Rate my texting after nexting

[Uncharted]

Met a super flirty girl in my social circle, we went out to a happy hour, had to leave so couldn't hook up. I get her number, ask her out a week later. She tells me she has a boyfriend. No problem, next.

three weeks go by and we are ignoring each other in class

text this morning

hb:hey
me:?
hb:how have you been?
me:awesome
hb:are you mad at me or something?
me:what?
hb:you haven't texted me or talked in a few weeks
me: oh been busy
hb: is it because i have a boyfriend?
me: why would I care about that?
hb: well do you like me?
me: call me

phone

hb: so how do you feel about me?
me: you still have a boyfriend?
hb: well yes
me: ok
hb: but if I didn't?
me: not sure we've never been out
hb: but yiu have feelings?
me: not sure.
hb: but you dont want to be friends?
me: not just friends
hb: well if I didn't have a boyfriend I would have said yes
me: ok.

no words

me: I have to run (blah blah end the phone call)


I think I handled myself ok.

 

[JohnChops]

Perfect, you showed a pretty damn good amount of indifference . How does she expect you to have "feelings" and you two have never been out before!? Lol women . 10/10. Indifference is so key in this situation, good work.

 

[TheCWord]

I'm going to have to give this a 10/10 as well. Great work, sir.

 

[Justin Time]

Nice!!

 

[like2jam]

Awesome job.

She's wanting validation and an ego boost while maintaining her bf.

Good job on switching to the phone too. Well done.

 

[MrNiceGuy23]

I'd give it a 10/10, I disagree with Social_Leper. OP didn't give her any validation.

The girl obviously realized they were flirty when they first met, when she told him she had a boyfriend he nexted her. This hurt her ego and only increased her interest level cause he stopped speaking to her.

She texts him to see what's up (either looking for an ego boost or her interest level is up now that she's fishing to see what could happen).

He acts indifferent tells her he doesn't want to just be friends with hb (why would he? no reason to get into a friendship with a hb you just met, too annoying and don't want friend zone) So she tells him if she was single she'd say yes.

That's a clear expression that she is interested in OP, I'd say you could probably bang her regardless of the boyfriend if you play it right.

 

[Uncharted]

I told her to call me for three reasons:

1. If she wanted any validation she was going to have to work for it. If she didn't call I would know 100% that she was trying to boost her ego.

2. I can't read her emotional response (if any) on the phone and I was making it a point to be indifferent.

3. I wanted to stop texting back and forth and get it over with.

 

[JoeMarron]

Nice job. I'd bet money on the first person she thinks about hooking up with after she breaks up is you.

 

[TheCWord]

I told her to call me for three reasons:

1. If she wanted any validation she was going to have to work for it. If she didn't call I would know 100% that she was trying to boost her ego.

2. I can't read her emotional response (if any) on the phone and I was making it a point to be indifferent.

3. I wanted to stop texting back and forth and get it over with.

Gotta ask - what's your tone of voice like when on the phone with her? Your transcript reads great and I find a lot of times on SS I'll read people's phone transcripts and I think it's great how indifferent they're being - but I often wonder how that translates to tone of voice?

I imagine if you sounded bored, almost like she was irritating you - basically, the way it reads when the convo is written out on a message board - that it wouldn't have gone as well. Likewise, I don't know how warm and upbeat you'd want to sound to her - lest she think you're so excited to chat with her that she need not put any more work in.

 

[iamnobody]

OP, you were good. No ego boosts.

 

[Uncharted]

Gotta ask - what's your tone of voice like when on the phone with her? Your transcript reads great and I find a lot of times on SS I'll read people's phone transcripts and I think it's great how indifferent they're being - but I often wonder how that translates to tone of voice?

I imagine if you sounded bored, almost like she was irritating you - basically, the way it reads when the convo is written out on a message board - that it wouldn't have gone as well. Likewise, I don't know how warm and upbeat you'd want to sound to her - lest she think you're so excited to chat with her that she need not put any more work in.

upbeat but not interested or hanging on every word. I was also getting ready to go out so I was doing things as talked to her so I might have sounded a little distracted. Didn't sound pissed or acting like a d1ck though. Just like I would treat a coworker. Indifferent is the best word but that's vague.

 

[youngmack]

I'm not sure you should have said "not sure". "No not really" would have been better to me.

And when she asked you if you wanted to be friends, i think "i don't need any more friends i have enough" would've been better or " I don't care" but overall good job bro.

 

[Igetit!]

I'd say you did ok overall,but you did kinda make a few minor slip-ups,so I can't give you a "10 out of 10". More like 7.5 to 8 outta 10.

