Reasons why men should NOT ever have a "girlfriend"

[The Logical Player]

The most I can recommend is to have several girls you are f*cking, and at the very worst string them along and tell them what they want to hear, because you know at some point, you and the girl will change your minds about each other and move on, so there is no reason or point to hassle with having a "committed relationship" - those were good 50-100 years ago because commitment was a value that most people followed and respected, but not anymore!

Below, I have PROOF for you all as to why us as men should 99.9% of the time NOT have any girl be a "girlfriend" - i don't need to explain further, the below proof will speak for itself:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=158084
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=158010
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=157057
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=158135
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=157508
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=156453
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=157965
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=140681
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=157637
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=158119
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=157987
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=158043


i am not going to keep going, it would take me 200 hours to find threads made by men with girlfriends such as the above.

Stress, depression, that horrible gut feeling in the pit of your stomach where you can't even move or breathe properly - they all happen because having a girlfriend makes your INNER AFC come out, and it is a feeling I have felt as well several times in the past!

I LEARNED FROM MY MISTAKES ABOUT HAVING A GIRLFRIEND, and the guys above are learning from their mistakes too.

So let me ask you this: if you are considering making a girl your girlfriend, or you already have a girlfriend, tell me WHY you would want to do this to yourself and what are the benefits of it to YOU? (besides hiding the fact that you have no game and want the same easy p$ssy over and over and over that will always be there for you)

 

[MisterMcGee]

oh please

 

[The Logical Player]

oh please

instead of being a nerdy type who makes wise-cracks, how bout you explain your reasoning for why you would disagree with me

 

[Mr. Me]

Stress, depression, that horrible gut feeling in the pit of your stomach where you can't even move or breathe properly - they all happen because having a girlfriend makes your INNER AFC come out

And we shouldn't live in homes because there's so many instances where they burn down.

Men don't get into emtoional anguish because they have girlfriends. Men get into emotional anguish because they make mistakes: they get emotionally invested in women who are not that much invested in them, or when they choose women that are bad choices, and when they react to their emotions and blow things with the girl or they neglect or abuse the relationship and it bites them in the butt.

The GF doesn't bring the inner chump out, the guy lets it out of his own free will.

 

[Ryoku]

Player,

I believe you have some valid points.

I don't agree however that you can make such broad generalizations in regards to men and women.

Yes, having a girlfriend can be stressful. But why would a self-respecting man tolerate that? Because - he doesn't respect himself to sack up and kick her to the curb.

Or is it fear that compels him? Fear of not being able to get another girlfriend?

I'm not motivated enough to read through those posts you so meticulously put together for your support - but I can probably abridge them in a couple of lines. They probably consist of things like trust issues, scarcity mind set, the fear of loneliness and the lack of faith in one's ability. The all point to one particular overwhelmingly powerful flaw - They lack character.

Lets face it, the generation of guys today 15-30 (for our purposes) are bred into an environment in which women have become far more powerful in every day life. They haven't been asked to make any great sacrifices, they haven't had a great struggle, they haven't been given their manhood. They need to become aware of their own infinite power and develop an identity level change if they want a good life with women.

So instead of saying - No men should ever have a girlfriend, you should try - Are you ready for a girlfriend or are you just settling?

- Ryoku

 

[Alexander the Great]

Logical, I know you mean it well and honestly believe you're doing a good thing, but the way you go about it sounds bitter and because of that your advice is just as chumpish as the spineless behaviour of the actual chumps you're trying to help.

You want me to explain it? I think the other posts in here do already: Generalizations. Women don't make chumps out of men, men do. Men need to Man Up and not "submit" themselves to a relationship as if it's their saviour and life occupancy. There will be other posts after this one too with reasons.

Your advice does not equate to Manning Up, it equates to becoming a sad sod. Maybe this helps the guys in the Discussion forum or the High Schoolers to open up their eyes, but here in the Mature forum we're a class above that. Sure, we get our deal of disillusioned divorcees and older chumps (myself included at one time). But to give them this sort of advice only serves to make people bitter and to make bitter people worse.

