Re-approaching / Holding grudges ?

[BoostedArrow]

Differing viewpoints that can be resolved through discernment.

Dafuqs wrong with you?

So it's okay to re-approach a girl that has rejected you, but it's not okay to chat up a girl for more dates.
Idk do I have to explain the irony here to you?

 

[BillyPilgrim]

So it's okay to re-approach a girl that has rejected you, but it's not okay to chat up a girl for more dates.
Idk do I have to explain the irony here to you?

Black and white thinking. Who exactly is saying what? What are the nuances involved? At what age does a young person's (let's say they're 21 or so) brain stop developing?

 

[BoostedArrow]

Black and white thinking. Who exactly is saying what? What are the nuances involved? At what age does a young person's (let's say they're 21 or so) brain stop developing?

Yea bc. those two go against each other.
You've read the thread, go figure. I don't really give a damn.
I wrote my piece at the end. If you want to discuss it productively, be my guest.

 

[BeExcellent]

Welcome to the lack of congruency around here. You have to understand that ego protection is a thing.

When a guy has his ego on the line you get these lines of reasoning that appear contradictory but from an ego preservation standpoint they are not.

If a guy is internally validated and utterly secure in himself he does exactly as he pleases. He takes a girl out, enjoys the date (from the other thread), and he decides to ask the girl out again. Simple.

He doesn’t sit around waiting to see if she’s going to text him or call him first. He doesn’t need ego validation to decide what he wants; he simply acts according to his choice to ask the girl out again.

Similarly for this thread, if a guy gets rejected or blown out on an approach, so what? Maybe she thought he was ugly, maybe he was drunk & obnoxious, maybe she has a boyfriend, who knows. In two of the scenarios (he was a drunk idiot and she has a boyfriend) those circumstances can change, which could render you a different response upon reapproach. So if a guy feels like reapproaching? He should do so.

But people are worried about injuring egos and getting rejected again. That’s based in insecurity and lack and external validation.

Secure men going after what they want in either scenario of asking for a second date or reapproaching a girl who rejected them before are doing what they as a man decided to do. Secure men do not sit around over analyzing what ifs. They act as they see fit. And they are not concerned about the outcome.

They move on easily because they know there are plenty of women around and they don’t hang their value on what some stranger thinks, says, or does.

 

[SW15]

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7

It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.

This can apply to re-approaching.

The Iron Rules of Tomassi

One of the most influential books in my life has been The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi. It’s a book I wish every man could read, and I…

medium.com

 

[BadBoy89]

But I have heard from many older PUA's I have trained under, that you should approach sets who have rejected you once or talk to girls again who were initially rude to you.

Guy: “Would you like to go out sometime?”
Girl: “No.”
Guy: (one week later): “Would you like to go out sometime?”
Girl: “Perhaps I wasn’t clear the 1st time, When I told you “No“, want I really meant to say was ”go to hell“. And right to Hell. No detours.”

PUA are hilarious. They want to teach guys what to do in order to have sex with hot young girls, thereby lowering their own odds into having sex with hot young girls,

Rock on!

 

[SW15]

Guy: “Would you like to go out sometime?”
Girl: “No.”
Guy: (one week later): “Would you like to go out sometime?”
Girl: “Perhaps I wasn’t clear the 1st time, When I told you “No“, want I really meant to say was ”go to hell“. And right to Hell. No detours.”

The consensus here appears to be not to re-approach, regardless of how long has elapsed since the first rejection. The Iron Rules of Tomassi would also apply here too as shown earlier.

 

[TheEveningChronograph]

I give one strike and you are out. It's a dog-eat-dog world. Keep it moving cuz ain't nobody got time for that.

 

[Gamisch]

Guy: “Would you like to go out sometime?”
Girl: “No.”
Guy: (one week later): “Would you like to go out sometime?”
Girl: “Perhaps I wasn’t clear the 1st time, When I told you “No“, want I really meant to say was ”go to hell“. And right to Hell. No detours.”

