Reasons why men should NOT ever have a "girlfriend"

[russell]

you can "really like" someone and be with someone without the commitment and hassle of jumping into a relationship

this is true. been doing it for 3 years with an hb8. we have amazing sex. an open relationship. we have a lot of fun together. why should i make her my girlfriend?

IMO the only reason people make someone their girlfriend is because they are scared about her hooking up with other people. it's that person's way of "possessing" another person. it's unhealthy and unnatural.

 

[Slickster]

Stress, depression, that horrible gut feeling in the pit of your stomach where you can't even move or breathe properly - they all happen because having a girlfriend makes your INNER AFC come out, and it is a feeling I have felt as well several times in the past!

Don't know you from a hole in the ground but this above comment is enough to tell me that you aren't even ready to have a girlfriend. (Let alone give others advice about the matter)

When you reach your goal, women will no longer have that effect on you. You will be above all that silliness.

Keep growing, keep learning. Eventually there will be no more Inner AFC to come out.

 

[The Logical Player]

Don't know you from a hole in the ground but this above comment is enough to tell me that you aren't even ready to have a girlfriend. (Let alone give others advice about the matter)

When you reach your goal, women will no longer have that effect on you. You will be above all that silliness.

Keep growing, keep learning. Eventually there will be no more Inner AFC to come out.

I wasn't posting that about myself - I havent had that feeling for years, because I followed my own advice for years

will no one really be telling me a reason to have A girlfriend?? everyone is side-stepping that question BADLY

 

[Mr. Me]

Thought I did. Though I'd say "a reason to have a girlfriend" is not the right question.

 

[backbreaker]

the problem is that you are trying to add logic to something that is not very logical. there is nothing whatsoever logical about rommance. In fact, adding logic to romance is unromantic.

sometimes it is good to let yourself fall for someone. not in a "oh look at me aFC" sort of way, but let yourself get swept up.


it is better to love and lost than to not love at all. As stupid as that sounds, it's true. I'd rather go though life and get burned than not ever have the opprotunity to be burned becuase i am so damn stuck in trying to not be hurt.

 

[EvilAgenda]

If I recall correctly,,Double Your Dating starts with that discussion of commitment and girlfriends.

 

[The Logical Player]

guys, by all means, continue having one girlfriend at a time - its YOUR problem if you follow the emotional feminist dating agenda as opposed to the don juan have-it-all player agenda

at some point, you will realize it was a waste of time, and you will be posting about your issues on sosuave looking for help, and the solution will always be the same - don't have a girlfriend in the first place

 

[Mr. Me]

its YOUR problem if you follow the emotional feminist dating agenda as opposed to the don juan have-it-all player agenda

Far as I know, dating existed way before the feminist agenda did. You're now going to start making up premises on which to base your assertions?

And by the way, this Don Juan Player Agenda you mention... Have you read Allen Thompson's and others's articles on this sosuave.com site of his? This site that promotes where he writes about being a Don Juan? Articles like "How to Get Women to Date You", "The Online Dating Guide for Men", "What You Need to Do Before Your Big Date", "What Are Your Goals? Girl-Friend or Girlfriend?", "Does Romance Have a Place In Dating?" Seems to me that being a Don Juan is not really about being a player, but is sure seems to have "dating" and "girlfriend" in its agenda.

I'm beginning to think you're being a troll.

 

[russell]

Far as I know, dating existed way before the feminist agenda did. You're now going to start making up premises on which to base your assertions?

And by the way, this Don Juan Player Agenda you mention... Have you read Allen Thompson's and others's articles on this sosuave.com site of his? This site that promotes where he writes about being a Don Juan? Articles like "How to Get Women to Date You", "The Online Dating Guide for Men", "What You Need to Do Before Your Big Date", "What Are Your Goals? Girl-Friend or Girlfriend?", "Does Romance Have a Place In Dating?" Seems to me that being a Don Juan is not really about being a player, but is sure seems to have "dating" and "girlfriend" in its agenda.

I'm beginning to think you're being a troll.

nothing that you just quoted had girlfriend in it anywhere. dating and having a girlfriend are two completely different things. i date women, but haven't had a girlfriend in 2 years.