It's about becoming a Man, Logical, not a hater or a jerk. Having multiple women is a good thing, but don't tell people not to have girlfriends as if it's a taboo. This sort of advice sounds like the Salem Witch Trials: Put thy women on a leash, for they are lustful creatures, easy to tempt by the devil and they will tempt thee as his accomplice!

Instead of teaching men to deal with the way things are, you're stimulating them to view them as evil. You're teaching blind avoidance, instead of selectiveness.

Teach men to empower themselves, not to shun what made them miserable. Because what made them miserable wasn't the women who were their girlfriends, it was because they didn't know themselves. Teaching them that women are vile, means validating male chumpish behaviour. It excuses them for their inability and inaction, while they should learn the ways of life and women, so they are in control of themselves and their lives.

But you're saying that women bring men down and therefore men should not bond with women but have many women as snacks and avoid the tricky business.

It's like a dog owner who doesn't know how to be the boss. He ends up getting dragged around by his dog. You shouldn't tell the dog owner to get rid of his dog and stick to petting the dogs of others he meets on the street, you should teach him how a dog works and how to be in control. Maybe he'll discover his love for dogs and get ten of them. And when a dog is intolerable and untrainable, instead of agonizing over what to do and going crazy with trying to please the ill-trained dog, he'll simply get rid of it or have it trained by a professional. (This is not to equate women to dogs. An analogy, you get the picture.)

Maybe this is what you mean as well, in which case you've simply worded it too extreme. In any case, "never have a girlfriend" is avoiding the issues at hand and it sounds like a statement of a bitter person. Not to mention the fact that the very manner in which you worded your post to me reads like you aren't that experienced, just that you got hurt and are coping to recover. I'm sorry to say it, but that's how it reads. Bitter. Hurt. And fromt hat hurt, you make such extreme and bold statements. I think you need to become balanced again first. If I'm off with that, hey, my bad. I have only your writings to home in on.

Other than that, you're right in saying that having a committed relationship without being very picky is something of the past. These days, Men can and should be very wary of committing themselves. That's why they must learn to look before they leap, and look very closely, for a woman who's a good and a positive addition to their lives. In order to do that, they must be knowledgeable. About women, but about themselves mostly. They must sample the stock aplenty, have many women in their lives who are not always girlfriends, before possibly settling down. If that's what you meant, then good.

All women are not evil.

Have a lot of women, including girlfriends, just know how to be the master and when enough's enough.

Have your balls, your life, firmly in your grasp. Don't let women hold them for you. That's all a Man needs to know.

Seek good, well-adjusted women and be a good, well-adjusted Man and you will have many fulfilling relationships.

 

[Warrior74]

It's like a dog owner who doesn't know how to be the boss. He ends up getting dragged around by his dog. You shouldn't tell the dog owner to get rid of his dog and stick to petting the dogs of others he meets on the street, you should teach him how a dog works and how to be in control. Maybe he'll discover his love for dogs and get ten of them. And when a dog is intolerable and untrainable, instead of agonizing over what to do and going crazy with trying to please the ill-trained dog, he'll simply get rid of it or have it trained by a professional. (This is not to equate women to dogs. An analogy, you get the picture.)
.

Damn good analogy. I used to be deathly afraid of dogs, until I raised one from a puppy and learned to understand them. Now I love dogs. I used to be afraid of women,until I started studying them and learning the game and now I love them, I understand what they are and act accordingly.

But I understand where the OP is coming from...of course it depends on the type of woman you are choosing for your girlfriend. If you are choosing hoes and freaks, they are not girlfriend material. If you are choosing good girls, they shouldn't be played.

Let's face it. Some women are not girlfriend material. So you shouldn't be committing to them. Hoes (who are after money, golddiggers) and freaks (who just like sex with different men, attention hores) deserve to be played. You can never please those type of women for long without sacrificing part of your self worth. I find these days, I don't even want to do more than get some freaky nasty sex and then I have to move on. In fact I see nothing wrong with making a freak fall in love and want to be your girlfriend, because honestly, you know you are never going to commit to her seriously. It's better to be a predator hunting other predators. (This is the dog getting trained by a professional, after getting played so long either experience or time makes them wise up and they settle for some square/afc, your welcome afcs!)