PUA are hilarious. They want to teach guys what to do in order to have sex with hot young girls, thereby lowering their own odds into having sex with hot young girls,

Rock on!

*playfull approach happens due getting ioi*
Guy: would you like to meet up sometime?
Girrl: nah thanks

*at local festival*
Girl: heeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyy how are you doing ( gives 3 kisses and hugs a little too tight while she holds a alcoholic drink)
Guy: i am doing great!! Oooh i I recall now, didn't we met couple weeks ago at....?
Girl; yeah that day was yadiya work yadiya srress busy yadiya.
* continues to eye rape you, smiling and tons of ioi*

_________________________________________
The defeatist mindset is rampant today. If you do it right a (Cold) approach is nothing but a compliment to a woman. I recently got " rejected " by this young Arabic woman ( I LOVE Arab girls). Was teaching boxing and invited her to join. No. Oke perhaps you wanna have a drink with me later as thtat suits you better than boxing? Hahaha no you are crazy. Now if i see her again? Imma shoot my shot again.
Just the way I look at her is giving me away. She aint THAT stupid ya know..

Its not like you tap on a woman's back, ask her out, no? Turn around walking away head down ,defeated and full of shame while a sml violin plays sad music. If that's the case , then yeah. Dont make a idiot of yourself twice.

The best slayers/players I've seen weren't playing little ego games. They were the men with the biggest amile on their faces at all time...Women are emotional creatures. Today she feels like this and tomorrow she feels like that. Oerhaps she was bleeding downstairs that day. In a ending relationship. Stressed out. Tired.

For all the naysayers, wait till you have a gf and she reports to you that that guy at the gym tried AGAIN. That's when you'll start to really worry.. because sooner or later that gym guy wil become that FRIENDLY gym guy to COOL gym guy who helped her out ect.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Guys who approach regularly, or who spin multiple plates, do you guys ever approach those girls again who have rejected you once?

There were exceptions but on most cases, no. If she rejected me once, I would not chase.

Now, some girls who previously rejected you evetually change their mind and start chasing you. I wouldnt LTR them but I would hate-f0ck them.

 

[IamtheAlphamale]

Guys who approach regularly, or who spin multiple plates, do you guys ever approach those girls again who have rejected you once? or who were initially rude to you and blew you off? Personally I am unable to as I feel the girls who can't even bother being polite don't even deserve my attention again.

But I have heard from many older PUA's I have trained under, that you should approach sets who have rejected you once or talk to girls again who were initially rude to you.

Personally this concept is really tough for me to grasp, as I feel I am giving up my self respect if I talk to those girls again. And that's not just true for girls. People in general who are generally rude and disrespectful over no fault of mine, I avoid them as much as possible.

For people who don't hold grudges, how do you do it guys ??

One time, a long time ago, I was trying out a certain kind of approach at the mall. Anyways, I used it on a bunch of girls and one girl told me to f1ck off when I approached her. And since I didn't care at all I forgot what she looked like very quickly. Anyways I accidentally reapproached her and she was blown away that I forgot her. She was very receptive after that. But I didn't stay long because I figured she probably was not a good person.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

No, I only ask once "Once bit and twice shy" just like the Great White song says. I've had many post-rejection women acting flirty or doing the hovering routine hoping I'll ask again and I just ignore them. I've actually lost count how many times I've seen this. The ball is in their court and only once have I been asked out by a girl that initially rejected me. I didn't go out with her.

 

[BadBoy89]

Guy: would you like to meet up sometime?
Girrl: nah thanks
Girl: heeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyy how are you doing ( gives 3 kisses and hugs a little too tight while she holds a alcoholic drink)
Guy: i am doing great!! Oooh i I recall now, didn't we met couple weeks ago at....?
Girl; yeah that day was yadiya work yadiya srress busy yadiya.
* continues to eye rape you, smiling and tons of ioi*
_____________________________________
The defeatist mindset is rampant today. If you do it right a (Cold) approach is nothing but a compliment to a woman...

