leave you and you'd be just fine. AKA that YOU can walk from them at a moments notice and that you could replace them with another gurl easily if you wanted. Otherwise you are no longer a challenge and that's never a good thing.

See society would tell you that you "get the girl" and live happily ever after but that isnt the case, relationships require YOU to stay on point. This is where most men mess up, they stop being the guy from early in the courtship and become this lame "content" dude.

If she doesn't come back it's no loss as you have got a lot to learn and it might be easier to do that without an emotional attatchment already in place.

You hit the nail on the head with this. This is where I fvcked up recently with the girl I was seeing for 4 months. I tried to pace myself and not jump into anything, made sure she said 'I love you' first, didn't put up with her **** and she respected me for it, and told her if she didn't change a couple things that I didn't wanna put up with that I'd walk away. But towards the end I got soft and showed more emotion and even told her that I didn't want to lose her and if I did, I wouldn't know what to do.

It's been 22 hard days but I know exactly what the fvck not to do next time round and I'm keen to meet someone better.

 

[Infern0]

You hit the nail on the head with this. This is where I fvcked up recently with the girl I was seeing for 4 months. I tried to pace myself and not jump into anything, made sure she said 'I love you' first, didn't put up with her **** and she respected me for it, and told her if she didn't change a couple things that I didn't wanna put up with that I'd walk away. But towards the end I got soft and showed more emotion and even told her that I didn't want to lose her and if I did, I wouldn't know what to do.

It's been 22 hard days but I know exactly what the fvck not to do next time round and I'm keen to meet someone better.

We've all been there, you get a free pass just dont repeat the mistake.

 

[mikey2012]

Only betas consciously try and make chicks jealous

 

[Evermore87]

Thank you all for your replies. My head is not on the right place at the moment, hence reading your answers i realised i'm seeing everything wrong.

However i am on a foreing country where she was also my only true friend, what can i do to make my life easier once i move out to another place? I am not eating anything at the moment and feel anxious all the time, i don't think gym or anything would do me any good at this point. The only way i can sleep is taking sleeping pills so i dont wake up in the middle of the night thinking about ****.

Like i say i am just lost at the moment and trying to find the right path. And any tips while i am still living with her? How to not feel uncomfortable and how to avoid having feelings?

Any help would be great!

 

[mikey2012]

Move out

 

[Infern0]

Thank you all for your replies. My head is not on the right place at the moment, hence reading your answers i realised i'm seeing everything wrong.

However i am on a foreing country where she was also my only true friend, what can i do to make my life easier once i move out to another place? I am not eating anything at the moment and feel anxious all the time, i don't think gym or anything would do me any good at this point. The only way i can sleep is taking sleeping pills so i dont wake up in the middle of the night thinking about ****.

Like i say i am just lost at the moment and trying to find the right path. And any tips while i am still living with her? How to not feel uncomfortable and how to avoid having feelings?

Any help would be great!

Move out.

Post on this board as much as you need, we will give you real advice.

You have a lot to learn but its not bad being in a spot where the only way is up.

 

[backseatjuan]

Me and my (ex) girlfriend have been together for three years and half. During this time we were happy and connected extremely well, and i was sure i had found the woman of my life. This all changed near Christmas, when she started becoming distant with no apparent reason.

Loss of interest.

Finally last week she told me she was no longer sexually attracted to me and needed to rethink our relationship.

She dumped you, it's over.

My world fell apart

Why? There is plenty of things to be glad and thankful for, thank God that it ended where it ended and there is nothing tying you to her.

When i came back she told me she loves me deeply but can't be with me without that spark. She can't explain why it happened as she always loved my body and the sex.

That's a blatant lie. She said it to make you feel better and to take the blame off her and put it onto you.

I think i could do something to reignite that spark, however she says she doesn't believe it is possible and it ia better to move on.

Of course she says that! She knows the truth, she does not like you.

Now.. i have this "golden opportunity" before i move out. I was invited to a party in town with loads of girls, 3 of them that my girlfriend HATES because they were hitting on me a while ago. I read on SoSuave that jealousy is one of the best weapons to use on a girl, but how can i do it right?

You do have a golden opportunity to get laid and forget her. Use it.

Does just mentioning i'm going to this party and slipping out a few names of who's going to be there enough? Maybe making sure i wouldn't be home before she leaves? (She leaves at 6am to work)

She does not give a **** about you, about what you do and who you're with. She'll be happy that you're finally gone. However, she might use this opportunity to leave, take your ****, and leave the rent on you, be careful.


Why is she still living with you? You need to ditch her asap. Realize that it's over, there is nothing you can do to make it work. She does not want it to continue.

She is now a luggage and is preventing you from moving on, get rid of her. Do it smart, don't tell her nothing. If it's rent both you are paying, figure a way out so you don't loose any money. Take all your stuff with you. These bitches love to take your **** when they leave.

My golden advice to you.

#1. Don't tell her anything!

#2. Leave or get rid of her so that you don't loose any of your money and stuff and so that there is no rent stuck on you, which could drag you down and **** up your life.

#3. Go no contact.

#4. Find another woman.