 

[russell]

the problem is that you are trying to add logic to something that is not very logical. there is nothing whatsoever logical about rommance. In fact, adding logic to romance is unromantic.

sometimes it is good to let yourself fall for someone. not in a "oh look at me aFC" sort of way, but let yourself get swept up.


it is better to love and lost than to not love at all. As stupid as that sounds, it's true. I'd rather go though life and get burned than not ever have the opprotunity to be burned becuase i am so damn stuck in trying to not be hurt.

i had a woman say that to me because she was so desperate to find love that she would do anything to get it. that's how you sound right now. desperate. like you're looking to fill some kind of void in your life that your mom's neglect left.

 

[Mr. Me]

nothing that you just quoted had girlfriend in it anywhere

You sure about that? Seems to me "What Are Your Goals? Girl-Friend or Girlfriend?" has "girlfriend" right there in the title, it's kind of hard to miss that, and the article itself is about turning a girl friend into a "girlfriend". Plus, there's a score of other articles on this site that deal with boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, not just articles about dating, approaching, how to's and the attributes of being a DJ.

dating and having a girlfriend are two completely different things.

I never said it was, did I? The OP mentions both and so I've covered both.

i date women, but haven't had a girlfriend in 2 years.

Me too. And, so? That doesn't disprove the OP's assertions. I haven't lived in an apartment building nor taken a bus either for years and yet have had a roof over my head and my ride. That doesn't mean apartment buildings and buses are to be avoided.

The OP, from what I understand, isn't saying don't be in a relationship, he's saying that, from what he reads here, seems to him that guys have problems when in relationships and they handle the fallout in ways that appear AFC. So he deduces that women bring out the chump in a guy from which then he reaches his conclusion that avoiding relationships is the answer. To prove his assertion, he wants others to prove why relationships are beneficial.

His whole equation is warped. For a guy named Logical Player, he's thrown logic out the window.

First off, we all know that the only way any inner chump gets let out is by the man not controlling himself if he's prone to being a wuss in the first place. It's not the female's doing any more then she acting like a b1tch is his responsibility.

Secondly, the guys that don't have problems with their relationships aren't going to post here because they don't need answers for problems they don't have. We're not going to hear as much from any success stories, those guys may never even come to this site, it's guys looking for answers to their problems, mostly, that do.

Thirdly, using threads about relationship problems doesn't prove you shouldn't be in a relationship, it only proves you should learn how to prevent these problems before they become big major problems and how to nurture your relationships. There are problems people have in their careers too, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't work.

Fourthly, if the question is about how relationships often become problematic, then you don't prove that by asking for a list of why a relationship would be beneficial. That's like noting there's a high incidence of car accidents, and so let's deduce that one shouldn't drive, and to prove that one shouldn't drive, please furnish a list of why driving is beneficial. That just doesn't make any sense.

Fifth, even if someone posts any benefit, the OP can strike it down with illogic. He also attempts to take several off the table up front when he wrote: "Before you post the benefits, let me refute some of the more obvious ones" and then lists some. Whether he realizes it or not, that's him trying to stack the deck in his favor by making these very valid reasons invalid on his say-so.

IOW, if I said to you, "tell me why natural foods are better for you then processed foods, but DON'T tell me it's because they're healthier for you, or that your body processes them better, or that there aren't any chemicals in them or that medical studies have confirmed this to be a fact." C'mon.

Sixth, the OP uses put downs to try to make his point. This is what lawyers do to discredit witnesses when they can't discredit the testimony. "its YOUR problem if you follow the emotional feminist dating agenda", "besides hiding the fact that you have no game", "instead of being a nerdy type who makes wise-cracks"

Seventh, he makes assertions that are baseless. For example, he writes: "then why change anything and make life worse for yourself" But where's the proof that being in a relationship universally makes one's life worse? It's not a given that life gets worse.

Eighth, he paints innocent things as if they're big, bad reasons. Again, this is what lawyers do to dramatize their versions of events. For example, when he writes:

"you can really like someone and be with someone without the commitment and hassle of jumping into a relationship"

...he's flavoring "commitment" as being something to be avoided, and stating that getting into a relationship is a "hassle". Who said this is the case?