If a girl says "no" 1 time, and a man asks her out again, she has leverage to destroy him.

When I was 20 years old in University, I asked this girl out in one of my classes, she said no. Thought she was in a bad mood that day. So I asked her out again a week later. She said no a second time. After the next class, two 6'4 police officers were outside the classroom waiting for me. She called them and said I was "harassing" her. I was shaking in my books and was about 18 seconds away from doing "Community Service" for asking a decent looking 20 year old out 2 times.

I don't think its a defeatist mindset. It's a realistic mindset.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Well, if it is a woman you met on a cold approach then chances are you will never see her again to ask a second time anyway.

If it is a warm approach, no.

Don't ask again because you never want to be in a position where a woman can say any variation of "Don't you understand the meaning of the word no?".

That is a position of absolute weakness and I shudder even thinking about it.

Follow the Godfather principle..

"Never ask for a second favor after you've been denied the first".

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

If a girl says "no" 1 time, and a man asks her out again, she has leverage to destroy him.

When I was 20 years old in University, I asked this girl out in one of my classes, she said no. Thought she was in a bad mood that day. So I asked her out again a week later. She said no a second time. After the next class, two 6'4 police officers were outside the classroom waiting for me. She called them and said I was "harassing" her. I was shaking in my books and was about 18 seconds away from doing "Community Service" for asking a decent looking 20 year old out 2 times.

I don't think its a defeatist mindset. It's a realistic mindset.

Asking a woman out more than once is considered sexual harassment in many white collar environments.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Asking a woman out more than once is considered sexual harassment in many white collar environments.

"White collar environments".

 

[TheEveningChronograph]

"White collar environments".

HUH? What that is?! You mean like...a fishbowl?

 

[Gamisch]

If a girl says "no" 1 time, and a man asks her out again, she has leverage to destroy him.

When I was 20 years old in University, I asked this girl out in one of my classes, she said no. Thought she was in a bad mood that day. So I asked her out again a week later. She said no a second time. After the next class, two 6'4 police officers were outside the classroom waiting for me. She called them and said I was "harassing" her. I was shaking in my books and was about 18 seconds away from doing "Community Service" for asking a decent looking 20 year old out 2 times.

I don't think its a defeatist mindset. It's a realistic mindset.

Oké I respect this personal anecdote. Ofcourse there's a extra risk involved. But the thread title asks if it needed to hold grudges because a woman didn't what? Gave her number? If your approach was "gentleman like" a woman might see it as a compliment.

One week is rather short. But over time things can change from your side as well. Maybe you see her weeks or months later and you are leaner, better dressed, better state of mind ect. She can also get FOMO. She can be single the next time.

I never like to shyte where I eat though. So work is a no go by default. Let me say it like this: if a woman gives you ioi a second time, why be butthurt and ignore her? Especially the fact that you already talked to her might be reason for her to check you out again. Why wouldn't she? She knows more about you because you've already talked to her once. Its still a form of familiarity.

Talk to a (pretty) woman about this. Not saying it's right or wrong, but a reapproach isn't that extraordinary and occurs quite often. Especially when the man conceals his approach as "just being friendly ".

 

[Gamisch]

Well, if it is a woman you met on a cold approach then chances are you will never see her again to ask a second time anyway.

If it is a warm approach, no.

Don't ask again because you never want to be in a position where a woman can say any variation of "Don't you understand the meaning of the word no?".

That is a position of absolute weakness and I shudder even thinking about it.

Follow the Godfather principle..

"Never ask for a second favor after you've been denied the first".

Oke lol. You surprise me with this.

Why wouldn't you talk to a woman again after you've already INTRODUCED yourself officially? She now knows your name and all that.

You've already planted a seed. why not reap the benefits of that later on.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Oke lol. You surprise me with this.

Why wouldn't you talk to a woman again after you've already INTRODUCED yourself officially? She now knows your name and all that.

You've already planted a seed. why not reap the benefits of that later on.

Because she already said NO.