Receiving a text after some NC.

[shizz702]

So quick background.

Went out with this chick for like a month. Dates were good, sex was good, we got along well.

Then she left for a week to go to cali, was blowing me up all day everyday with texts and stuff up until the last 2 days she was there.

Noticed she posted an e card in her mobile uploads with some soppy bs about hanging on, and saw that she was in michigan (as facebook says location when posting from phone, and this is where her ex stays) saying she had a lot of thinking to do.

Then of course she became a bit distant, being vague and unresponsive with texts when prior she was always initiating.

So saw it coming and lol'd when lo and behold I got the ljbf text saying she really liked me and I'm such an awesome guy but she ain't ready for a ltr (lol we were serious??????) bla bla bla bla. I laughed and have since went ghost. It's been 1.5 weeks and just got a text from her sayng

"you probably don't want to hear from me but I wanted to tell you I care about you and miss hanging out. We probably won't hang out again because you hate me but I just figured I'd let you know."

Well probably just going to stay NC. But I'm wondering, do you guys think I'd be lowering myself if I lured her back in and kept banging her? The sex was good and I'd like to go back to spinning her but at the same time this was some pretty shady sh!t she pulled.

If one were to want to use NC to their advantage is it best to use if for ample time and not bite at first bait like this, or should you just cut to the chase. Do you think this is a I want to f(ck again text, or just her catching some lame guilty feelings?

Either way I am glad I just went NC, I used to be spiteful when getting rejected but have since learned to laugh and shrug matters like this off and not even give them the benefit of closure which we know they oh so desire.

 

[backbreaker]

So quick background.

Went out with this chick for like a month. Dates were good, sex was good, we got along well.

Then she left for a week to go to cali, was blowing me up all day everyday with texts and stuff up until the last 2 days she was there.

Noticed she posted an e card in her mobile uploads with some soppy bs about hanging on, and saw that she was in michigan (as facebook says location when posting from phone, and this is where her ex stays) saying she had a lot of thinking to do.

Then of course she became a bit distant, being vague and unresponsive with texts when prior she was always initiating.

So saw it coming and lol'd when lo and behold I got the ljbf text saying she really liked me and I'm such an awesome guy but she ain't ready for a ltr (lol we were serious??????) bla bla bla bla. I laughed and have since went ghost. It's been 1.5 weeks and just got a text from her sayng

"you probably don't want to hear from me but I wanted to tell you I care about you and miss hanging out. We probably won't hang out again because you hate me but I just figured I'd let you know."

Well probably just going to stay NC. But I'm wondering, do you guys think I'd be lowering myself if I lured her back in and kept banging her? The sex was good and I'd like to go back to spinning her but at the same time this was some pretty shady sh!t she pulled.

If one were to want to use NC to their advantage is it best to use if for ample time and not bite at first bait like this, or should you just cut to the chase. Do you think this is a I want to f(ck again text, or just her catching some lame guilty feelings?

Either way I am glad I just went NC, I used to be spiteful when getting rejected but have since learned to laugh and shrug matters like this off and not even give them the benefit of closure which we know they oh so desire.

no, stay ghost. this **** will fvck her up more than anything you can possibly do. because she still thinks in her head, right now, she has you. and by your post she very ell may. but when she realizes, when the light goes off in her head, that she might have actually played her way out of a good guy with her BS.. grab a bag of popcorn and watch the show as it gets funny.

this is where you have to understand women. she doesn't want to be your friend, or does she want to fvck you. what sh really wants right now, is closure. she wants to know she made the right decision by droping you. and by answering and chumping it up you will have given it to her. don't.'

see this is a game of chess. if you re because she doesn't like you like you like her. you can't game someone who isn't into you. she is into someone else. if you come off as nice and sweet she will see you as too friendly too date. if you come off as a prick she would have said yeah i did the right thing. you can't win. the only way you can win is by not giving her the closure she is looking for. pond to the text, she has your queen checkmated. it doesn'; matter what you say. she has you beat both ways.

 

[shizz702]

no, stay ghost. this **** will fvck her up more than anything you can possibly do. because she still thinks in her head, right now, she has you. and by your post she very ell may. but when she realizes, when the light goes off in her head, that she might have actually played her way out of a good guy with her BS.. grab a bag of popcorn and watch the show as it gets funny.

this is where you have to understand women. she doesn't want to be your friend, or does she want to fvck you. what sh really wants right now, is closure. she wants to know she made the right decision by droping you. and by answering and chumping it up you will have given it to her. don't.'

see this is a game of chess. if you re because she doesn't like you like you like her. you can't game someone who isn't into you. she is into someone else. if you come off as nice and sweet she will see you as too friendly too date. if you come off as a prick she would have said yeah i did the right thing. you can't win. the only way you can win is by not giving her the closure she is looking for. pond to the text, she has your queen checkmated. it doesn'; matter what you say. she has you beat both ways.

