Revel said:
Its beyond me why I make this chick out to be some sort of divine goddess sent from heaven to be my salvation from being a little weak prick.
A second ago i was using my friends facebook to look up a band page. I happened to notice into the chat box on the side of the screen, I saw.. her....profile pic :nervous:
And guess what happened? I started feeling bad and hurt again.. I havnt talked to this chick in 1 ****ing month, i moved. no phone number, deleted facebook. and started to not ****ing cry when i tryed to sleep at night. I managed to get my emotions under control and being some what normal again.
So basically, I am urging to just steal her number out of my friends phone and give her a call and I DONT WANT TO ****ING DO IT BECAUSE IF SHE LETS ME DOWN ILL BE A SOBBING PILE OF PAIN!
I NEED HELP overcoming this vicious cycle before it repeats itself. iv come to ****ing far to buckle :box:
/rant
anybody going going threw oneitus recovery? wanna help each other out and just vent.. maybe? ;/ it helps.. it really does. lets just sit down, have a beer and b!tch.
Fvck oneitus.. and our hearts! for being so ***** like and letting a stupid ass girl make us feel so miserable.
Go over to the "Rational Male" website and readup on "Plate Theory." That should help some.
That said, your approach to women sets you up for oneitis each and every time. What do I mean by that? You are simply going from one target to another...but one at a time. You are pursuing only one woman and when you approach it that way, you develop an over-attachment to her, a fear of not getting her, and a sense of panic and struggle sets in. You become too emotionally invested in not failing. And, strangely enough, this makes your feelings for her intensify. The vicious circle spirals out of control, she senses it, backs away, and you are doomed.
Stop it.
It used to happen to me. Actually, almost did recently.
But guess what? Now I pursue multiple women. And while doing so, I will often meet one that impresses me more than the others. I'll think about her more, want to get with her more, etc.
In the past, I would pursue, chase, and then run her off with my desperation. I kept thinking, "If I could just say/do the right thing, she would see what a great guy I am." That's true in theory and even more true when you are not putting pressure on yourself to impress and get her.
But if you are focused only on her and are desperate to get her, that time you do interact with her oozes neediness. Game over.
A woman I was interested in recently showed all sorts of interest in return. I got her flirting, laughing, enjoying conversation, etc. I asked her out (did so rather smoothly, not ham-handedly). She responded in a coy, "I'm just out of a devastating divorce and not ready for that yet... but maybe sometime soon." Well, that's not the best answer, but not a TOTAL blow off. My job now is to not scare her off.... so, I don't blow up her phone, don't stalk her facebook, am friendly when I see her out, don't act pushy, or needy. Will something ever come of it? I doubt it now, but it's not impossible because I didn't chase.
In the past, I would probably have tried to do more things to endear myself to her, demonstrate what a great guy I am.... and quit pursuing other women in order to constantly strategize on how to get into this ONE's good graces.
It never works (except in movies). We are set up to believe a particular woman is perfect for us and go all in. And then we wonder what went wrong.
However, if you are pursuing multiple plates, something interesting happens. Your interaction with any one of them is never "make or break." You become more relaxed. You neediness plummets. And, in fact, you can take or leave any one of them. Further, it flips the script. THEY now have to impress YOU.
And if they fail, you simply move on. Drop them.
In addition, if you drop them as a romantic interest while you are pursuing other women, your oneitis might even stay in your life because of your social circle and what that can do is turn her into a pivot... someone who was not interested in you romantic but because you were non-needy and non-pushy with her she might give you some social proof with other women.
OTHER TIPS:
Quick checking facebook so often. It really is a trap. Also, post very, very rarely and don't go around "liking" other people's posts...that's classic beta orbiter sh!t and something best left to the girls.
You simply have to talk to, flirt with, date other women. More than one. Even if casually.
Is your oneitis in your social circle? If so, probably not a good idea to delete her number. If she isn't, delete it.
Do you whine to buddies about this chick? If so, stop it. It will do you NO good whatsoever. And it bores them. And it also drops your value in your circle.
When you do interact with her, it should be "accidental" in the sense that you simply found yourself at the same place she is. Don't act rude or butthurt. Treat her like your friend's ugly cousin from out of town. Cordial but never supplicating. And, don't spend very much time talking to her. Attention is your currency...spend it wisely.
Let this one sink in: If your oneitis is doing nothing to get closer to you, to make herself available to you, there's nothing to pursue. NADA. It's done, over. And your mindset should be that she is now lowered in value in your eyes because she ain't smart enough to grab a good catch when the opportunity presented itself to her. More over, did she lead you on in anyway? Good, because now you know she's an attention wh0re and not worth your time.
Finally, maybe she's a highly quality woman and she simply not interested in you. It happens. So, buck up and do what it takes to make the next one realize you are a man of quality. And if you are not a man of quality, that is what you need to work on more than anything.
