Red flag: When she's a little too "into you" too quick.

[XFORCE]

So groming someone is an attachment disorder..... Interesting, I never knew that, I'll have to Google it.

Wow... When you contemplate child sexual offenders, and the fact that they groom, and raise this stems from an attachment disorder, that gives such depth to the how and why. (Not an excuse obvs) but, wow, that's something to contemplate

Google secure, avoidant, anxious and disorganized attachment styles. It really makes you see yourself and people differently (and honestly) when you're aware of which attachment style you have and how to self-improve if it's anything besides secure.

 

[XFORCE]

Wow, if you guys REALLY want a heads up on this "red flags" and someone "rushing into a relationship" read the abstract of this article

https://www.ncjrs.gov/App/Publications/abstract.aspx?ID=265178

Insecure versus secure attachment.

This is the kind of intelligence you NEED to have when dating. If she's rushing and love bombing, she might have insecure attachment tendencies. RED FLAG

Hate to say it but, if *YOU* like to rush intimacy, you may also have these issues.

It's all really good information to know and, once you know it, WILL answer all those burning questions as to "why she did that"

Good luck guys

Ah, I see you found it already, kudos. It's CRAZY how accurate this information is.

 

[upcoming_DJ]

Good post. The bashing of the ex being a red flag is a big one I have experienced first hand. What she is doing there is setting up some psychological manipulation that she will eventually try and use to exploit your ego and use it to her advantage. It will start out as "My ex is a d|ck, jerk, etc." Then eventually it will shift to ""My ex never put gas in my car when I was short on cash" or "My ex never cleaned my gutters for me". Then if you fall for it your ego is supposed to kick in and start doing the stuff for her that her ex didnt, thus, being "better" than him. DON'T FALL FOR IT.

in hindsight, this is very true!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

in hindsight, this is very true!

Never compete. So I'm a pretty great guy to my ladies. Some men try to compete and do all this extra stuff that's unnatural for them. I know if you remove me out the equation they'll revert to their normal selfish selves. That's why you shouldn't want someone who competed for you.

 

[devilkingx2]

Never compete. So I'm a pretty great guy to my ladies. Some men try to compete and do all this extra stuff that's unnatural for them. I know if you remove me out the equation they'll revert to their normal selfish selves. That's why you shouldn't want someone who competed for you.

but on the other hand. lots of people don't compete out of inability or unwillingness to try, which doesn't matter if you don't want the girl anyway, but it does matter when it comes to girls competing to get you (since you were talking in general with that last statement)

worse than a girl who will go back to her old selfish ways is a girl who doesn't care enough about you to even attempt to woo you or that can't compete with any other random girl on the street

 

[mrgoodstuff]

but on the other hand. lots of people don't compete out of inability or unwillingness to try, which doesn't matter if you don't want the girl anyway, but it does matter when it comes to girls competing to get you (since you were talking in general with that last statement)

worse than a girl who will go back to her old selfish ways is a girl who doesn't care enough about you to even attempt to woo you or that can't compete with any other random girl on the street

Yeah it's bad either way. But someone who only rose to the equation because you where in the picture, will revert back to themselves when your out. She shouldn't be doing all this extra just cause someone else likes you. Cause when you remove that, she's going to go back to doing hardly anything. People need to be mindful of what's driving others.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yeah it's bad either way. But someone who only rose to the equation because you where in the picture, will revert back to themselves when your out. She shouldn't be doing all this extra just cause someone else likes you. Cause when you remove that, she's going to go back to doing hardly anything. People need to be mindful of what's driving others.

Its the same about guys.

 

[thermodynamic]

I will also add, this same guy read "The Art of Seduction" and a few other books designed to increase game. I caught on to the tactics early on, and he honestly disclosed this to me. I asked him why not just meet someone without all the extra fanfare designed to emotionally push/pull at them. He got mad and said the book wasnt intended to deceive.

I read that article on here today, the one about how men can learn all the gimmicks in the world to game females BUT if they dont change who they are at their core, gaming is essentially a mask and, eventually that mask is going to fall off, and the female will see them for who they are. If they are nervous, unsure, etc.

My ex, the one who read the book, he wore his mask for about 2 months based on the book. Eventually that mask came off. It has to. The charade is impossible to keep up, it takes too much energy to be someone you are not.

Be a DJ - but do the work to feel it inside because you dont want to have to wear a mask, you want that to be who you are.

exactly. You do not need books like the art of seduction, because when you are in the place you need to be - most girls like you by default.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

This is called lovebombing. I've talked enough women about this that most of them know the term and it's pretty common with BPD/NPD/cluster B types. Though some women do it with rebounds which is not the same thing.