And note that even so, his answers do not prove that relationships should be avoided. They only *state* that you could experience the same (such as, "you can like someone and be with them") with or without a relationship.

I like a good discussion, but it's got to be valid. Not this bullsh!t unintelligent type of reasoning. His only valid point I see is "UNEXPERIENCED guys to not randomly commit to women when they do not know 100% for sure what they want", though I'd argue it's not all about if they don't know what they want. It's about knowing what works, what's needed to make it work, what kind of choices to make and how to navigate relationships, and how to be the kind of right person to be in a relationship yourself.

He admits he's been burned in relationships, that he's had those episodes of stress, depression, and what sounds like anxiety attacks. He claims to have "learned" from his mistakes, which to him means, don't have a girlfriend. Applying that logic to another situation, if I get hurt riding a horse, I should simply not ride them anymore. Actually, I should seek to understand what I did wrong on my part, learn from it and correct that. IMPROVE myself. Evolve. Grow. Which means, he didn't understand or learn anything.

And this thread proves that.

 

[The Logical Player]

there has still been no argument as to the ADVANTAGE of having ONE girlfriend at a time (aka commited) for a man. The only arguments I have seen are ones where I am called a woman hater, troll, or someone with inner AFC issues, but THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME, this is about my very simple statement of not having a girlfriend will solve all issues that men keep having with women, who can prove me wrong? PROVE me wrong, not shame me wrong, but PROVE me wrong.

and Mr Me, you are 54 years old, and I would not discourage you from being in a relationship because you are definitely well seasoned in getting p*ssy I am sure, so you know what you want.

but my point is directed more to the younger guys, who in the end when all is said and done, end up UNHAPPY from being in some long monogomous relationship that they do not even know why they wanted to get into. Just have a listen to one of Tom Leykis's Leykis 101 shows, and listen to the sad and unfortunate men call him up with their "girlfriend" issues.

 

[Aenigma]

If you've been dating a woman and gotten to know her after a reasonable amount of time, and you want a girlfriend, that is reason enough.

Just like you NOT wanting one is a great reason for you not to have one. And since you are preoccupied of your "inner AFC" creeping out, maybe that's a good idea.

The real question here is what is a "girlfriend"? When you award her this title do her tits suddenly grow an extra size? Does her vag suddenly become 10x tighter and wetter? Does she suddenly piss beer? No? You're telling me that there are no external changes whatsoever from the title?

Well what is it then? Its nothing but a conceptual construct designed for the purpose of control. It does not indicate love- love can be present in its absence and gone in the presence of the title (in fact I would argue that this is the case for most "relationships").

For beta males- they know how much they suck- no other girls what them so they want to lockup the poon. Make sure no other guys tap it so they can have a monoply on it. There focus is one the one girl and the fear of losing her.

For women- They love it or they hate it at the same time- depending on who they're with. If they have a beta male provider for a bf- then its a plus and a minus.

Plus- They have a beta provider to pay for all their shyt
Minus- Expectations of beta bf keep in way of her boffing all the alpha c0ck she really wants. (Plus to minus- beta males are easily shamed and manipulated into her having her way anyway- which is why she agrees to the arrangement- GNO!! WOO!)

If they're with an Alpha- then they're in the position of the beta male. They want to monoplize the c0ck to keep the other bytches at bay by using the guilt and expectations of this mental construct to keep the guy loyal to one poon- theirs. To that end- they will use the contruct to monopolize the time of the alpha and keep him out of environments where he will be accessible to other desireable women who may steal him away (bars, clubs, etc). The effectiveness of this is dependent on the alpha in question. (whehter he sees her as LTR material- and whether he cares about what she thinks).

Conclusions: GF/BF relationships can be rated as follows:

Beta male- a plus and a minus. You secure a source of poon and intimacy- but you're gonna get your heart broken by her cheating and by the fact that she actually despises you at heart.... Don't get married without a prenup. (Though we know you don't have the balls to DEMAND one- you spineless pansy)

Alpha- A minus if he's still looking for poon- it will put expectations on his behavior. Plus if he ignores them and does what he wants anyway.

