Re-approaching / Holding grudges ?

[RSDCharlie]

Guys who approach regularly, or who spin multiple plates, do you guys ever approach those girls again who have rejected you once? or who were initially rude to you and blew you off? Personally I am unable to as I feel the girls who can't even bother being polite don't even deserve my attention again.

But I have heard from many older PUA's I have trained under, that you should approach sets who have rejected you once or talk to girls again who were initially rude to you.

Personally this concept is really tough for me to grasp, as I feel I am giving up my self respect if I talk to those girls again. And that's not just true for girls. People in general who are generally rude and disrespectful over no fault of mine, I avoid them as much as possible.

For people who don't hold grudges, how do you do it guys ??

 

[Serenity]

I don't approach regularly, but when I did, before I did and now I have no respect for people who have none for me. This is only natural. Fvck what PUAs say, I'll be happier going dry than embarrass myself in front of clearly uninterested women. What PUAs have said this? It's just a waste of time, I'd be very skeptical towards those PUAs.

They're women you don't even know, there's so many others who are as far as you are concerned neutral until you talk to them. It makes no sense to make a worse choice when there are a ton of better prospects all around.

 

[fastlife]

From a game perspective, you should always reapproach--it works a decent % of the time. From a self-esteem perspective, it's natural to be like, "Oh, you don't recognize this value, good luck." I used to do tons of reapproaches, I think every new guy should--but these days I have to really want the girl or recognize that I botched my initial presentation. It's important to recognize the role of ego in both reapproaching or not reapproaching and balance things out accordingly.

 

[Tilex]

The only way I would come across the same person twice is through online dating.
In person it's completely unrealistic.
I live in a huge city and never came across the same person twice in the past 10 years.

To answer your question, no I wouldn't.
It would be a waste of my time.

 

[Gamisch]

Depends on the situation. How often do you see her? How did she reject you? How does she acts around you when you see her again?

Are you just harvesting for ***** online without any shame? Can your self esteem take a hit? Did she had a relationship the first time and now she doesn't?

If you see her regularly, assuming she gives you choosing signals:

CLub. Yes. Supermarket yes. Walking the dog. Yes. Mutual friends party..maybe. bus stop on the way home? Yes. College something? Why not.

You wont be the first man who ****s a woman after trying more then once.

Thats why every approach imo should be little playful and fun, like a lion that's bites the dear just to slow it down so the second time he chases he can kill it. You plant a seed to watch it grow sometimes ...

 

[SW15]

The only way I would come across the same person twice is through online dating.
In person it's completely unrealistic.
I live in a huge city and never came across the same person twice in the past 10 years.

To answer your question, no I wouldn't.
It would be a waste of my time.

I wouldn't reapproach after getting rejected.

I agree that it is rare in a bigger metro area to have a chance to re-approach in real life. I could imagine circumstances where re-approach in real life would be possible....

• She goes to the same gym as you do and you approached her on the general gym floor. This has happened to me. I recall one particularly uncomfortable instance where a woman at my gym lied to me on the general gym floor. She had claimed that she had just gotten out of a relationship and didn't want to see anyone. That was complete horseshiit because she had moved to the city 7 months earlier AND about 6 weeks after claiming that, I saw her in a grocery store with a guy. Anyway, the situation got bad enough that I decided to change the time I would go to the gym for 3-4 months to avoid seeing her since she was a regular. After those 3-4 months were over, I went back to a more usual time and still occasionally saw her for a while. I haven't seen her at that gym in multiple years so I think she changed gyms.
• Along the same lines, fitness classes (either in gyms or at dedicated class studios) would be a place where you could get rejected by a woman and then have to see her again in a class.
• It could happen that you would approach a woman from a co-ed sports league, get rejected, and then still have to see her in league activities.
• You could approach a woman who worked in the same office building (different company) and have to deal with seeing her in common areas of the building after her rejection.
• There are other situations where it would be possible.

