Reality just hit

[BigFoot]

I've read Doc Love, read the discussion groups, watched others who are successful, gained alot of experience myself, and realized something: most people probably can't change their attractiveness or relationship success all that much.
We are basically born with certain looks and characteristics; we then develop those somewhat through our early learning experiences. After that, it's very difficult to change those basic attributes.
Some people have it, some don't.

 

[Kitsune]

I think that's just an excuse for laziness.

You can choose to go to the gym twice a week or stay at home in front of the TV.
You can choose to have friends
You can choose to make the first move or to hang back and be insecure

At the end of the day, it's mostly up to you.

 

[BigFoot]

I disagree. I've chosen to do all of those things, and more, and I realize now it really hasn't changed my prospects much.
And whatever you do, it's difficult to fight basic personality traits. The younger you are, the better chance you have to make fundamental changes. At age 21, I encourage you to believe what you said.

 

[Kitsune]

Originally posted by BigFoot
I disagree. I've chosen to do all of those things, and more, and I realize now it really hasn't changed my prospects much.
And whatever you do, it's difficult to fight basic personality traits. The younger you are, the better chance you have to make fundamental changes. At age 21, I encourage you to believe what you said.

I'll have to say that's true, because old habits die hard, I suppose, and when people get older, they find it harder and harder to accept new things.

So, moral of the story, change while you're still young, don't think you will have time further down the line.

 

[Walking Anomaly]

Anyone can change most things...body shape, skin quality, personality, habits, friends, etc.

You just have to want to first...you cant force anything...

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

It is harder for an older person to change, they have so much negativity to deal with. It can be done, but with much effort.

An ugly guy who goes to the gym and buffs up, is now an ugly guy with a nice body...

Fatties have the greatest chance to really enhance their attractiveness........

Everyone cant get the GIRLS they want.

Jerk training is an emotional retreat for the losers of the dating world. The real jerks who **** puszy, dont try to be jerks, they just are..When nerd guy plays jerk, he just becomes more unattractive... Contempt for what you cant have...

Use the trick in the dj bible to gain some confidence and continue with the things that make YOU happy.. **** these HOS

 

[Sasha]

- WILL, IS THE POWER THAT WILL MOVE MOUNTAINS!!!

 

[BigFoot]

Yes Kitsune, you have it.
For people that are a bit older, think of a girl you know or knew at one time that was really "hot". Her looks, manners, poise - she was probably born with most of that (and learned the remaining small part of it by high school). Same thing for guys.

 

[nishbuk]

Terrible attitude.

I had no poise, no self-confidence, couldn't carry a conversation, didn't know how to make a joke in highschool.

The fact of the matter is, I worked MY ASS off to change my attitude, and my world-view, and to find worth in myself.

The TRUTH is that you just don't have what it takes, because of your cop-out mindset. If you really wanted to change, you would do WHATEVER IT TAKES. You haven't done that yet, so you haven't changed.

You're not going to cheapen my success by telling me that "I was born with it", because I WASN'T. My parents are not hot, I'm not hot. I'm a 5"8 155lb skinny indian kid, and I have worked my ****ing ASS OFF to become an assured success as a person. I read book after book, did excersize after excersize to change my attitude, learned how to suceed, learned how to remove the negativity, and learned how to find my self worth. This doesn't just apply to girls. This applies to EVERYTHING. I am now DRIVEN to succeed at EVERYTHING that I try. And guess what? I DO.
I'm a 155lb 5"8 indian kid who has MADE himself into a FORCE.
Who the **** are you?

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

I think the poise is from being treated as if she/he is important. We talked about this sh.it in my interpersonal comm class last week: People who are treated well by their peer group from an early will always be treated well, things can change, but for the most part they will always have that something special. For nerd boy to get that same inner confidence is going to take some hard work, not carring is not confidence...

 

[BigFoot]

At age 18 or 22 you're still a kid in many ways, and it's alot easier then.

 

[nishbuk]

Originally posted by BigFoot
At age 18 or 22 you're still a kid, and it's alot easier then.

lol. Same cop-out mindset. Guess what? Life isn't easy. Get the **** used to it. You CAN change your habits. You're not born with your mindset. You develop it, and you can change it. Lemme guess, you're not where you want to be in life, right?

You don't have a successful job that FULFILLS you as a person, you probably don't have as much money as you want. You probably haven't found a life purpose. You probably haven't been all that successful with women...
Well guess what, some of the ugliest dudes on the planet have some of the hottest chicks. And no...it's not because they were born with it. It's because they are SUCCESSFUL, and they see the worth in themselves.

Dont' give me this "You just have it easier cause you're younger" bull****. Okay so it might be a little easier for me. So what? You just going to sit in a corner and accept your fate? Sad...just plain sad. Well, you've already made up your mind, and your defeatist attitude will follow you until you decide that it's not who you are.
don't use your age as a crux. 30 isn't debilitatingly old. Men get handsome as they get older to a point. 22-23 year old girls are not out of your league.
Well actually let me take that back. They are out of YOUR league, because of your attitude.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

no one claimed it couldn't be done, most agree that it is a hard thing to do, especially for someone older who has more scars.

**** I bet Im a bigger FORCE than you, but I know most of the lames here aren't going to make some epic change that will turn them into a lady killa. I think that if everything they do is just to get b.itch, something is wrong. Do this **** for your own edification.....

