Redemption Story - Feedback wanted and Why this Forum Rocks

[Darth Sol]

Gentlemen,

I'm looking for some post-game feedback on a bizarre turn of events.

I'm in a LTR (two years) that basically went sour. I made classic mistakes of being alpha tyrant to resorting to - once the sex dropped off (which was never that intense to start) - out of confusion and desperation - BETA tactics (eliminated options, 30/70 attention, gifts, etc.) - all the classic blunders.

Fortunately, during this transition of basically being dropped into the friend zone, we had agreed to a long vacation together. This was my desperate attempt at "romanticism". But I also knew this was my last chance.

About 3 days into the trip, no sex, her body language turned away from me - I just snapped and started questioning her and everything. I got pretty much the silent treatment until she painfully admitted that she didn't want sex or to be intimate and that she wanted to end it - just didn't know how. Worst part is that there was no "why" behind it. When questioned - it was "don't know why"..

Naturally, all things crossed my mind - mostly - there must be another guy. Now, here is where my "luck" started to change. She was using my phone to message back home and she left her messengers open. During the night, I took the time and sorted through her messages. Just a side note, if things are NOT going well in your relationship - just prepare to get your ego nuked if you do something like this.

She was pretty much trashing me, explaining how she can't wait for this trip to end, how she won't have to see me anymore, etc. etc. The only positive, I wasn't able to find any evidence of a competitor. So at least, I sort of had some "why's" at this point to satisfy my mind.

Fast forward - next day, after trashing me again to one of her friends through her messenger, she asked if we could take a break and not actually end the relationship and to please not talk about it with my family or friends - she didn't want any bridges burned during the process. I have no evidence as to why this happened. Her messages to her friends were completely "it's over". <shrug>

Next day, I googled "girlfriend not interested in sex" and found this forum and the wealth of advice available - including a good thread "girlfriend not interested in sex (with you)".. Ok, I conceded and read on. After carefully calculating a plan, here is what happened next:

1. I proceeded to lay in bed with her, body turned away, feet towards her head - so we were facing each other.
2. I started playing on my phone and just randomly LOL'ing.
3. When she would step out, I made sure I was busy doing something when she got back.
4. I engaged her in fun conversation - just being me. Note, based on previous evidence, being "aloof" only made her think I was sulking. I had to be engaging, fun, yet distant.
5. Within 2 hours of this behavior, her body language turned towards me and she started touching my leg.
6. Finally I said, "I'm going take a walk..You can play with your vibrator or do lunges - LOL". SHe agreed to play with her toy (which she never used before).
7. I return, take off my clothes and we have very decent sex.
8. Next day, everywhere I walked, I kept up the body language - letting her initiate the contact, kept the engaging fun part going.
9. When we got back to our hotel, she was still a little resistant - her messages indicated that she was surprised how much she wanted sex but was still looking forward to moving on - BUT that she would miss me.
10. Laying in bed, same process..she started begging me to come over to her. Sex ensues 3 times in a row and she was COMPLETELY in to it.
11. Over the final 3 days of the trip we had sex countless times. In the heat of passion she said she loved me a lot, she wanted it bad..and she NEEDED it! She was even waking me up in the middle of the night to have sex.
12. We probably had more sex in those 3 days than the last 6 months.
13. ON the way back, a lot of hints were dropped that she felt the relationship would work out, we didn't talk about the break. I stopped reading her messages before all the passion hit the fan because I just didn't want to know - so I have no feedback in that department. I never once talked about our relationship after the first night of sex.

So here is where I need feedback:

1. I haven't been able to find any redemption stories to this extreme. This was a complete 180 degree turn of events. WTF happened!? Basic DW stuff turned her around that easily?
2. It's been a week since we've been back and we haven't seen each other although she's tried to "return some of my stuff she borrowed" - "can I stop by?" texts..which I'm dodging ... so naturally, she's reciprocating with text games herself. What's your best guess as to where her head's at?
3. I just need some time to recover MYSELF. I foolishly went 30/70 and just completely lost a sense of myself. I need to be able to confidently continue my behavior like on the trip without lapses.

