Really Need Some Input on How to Handle This Woman

[Fantasy]

Perhaps you are expecting a woman to act in a more predictable, linear way - like a man ? Ain't gonna happen, mostly.

THis is just an observation, but it is possible that your preferred "casual" style is contributing to the confusion and misalignment between you two. I think that she is showing cautious behavior now perhaps because she does not 'feel' your attraction to her.
The question is -what are you going to do if you run into her now ?
Is she in the FZ already in your mind?

She is likely still waiting, wishing and a'hoping for the next round of fun because neither you nor she has done anything to cause a rift or create distance. You have not had a tiff . My guess is that she and her imagination are having some pleasant moments.

This possibility did run across my mind, Jophil. I thought maybe I was too laidback and it set her sirens off. That is why I left that last message which, I think, would give clear indication of a man's interest. Yeah, maybe it wasn't the coolest words but it would make things clearer.

Well, when I do run into her, I will still finalize the plans for Saturday and will still be my upbeat self. I just won't make any more advances. She will have to make things clear to me such as I thought she did with the card.

 

[Fantasy]

Well, I just ran into her while walking my dog right before work. She was her usual cheery self. She immediately said "hi" and you "look nice." I was dressed for work and I usually don't play. I told her the plans for this Saturday and she accepted them. I spoke with her for another couple of minutes and then said my "bye." We'll see...

 

[Kailex]

My apologies to Fantasy. I saw your post on another board and used that other username blindly.
I edited my last response to remove the name.

Anyway, I see you set up for Saturday. Since that is set in stone, I suggest you take the next few days to fly out solo and discover the places around you. Don't depend solely on her to see this new "land".

Don't tell me exactly what you do for a living, but I do ask this, you work with customers/patients that you talk to everyday??

 

[Fantasy]

It's cool, Kailex. Thanks. I only posted somewhere else because I assumed I would get a lot of "DJ that H*" type stuff and really wasn't expecting the quality and depth of the feedback I got here. It's good to see.

At my job, I do deal with a lot of people usually but not right now. I am basically working in a confined area for the next few months.

 

[Joe Stud]

remember you are setting yourself up to be exclusive with this lady. Something tells me you are okay with this though.

 

[amoka]

I agree with most of Kailex's responses. One thing you must remember is that if things dont work out well between the two of you, you risk losing Riley walker. Maybe worst: a stalker next door neighbor.

Keep us posted.

 

[Kailex]

Fantasy, one thing you definitely need to do is visit a local coffee shop everyday and get SOMETHING. I don't care WHAT it is, but go EVERYDAY. Become a familiar face and a regular.

Not only will this give you some exposure to the coffee culture there, but it provides an opening to ask employees or other regulars for common places to visit. The fact that you are new to that area means that you have an "IN" for conversation.

You essentially have the ultimate ice-breaker.

I just don't want to see a scenario where you are completely dependent on the neighbor in order to go out.

My fear is that you might jump into a LTR a little too quickly with her (As Joe Stud said) and then you get to miss out on all the exciting day and night life that encompasses your new surrounding area. I'm not trying to discourage you from going out with this nice neighbor, but it's more of an issue of trying to encourage you to fly solo a little more out there.

Since you don't see people at work, my advice to ask customers about places is out of the question, so it falls onto you to find out hot new places on your own OUT of the workplace. I just don't want to see you resenting a quick relationship or see you in a bind of: "I jumped into an LTR that watches me closely!"

Everything you do with the "Riley Walker" needs to be outcome independent. Just have fun with her, but focus on having fun WITHOUT her as well.

 

[Fantasy]

I agree with most of Kailex's responses. One thing you must remember is that if things dont work out well between the two of you, you risk losing Riley walker. Maybe worst: a stalker next door neighbor.

Keep us posted.

Well, I didn't like the whole "I got your message but didn't call" blah blah blah. It was a really turnoff as far as dating is concerned. Things were much more exciting when she was acting completely cool so I decided just to pursue a friendship. I can't be mad because at the end of the day I realize that she is doing something very cool by walking my dog every day for free. I will still show my appreciation just because I don't think someone can keep this up without being shown some type of appreciation. She even told me that sometimes she works at her parents house but it is only 10 minutes away so she could easily drive over just to walk him when she is at her parents. You can't hold a phone call situation completely against a person who says that.

Now, the female who stays in the unit between us is starting to show some interest. I am just noticing the way she looks at me and starting to smile a lot when I talk to her. I don't know... a man has needs as you know.


Don't worry, Kailex, the most important advice I have internalized in this thread is to slow cook with anything that may arise in this condo complex, man. You should just see all of the hot ass women in this place. I have never lived in a spot like this and more females are starting to warm up to me. I think because the way they saw me dress while I was on vacation made them wonder about me but now that I have started work again and they see me coming and going from work, they wonder even more because of the sharp contrast but probably in a more positive way. I am not looking to be reckless but it would be nice to have some good company consistently around here. I am not really the type to have multiple females going on too much but I will take what I can get if they are worth having for now.

I would like to have someone who can scratch my back in this new place. I just moved from a place where most of my family lives and could always find someone to help me out when I got in a tight spot. I need connections like that here and no one bends over backwards for you like a woman who is crazy about you. I am also a good person to have in one's corner too so it works out.