The slight errors I saw (in my opinion) were as follows....

three weeks go by and we are ignoring each other in class

text this morning

hb:hey
me:?
hb:how have you been?
me:awesome
hb:are you mad at me or something?
me:what?
hb:you haven't texted me or talked in a few weeks

First of all,if you two had been talking and texting each other every day or every other day for a while,then ALL OF THE SUDDEN it stops the second she told you she had a boyfriend,then that let's her know you had an issue with her having a BF.


Chicks ain't stupid......she "FELT" the change in how you two interacted with each other once you foundt out she was dating someone. You may have tried to be indifferent in how you behave and spoke to her,but once you found out about the BF,your "VIBE" changed.

phone

hb: so how do you feel about me?
me: you still have a boyfriend?

OK,now this...this was THE BIGGEST of the little mistakes you made.


This chick asked you why you hadn't spoken to her in a while,and you told her it was cause you'd been busy. Then she asked if it was cause she had a boyfriend,and you went,"Why would I care about that?",like you dismissed it as having no meaning at all to you.

That was good. The part you screwed up at was when she asked you how you felt about her,and you went,"Do you still have a boyfriend?".

The first time the BF came up,you dismissed it as nothing,but when she asked you how you felt about her,YOU BROUGHT THE BOYFRIEND BACK UP again. YOU did it.


She asked you how you felt about HER,but you answered talking about her BOYFRIEND. That kinda messes up the whole indifference thing.

hb: but you dont want to be friends?
me: not just friends

So you told her you didn't want to be "just" friends,you wanted more than that.

Well.....I guess that answers her "how do you feel about me?" question.

Yet another blow to the indifference thing.

hb: well if I didn't have a boyfriend I would have said yes
me: ok.

no words

me: I have to run (blah blah end the phone call)

With all your "one word" responses to her questions and asking her about her boyfriend,you kinda come off as being hurt,disappointed,or offended.

 

[BalooTheBrownBear]

IMO after you next someone, there is no point having any conversation with that person.

 

[TheCWord]

First of all,if you two had been talking and texting each other every day or every other day for a while,then ALL OF THE SUDDEN it stops the second she told you she had a boyfriend,then that let's her know you had an issue with her having a BF.


Chicks ain't stupid......she "FELT" the change in how you two interacted with each other once you foundt out she was dating someone. You may have tried to be indifferent in how you behave and spoke to her,but once you found out about the BF,your "VIBE" changed.

Can you clarify this part? If they were being all flirty-like and she drops the BF bomb, how is he supposed to act? He's not going to be putting in the same kind of effort when he finds out this girl is unavailable.

You later mentioned that he showed her that her having a boyfriend affected him. Well, yeah, if he acts like he's okay with that and carries on as before he'll be friend zoned while this girl gabs with him about her boyfriend troubles.

Just curious where you're coming from. When I meet a new girl I'll be flirty, show interest, and ask for the date quickly. If she says she has a boyfriend or if she doesn't but flakes on me, I pull way back: no more initiating texting, if we pass each other I'll give a polite hello... Naturally she's going to notice the change in my behavior and, like you said, girls aren't stupid, so she'll know why. Would you do things differently?

 

[SeymourCake]

Yeah, she definitely wanted a ego boost. You did a good job.

 

[bluejay83]

good job not going beta and retaining control over the relationship.


*golfclap.jpg*

 

[nismo-4]

This is great, but your princess was gonna be in another castle regardless. Indefference helps only so much. She was trying to get that attention and ego boost then tried to throw you in the friendzone, glad you didn't go there!

Oh yeah "If I didn't have a bf I would have said yes" is a LJBF in a royal dress. Thanks for not taking the consolation prize.

3 problems Judge nismo saw:

1. You told her call you. Ball is in her court. Don't hold your breath.
2. You mentioned her boyfriend. If a woman is interested in you, she not only will forget her boyfriend, but she also won't confuse you!
3. When she LJBF'd you, ask her if she pisses standing up, or tell her that you have enough friends. LJBF is a rejection.

Case closed.

 

[Uncharted]

First of all,if you two had been talking and texting each other every day or every other day for a while,then ALL OF THE SUDDEN it stops the second she told you she had a boyfriend,then that let's her know you had an issue with her having a BF.


Chicks ain't stupid......she "FELT" the change in how you two interacted with each other once you foundt out she was dating someone. You may have tried to be indifferent in how you behave and spoke to her,but once you found out about the BF,your "VIBE" changed.

This was basically the case. But if she does realize that I stopped giving her attention after she rejected/IHAB me, then I don't really care. I would want her to know that I was interested, and that I'm not going to be an orbiter. Like Nismo said I was basically done with her.

Thanks everyone for the tips.