Re-Engaging After a Fall Out

[bricks]

Hey guys. Long-time reader that never had the need to post, until today. I have a question.

I walked out on this girl about a year ago. We had an emotionally intense year together. It was one of my more memorable "alpha" moments. For months, she was hung up about it, posting sentimental **** and stuffs on her FB. I eventually deleted her but then she just posted them publicly so I still get to see them (Yeah, I check all the time. I have feelings for her. Sue me). She left town for business school, got an MBA, surrounded herself with finance types (you know how the ratio is in the finance world), and I think she's actually doing pretty well for herself now, graduated and all.

A few days ago, I heard she's back. I sent her a text, never expecting her to reply, but she did. It was short, it went like this (mine in bold):

"are you back?"
"yes"
"do i get to see you again?"
"why would i agree to that" (no question mark at the end)

I ignored her last message and proceeded to tell her to come have a walk with me to see the cherry blossoms in the park the next day. She did not respond.

I did not show up. The likelihood is, she did not show up as well.

I may or may not re-engage. I still have feelings for her. I don't know that yet. But in case I decide to, how would you guys approach to re-engage?

Btw, I am spinning other plates. She knows I'm living with another girl now.

 

[European-DJ]

I wouldn't ...

I might only be 19 years, but have had 2x 2 year LTR's ... Both of the girls, i still have STRONG fellings for, they mean a lot to me...

But what i applied in the second LTR Breakup, was something i learned from the first. Block their a$$ on Facebook, delete der number, remove the stuff that reminds you of them - and simply start forgetting them.

PLENTY OF FISH in the sea... And i promise you, that a lot of the fishes out there, are even more tasty and delicious than this one.

Remember:
" Change means that what was before wasn't perfect " ...

 

[djokovic77]

The fact she replied means she's not totally through with you emotionally yet. There are ways you could manipulate her to at least see you again, but you have to ask yourself if it's worth it, especially in how it will affect your current situation.

 

[betheman]

Hey guys. Long-time reader that never had the need to post, until today. I have a question.

I walked out on this girl about a year ago. We had an emotionally intense year together. It was one of my more memorable "alpha" moments. For months, she was hung up about it, posting sentimental **** and stuffs on her FB. I eventually deleted her but then she just posted them publicly so I still get to see them (Yeah, I check all the time. I have feelings for her. Sue me). She left town for business school, got an MBA, surrounded herself with finance types (you know how the ratio is in the finance world), and I think she's actually doing pretty well for herself now, graduated and all.

A few days ago, I heard she's back. I sent her a text, never expecting her to reply, but she did. It was short, it went like this (mine in bold):

"are you back?"
"yes"
"do i get to see you again?"
"why would i agree to that" (no question mark at the end)

I ignored her last message and proceeded to tell her to come have a walk with me to see the cherry blossoms in the park the next day. She did not respond.

I did not show up. The likelihood is, she did not show up as well.

I may or may not re-engage. I still have feelings for her. I don't know that yet. But in case I decide to, how would you guys approach to re-engage?

Btw, I am spinning other plates. She knows I'm living with another girl now.

what are you hoping to achieve? she looks like she has moved on and done well for herself, have you? maybe your a bit curious to see if she still feels the same about you?
from her texts she doesnt seem that interested, if she has moved on and is doing well she might want to see you to rub your nose in it

 

[bricks]

anyone else want to give their thoughts?

 

[bigneil]

Don't ask for dates, offer dates. For example:

"I'll be going downtown on Thursday evening to get dinner if you'd like to join me." You specify the exact time, date and place and you are going regardless. Avoid things like "What are your plans this week?" as it puts her in a vulnerable position of confessing she has no plans on certain dates, which you might decline.

In this case, her text couldn't have been more cold so it's NC time.

 

[Johnnyventana]

She'd have to be a freak to just forget in 2 seconds that you blanked her for an entire year, thus her response. The text went badly, maybe it could have been saved then. Now though you'd look desperate to keep chasing her. The moment is lost.

 

[zekko]

Why did you dump her?
Is the girl you're living with just a roommate or a girlfriend?
Are you cheating on her by spinning other plates?

I've lost girls before because they didn't approve of me spinning other plates.
Even if your old girl is interested, she may not think it's worth her time if she knows you have too many other irons in the fire.