Good girls (who do it for the love, and come from a place of positivity) don't deserve to be played. I'm not into willfully breaking hearts so I've been leaving the good girls alone for the past few years.
But lately I have been feeling the urge to have a steady girlfriend, and I've been looking for a good girl, but a lot of women disguise themselves as good girls until they get their hooks into you and then the real them comes out. So the goal is to know what your dealing with and how to deal with it. Until I find a good girl that meets all of my qualifications, I'll keep a freak or two on the side.

 

[Nutz]

This is a good thread with some solid debate back and forth. I hope it does NOT get closed down.

 

[The Logical Player]

might as well post my main point here for the mature men:


my bigger point in all of this "dont have a girlfriend" talk is for UNEXPERIENCED guys to not randomly commit to women when they do not know 100% for sure what they want (and no one can know 100% what they want, but they can come close to knowing what they want if they are very very very experienced with all sorts of different women). I keep telling you guys, if you look at all of the threads that I referenced, those are all examples of guys with somewhat limited experience who decided to HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, and just look at the trouble this has brought to this minds, hearts, and souls



LET ME STATE CLEARLY, I AM NOT GENERALIZING ALL WOMEN HERE - of course there are good ones out there, but they are the EXCEPTION, not the RULE, so why should a young inexperienced guy take a risk of being emotionally damaged by some "girlfriend" who more likely than not is not going to end up his life partner, and instead will end up hurting the guy BIG TIME???



my point still stands, is that as you are coming up in the game, to NOT commit to yourself to just one girl. I don't hate women, i love them, you cant be a player if you hate women. But I also understand them because I have been with literally TOO many even for my own good, and I can tell you as a 100% fact, that you SHOULD NOT COMMIT TO MONOGOMOUS RELATIONSHIPS WHILE YOU ARE COMING UP IN THE GAME - stop listening to what the feminized p*ssified society standards are telling you, because we all know society is against successful men these days (ever watched commercials where men are made to look like fools?? what about movies where its all about being a chump like in Superbad or being a player is shamed like in John Tucker Must Die)

thats the point, and that will always be the point - THERE IS NO LOGICAL BENEFIT IN COMMITING TO ONE STEADY GIRLFRIEND

and the funny thing is, people have attacked me on this and other threads like the emotional p*ssies that they are, but no one has actually explained what the advantages are to having a girlfriend when you are coming up in the game and learning about how to be a don juan.

what are the benefits? Before you post the benefits, let me refute some of the more obvious ones that you may all be thinking of:

benefit - easy consistent sex with a good looking girl!! BUT WAIT, if you got game, you could have easy consistent sex with MULTIPLE good looking girls

benefit - companionship, good company, and lots of time and memories shared!! BUT WAIT, why do you NEED that with just one girl? You can have that with friends, with multiple girls, with family, so what is the BIG PUSH to have that with just ONE girl, who WONT BE IN YOUR LIFE 5 YEARS DOWN THE LINE

benefit - Being moral, honest, and doing what is right for the girl!! BUT WAIT, what about all of these threads on sosuave about guys being loyal boyfriends and their gfs/wives/fiances disrespecting them and doing what they want. Apparently the AFC way of giving women respect and loyalty who dont deserve it is still the IN thing at sosuave, but im certainly against rewarding dogs for bad behavior


so, why should someone who is young and learning the ways of the don juan seducer HAVE A GODDAMN COMMITTED GIRLFRIEND?

 

[Nutz]

Now this sounds similar to what I've been saying all along:

We are all responsible for our own happiness. It's up to you to take the reigns and find your own way in life. This is why IMO nobody should be involved in serious relationships when they're young, because doing so actually hamstrings your ability to grow as a person and get that variety of experiences that builds a life. Worse still is if you do get into a serious relationship and the other person starts to change or realizes they settled down too young. Then you end up getting the "we need a break" speech because someone realized how little experience they really have and somewhere out there the grass is looking greener. And that's the nice version. The reality is women have no qualms about cheating, or upgrading to a new boyfriend at the drop of a hat when the conditions are right.

Bottom line, men AND women shouldn't even think about having serious relationships until their late 20s.