How do I play this in the coming weeks?

Thanks in advance.

 

[YAboi]

you re-established your dominance and showed you had changed. Girls love positive change cos it spikes their emotions. Also girls are highly illogical they respond to emotions . Don't have any advice on what you should do going forward.

 

[pyros]

sudden 180º change? I would be suspicious at least.

I get the feeling that she wanted to have a break with you because she met some other dude; she probably made out with him, banged him or whatever.

At some point in your trip this other guy dumped her or said that he did not want to have a relationship with her or something like this, so she got mad (she was planing on branch swinging), so she had furious sex with you.

This is what my gut tells me, but I could be wrong.
Keep an eye on her texts, emails or whatever she uses.

 

[Darth Sol]

Pyros -

This is always a possibility. There is just NO evidence of it! I had access to all of her messaging. There is 1 weak, groveling orbiter that was messaging her and his behavior was consistent.

 

[Lotus Effect]

This is always a possibility. There is just NO evidence of it! I had access to all of her messaging. There is 1 weak, groveling orbiter that was messaging her and his behavior was consistent.

From experience,

There is ALWAYS another dude. Period. And he already f**ked her! Otherwise she wouldn't be "confused".

When they get to that point of being cold, reluctant, unreactive, distant, avoiding sex, they are far ahead in the though of how to break up with you.

Which means, she played how it was going to be at least a 100 times in her mind, and there is absolutelly no way that she is going to leave you without a backup plan(man)

They can't handle it alone!

 

[Darth Sol]

falecomnetto,

Then the only evidence here I have is that this weak ass orbiter was her alternative - but I don't think he got to the point where he was banging her yet - since we were still having limited sex and she was being loving.

The guy just lacks follow-through and oozes BETA. His texting with her was so miserable - I just dismissed it.

Which means - I got very lucky the "competitor" was just weak. And as Yaboi just stated - when I re-established dominance - she remembered why she was attracted to me in the first place.

I just don't see a 180 degree turn around if she was banging him and he certainly didn't change his behavior through the messages.

Other than that - I have no other evidence of anyone else.

 

[Groverz]

Even after that she still wants to break up? Nice turn around though, good job on that.

 

[Wolfgang D]

Very well done, Darth Sol. You correctly analyzed the problem, looked up help online, actually read the help, and applied it as it should be applied. I sense intelligence. Good work. And don't listen to anyone who says she "has" to be into another guy if she is less interested in your relationship; there are those who will claim women are always unfaithful as an act of faith, they need to believe it. You saw that you had turned her off and you proceeded to turn her on, that's the story here. If only all were this capable. Hope to hear more as the story progresses.

 

[Skyline]

once the sex dropped off out of confusion and desperation - BETA tactics (eliminated options, 30/70 attention, gifts, etc.) - all the classic blunders.

And there was the cause of your AFC tactics and behavior. Be sure to NEVER let something you can't have get to your head like that. I'm guessing she already liked the way you were before, it just all that Beta stuff turned her off completely. So by acting indifferent you luckily restored her passion again.

4. I engaged her in fun conversation - just being me. Note, based on previous evidence, being "aloof" only made her think I was sulking. I had to be engaging, fun, yet distant.

I can guarantee you this step was what changed her attraction for you the most. You threw away all that beta stuff and implemented your old Alpha ways. Fun and indifferent. Not clingy, insecure, and generally just gay.

2. It's been a week since we've been back and we haven't seen each other although she's tried to "return some of my stuff she borrowed" - "can I stop by?" texts..which I'm dodging ... so naturally, she's reciprocating with text games herself. What's your best guess as to where her head's at?

She wants to see you, plain and simple.

3. I just need some time to recover MYSELF. I foolishly went 30/70 and just completely lost a sense of myself. I need to be able to confidently continue my behavior like on the trip without lapses.