 

[bricks]

OP replies:

thanks for the thoughts guys.

in the interest of learning more about the subtleties of male-female dynamics (aren't we all interested in that?), i'll relate some more info. some of the insights could prove useful to the group.

me, 38. she, 28. i've known about game even before we met, but i never had the need to rely on techniques to get women because i have this natural inclination to display this type of overconfident, sociopathic, narcissism that women tend to gravivate towards to. i work on my own. too smart to listen to anyone. too proud to work for anyone. too ambitious to bother with others not like me. i inhabit the tech world. i consult with startups who build dotcoms half-the-time and play the stock market half-the-time (my own capital, make or lose your year's worth of salary in a matter of days and shrug it off. not rich, just an attitude. my apartment looks crap). one day, i just found her hovering around me asking me what i do. asking to learn, asking to see. that's how we got together. that's how i usually get women into my life. with the 'wow! you do that?' look in their faces.

but she's different (yeah, i know, some of you guys will protest. whatever). her IQ is sky-high (for a woman). she gets what im doing. she appreciates my make-it-or-bust attitude because we share the same philosophy -- if it isn't at least worth 100 million, it isn't successful. unlike other gfs in the past who throw fits and disappear whenever i lose 100k in a week, she's cool with it. let's-start-from-scratch-and-do-it-again kind of supportive. her family is rich and she wants to take them to the next level and she sees me as some kind of a mentor and loved my backstory (grew up as a dirt poor kid who clawed my way out inch by inch) and my drive.

we ended up splitting up because of some trivial non-sense. long story short, i wanted her to kowtow, admit to her mistakes, and groan to have me back in her life before i make her part of my life again. and say it. but she wouldn't buckle. i played the heartless card throughout. refused to see her a couple of times when we were suppose to see each other, ignored her sentimental FB postings (even deleted her), posted pictures of me with other women, letting her know that i have a new gf, and no contact in any medium whatsoever. instead of agreeing to my terms, she went away to study. she was pining for me up until 5 months ago (i know from her FB), and then it suddenly stopped.

i guess i wanted to push it, for reasons of ego. see how far i can take it. experience how it feels when a woman so well-balanced like her goes crazy aching for you. you wanted to see what a.$$.hole does right? well, so do i, from a different perspective.

last week she graduated from her MBA program and came back to town. i saw a picture of her surrounded by i think 20 guys in suit (her being the only woman, and a very attractive one at that) for a group shot of the hedge fund team managing her university's endowment fund. high-achieving, eh? now, iam wondering how many of those guys have raging boners for her.

so, a few days ago, i sent the text message above to kinda feel things out. iam not a bit surprised she refused to see me. but i felt good she responded.

i posted here for the first time to solicit creative ways to re-engage an ex after a fall out. i'm still open to suggestions, perhaps from your past.

it's not about getting her back people. its about learning subtleties of male-female dynamics. dominance. calibration. puppet-mastering. criticisms about how i handle my stuffs will probably fly now. sure, i will let being scolded on an internet forum by random dudes get to me. come on. it's about, in a situation like this, how do you play it to get the result you want. and i want to get her back (as a bonus). winning her away from those degree holder finance-guy dufuses will feel good (30+ year old men still in school, i have very little respect for the kind).

can we discuss without moralizing? how many here are even capable of that?

 

[zorg198]

To tell the truth i don't see the reason for you do see her , she moved on so do you... you initiated a contact with her so now the ball is in her court...

 

[bricks]

^ with all due respect to you brother, im not looking or asking for a reason, i already stated my reasons. iam soliciting for ways to re-engage, in case i decide to re-engage after the initial cold-treatment i got.

you are right in one point though, the ball is currently in her court, thus, IF ever i decide to re-engage, it won't be for a while. that's why i'm here looking for creative suggestions to be used later.

to all:

regarding all these "moving on" advices i see from these threads, aren't you guys interested in playing games just for the heck of playing games and achieving something else than scoring new poonani? there's a point where "moving on" becomes too easy. sometimes, a challenge moves pass beyond "moving on".

in war, for example, bypassing some enemy strongpoints en route to your primary objective is wise. but sometimes, you just gotta destroy that strong bunker on top of the hill to send a political statement to the other nation's government.

its nice to win a matchpoint in tennis, but its even better if you can win a matchpoint by serving up an ace. you go for the ace whenever the situation permits.