 

[Alexander the Great]

might as well post my main point here for the mature men:


my bigger point in all of this "dont have a girlfriend" talk is for UNEXPERIENCED guys to not randomly commit to women when they do not know 100% for sure what they want (and no one can know 100% what they want, but they can come close to knowing what they want if they are very very very experienced with all sorts of different women). I keep telling you guys, if you look at all of the threads that I referenced, those are all examples of guys with somewhat limited experience who decided to HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, and just look at the trouble this has brought to this minds, hearts, and souls

And I might just as well shortly state the point many people tried to make in both threads.

You now gave your bigger point. And that's exactly the issue. Because you never spoke a word about your bigger point, people didn't understand what you meant to say because most of what you meant to say wasn't in your posts but in your head. That's the reason for all the negative feedback you got. While you were actually trying to get the same point across as everyone else who opposed you, but how were we supposed to know that when you didn't tell, huh?

Next time, make your whole point. Don't expect people to graze through all those threads you linked and expect them to come to the same conclusions as you do. You have to tell them. That's the whole point of debating. Now all you caused was misunderstanding and disagreement, and the guys who you feel need your help certainly didn't get any.

So, be more nuanced and don't leave sh*t out. People can't look inside your head. On a forum, posts are taken at face value.

Other than that, good point. The actual, complete one. Nothing we didn't already know, but keep it up. (Minus the saviour attitude please, because obviously that's a tad misplaced. QED.)

 

[slickaz]

ok, since one of the links is to my thread i should probably spill here too.

Right. So, im 25 and ive achieved more success in my business life, career and sports like than i ever thought i could.
In women, ive been with girls from every continent and more than 40 girls in the last year alone.

I decided to get into a LTR, not because i couldnt control myself and she pulled me in, i walked towards it knowing fully that when you bond with another human, life is not always going to lala land. its going to have its ups and downs.
But i picked a partner that i thought was best suited for me to go through my CURRENT life situation with.

and notice one thing, how everytime i have an issue with her, its never really her doing anything drastic, its the assumptions in my head, especially of her cheating on me.
She may have or may not have cheated on me, but to me, she has given no evidence of it.
Yet i have the feeling that something is wrong,.
1. That is MY fault for assuming. she has always come through with an explanation that checks out. and when its added up, i always feel like a fool because i acted out of assumptions and came across AFC (Yeh ill agree, i acted AFC too)

2. This "gut feeling" of something wrong is always based on stuff that happens to other people, or whats happened in the past, over analysis and general insecurity with trusting another human. Again that is my fault.

So technically, SHE hasnt instilled this behaviour in me, it is my own will to feel that way, and i have always had the option to ignore it and TRUST her.

or

act on it, call her out:
- come across as AFC when she proves i was wrong (which has happened)
- Proof that she's cheating, which would hurt my ego, not my physical being, and ill move on and get under another woman in a matter of days.

God did not make us to be alone and playing for the rest of our lives.
Women and Men were made to be together to enjoy the companionship and reproduce.

tell me im wrong when i say hanging out with a pretty woman who is so KEEN on pleasing you and cooks for you and ensures you are ok through you're day and surprises you at home in her lingerie and candles when you get back from work - does not give you the best feeling You have felt, if you can tell me that and mean it, either you're sleeping with a whale or you're gay.

Everyone has mistakes, i have mine, she has hers, you have yours and your future wife will have hers. You cant predefine people's character as POOR without giving them a shot, ofcourse i would say take a calculated risk. if you wanted to make a pornstar into a gf and say she's sleeping with other guys, thats stupid. not a calculated risk.

you can only make decisions on a woman on what you have gathered from hanging out with her.
like i said ive ripped into more than 40 chics in the last year alone (that may not be a BIG number, but it is for me) and of the 40 chics number 41 suited what i wanted.
If i was with any of the other 40 i wouldnt be as happy or as safe as i feel with this chic.
Not to say i wouldnt feel safe or content being single. I have felt much safer and happier being single, yes. but! companionship and a girlfriend was something i was ready for.
I was only blessed enough to meet a girl that suits 90% of the requirements i was looking for in a LTR because the others didnt even pass.

To each his own dude, when i was 18-25 i played the field, plate after plate, i call every girl baby, or sweetheart coz i could never remember who i was waking up next to.