Still it is NOT completely up to you. The confidence that they build might mean **** to the world and rejection might still be a major reality. That is why you do it for you... All this bullshi.t excitement aint gon' help no one....I like to be honest with ppl...

 

[nishbuk]

I'm not here to compare my Penis size with someone else (Whose a bigger force), because it really doesn't matter. I'm happy with ME, and my life goals, and my direction in life, and that's all that matters. I just HATE it when people have an attitude that debilitates them...noone is succesful in this world without failing a bunch of times first. Doesn't mean that they had it "Easy" or had "better poise". Those things come from your attitude, not from your genes...

 

[I'm Joe Dirt]

Its a self limiting thought you can't change. Its also a conveniant justification for not doing what it takes to change.

"Oh I can't change..." when you approach a new discipline with that attitude you are setting yourself up subliminally for failure. You gotta turn that attitude around 180 degrees and say to yourself "I can change who I am"

I believe you can change your personality, its going to be uncomfortable at first, but you can do it. Some people who are really introverted when they see someone outgoing and fun whose wearing flashy clothes and is talking to lots of people and say "oh well thats just not me, I don't go around talking to strangers or dressing like that"

So what I say, YOU CAN CHANGE. Go to the store and buy some new clothes, they might feel weird at first because they're different but you get used to it. Then force yourself to talk to strangers, it will feel weird at first too and VERY uncomfortable but you will get used to it.

I used to be very introverted until I got my first sales job, which was VERY uncomfortable for me in the first few weeks but then as time went on I became better at it and that weird creepy feeling like something was wrong when I approached and talked to strangers was gone.

Same thing with women. When I first started asking girls out and going out with them I felt like I didn't know what was going on. I had no idea if I should be trying to make an effort to control my body language or what I should talk about, how I should act, etc. But then as I went out with and spent time with more women the feeling of insecurity and being helpless went away.

Its just like riding a car, when you are new at it you feel kind of weird and you are paying attention to all these things, but as time goes on and you get more practice all that becomes second nature and you don't even think about it.

Thats exactly the process that personality changes go through. Most people I suspect, including you, get that weird feeling in your gut saying that something is not right or is out of place and you stop and say to yourself "okay this isnt working". What you really need to do though is keep at it until that feeling is gone.

When you "try" all these techniques and you don't have the right mindset, that is a positive one not a "this wont work but I will try it anyway" mindset, they wont work.

It's as simple as that. When you are thinking about failure your body languge and tonality will change accordingly and your great pick up line that works for other guys online turns into crap.

You really have to work on it and project it to the point where people see you as confident, not as if you were reading a scripted line.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

YES we can change.

I will never believe that every guy who works hard at being a DJ or a PUA will eventually reach this goal. I think that ppl can only change themselves and that the outside world is a different battle.

Im not trying to give anyone here a reason not to change, sh.it look at mys/name.

Certain ppl will never have that God given ability to shake up a room, to be the center of attention w/out trying, to be an object of lust.... We've all watched "naturals" m/f just own their environment, that shi.t can;t be taught. Just like the total package of attractiveness cant be found on the internet, a seduction e-book, or from any other behavior modification. Spending thousands of hours on yourself will not give the AWE factor of a Brad Pitt. Your either pretty or not...

 

[salsipuedes]

I disagree with those that say that the older you are the less chance you have to change. Most insecurities in life ( and thats at the end the trouble with us, our insecurities ) are created in our minds when we are young, it depends in our parents, our life, and our experiences, a kid 16 years old may not be as experienced as some 30 yr old, but he might have deep rooted fears and a very poor self worth to deal with. I am 30 yrs old myself, and i want this bad, and i am willing to do what ever it takes, and i think age actually helps you because you get to understand that the problem is not you or your worth as a person, the problem is the way in wich you grew up, the way your parents educated you, and the way those things prevented you from developing a personality that can deal with women. A young guy is not this well aware of the problem, and he might blame himself more and believe theres something actually wrong with him.

Just my two cents

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

Sals you make a good point regarding how age can allow someone to have a better picture of the problem.

You just contradicted a lot of what this site teaches. Yes there are naturals. If you get into the habit of doing it so much it can come naturally to you too. It's just like learning to do any other task. This guy thinks his attitude can't ever change? Put him in jail for a year or two....see if he comes out the same man.

Contradicted the forum-- oh noooo!!!

My definition of a natural is one who doesn't have to try to be attractive, one who doesn't have to work at it. One who is always the center of attention. You speak of making it a habit, so that it becomes natural. You can't make a habit of making others natural attraction to you. I agree with the you can change mantra, but let's not get carried away.

This forum can help you:

Become less needy.
Can give you the tools to build your confidence.
Ideas on how to pick up and deal with women.
Motivate you to dress better, hit the gym, and get some pimp limp in our step.

But there are levels of attraction that are innate. Haven't you been floored by a total hottie? She isn't trying to project anything, just enters the room, tending to her own affairs, yet she has everyones attention. That is the type of attraction that no one can learn through self-mastery. Attraction and rapport are more important than a pook epic post or some mystical technique.

 

[salsipuedes]

I am not here to eventually steal women from Pierce Brosnan, i am here to improve the quality of my social skills with women, if i improve 20% my skills, and i learn how to manage fear a little better, i would be more than grateful to this site.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

I'm tired of writing about this. It is good to know that most of you have a can-do attitude.