If he's not looking for poon- and wants to settle- good- as long as he keeps up the female jealousy/competition dynamic ranging in his gf/wives head- else she'll start thinking him beta and will leave/cheat eventually.


Female- almost always a plus.

With a beta you get control and alpha c0ck.

With an an alpha you get the illusion of control and alpha c0ck.

Only minus is if the alpha (or beta for that matter- though I don't think a beta would have the balls to do this- more like a least alpha) is playing you and feeding your delusions of white fence/dog/kids to keep the poon flowing longer and has no intention of committing- thus wasting the short valueable time you have before your expiration date hits and your looks go down the shytter faster then a 3 ounce turd.

 

[Slickster]

there has still been no argument as to the ADVANTAGE of having ONE girlfriend at a time (aka commited) for a man. The only arguments I have seen are ones where I am called a woman hater, troll, or someone with inner AFC issues, but THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME, this is about my very simple statement of not having a girlfriend will solve all issues that men keep having with women, who can prove me wrong? PROVE me wrong, not shame me wrong, but PROVE me wrong.

and Mr Me, you are 54 years old, and I would not discourage you from being in a relationship because you are definitely well seasoned in getting p*ssy I am sure, so you know what you want.

but my point is directed more to the younger guys, who in the end when all is said and done, end up UNHAPPY from being in some long monogomous relationship that they do not even know why they wanted to get into. Just have a listen to one of Tom Leykis's Leykis 101 shows, and listen to the sad and unfortunate men call him up with their "girlfriend" issues.

Dude it's really sad that you've never had a great relationship with a woman before. If you had you wouldn't be spouting this crap. Don't spread negativity just because you've had struggles with women. Maybe it's that same negativity that is preventing you from having a successful relationship.

You want us to PROVE you wrong. Well, okay I'm in a great relationship right now. I'm happier than a pig in sh!t. I've had other great relationships too but this one is the best. All the negatives, hurt and pain that I've felt as a result of past relationships has all made me a better person. It has allowed me to grow into a better person so that I can actually have a great relationship with a woman. If you want more proof I can send you pictures or you could come stay with us for awhile.

(Tom Leykis are you kidding me? Listen to him all the time. He's bitter and cynical as hell and has obviously been involved with the wrong women over and over. I wouldn't necessarily call him a happy guy. If he's really your hero then good luck to you and your life.)

 

[The Logical Player]

Dude it's really sad that you've never had a great relationship with a woman before. If you had you wouldn't be spouting this crap. Don't spread negativity just because you've had struggles with women. Maybe it's that same negativity that is preventing you from having a successful relationship.

You want us to PROVE you wrong. Well, okay I'm in a great relationship right now. I'm happier than a pig in sh!t. I've had other great relationships too but this one is the best. All the negatives, hurt and pain that I've felt as a result of past relationships has all made me a better person. It has allowed me to grow into a better person so that I can actually have a great relationship with a woman. If you want more proof I can send you pictures or you could come stay with us for awhile.

(Tom Leykis are you kidding me? Listen to him all the time. He's bitter and cynical as hell and has obviously been involved with the wrong women over and over. I wouldn't necessarily call him a happy guy. If he's really your hero then good luck to you and your life.)

I am with you on being in a happy relationship, and I bet you have tons of experience with women in the past to help you find your current woman. However, my advice is for the majority of men, and the majority are NOT in your or my position. You are changing what my point is and trying to make it fit your argument.

I never said a happy satisfying relationship is unattainable! But it sure as hell does not happen to young men, because I cannot recount ONE 21 year old that I ever knew (or read about on sosuave) who had a girlfriend, and still has that same girlfriend, AND is happy 5 years later - it 99.9% of the time does not happen. Since we know that a lasting relationship at a young age is nearly impossible, then USE THAT INFO AND DON'T GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOME RANDOM PEICE OF P*SSY IN THE FIRST PLACE - WHY LIMIT YOURSELF TO JUST ONE IF IN THE END SHE DEEMS HERSELF USELESS??

 

[trd323]

Of course, young men are not going to be in the longest relationships because they have no idea what they are doing, but cant you see that we all have to start some where. As they mature and get more experience being in relationships their success rate will go up. Just like as more sex you have the better you will get at it.