How do I play this in the coming weeks?

That's understandable, focus on yourself for the time being. It doesn't mean you have to completely dodge her though. Try scheduling things with her at least once a week. When you feel you're confident that you have your old self back, then feel free to do whatever.

-
A women doesn't cheat with a real man(Alpha), if OP would have continued with this behavior then that's a different story. He stabbed the issue before it got to that point it seems.

 

[Darth Sol]

Thanks for the encouraging messages. I think I stabbed the issue JUST in the nick of time. I was running on fumes.

And there are several lessons here. One being, I am pretty sure there wasn't enough time left for me to fully analyze, research, and apply correct Alpha methods in everyday life. I needed over a week with just her to figure everything out - so the trip gave me the time. It's probably noteworthy that if you're in a fledgling relationship and you KNOW what you gotta do - get away for a long weekend so you can apply the proper methods for a constant period of time. The more I hung out with her CORRECTLY, the more she wanted it.

Even if the relationship ends in the dumpster - at least I hit the sex jackpot in the interim. That is something to build off of..

So I hope this thread serves others well.

 

[altec]

Umm, she brought a vibrator on a trip with her and she had never used one before? And you knew about it in her bags? Sounds odd.

 

[denverfan110]

Umm, she brought a vibrator on a trip with her and she had never used one before? And you knew about it in her bags? Sounds odd.

agreed

 

[Renegade357]

This chick sounds very hot/cold. Inconsistent behavior. Low interest level.

You laid with your back to her and acted busy? LOL if it was that easy I'd be married to the woman of my dreams by now.

If I were you I'd start looking for other women to date.

Once they bring up the "Breakup" word there is no looking back. No prisoners will be taken.

 

[Darth Sol]

Umm, she brought a vibrator on a trip with her and she had never used one before? And you knew about it in her bags? Sounds odd.

yeah, I bought it for her and asked her to bring it. You never bought a toy for a girl!? LOL

 

[Darth Sol]

You laid with your back to her and acted busy? LOL if it was that easy I'd be married to the woman of my dreams by now

I did neither. I turned my body language away from her and engaged her in funny, non-serious conversation.

 

[Renegade357]

I did neither. I turned my body language away from her and engaged her in funny, non-serious conversation.

Yeah, always keep it light and funny. Good job. Keep it that way if you can.

 

[Darth Sol]

i would strongly suggest you start chatting up another girl. put that hamster into over drive.

As prescribed, I did so last night. And what a huge difference in makes in recovering your balls!

I had no problem dialing up several girls and asking them out last night. It's pretty damn easy to do so when you have no emotional investment. So, another lesson remembered: move fast, don't think too much, she says "no" you won't care...

 

[Vidrio]

As prescribed, I did so last night. And what a huge difference in makes in recovering your balls!

I had no problem dialing up several girls and asking them out last night. It's pretty damn easy to do so when you have no emotional investment. So, another lesson remembered: move fast, don't think too much, she says "no" you won't care...

Wtf? This can't be real. A guy that actually listens to the advice given instead of ignoring it in favor of more beta behavior?

Somebody pinch me.

 

[Wolfgang D]

Wtf? This can't be real. A guy that actually listens to the advice given instead of ignoring it in favor of more beta behavior?

Somebody pinch me.

I know, it's like a dream come true.

As prescribed, I did so last night. And what a huge difference in makes in recovering your balls!

I had no problem dialing up several girls and asking them out last night. It's pretty damn easy to do so when you have no emotional investment. So, another lesson remembered: move fast, don't think too much, she says "no" you won't care...

Very good. And I am impressed by your Rolodex full of single women. I don't know what single girls I know who I could call right now without having done so already. What age are we talking about here? The supply of attractive single women takes a serious hit after 26.

 

[Driggs]

You turned your body language and made nonthreatening conversation?

The dog whisperer.