Really confused, any help appreciated

[Lil Game]

(First of all I know the general philosophy of dating within the workplace but please understand that where I work people dating each other is very very common)

I recently took this girl out who's been flirting with me for the longest. We went on a first date and everything was cool. She invited me back to her house and we just chilled out. I didn't go for a kiss close b/c she was just getting over a cold so I just hugged her goodbye and kissed her on the cheek. About a week later we went out again and I turned up the kino, again, everything went really well. When I drove her home this time I was determined to make a move b/c I figured if I didn't make a serious move she would perceive me as a wuss. So when I dropped her off I this time I went for the kiss and we made out for a few minutes. She then made a comment like, "I don't date guys I work with." I then said that she should make an exception and she laughed. Plus I knew she was lying b/c she has dated before within the workplace.I took it as a s*** test and moved on telling her that I would call her later to set up another date. I called her 2-3 days later and she was very cold. Every answer was one word or very very short. I tried to set up another date telling her she should hit me up after she got off of work a few days later. Well, she never hit me back and I'm assuming its over and that's fine. I plan on just leaving her alone now, but I would just like to learn what I did wrong. I seem to always run into situations like this whether its a girl at work or not. Things go from extremely hot and interested to extremely cold without any explanation. I would just like to know what I'm doing wrong so that I stop making the same stupid mistakes. Again, any advice would be appreciated, thanks.

 

[horaholic]

YOu may never know what you did wrong, but there was something. It might not even be your fault. It seems that she lost it after you made out, so either she did not like your kissing ability, or you had bad breath, or something in her head associated you with something else, like a bad memory of an ex or something, or you reminded her of her brother, and instantly turned her off.

The work thing is most likely an excuse, cuz she'll probably be banging someone else from work within the week. (murphy's law)

 

[DJDamage]

I can't tell what you did wrong exectly because I would need to see you in action from start to finish.

Few things I wouldn't do (beside's dating someone from work):

1) I wouldn't wait a long time to ask a woman out if I knew there was a chance that she was interested.

2) You never go into a chick's house on the first date unless you are confident and certain you are going to end up in her bed with her. You should have escalated instead of chilling like two old buddies.

3) I don't care if she is just getting over a cold, if she is on a date with you then you go for the kiss close while the iron is hot. If you weren't prepared to kiss close her then you shouldn't have asked her on a date. A hug and a kiss on the cheek is what her brother would do and you don't want her to feel like she is dating her brother would you now?

4) You waited too long to make a move on the second date. Why wait all the way to the end of the date to go for the kiss close? this is too highschool sh1t.

5) At this point when she said "I don't date guys I work with" it might have already been too late. Maybe at work you portrayed yourself as this fun suave character but she saw who you really were outside of work and you ended up being too nervous and lacked confidence to close the deal.

You need to gain more confidence and more practice in dating so everything you do will seem effortless and second nature.

Practice makes perfect.

 

[Dr.Gonzo]

So when I dropped her off I this time I went for the kiss and we made out for a few minutes. She then made a comment like, "I don't date guys I work with."

I don't know much about this type of situation (because I'm trying to figure out the same thing) but I would say that it was the fact you didn't call her on her s**t test right then and there and tell her you know she was lying. Talk to her and tell her that she has double standards and quite honestly your better without her because of it.

I recently had this girl that I was flirting with. She texted me saying she wasn't wanting a relationship and I told her I was glad she told me so I would stop wasting my time. Even though I haven't spoken to her since it made me feel a lot better getting it off my chest.

 

[Lil Game]

DJDamage understand what ur saying. Looking back I definitely waited too long to escalate things but it seemed like she was content with how things were going, especially seeing that when I went for the kiss on the 2nd date she was game to make out. And I was definitely nervous, don't know how much it showed. I'm always nervous on dates no matter how much I try to relax. Oh well, appreciate the feedback and I definitely need a lot more work.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

She then made a comment like, "I don't date guys I work with." I then said that she should make an exception and she laughed.

You lost right here!!! Wrong answer!!! When she said "I don't date guys I work with" you should've called her on her BS right on the spot!!! Instead you came from a weaker position by saying "you should make an exception." Do you see how that makes her feel like she has the keys to the car??

Most likely she already NEXT'D you for something you might've done before this, but this DEFINITELY was the nail in the coffin.


Plus I knew she was lying b/c she has dated before within the workplace.I took it as a s*** test and moved on telling her that I would call her later to set up another date.

So you don't call her on her $hit even though you knew for a fact that she was lying, then on top of that you validate her even further by trying to set up a future date while you were on a date..... another weak frame example


I called her 2-3 days later and she was very cold. Every answer was one word or very very short.

Take that as a hint... remember judge girls on their actions to find the truth if your ever confused.

I tried to set up another date telling her she should hit me up after she got off of work a few days later.

Another mistake.... she's LJBF'ing you, and now your expecting her to call you?? Not going to happen...

Well, she never hit me back and I'm assuming its over and that's fine. I plan on just leaving her alone now, but I would just like to learn what I did wrong. I seem to always run into situations like this whether its a girl at work or not. Things go from extremely hot and interested to extremely cold without any explanation. I would just like to know what I'm doing wrong so that I stop making the same stupid mistakes. Again, any advice would be appreciated, thanks.

Your frame is weak. Girls are attracted to you and like the initial vibe you give off, however you quickly turn into mush and they lose interest. You need to become more confident. You have great qualities, learn to market yourself better. If you start to care less and have fun, while showcasing your personality, you'll have girls begging to get your attention.




PIMP

 

[MisterMcGee]

I never got the whole "shes actively rejecting me... should i call her?"
why do you want to talk to her? She's become a chore and talking to her will just be an uphill climb and so labouring... what's in it for you? You call her, have a dreadful conversation, you trudge through mud, yay you get another date, she flakes, if she doesnt flake then you TRY TRY TRY to escalate and get on good terms with her.
It's a yawnfest and a total waste of energy. Why call a girl who doesn't want to talk to you and who won't be much fun to be around? Don't NEXT her as a defensive measure, NEXT her cause she should be boring you to death. ffs

 

[Lil Game]

Again guys, thanks for the feedback. I'll definitely keep all this in mind for next time. Part of the reason I waited so long to act on dating her was that my apartment wasn't necessarily girl friendly, it was just lame and I really lacked confidence b/c of it. Now I at least have enough confidence to ask a girl on a date knowing that if it leads back to my place I don't have to cringe. Looking back, me not trying to score on that first night was brutal. That's the problem, I always think of this crap days or weeks later instead of it "clicking" in the moment. I wish there was a GPS for dating or something, I always seem to take the wrong turns and make the wrong moves.

Its interesting b/c I talked to one of my friends about this and he told me that I acted on trying to have sex too soon by making out with her. He's always been more successful with girls than me (who hasn't?) and currently has been dating a good looking girl for 2 years. At first I thought he was right but now I'm seeing that he was wrong. Although apparently it worked for him and he's never had any trouble getting girls.

Just gotta chalk it up to another learning experience. That's why I'm glad you guys responded, that way I'll at least walk away with some value from this situation. I'll try to be a little more relaxed and steer clear of serious topics on dates. Plus I still gotta work on what I'm specifically supposed to do in certain moments on dates, I'm sorta socially retarded when it comes to that. Well, thanks again.