cordoncordon said:
And I'm just throwing this out there, but...have you ever thought maybe you were gay? That maybe this deep hidden urge that you keep inside of you and that you keep repressed is the reason you are so sad and alone all the time? Because you know you are not being true to yourself?? You like being with your male friends, and you hate the touch of a woman. That to me....is being gay.
LOL...nah, not gay. The ubiquitous "they" say that no one is 100% "straight", and I can probably accept that, but no, you read me wrong.
I do enjoy the "touch of a woman". The problem is I am disappointed in myself for having those desires. I've hurt a lot of women by f**king them without emotional connection. Sexually, I am totally into them, but after I nut, I just want to get as far away from them as possible. The metaphor I was using earlier was comparing it to a "drug"...after f**king a girl, when I'm laying with her in her bed, I feel like an druggie sitting there high out of his mind in a crackhouse or opium den, and I just have this "moment of clarity" where I feel like I deserve BETTER than this, what these drives are leading me toward.
Last night I was ready to just put it all aside, I hated myself for getting "sucked in" so easily. This morning, I've been walking around with a half-chubby all day, eyeing women up in the elevators at work...and I hate myself for it.
Women have always made sh*tty friends for me, though. They're fun to hang out with for their own reasons, but the brutal attitude I take with myself and the constant desire to be more than "normal" makes women ineffective companions for all but sex.
It's not that I don't HAVE the feelings...it's more that I don't WANT them. I don't want to be a slave to the weaker emotions like "love", "lust", etc...like everyone else in this world.
As I said to another member in PM:
This is the ultimate goal for some people? To the point where we have forums dedicated to getting guys laid?? Or even married/"related"?? What are we doing, man? What is SoSuave doing??
Are we selling each other out to the system by teaching strategies for romance and sex? Are we "part of the problem" here on this forum, in that by teaching men how to be men, we unconsciously are enslaving them to their sexuality?
I'm the only person I know who is dissatisfied with the inherent limitations of being human. "Sex" has become one of those limitations. I don't know if I CAN shut it out, though. I'm weak.
Like masochistic Christian zealots who flogged themselves during the inquisition out of disgust for their human nature.
Am I "depressed"? You're not the first person to suggest that. But although I find nothing worth living for in life, it's not some random depression. The cognition leading to that feeling is there. Why should I be happy? I'm human. I can't even rise above the desire to stick my d!ck in a girl. What is there to "aspire to" that matters?
You may be able to make me happy with meds or some clever brainwashing, but will it change the fact that I'm still just another swinging d!ck? P***y led to the downfall of some of the greatest empires in the world. Has f**king or romance or love ever done SH*T good for mankind? Is anyone here a better person as a result of it?