Infact i have a big problem, even with my LTR i play the field, i go out on dates and have dinner and hook up with chics i shouldnt be while she's in bed at her folks house waiting for me to call her.

But again, thats my fault not hers. Also its probably why i have all those "gut feelings" that she is cheating on me, because i do it to her..

My fault..

 

[Colossus]

GAME transcends just hooking up. GAME extends into STR's, LTR's, and even (gasp!!) marriage.

When you drop a post like this, Logical Player, it makes it seem as if you're turning your lack of game (or experience) into a virtue.

"Look at all these poor saps who posted similar stories on SoSuave about a girl who ruined them...See!!! It's proof!!"

Come on man. The only thing those threads are proof of is these guys made bad choices in women and ALLOWED themselves to be treated like garbage. A Don Juan LEARNS to make discerning choices with women and how to conduct himself like a Man---someone who owns his domain.

I see the greater point you made in your subsequent post---that a man shouldnt be entertaining a 'girlfriend' until he has sufficient experience with a variety of women and a solid foundation of personal development. With this I wholeheartedly agree.

But to come out and call a moratorium on girlfriends in general is an ostensible cop-out for your lack of game inside a relationship and an obvious lack of confidence in maintaining your DJ veneer when you only have ONE girl who, once intimate with you, can see inside you and exploit your weaknesses. I'm not saying this is you per se, but you get the point.

Regressing back into AFCism within an LTR is a common problem. There was a thread in the MM forum about it recently. Basically what happens is the man in question becomes too comfortable and neglects his personal vigilance. His options slowly disappear and his girl ever so subtly works her way into every aspect of his life. He is then OWNED, in an almost literal sense. He becomes afraid of losing her--AKA desperate to keep her. He loses his sense of independence, his decisiveness, and if he is emotionally invested in her--these are all the key ingredients for an AFC regression.

I dont want to imply that emotional investment is bad in and of itself, because it isnt. You have to make wise choices, and you cant very well make wise choices without proper influence and experience. There is ALWAYS risk involved in any investment, especially emotional ones. That's just the nature of the exchange. Your 'no girlfriend' philosophy is akin to being a Daytrader: short-term profits, but little durability or long-term strength. If you develop the skills and mental vigilance to stay fresh with a worthy long-term prospect, I think you will see much more personal satisfaction down the road.

In a nutshell, I dont think the no-girlfriend rule is a bad short-term plan, but dont rule it out completely and stunt further growth as a good Don Juan. Use the time to learn the Jedi ways and establish yourself, and in the future your investment will pay dividends.

 

[Mr. Me]

It happens that sometimes a person posts something, then when after a handful of responses tearing it apart, that OP posts a "clarification" of what they claim the REALLY meant, which is nothing like the original, or adding details that change the entire story, and you have to wonder: "is this guy just going with the flow, changing his story to suit the crowd?" Why didn't they just write what they meant the first time? That's how it comes off, just FYI,

But as to your question, the benefit of being in a relationship. There isn't a short answer to cover this. But for now, I'll springboard from your quote:

benefit - companionship, good company, and lots of time and memories shared!! BUT WAIT, why do you NEED that with just one girl?

In essence, I think you're correct. Most relationships just shouldn't be. They're not really worth it. Most women aren't worth it. But then the day may come when you find a Keeper. Like you wrote, "of course there are good ones out there, but they are the EXCEPTION, not the RULE". The Keeper is that rare exception. That relationship is of a RARE type. That's the relationship to be in, if you're going to be in a relationship.

There's great chemistry, personality, she has the right traits, good character. You really like her, she brings something to the table, an enhancement to your life. Physiologically, the oxytocin in your brain eventually has you feeling tranquil, comfortable with her. Now the question becomes, do you eventually give her up to move on to other girls, the kind of girls that odds dictate will be the rule and not the exception? Do you give up the great potential relationship to go back to the merry-go-round of certain attitudes, btches, AWs, control freaks, cheats, flirts, boring women, high maintenance entitled princesses, drama queens, low interest women and all their sisters? For what purpose? If the gal at home has everything you'd ever want in a woman and does it for you, to me, that would be like going back to eat your vomit.