In general, if you're approaching a woman at a mall, the grocery store, some random park/outdoor space, or a random bar/nightclub, you'll probably never see her again if she rejects you in that moment if you're living in a larger metro area.

 

[bat soup]

Guys who approach regularly, or who spin multiple plates, do you guys ever approach those girls again who have rejected you once? or who were initially rude to you and blew you off? Personally I am unable to as I feel the girls who can't even bother being polite don't even deserve my attention again.

But I have heard from many older PUA's I have trained under, that you should approach sets who have rejected you once or talk to girls again who were initially rude to you.

Personally this concept is really tough for me to grasp, as I feel I am giving up my self respect if I talk to those girls again. And that's not just true for girls. People in general who are generally rude and disrespectful over no fault of mine, I avoid them as much as possible.

For people who don't hold grudges, how do you do it guys ??

It's not about holding grudges. If a woman is rude then she has zero interest and there is no point in ever talking to her again.

 

[SW15]

I wouldn't reapproach after getting rejected.

I agree that it is rare in a bigger metro area to have a chance to re-approach in real life. I could imagine circumstances where re-approach in real life would be possible....

• She goes to the same gym as you do and you approached her on the general gym floor. This has happened to me. I recall one particularly uncomfortable instance where a woman at my gym lied to me on the general gym floor. She had claimed that she had just gotten out of a relationship and didn't want to see anyone. That was complete horseshiit because she had moved to the city 7 months earlier AND about 6 weeks after claiming that, I saw her in a grocery store with a guy. Anyway, the situation got bad enough that I decided to change the time I would go to the gym for 3-4 months to avoid seeing her since she was a regular. After those 3-4 months were over, I went back to a more usual time and still occasionally saw her for a while. I haven't seen her at that gym in multiple years so I think she changed gyms.

How did she reject you?

I don't approach regularly, but when I did, before I did and now I have no respect for people who have none for me. This is only natural.

I ran into the woman from this story in a grocery store this month. She noticed me and signaled to me that she was interested in interacting. While I don't hold a grudge from what happened many years ago, I still don't want to have any sort of meaningful interaction with her. The way in which she rejected me was very telling of her overall character. Her lack of character from the incident years ago would likely manifest itself in other ways.

In person it's completely unrealistic.
I live in a huge city and never came across the same person twice in the past 10 years.

To answer your question, no I wouldn't.
It would be a waste of my time.

Yes, you're correct that it is highly improbable in a larger city. The example above happened to me this month with a woman from a harsher than average rejection. There were many years between interactions but she did remember me and I remembered her harsh rejection.

 

[IKO69]

I only did that when I was younger brother. I learned over time through trial and error a lot of the guess work is removed when there is genuine, mutual interest/attraction. You won't have to guess and games are kept to a minimum. If she's rejecting you/resisting your attempts leave hear alone. Don't waste your time.

Holding a grudge is pointless just hurts you. That's how you get over it. Think about who is the one is carrying the hurt. It's not her, chances are she doesn't give a **** and this is especially true if she doesn't like you and has rejected you. You can multiply her lack of care by a factor of 100x then.

 

[holidayad_]

Guys who approach regularly, or who spin multiple plates, do you guys ever approach those girls again who have rejected you once? or who were initially rude to you and blew you off?

Once upon a time, I did it. But nowadays, never. IMO, it would only increase their ego and show that you have no other options. Not worth it.

 

[Gamisch]

I ran into the woman from this story in a grocery store this month. She noticed me and signaled to me that she was interested in interacting. While I don't hold a grudge from what happened many years ago, I still don't want to have any sort of meaningful interaction with her. The way in which she rejected me was very telling of her overall character. Her lack of character from the incident years ago would likely manifest itself in other ways.

Be more specific about that last part.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

You have to re-approach like a piece of flotsam circling a drain, revolving closer and closer to your target until you're right on top of her. You can't just hover like a gnat, you have to *circle*. Then, you have to plunge into the dingy waters and straight into the sewage system. With a little luck you can avoid having to call the plumber.

