Wow, ruckus...the way you are making so many negative assumptions about me as a man and how the WHOLE RESPONSIBILTY of making the marriage work is all on my shoulders alone makes you sound like Dr. Phil himself.
1. you let her talk you into buying a house when you knew better. Yeah you challenge any married guy to deny this sort of thing, but you should've had the precendent set up that you make final decisions on such things AND discussed this large of an issue before getting married.
I made the final decision. Did I include my WIFE on the decision-making process, yes. Was it a bad decision? In hindsight, yes it was. So what, now I am not a DJ? Did my wife MAKE me? I could have said no, but I knew how important it was to her, and a house is important to ANY wife. Buying a home is an INVESTMENT, so it's not like I was "suckered" into it. Because the house needed some minor cosmetic work, I was able to get it at a very good price. At the time, my wife had some good points for buying the house. The only thing that didn't come through as planned was a good job for me in the location our house was in.
2. You were suckered into buying a $3800 ring? You said your finances were tight, but i have that kind of money and i would spend no where remotely near that for a ring. In fact, i'm kind of iffy on a ring AT ALL and possibly i might refuse for it to be a diamond on principle.
I wasn't "suckered" into buying anything, Ruckus. I bought this ring completely on my own. The ring was absolutely PERFECT, so I bought it, and paid CASH. I will never forget the looks on her friend's faces when they saw it. GIRLS WILL COMPARE ENGAGEMENT RINGS WITH OTHER GIRLS. IT IS A DIRECT REFLECTION ON THEIR MAN. NEVER FORGET THIS! We were engaged THREE YEARS AGO, and my finances were FINE at that time. When you add up living expenses and unexpected expenses and a downpayment for a home, your finances can change rather quickly in the course of three years, my friend.
3. You let her friends influence her that much? When a women tells me what her exes did or what their friends say or what their friends' boyfriends do i tell them you say you love me not them and there's a reason why they're exes: because what they did was stupid and unattractive to you. And i will not let you talk me into a decision that is bad just because
You have poor grammar skills, Dr. Phil. I can hardly follow what you are saying. I didn't "LET" her friends do anything to her. They are around her all day, and I can't be there every minute monitoring what my wife hears. I am a MAN, not a babysitter. I have things to do; I can't spend all my time worrying about what a bunch of hens are saying behind my back. I expected my wife to know better than that. She was too young and immature to handle it. I didn't know the pressure was getting to her until it was too late.
4. I don't know how old you are but marrying someone in their low 20s is just asking for trouble. If you married young yourself, (i'm not sure your age) that's very unDJ limiting your options so quickly. A young woman who truly wants to be with you would pretty much wait any length of time to officially marry you. She has plenty of time if she's only early 20s.
You might be right, Dr. Phil, but there are lots of girls who get married at that age and are very happy. It is very "unDJ" to limit your options so quickly? HUH? Well, maybe we COULD have waited to be married, but why would we do that? At the time, things were going great, we graduated from college, she had a GREAT job making good money, and I was going to get one very soon. We had it all planned out. The very fact that I could get this girl to practically beg me to marry her even though she was making much more money than me at the time says a lot about what kind of "DJ" I am. There is NO WAY I could have predicted this would happen. If I could have, I would have done things much differently, obviously.
5. You married a weak willed woman to begin with. I can't even respect a woman who can't think for herself let alone marry one. This has to be have demonstrated before the marriage but you ignored it.
No, what I married was a young, sweet, and impressionable girl. We all have weaknesses, me, her, you, and your mother. Hers didn't come up until she took her first full-time job and she let a bunch of older, bitter women confuse her mind. I can honestly say that I did not see this coming at all.
6. You keep saying "support her YET." You're not there to support her. To hell with that. This is a poor ass mentality if you're busting your ass just to be able to give her sh1t.
I see you have many posts in this forum, ruckus, but I have to wonder if all of your advice is as bad as this.
The signs of her being a poor girlfriend/wife were there the whole time. If you read the site as long as you claimed it would be obvious.
Right. Am I to bleieve that you feel that people NEVER change over the course of time? That different circumstances has nothing to do with bringing out the best or the worse in people? If the signs were there the whole time, I would not have married her, obviously.