If she's a Keeper, that's like finding a gold nugget in all the crap. You wouldn't toss out gold, would you?

If you find someone that IS worth it, then yes, companionship, forging memories together, having a bond with, caring and loving that one woman (and she in return to you) can be an *enhancement* to a man's life. It's not a need, you can live without a relationship, especially more and more nowadays as more and more people are single and society adjusts to that fact. But to cut a rare, exceptional, "gold relationship" short, artificially, in effect to kill it off, to throw her back into the water, on account of reasoning "why have an exclusive relationship with any one woman?" - No. This is the one to be with.

Remember, if you find a Keeper, and she's crazy about you, and in time asks for an exclusive relationship with you, it's going to be on your terms anyway, not hers.

 

[DJ Noble]

But again, thats my fault not hers. Also its probably why i have all those "gut feelings" that she is cheating on me, because i do it to her..

Thats a main source of those gut feelings. It happens to me too.

 

[The Logical Player]

im still waiting for a list of benefits as to why someone should have a girlfriend other than "its the right thing to do when you really like someone"

slickaz - your point is well taken, but it seems like YOU are not ready for a girlfriend, even though you have all of the experience in the world. If you have fun being single, then why change anything and make life worse for yourself?

i will reiterate AGAIN that there is no benefit to commiting to women 99.9% of the time when you are in the dating game, because as time proves, these women end up never being worth the commitment, SO WHY NOT USE THAT INFORMATION TO YOUR ADVANTAGE AND GET AHEAD OF THE GAME, AND NOT GET INTO THESE RELATIONSHIPS IN THE FIRST PLACE

this is not the 1950's, this is 2009, men in this country need to get with the TIMES and reverse the dating trend that feminists have tried to develop to p*ssify men

 

[Ryoku]

"its the right thing to do when you really like someone"

Really though, do you need anything else? It may not be the "right" thing to do, but if you like some one, why not keep them in your life in a meaningful manner?

If you're leasing a car, and over time you build a relationship with this car - memories, emotions, a sense of thrill when you see or think about her, you wouldn't want to buy her?

You can always resell her with a loss, but that doesn't mean you should deny yourself enjoyment.

If you're settling, then no a girlfriend isn't for you. But if you are able to experience a lot of women and you decide that you want a particular woman in your life, that's your business.

 

[The Logical Player]

Really though, do you need anything else? It may not be the "right" thing to do, but if you like some one, why not keep them in your life in a meaningful manner?

If you're leasing a car, and over time you build a relationship with this car - memories, emotions, a sense of thrill when you see or think about her, you wouldn't want to buy her?

You can always resell her with a loss, but that doesn't mean you should deny yourself enjoyment.

If you're settling, then no a girlfriend isn't for you. But if you are able to experience a lot of women and you decide that you want a particular woman in your life, that's your business.

you can "really like" someone and be with someone without the commitment and hassle of jumping into a relationship

 

[Colossus]

i will reiterate AGAIN that there is no benefit to commiting to women 99.9% of the time when you are in the dating game, because as time proves, these women end up never being worth the commitment, SO WHY NOT USE THAT INFORMATION TO YOUR ADVANTAGE AND GET AHEAD OF THE GAME, AND NOT GET INTO THESE RELATIONSHIPS IN THE FIRST PLACE

What the hell does that even mean? Doesnt being in the dating game imply that you ARE NOT commiting to anyone? That's what dating is, right; checking out your options and not getting tied down.

There is really nothing to argue here. Asking us to 'prove' to you having a girlfriend is worthwhile is just as egregious as you telling us that no man should have a girlfriend. If YOU dont want one, then fine, no one is going to argue. It's your life. But to come out with an absolute like "do not have a girlfriend, it's a waste of time" again just belies the fact that you manifested your own negative experience into this universal assertation that having a gf is a losing game for all men.

MARRIAGE is one thing, but you are just being ridiculous with this and it would be better for you to consider your lack of perspective rather than try and backpedal and say there are exceptions. Why didnt you just say that in the first place? I understand this was an important revelation to you but it's not exactly earth-shattering to the rest of the community.

 

[Corona]

So how's the wife treating ya, skip?