 

[SW15]

The way in which she rejected me was very telling of her overall character. Her lack of character from the incident years ago would likely manifest itself in other ways.

Be more specific about that last part.

I like your style in asking for more details around a sentence. Think about this...if a woman is to lie on something simple like when I ask her out, she's probably likely to lie on some other things. What else could happen?

Think about this...

Let's say I were to re-approach her and for some reason things worked out. She agree to a first date, it turned into a second date, and I'm able to have sex with her. Since she demonstrated the capacity to lie about something simple, who knows if she'd lie about other things? Maybe she would like about bigger things, like her birth control status (I still use condoms). Lying and unfaithfulness in monogamous relationships are also closely associated, so she might be the type who would have extra-relational sex. Maybe she'd be fuccking me while in a relationship with someone else. Lying is not a good character trait. For men who desire extended relationships, looking at character traits is a good thing.

Once upon a time, I did it. But nowadays, never. IMO, it would only increase their ego and show that you have no other options. Not worth it.

It is good that you have learned this lesson by age 23.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

For real though, re-approaching isn't ideal. The enthusiasm will always be less the second time around. Even if she's in a better place more conducive to plating, she now realizes there's a ceiling to her desire because you've ruled out that you're Prince Charming, at least in her mind.

 

[holidayad_]

It is good that you have learned this lesson by age 23.

Hahaha. Yeah. I never thought I would say this, but going through the "broken heart" phase is spectacular. Learning a lot from you guys here.

 

[Gamisch]

I like your style in asking for more details around a sentence. Think about this...if a woman is to lie on something simple like when I ask her out, she's probably likely to lie on some other things. What else could happen?

Think about this...

Let's say I were to re-approach her and for some reason things worked out. She agree to a first date, it turned into a second date, and I'm able to have sex with her. Since she demonstrated the capacity to lie about something simple, who knows if she'd lie about other things? Maybe she would like about bigger things, like her birth control status (I still use condoms). Lying and unfaithfulness in monogamous relationships are also closely associated, so she might be the type who would have extra-relational sex. Maybe she'd be fuccking me while in a relationship with someone else. Lying is not a good character trait. For men who desire extended relationships, looking at character traits is a good thing.



It is good that you have learned this lesson by age 23.

I immediately had to think about that Eminem line from that superman song.

" not a jelous man but females lie
But i geuss that's just what slots do
How couid it ever be just us two
I never loved you enough to trust you
We just met and just... fecked you"

No i agree. Interestingly that's another layer of cold approach that's difficult to deal with. You gotta vent her while trying bag her. Despite that I have to say it might not be bad to work with her high interest despite her lack of character. If you are able to separate emotions from sex, she could be a F buddy.

Even if there was something of putting, deal with that later.

 

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

So you ask a guy if he wants to buy a plane and he says no rudely.

You want to get our opinion about askinging that guy again if he wants to buy the same plane?

 

[SW15]

For real though, re-approaching isn't ideal. The enthusiasm will always be less the second time around.

In my situation, I was rejected by her in a notable way many years ago which included me catching her in a lie. If her enthusiasm would be even less now, that would be an amazing feat!

So you ask a guy if he wants to buy a plane and he says no rudely.

You want to get our opinion about askinging that guy again if he wants to buy the same plane?

Generally, no. The consensus here is not to re-approach or re-offer a date after a rejection, even if a significant amount of time has elapsed.

 

[BoostedArrow]

Geez, there's a whole thread about why the girl absolutely in any circumstance always has to initiate contact after a date otherwise you're a simp, but you should re-approach if you get rejected.

Dafuqs wrong with you guys?

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Geez, there's a whole thread about why the girl absolutely in any circumstance always has to initiate contact after a date otherwise you're a simp, but you should re-approach if you get rejected.

Dafuqs wrong with you guys?

Differing viewpoints that can be resolved through discernment.

Dafuqs wrong with you?