Thanks for this as it gives me the kind of affirmation I need to just stay NC. You are right, by just staying ghost it will probably be the best thing both in my own interest, and getting back at her for the lame sh!t she pulled here.

 

[Jariel]

Depends what you want out of it. If you remain NC then you can move on with your dignity in tact, knowing this girl cared about you. But that's all.

Sometimes prolonging the NC can increase her interest, sometimes she'll just move on, and forget about you within a week or two.

If you decide to reply, on the other hand, just keep things very short and indifferent. By all means respond to her, but act like you're too busy for her. Personally I'd reply to that text with something like, "Aww, that's sweet of you. Thanks." or "No problem. Thanks for the text." Be friendly (last thing you want is to look like some sulky brat) but make her work for your attention and let her make plans to meet you.

But just treat this girl like a sex object. If there's any chance of anything more, she's got to prove herself to you.

 

[Iceberg]

I'm with Jariel on this one.

If you just want to bang her, then hey why not. She's obviously texting you because she's lonely (aka horny).

You don't want to become emotionally invested in a girl who goes ghost on you for no reason. But if you're just trying to blow a load every now and then, go for it.

I was in a similar situation last summer. "Dated" a girl for a few weeks. Then she's "too busy" to hang out. Turns out she was dating someone else, and when it ended, she called me up for some more bangin. And sh!t, what did I care about her reason for going No Contact? She wasn't my girlfriend. No hard feelings if she wants to pursue something with another dude.

So naturally, I proceeded to bang her until I moved out of that city.

 

[m0101]

This is interesting.

Iceberg/Jariel - how have you guys gone about suggesting being just FWB in these situations in the past? Just something like "hey, no problem. I wasn't expecting anything from you, so relax, lol. If you're down to hang and chill, we can work something out". or something along those lines?

 

[Iceberg]

This is interesting.

Iceberg/Jariel - how have you guys gone about suggesting being just FWB in these situations in the past? Just something like "hey, no problem. I wasn't expecting anything from you, so relax, lol. If you're down to hang and chill, we can work something out". or something along those lines?

I've been in this spot a few times, but I'll tell you about my previously-discussed example.

We were hooking up for probably a month. Nice girl, but I wasn't really into her. Which is fine, because she wasn't really into me either. I was dating 2 other girls at the time, so I really didn't care.

Anyway, at some point she decides to see someone else or maybe she was sick of me, or whatever. She'd give me the "I have plans tonight" routine. So I just stopped calling.

I bumped into her 2 or 3 months later while she was jogging. We talked for 5 minutes and she was like "We should get a drink some time."

We get drinks a week or two later and she apologizes for disappearing. I'm like, "Come on, man. It's cool. We weren't engaged." (sometimes I call chicks "man"). A few drinks later and I'm telling her, "We're close to your house. It's late. I'm not walking home." And then, yeah, we proceed to bang.

So there's no discussion of relationship status. I never say things like, "I just want to keep it casual." Every girl who knows me can sense that I'm not looking for anything beyond casual. I'm busy. I'm career-oriented. I don't carry that "Serious relationship vibe" at this point in my life. They call me because they want to have some drinks, listen to some stories, laugh, and have fun. Basically, I treat them casually, so I never have to say it.

Honestly, I feel like discussing it just takes all the fun out of it. But that's just me.

 

[st_99]

I agree with backbreaker, do not respond and watch her go Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

 

[Iceberg]

I agree with backbreaker, do not respond and watch her go Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

See, here's my question. Just for the sake of debate:

Why do I care is she goes crazy from my lack of attention? Is my goal to add a Friend with Benefits to my rotation or to punish her?

I could understand the "Stay away from her, she's poison" theory if she were in fact one of those crazy BPD chicks. She seems like a normal flaky chick. She wants her ex. She wants the new guy. She wants some new shoes. Blah blah.

Maybe I'm some type of sex-addicted freak. I don't know. Which is why I'm genuinely curious about the thoughts behind your suggestion. I'm just thinking, "His experience with her wasn't THAT negative. The sex was good. So outside of attempting a REAL relationship with her, why should he just throw her away?"

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Go No Contact.