 

[Pandora]

I don't get this. She gets into you really quickly and then loses interest super fast. How does that affect you? If she were to lose interest slowly it wouldn't hurt as bad? Someone explain this to me.

Girls that are into you too quickly AND too intensely have some psychological issue going on. This is called love bombing. Many times its abandonment issues or BPD etc. These girls are ( in general) easy come and easy go. They will easily attach to the next guy too.
You want a girl that has high interest in you but also has enough impulse control to not love bomb you. This is true in most but not all cases.

You will know when you meet these girls. They overly idealize you and they barely know you. How can she be so into you and she barely knows you?

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Dude it’s called love bombing, plenty of us do it to get the lay. Could also just be someone who is histrionic.

Edit: just saw others have mentioned this

 

[2Rocky]

Well I'm still getting "love-bombed" 6 years later...So you are saying I should dump her?

I'll admit I was cautious to begin with...BUUUUT one unique thing was we only saw each other every 30-45 days. If the sincere attraction wasn't there I don't think we would have made the duration. Perhaps this is part of the wisdom of seeing plates no more than once a week?

 

[oc16]

Whenever you don't keep your ego in check and meet some hot chick that has you riding high off not only her looks but how she gushes all over you etc. Keep your ego in check and beware.

Doesn't mean you get paranoid but just beware and stay grounded. Realize right off the bat even if things don't work out no matter how good things seem to be going she could always flip the script on you. Always be the type of person that is whole and complete with or without someone.

Why? Because no matter how good she looks, seems, the sex is, a person who tries to blow your ego up and seems a "little too into you" could have a history of doing the exact same shyt to other dudes she's dated.

pay attention to if she trashes exes to you. or she keeps trying to tell you how much "better" you are than every ex. Especially if you haven't known each other a long time.

If you let a chick like that gas your head to the clouds and she feels she's got you where she wants you, you'll most likely end up in the shyt list of her exes one day.

it's like just meeting some dude who acts as if you're the best friend he ever had and slowly trash talks his previous "friends" to you. He's most likely done the same shtick to them too. And anyone with common sense would see that as a red flag. A chick doing that is no different.

keep that ego of yours grounded and play "dumb" never calling them out on it. See if they slowly change on you. If you happen to mention things that seem to not be as "great" as they were and the person not only ignores but doesn't change to make things work, be ready with one foot out the door giving them enough rope to hang themselves with.

Ignore this at your own expense.

This happened to me 5 years ago. Turns out she was on the rebound.

 

[BMX]

It happened to me with a 34-year-old dog mom. Her dog was five, BTW. Met her through a coworker and hit it off immediately at his Christmas party. The sex was great and intense. We connected left, right, and center. Interest was high and she asked a bunch of questions in person and over text. She went cold before I boarded my flight after Christmas. Her coworkers lied, telling me she was the same age as me, which brought up some red flags.

A female friend of mine pointed out that the woman's dog was her replacement child and that this one "fell for me too fast," so it forced the woman to pull chocks. Love bombing yeah, but I will say the wall played its part too. It felt like a sink or swim experience and I tried to get her to pump the brakes on our second date. I learned. When my flight landed, it was back to my grind.

 

[member162951]

I tried to get her to pump the brakes on our second date. I learned. When my flight landed, it was back to my grind.

Why didn't you pump the brakes?

Lovebombing is very real but you have the power to control its effects by not going along with her agenda, taking control, holding frame, leading. It may have resulted in a different outcome like with @2Rocky.

Or may not but at least you didn't allow her to control your frame which leaves your self-esteem and self-worth in tact.

Lovebombing is not gender specific, both women and men do it perhaps for different reasons. What's important imo is holding your own and not going along with their whirlwind agenda.

Always maintain your own frame no matter how thirsty you are or beautiful SHE is, and you'll be fine.

 

[BMX]

Why didn't you pump the brakes?

Lovebombing is very real but you have the power to control its effects by not going along with her agenda, taking control, holding frame, leading. It may have resulted in a different outcome like with @2Rocky.

Or may not but at least you didn't allow her to control your frame which leaves your self-esteem and self-worth in tact.

Lovebombing is not gender specific, both women and men do it perhaps for different reasons. What's important imo is holding your own and not going along with their whirlwind agenda.

Always maintain your own frame no matter how thirsty you are or beautiful SHE is, and you'll be fine.

I did, and verbally might I add. But it made no difference as I left the country back to my job and home anyways. Red flags appeared and I'm sticking to my decision with no regrets or remorse.