Just like anything in life, you have to experience failure to understand what it is to succeed. For all you know, most of the guys on here were with great women, but just lacked the experience and ability to keep them. I see this a lot, especially when women mature a lot faster than men they will want a guy to know what he wants and most of the time that is a guy that is older. But again to get good at something you need to practice and gain experience. IF the guys on here never got into relationships then they are forever doomed to not know how to be in a relationship.

 

[The Logical Player]

Of course, young men are not going to be in the longest relationships because they have no idea what they are doing, but cant you see that we all have to start some where. As they mature and get more experience being in relationships their success rate will go up. Just like as more sex you have the better you will get at it.

Just like anything in life, you have to experience failure to understand what it is to succeed. For all you know, most of the guys on here were with great women, but just lacked the experience and ability to keep them. I see this a lot, especially when women mature a lot faster than men they will want a guy to know what he wants and most of the time that is a guy that is older. But again to get good at something you need to practice and gain experience. IF the guys on here never got into relationships then they are forever doomed to not know how to be in a relationship.

Which is exactly why I recommend to not have ONE girlfriend - meaning, have multiple girlfriends, without commitment to any of them, and then you will have experience in keeping women, and failing in relationships, except you will always have fall-back options (example, if you have 3 girlfriends and 2 other women you occasionally hook up with, if your relationships fail with 2 of those girlfriends, you will still have access to 3 other women) - all my advice is about being happy and not limiting oneself to ONE woman, which is the sad sad mistake that most men make, and end up paying for later

 

[GuanYu]

I like your style Logical Player. I'm also the type not to be locked down with just one woman. I've assembled a nice team. I have my main girl and six other women I fvck and hang out with on occasion. My reasoning for this is simple. I like variety. Two of my women give exceptionally good head, my main girl cooks and cleans for me and is also my "trophy" if that makes sense. The other three are just jumpoffs since they're still in college party girl mode and just want to fvck/get drunk.

However, be aware that you can't advocate this to everyone. Believe it or not, a lot of men have different morals and don't think it's morally right to have sex with multiple women, - especially if you're in a committed, exclusive relationship. Are they doing themselves more harm then good? Probably if they don't see themselves getting married to those particular women, but live and learn. Also I think it'd be difficult to claim having a girlfriend with her thinking you weren't exclusive. That's the whole point of having a "girlfriend." With this type of game comes deceit and you have to be manipulative. There's no other way to go about it unless you're with nothing but skanks.

Anyways, there's absolutely nothing wrong with banging multiple women or just having one. Being able to game and fvck lots of women and keep them on your sidelines is an acquired taste. Definitely not for everyone.

 

[fertileTurtle]

I agree with this LP. Barring a marriage, and there are good marriages that work and people have them for good reasons, but beside that, I think gf/bf is the biggest joke going. Why would a man want to sell all his power over just to satisfy a cliche of the status quo? You will never be a DJ if you live under the influence of the status quo. Just look at the term AFC. You want to be average? Then keep a gf and be a chump who is always frustrated by the fact that YOU do not have CONTROL of YOU. The biggest factor as to why you can't get a woman hot for you is the fact that you are controlled by anything and anyone other than You. You have to be the master of Your destity or You are a bytch.

Pretty much what LP is presenting is a rewording of the spinning plates theory. Any socially experienced natural does this of course, on his own.

 

[fertileTurtle]

You now gave your bigger point. And that's exactly the issue. Because you never spoke a word about your bigger point, people didn't understand what you meant to say because most of what you meant to say wasn't in your posts but in your head.

Yeah maybe, but I got it. It's wasn't that hard to understand. LP stated

those were good 50-100 years ago because commitment was a value that most people followed and respected, but not anymore!

Below, I have PROOF for you all as to why us as men should 99.9% of the time NOT have any girl be a "girlfriend"

And even without any further explanation (And let's be fair to LP, most good posts take a lot of further explanation for most of the AFCs here who just don't get it yet.) I fully agree with the point that 99.99% of men out there are not ready for a full-time gf and all that brings, despite the fact that 99.99% of men who have gfs are AFCs. What do you think a DJ is anyway? Average? 99.99% is 1 in 10,000. That sounds about right.