Not because you want to see her hamster spin. But because you have options and you don't like to mess with any girls that aren't 100% co-operative. When she sent you that LJBF text you charge that chick to the game. As a man who is supposed to have options you should just leave this girl charged.

 

[backbreaker]

s

See, here's my question. Just for the sake of debate:

Why do I care is she goes crazy from my lack of attention? Is my goal to add a Friend with Benefits to my rotation or to punish her?

I could understand the "Stay away from her, she's poison" theory if she were in fact one of those crazy BPD chicks. She seems like a normal flaky chick. She wants her ex. She wants the new guy. She wants some new shoes. Blah blah.

My I'm some type of sex-addicted freak. I don't know. Which is why I'm genuinely curious about the thoughts behind your suggestion. I'm just thinking, "His experience with her wasn't THAT negative. The sex was good. So outside of attempting a REAL relationship with her, why should he just throw her away?"

you are one of my fav posters here (seriously). I have had success with NC as a means to rile up interest. howver in this case I hae to disagree because of the reason she lost interest.

keep in mind a few things.

first, she had whatever with him for weeks or months, and did notzses want to escalate. so it's not like the iron was scortching hot in the first place regardless of how awesome she says he is.

secondly, it's pretty obvious that he got back with her ex. so she is very interested in someone else. in other words, its' not like she's sitting at home wondering why he won't be calling, she's fvcking her ex. she could care less about him.

NC IMHO only works as a mean to rile up interest when the peron doen't have other platess, i know from experience. hell i've had plates try to do that to me and i would literarlly forget about them.

or it can work when oyu know that you are just that much better than that persons other options. that's not the case here.

so , she's fvckign someone she is crazy about, she didn't like this guy enough to try to date him.. the only reason she could be talking to him is 2 reasons. 1. to not feel like a *****, "I tried to be his friend" and 2. she liked him enough to want to make sure that she is making the right decision by n to dating him. neither situation is going to lead to sex.


I don't care about a woman going postal or getting crazy, but it's a better outcome than me getting played.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Stay NC.. This sh1t has happened to me multiple times, I always texted back when they'd suggest "hanging out again".. What do you know I'd get blown off.

She's not worth your time. Stay NC

 

[Jariel]

This is interesting.

Iceberg/Jariel - how have you guys gone about suggesting being just FWB in these situations in the past? Just something like "hey, no problem. I wasn't expecting anything from you, so relax, lol. If you're down to hang and chill, we can work something out". or something along those lines?

Not to say others are wrong, but Iceberg and myself are definitely on the same page here.

The way I see it is that she probably didn't lose interest per se, she just got sucked in by a guy who gamed/manipulated her more effectively. Plus, you don't really know what history she has with this other guy. If she does have a history/past feelings it will trump anything a new guy can offer. But eventually she will move on and you can be there to capitalise on it.

I have quite a lot of experiences with NC turned into lays and the great part of it is that I have no guilt about using them, nothing to prove, no fear of losing them and no conscience about playing hot and cold, which overall increases their interest.

Whatever you do, don't suggest FWB/FB to her. In fact, don't communicate your intentions at all. Just mix up the attention you show her. Respond in a friendly (but cool and non-emotional) way a few times to build up her hopes, then ignore her for a day or two. Think of it as stringing her along while you pursue other women.

Basically, the only attention you should show her is sexual attention.

I'll try and edit and post an example from my Facebook emails in my next message....

 

[shizz702]

I see the validity to both arguments here.

One thing to consider though as far as her ex goes (don't know what they plan on doing) is he is out of state, so she is not currently banging him but obviously did go and do so when she made that trip.

Maybe he is planning on moving back or something who knows?

Honestly I would like to keep banging her but am gonna just stick with NC. Because I gonna echo what backbreaker is saying here and I'm getting the vibe she wants validation she did the right thing and is wondering what is going on not having her closure.

I've caved in NC situations before too and only to get blown off later.

Iceberg, any other examples where you succesfully retrieved a f buddy in this type of situation?

I think situations like these are kind of tricky and there certainly is no guarantee you will reel em back in, but by staying NC at least you have your pride. We had a nice little month of fun, but what she did was kind of despicable, being presumptious that I wanted a ltr when I never led her on to that, and lying and all but whatever, no grudges.

I got 2 other plates right now and will keep pursuing others. Sh1t like this why we got to spin them plates and never catch oneitis and put all them eggs in one chicks basket.

 

[shizz702]

Not to say others are wrong, but Iceberg and myself are definitely on the same page here.

