Realy need advice, crucial moment

Slowpoke

New Member
Joined
Nov 3, 2013
Messages
9
Reaction score
0
So i met this girl at college, we just instantly gelled and started spending a lot of time together, in the beginning i didn't think things would escalate but she started telling me she missed me and all kinds of things that raised my attention. then she asked via pm if i was open to experimentation, at this stage i still didnt have feelings for her. and i was like yea sure.

i have a terrible ability to fall for any girl that gives me slight interest and so i started thinking more and more about her and feelings started to develop.

then i went to her house recently. things were a bit awkward until we went out and she started drinking. she started asking me how i feel about her "offer" and i acted cool and somewhat indifferent but willing. the difficulty i had at the time was that she said it would be a future venture. +- 2 weeks away.

we returned to her house and had a good time discussing all kinds of rubbish while she continued drinking and becoming more and more obvious that she had feelings for me.

i swear i could have pulled the trigger a thousand times that night but im so out of practice and scared of the ultra awkwardness of being rejected on the spot. she is also shy and i felt like i didnt want to jump the gun so i did what i thought was playing it cool and just discussed her life and other things.

she made many hints such as "if we were dating i would be like this......" and other things.

in retrospect i feel i blew it not making a physical move the whole night.

then in the early hours of the morning when i was leaving - at the last second she said. do i get a hug and a kiss. i said yip and we kissed - somewhat awkwardly but it ignited even more feelings for her in me.

i hesitated in my car. i had the urge to ring her doorbell and jump in and ravage her hollywood style but my fears got the better of me and i went home.


today i went to visit again and i told her that im wondering what she wants from me. she couldnt speak comfortably about it in person. we chatted and laughed a bit and went for a drive. hug goodbye.


pm time......


she asked me what i felt after we kissed and i said i had felt some feelings for her even before we kissed. but i said its early days and im not sure what i want between us.

she said she dosnt know either and is WORRIED THAT WE WILL RISK OUR FRIENDSHIP.


i said what if we risk losing something better than friendship.


she said we should take it as it comes. and she asked me what i thought of that.


i said spontaneity is probably best.

she said then i should initiate it.

i said....i will.


pretty ****ty generic "what are you doing" pm convo after that and then said goodnight.



where do i stand? am i friend-zoned? completely or just a bit? or was that the final invitation for me to initiate physical intimacy


i feel i got to emotionally involved to quickly and perhaps have been chatting to much and have now expressed that i have feelings for her.


where do i stand?

should i ignore her a bit and see what happens or should i try make an arrangement asap?



i feel like ive stepped over the line and unbalanced the scales and maybe a need to be a bit distant.

im going a bit crazy overthinking all of this :crazy: :crazy:


any advice would realy be appreciated and just ask if you need more info
 

Wolfgang D

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Apr 11, 2011
Messages
242
Reaction score
23
Slowpoke said:
she asked me what i felt after we kissed and i said i had felt some feelings for her even before we kissed. but i said its early days and im not sure what i want between us.

she said she dosnt know either and is WORRIED THAT WE WILL RISK OUR FRIENDSHIP.

i said what if we risk losing something better than friendship.

she said we should take it as it comes. and she asked me what i thought of that.

i said spontaneity is probably best.

she said then i should initiate it.

i said....i will.
What the heck are you doing, "putting the cards on the table" with a girl? And in PM, no less. Talk about killing the potential spark.

Okay, she told you to initiate it. So she has ordered some spontaneity from you. Man.... Very well, there are exceptions to every rule, and this girl could actually still be receptive ... if you stop telling her in PM that you don't want to be just friends anymore. Next time you see her it better be a date. And you better push her up against a wall at the end of it, hold her cheeks in your hands and kiss her. And it better end up at your place. That next time is your one chance.
 

JoeMarron

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 25, 2012
Messages
1,311
Reaction score
63
Age
33
Thankfully this chick seems about as awkward as you are or else this would've already been over. Like Wolfgang D said just close the damn deal already. After that play it cool. If she starts bombarding you with awkward relationship questions just tease her about it and keep playing it cool. If you really want a relationship with her make her work for it. If after a couple months she's still pushing for it and you still like her go ahead and make her your gf. None of this has to be awkward, serious, or complicated. Humans have been hooking up for thousands of years. Grab your balls, channel the masculine strength of your ancestors and do what needs to be done :yes:
 

Slowpoke

New Member
Joined
Nov 3, 2013
Messages
9
Reaction score
0
Thanks both for the advice,

would you believe i realized with full force my mistake after i typed it:cuss: :cuss:


what about giving some distance for the next few days?


my thinking is that now that ive shown interest if i back off it will confuse her and create desire?

thanks again.:)
 

Wolfgang D

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Apr 11, 2011
Messages
242
Reaction score
23
Slowpoke said:
Thanks both for the advice,

would you believe i realized with full force my mistake after i typed it:cuss: :cuss:


what about giving some distance for the next few days?


my thinking is that now that ive shown interest if i back off it will confuse her and create desire?

thanks again.:)
We all make mistakes. Even after you have gone from AFC to DJ and you have been at it for years, you will make mistakes. Heck, I have made some in the last few months. Just try to make more ... takes than mistakes.

Yes, don't contact her for a couple of days. Or a week. Find something clever to ask her to go with you to.

Something simple and clever, when I don't have any special event to take a girl to, is to take her to a fun gift shop in town, saying that I want to buy something for a female relative or the like. It is a gift shop with scented candles, funny table lamps, beanbag chairs, sexy quiz games for parties, etc. Just so the whole date isn't just sitting at a café.

Side note: if you ever want to buy a girl something, and you can't think of anything special, buy her a scented candle. Women and scented candles go together like cats and catnip.
 

Slowpoke

New Member
Joined
Nov 3, 2013
Messages
9
Reaction score
0
thanks i think im going to try a bit of distancing and see what happens.

woke up to this message


"hey been thinking about you a lot"


gut feeling wants to declare love:crazy: and all the rest but im going to be rational about this and take your advice.:crackup:


can i ask you maybe for more info on how this date would be initiated and how it would play out in your mind?
 

denverfan110

Don Juan
Joined
Oct 9, 2013
Messages
105
Reaction score
6
Next time you see her in a private setting, walk right up to her and her give her a passionate kiss (no dialogue necessary) and go from there. Just fvcking go balls to the wall and do it.

She wants you to initiative spontaneity but you've already led with a strong "I'm an average fvcking chump" foot forward. Luckily see seems to have high enough interest to cut you some slack but if you don't want to be 100% friendzoned you need to flip the switch immediately.

Show her you want her with actions not words. Initiate. At worst she turns you down and you lose a friendship but at least you won't spend the next 70 years of you life wondering what could have happened had you just pulled the trigger.
 

Slowpoke

New Member
Joined
Nov 3, 2013
Messages
9
Reaction score
0
denverfan110 said:
Next time you see her in a private setting, walk right up to her and her give her a passionate kiss (no dialogue necessary) and go from there. Just fvcking go balls to the wall and do it.

She wants you to initiative spontaneity but you've already led with a strong "I'm an average fvcking chump" foot forward. Luckily see seems to have high enough interest to cut you some slack but if you don't want to be 100% friendzoned you need to flip the switch immediately.

Show her you want her with actions not words. Initiate. At worst she turns you down and you lose a friendship but at least you won't spend the next 70 years of you life wondering what could have happened had you just pulled the trigger.


you are so damn right. im gonna do it.


ive had bad friendzoning in the past and i still to this day wonder what could have been and its probably worse than just taking the plunge:cheer: :cheer:
 

Slowpoke

New Member
Joined
Nov 3, 2013
Messages
9
Reaction score
0
now im screwed i think


recieved these messages

"i dont want to hurt your feelings later, so i dont know about the experimenting thing"


i just said chat later.


what do i do now:(
 

Vidrio

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Dec 26, 2012
Messages
206
Reaction score
10
Location
Chicago
Slowpoke said:
now im screwed i think


recieved these messages

"i dont want to hurt your feelings later, so i dont know about the experimenting thing"


i just said chat later.


what do i do now:(
It's a wrap. That's why you have to strike while the iron is hot. You should've made a move when you saw her instead of having convos. Waiting too long makes sh!t like this happen.

On to the next one.
 

JoeMarron

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 25, 2012
Messages
1,311
Reaction score
63
Age
33
Slowpoke said:
now im screwed i think


recieved these messages

"i dont want to hurt your feelings later, so i dont know about the experimenting thing"


i just said chat later.


what do i do now:(
This changes nothing. Get her alone and finish this already. If she stops you then you know where you stand. Go ghost
 

TheCWord

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 10, 2013
Messages
875
Reaction score
63
Any programming nerds out there know how to write a script so that I can automatically post the following reply every time a newbie thread pops up? It really does seem to be the one directive that can be applied universally to all these guys wondering where they went wrong....

LESS TALKY TALKY. MORE TOUCHY TOUCHY.
 

thatfeel

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 5, 2013
Messages
714
Reaction score
186
Sorry guy, ya blew it.
 

Bible_Belt

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
17,045
Reaction score
5,675
Age
48
Location
midwestern cow field 40
For a woman to invite you back to her place and get drunk with you is like waving a big sign that says Please Fvck Me! She feels rejected when you don't at least try to, and that kills attraction.
 

Slowpoke

New Member
Joined
Nov 3, 2013
Messages
9
Reaction score
0
actually a little dialogue fixed it all up again. i just made very careful decisions about what and how i said it. i made myself seem indifferent as to whether she fell off the face of the earth for a while and i think this shocked her a bit

i made it almost obvious that i was a bit irate and distant and that seemed to suck her back in.

also i think her desire was strong enough and i feel sad to say that her self esteem probably keeps me in the game.

im back in. probably still my last shot but im back in.
 

iamnobody

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jan 28, 2013
Messages
232
Reaction score
13
Location
Out there
Slowpoke said:
she is WORRIED THAT WE WILL RISK OUR FRIENDSHIP.
When she said that, she actually said "You're never going to see me naked". I think she desexualised you and this is a lost cause. No worries, there are plenty others, better and hotter, waiting for you. Let go of this one, and stop the AFC behaviour.
 

He-Man

Don Juan
Joined
Feb 17, 2013
Messages
11
Reaction score
0
I'd suggest you have a read of the DJ Bible.

You seem too emotional dude.. It's up to you to choose where you want to put her, and not the other way. The only feeling you are allowed to have is that of wanting to fvck her N none other.
 
Top