 

[Die Hard]

You've referred to the past a few times now, about how things went with women then compared to now. I get the idea you are not the same person now as you were then and that's why your results are not the same as well. Overall, I get the feeling you're acting way too much like a gentleman towards this woman and sort of hiding your sexuality. This is in line with your preference for a LTR... I think all this makes you signal too much 'neediness' towards her. Just think about the difference between a guy who's talking to a girl with the sole purpose of ****ing her and a guy who's talking to a girl with the sole purpose of being in a LTR with her... The latter is inclined to supplicate towards her, put her on a pedestal etc. I don't say this is you, but you tend towards this, too much anyway...

You want this thing to work too much. Here's what you said before:

I guess because I feel myself getting older and established in my career I am treating things more delicately now.

Now, I am thinking more of starting a family before I get too "up there" and am treating things strategically

This 'attitude' is influencing your behavior and she is picking up on it. That's what you're doing wrong and why she isn't responding the way you'd hope she would. But you also gave the answer to the problem yourself before:

when I cared less, things were much easier

So care less, then. Be more like you were in the past!

Here's something else you said that's worrysome:

It is things like this that make me wish I was just married already and not have to play the dating game. It gets so tired to me. It is the reason I enjoy LTRs so much more than just dating randomly.

with all due respect, this makes me think of the typical AFC who's frustrated with women and the dating game. He gives women all they want, buys them flowers, fullfills all their requests and they still treat him like ****. Go read the first few pages of The Book of Pook and analyze yourself alongside, I'm sure you'll see that you're doing certain things wrong.

 

[Fantasy]

with all due respect, this makes me think of the typical AFC who's frustrated with women and the dating game. He gives women all they want, buys them flowers, fullfills all their requests and they still treat him like ****. Go read the first few pages of The Book of Pook and analyze yourself alongside, I'm sure you'll see that you're doing certain things wrong.

I see your points but this is who I am. I am always looking to improve myself overall as a man but I won't let women change the person I am comfortable being. I am a gentleman and I am glad I can look in the mirror and not be ashamed of the man I developed into.

There is the belief out there that all gentleman don't get women. Gentleman is not synonymous with being a pushover. I have a good track record of getting the woman I want and that is all that matters to me. I don't have to get every woman that I want or have a trail of them lined up.

Yes, I am not fund of the dating game. That has never been a secret with me. Trying to juggle different personalities and wondering if I can trust any of them with an already exhausting schedule is...exhausting.

I think what must be understood here that if some men don't buy into another's particular philosophy on dating, it doesn't make them a loser. What's most important is being comfortable with who you are. I think that is an attractive trait within itself. You don't have to agree.

Now, this is something I am sure will turn many of stomachs here. I learned to better myself after ending my relationship with my first fiancee. I began to change after that and I am very proud of the way I have grown since then. I learned after I pushed her out of my life as an immature, selfish a***ole. For a long time afterwards, I was "chasing Amy."

I don't ever like saying this because then I become an arrogant, narcissistic @**. But simply because of what I do for a living, I don't have a problem getting women interested in me. Getting dates is no issue at all. While women are not beating down my door, I can ask many single women out and many will go out with me. I can sell them dreams of living a high profile life and they will eat it up. a couple of months into the dating thing and they are talking about having my baby and bringing up marriage. Now, I am thinking if this woman just looking for a free ride or is she really that crazy about me. I tend to always question it because she was not present through most of my struggle to get where I am today unlike my ex.

So now, I can never have the female that was there from the beginning because I gave her up. I don't want to go around questioning the motives of every date I get and wonder what she really wants from me. I want one person I can trust again. I choose my women very carefully. One mistake during a hot night, can lead to 18 years of misery. Trust me, I just went through it.

Again, I gave up on my dog walker. My interest level dropped after the phone call thing. I am already too cautious and that blew it for her but I will continue to show her my appreciation for what she does for me. She is basically taking care of a person's dog she barely knows. You don't crap on someone who does that for you.

When the cult term "AFC" starts get thrown around in any thread around here, that is usually my cue to exit. Thanks for all of the great insight for those who were committed to helping me out who despite me not fitting into the general scheme of ideas around here. It really did help.

 

[Die Hard]

Too bad you're exiting, I've been enjoying your field reports a lot and would've liked to see them continue.

All the best wishes to you, I hope you'll find that one person you can trust again!

 

[K-man]

Too bad you're exiting, I've been enjoying your field reports a lot and would've liked to see them continue.

All the best wishes to you, I hope you'll find that one person you can trust again!

I wholeheartedly agree!

 

[jophil28]

Well, I didn't like the whole "I got your message but didn't call" blah blah blah. It was a really turnoff as far as dating is concerned.

I totally understand this ^^. I also have little patience with lame excuses and adolescent style replies from women. I have also tossed away women who made similar statements because, deepdown, I interpreted a lame excuse as a character defect, or low interest level, or an early sign of a tendency to play mindgames. However having said, that I am also aware that women have some kind of general hatred of returning a guy's VM's in the first few weeks of a new connection .
When I have enquired as to why they did not return my VM, they came up with some lame statement which just made me cringe with irritation.

I do not know exactly why they do this .
I do know that if they happen to befriend another female, as a new pal, they have no such reluctance.
So why do women sabotage a potential budding relationship by acting like a smoked out ditzy teenager ?

Beats me.

 

[SexyMofo]

Gentlemen get women that are in their mid 30's and older. They've had their fun, got their p*ssies stretched out by players and badboys and now are looking for a gentleman to settle down with. Single moms love gentlemen too.

So yes, gentlemen do get women. What a deal you get huh?

 

[Joe Stud]

C'mon doc, dont give up on the doggy girl. I enjoy the field reports. Better yet, get 2 women competing for you...