The way I see it is that she probably didn't lose interest per se, she just got sucked in by a guy who gamed/manipulated her more effectively. Plus, you don't really know what history she has with this other guy. If she does have a history/past feelings it will trump anything a new guy can offer. But eventually she will move on and you can be there to capitalise on it.

I have quite a lot of experiences with NC turned into lays and the great part of it is that I have no guilt about using them, nothing to prove, no fear of losing them and no conscience about playing hot and cold, which overall increases their interest.

Whatever you do, don't suggest FWB/FB to her. In fact, don't communicate your intentions at all. Just mix up the attention you show her. Respond in a friendly (but cool and non-emotional) way a few times to build up her hopes, then ignore her for a day or two. Think of it as stringing her along while you pursue other women.

Basically, the only attention you should show her is sexual attention.

I'll try and edit and post an example from my Facebook emails in my next message....

Jariel, she has 3 years with this dude, and they were just 3 months post breakup when her and I hooked up. Sure there is still a lot of emotional water floating under the bridge there which is partly why I'm thinking pursuing would not be worth it.

However I do see where you and ice are coming from and agree to an extent.

 

[Jariel]

As promised here's a transcript of some FB messages. Probably not the best example, but kinda showed how I escalated and how not caring about offending this chick got me what I wanted....



Basically this is a girl I went on a date with. We hit it off really well, but then she just ignored me so I went no contact. She’d mentioned her ex a few times so I assumed he was still in her life.

About 6 weeks later she sent me a text message saying “Hi hunny, how are you? x” I ignored it for about 3 days, then replied. “I’m good thanks babe. Busy as usual. x”

She sent me another text asking what I’d been upto, but I decided to leave it a while before I replied, but a couple of days later she messaged me on Facebook….


Flakey Chick

* no talking? x

The following day she sent this message….

Flakey Chick

*If you don’t want to talk, we don’t have to. I am not a chaser when im not getting much back, like when i texted you or sent u a message on FB...but u left an imprint on me. x
*

I replied the day after

Jariel
* Hey you, sorry Ive not replied. Been so busy lately. How's it going? X


There are about 4 messages of small talk here, which I’ve cut out.

Flakey Chick

* If your interested next friday i'm out with a few mates in [local town] if you fancied meeting up and having a few drinks, up to you! x


I didn’t respond for 4 days, then one night I was feeling horny and sent her a message out of the blue


Jariel
* Hey sexy, did I tell you how much your new profile pic turns me on? I’d love to see those big breasts of yours bouncing around. x


Flakey Chick
* hey mister, I'm feeling really naughty now. Oh you like my pic do you? So what would you like to do to me? I thought you were a nice boy.. Not even a kiss? X


Jariel
* Well I can be a nice boy, but I can also be very bad! Of course you'd get a kiss first. I'd start by kissing your lips, then your neck, then work my way all over your body.

How about showing me the bad girl I know you are? x
*

Flakey Chick
* no im a total angel...and the thought of you in my bed hasnt crossed my mind once...
i like the sound of that.. and i thought you didn’t want me. x
*
Jariel
* I like the idea of having an angel in my bed...especially one with such great breasts and ass. You won't be getting any sleep though!

I want to make you moan and scream with pleasure. x
*
Flakey Chick
* Tell me more.. I'm intrigued by what you wanna do to me!! How about we get together tomorrow and you could show me? Mind if I call you? X


We had phone sex where she got herself off, then we met a couple of days later and I fvcked her like crazy and made her my b1tch. The great thing is she just let me do whatever I wanted. Then we hooked up every so often for a few more weeks until I lost interest and started dating someone else. She still texts me once in a while around 6-7 months later.

 

[Jariel]

Jariel, she has 3 years with this dude, and they were just 3 months post breakup when her and I hooked up. Sure there is still a lot of emotional water floating under the bridge there which is partly why I'm thinking pursuing would not be worth it.

However I do see where you and ice are coming from and agree to an extent.

In that case I'd say it's very unlikely you'll get anything more than a one time fvck from her, so you have to ask if it's worth it. If you have other plates then it probably is best to continue NC and move on.

You'd definitely be making a mistake if you tried pursuing her as a girlfriend.

 

[vatoloco]

So saw it coming and lol'd when lo and behold I got the ljbf text saying she really liked me and I'm such an awesome guy but she ain't ready for a ltr (lol we were serious??????) bla bla bla bla.

He's been LJBF'd. End of story. NC and Next.

Time to spin [a] new plate.

 

[shizz702]

He's been LJBF'd. End of story. NC and Next.

Time to spin [a] new plate.

I'm always spinning them brotha! :rockon: