Rant: what do I do with my life? (very long lol)

[muscleman]

Cliff notes: epiphany rant with a request for advice.

I'm seriously at odds right now with where to go in my life. I have too many options and too many things that interest me. I'm free and I love it, but I can't decide on what to really focus on. My main problem is I have a lot of eggs in a lot of baskets; I need to reduce my baskets. Here's my current situation: I've worked at my company full time for about 1.5 years. Even at my job I don't really have a specialty ... I do a little bit of everything. I do 3D/visual design work, fix computers/IT, and some programming. I used to draw a lot, so I have an artistic background. I can play a little piano and guitar. I'm picking up some dancing. I spend time gaming girls. I recently bought a condo and got a roommate. I might have to sell it and give back the $8k if I leave in less than 3 years.

The problem is my mind is in 50 different places and so is my time. 5 years from now I don't want to just be good at all these things. I want to be phenomenal at a couple things. I just don't know what those couple things are.

Now, there's nothing wrong with being a jack of all trades, but I feel like I have life-A.D.D. Not the diagnosed disorder - I have no problem focusing when I need to - but my mindset in general. As soon as I get decent at something I get bored. I don't put in that extra effort to become elite.

The only exception is weightlifting. I'm training hardcore to build the body I want, I know exactly where I'm going with my training, and I have what I feel is a decent estimate of how long it'll take. I know I want to do something with it on a professional level, but even here I have too many options. I could do:

-fitness modeling
-bodybuilding competitions
-personal training
-powerlifting
-work with a health/supplement company and do promotions
-acting?

And I know I could get decent at any of them, but I can't decide! I also don't know if my current profession is right for me. I know I'll never escape computers, but the desk job is really getting to me. I want to interact with people more. I love meetings. I'd go to everyone's meetings all day if I could. I like to lead. I like to have people smarter than myself do the serious work while I organize, structure, and lead the team. I have a website that I run where I do just that ("supervise" my editors); unfortunately it's once again in the computer field and not where my heart is at 100%.

I live in the Midwest and I don't like it that much. I have lived in a couple other countries and I've visited Chicago, Miami, and Atlanta. I'm going to L.A. this week for a few days to check it out as a potential place to live down the road.

I know I want to make it big, but I don't know where or how. Does anyone else ever feel this confused when presented with all these options? Maybe it's just my 20s and being out in the real world on my own for the first time, but my mind is all over the place. I hope this is natural, or at least makes sense. I'm not sure if I should envy people who have their careers and dreams planned out. I don't, at all. I know what I want on a broad level:

-I want to make decent $$. My personal financial goal is 100k+ by the time I'm 30. I want to "retire" by 40 at the latest. By retire I mean if I chose, to not have to work ever again. I'm sure I'll work (aka have business ventures) until I'm very old, God willing, because I don't like to sit around doing nothing.

-I want to be popular. I want to be the person with the phone that wont stop ringing. I want to have to turn people down because I'm too busy. I want to be "that guy" that everyone talks about.

-As an extension to the last point, I want to have to fight women off with a stick. Think rock star status, without necessarily being a rock star. I want to be the one girls fight over. I want to be elite.

-I want to leave something worthwhile behind. I don't necessarily mean legendary-style "immortality", but I want to leave people, at the very least my (hopefully) future family with something great to remember me by. I want to help people. I want to influence their lives in a positive way. I guess I want what everyone wants - to be loved and admired. Now, I know God loves me, my family loves me, my ex's loved me during their time, so I'm very fortunate as is, but you get my drift.

I'm sure there's more. Most importantly I want to figure it all out. I'm just having a hard time narrowing my options down and focusing on X and Y. For example, I'm definitely becoming more outgoing. Me and my wing are taking the weekends now to go sarge bars (preferably new ones each weekend), meet new people, talk to strangers, network, get number closes, follow up with dates, maybe get laid, whatever. But even there I'm always thinking "hmm what else could I be doing with my time that's more efficient, what else will be more worthwhile down the road". That's one reason we don't stay at any one bar all night. It just seems lame.

Hopefully this rant is somewhat coherent. Really I just want to hear from you all who are going through this same time in your life, as well as those who have already gone through it. How do you deal with it? How do you find that direction? How do you ultimately figure out what you want to do and who you want to be?

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

I know where you are all too well.

It's like living inside a fire all the time, sometimes it inspires you to ecstatic mental heights, and other times you wonder if it's going to drive you mad.

I want to be my own Alexander the Great. My mind is always flying with thoughts of creation and success. I want to build so many businesses, I want to become so many things, I am compelled by forces unseen to realize dreams both known and unknown.

For men like us, the answer lies always in pushing forward, and remembering that it is by CHOICE that we burn in these flames of ambition and potential, and that it is the RIGHT choice. The hard way is always the right way, I try to remember.

"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumps, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat." -Teddy Roosevelt

This is the price we pay for greatness.

 

[MSwrestler]

I am having the same situation at age 20. I am a jack of all trades, but don't have one thing I would like to focus most on because I like it all.

 

[synergy1]

You are kind of like me where you have ADD and try a little bit of everything, but find yourself stretched thin trying to do it all. Sad thing is there is only so much time in a day to dedicate to everything you want to do. The biggest setback has to be the desk job which really is a road to no where but an easy paycheck; some enjoy the life but as you said..you don't.

At this juncture, you have two choices. The first is to take the easy road and continue your desk job and save up money without any risk at all. Most of us do that, and I was doing the same thing at 26. The other choice is a bit more wide open, but you could pursue another venture catering to your strengths. As someone who is doing just that, the biggest risk is the paycheck, or lack thereof at times. Everyone has dreams to work for themselves, and some even paint a pretty picture for others to see, but at the end of the day they are just blowing steam. Taking that next step towards something more rewarding will present its challenges, but if you put in the same dedication you do to working out, I bet you could make something of it.

Do you have any friends who are starting up companies that could use your computer knowledge? What are your strengths with computers? Data base management, IT, programming?

 

[vitor]

No offense, its great to dream and have hopes and aspirations but I think you need to get more realistic.

The odds of you becoming a fitness model or pro bodybuilder are slim to none. Just the facts

Retiring by 40 is going to be tough. Lets assume some how you were able to save 1 million dollars in 10-15 years, you would have to get 10% interest yearly just to make that same 100k a year which your goal is. THen factor in inflation etc, that 1 milllion is now like 2-3 million.

I am not saying this to discourage you but just help. I had similar goals when I was younger, naturally lifting I was 6'1 230 and had a six pack. My problem is I was not going too, nor had the money to do all the drugs to take it to the next level. Were talking 2-3k a month just to keep up with other athletes.

How about you live in the now.

1. Workout hard and get a nice six pack, look great, and feel great.
2. Get a speciality in the CPU field and figure out how you can find a postion you love and that pays well.
3. Meet with a advisor and figure out how much money you have to save to retire when you want.
4. Get a girlfriend, or start hooking up with girls.

Love the good life..

 

[Colossus]

Not to rain on your parade, because I know the feelings and fire you have to make it big; but you have to be realistic. Ever watch the movie Bigger Stronger Faster? Remember the guy who was living in a van behind the gym at like 50 years old, still hoping to "make it"? And Chris Bell's brother, Mike? They were delusional. Probably a lot like us when they were young---big, strong, and full of fire to be the best. They really believed in themselves. But they never let go of these fantasy dreams they had. They never invested in anything sustainable, smart, or difficult that would pay dividends for them when their bodies aged. They just kept chasing this delusional dream of fame and glory, like so many others.

A lot of strong muscular guys want to make money doing what they love---training.

I've pondered this often, and the reality is weight training does not put food on the table. There are very few guys who can make a GOOD living training or competing. What I have found is that most of these types either get into personal training and do alright, or get into the supplement world. Problem is, both areas are heavily dependent on the economy, and neither is reliable.

To really make it in bodybuilding, you have to have incredible genetics, and be willing to really go over the top with drugs. The amount of drugs guys put into their body just trying to get their pro card is sickening. Most never make it, or stay at the state level, and all they have to show for it is a permanently messed up HPTA and a washed-out looking physique from the years of abuse.

Unfortunately there is no financial glory in powerlifting. Oh how I wish it were so!!! The good thing though is you can always compete, at almost any age. There is always a new level to achieve or new record to break.

Your best bet for making money in the fitness industry is personal training. Anyone can be a trainer, and if you look the part and live in the right area you can do pretty well. But, you're just a trainer. Like Vitor said, the odds of making it in modeling and bodybuilding are slim to none. The supplement world is shady and risky. I wouldn't want to invest my future in something like that...but hey we always need pioneers.

 

[zekko]

In today's economy, deciding what to do with your life is a high stakes game. I would pick something that is going to have the greatest realistic probabiliby of panning out financially, although there are no guarantees in today's world. I'm not familiar with the fitness/modeling/bodybuilding industry so I definitely can't advise you there.

It's a good thing to hang on to your dreams, and to go out there and take your shot at things. I wanted to be famous when I was younger too. Looking back I wish I had taken a few more risks to try to get there. Heck I'd still like to be famous but at my age my time has come and gone. It's good to go for your dreams but be sure you have a practical backup plan because the odds are way against you.

When I was younger I was very focused and I used to laugh at people who had scattered interests and spread themselves too thin. Then as I got older I started enjoying trying new and different things so I kind of changed my attitude about it. But at some point I had too many interests and had to pare them back so I could focus on what was really important to me.

 

[Fuglydude]

Hmmm... I guess I kinda know how you feel, but probably not as pronounced as you. I have definite goals on where I want to end up... it makes life a lot more focused. I do however, have lots of things I would like to do recreationally, such as climbing, MMA, get back into hiphop/break dancing, etc.

My strategy is to divide my life into different parts and have long term goals for each. For example, career wise I want to be a CRNA (anesthetist) by the time I'm 35, and then possibly start teaching pharmacology/anesthesia part-time by the time I'm 45. This will probably mean I will need a PhD, which I hope to get part time.

I'm not sure what cost of living is like in your neck of the woods but the more money you make, the more you'll want to make. I make around 100k/yr w/ my real job and dancing, and I thought this would be enough... nope... now my goal is to clear 200 k by the end of my 30s. Financial goals are nice to have, as they are typically real concrete numerical goals.

Another crappy thing about making more money is your expenses will likely go up. As a student I was making close to fulltime wages working just a few nights a week because I was dancing a lot more, and lived well in a shared accomodations (apartment/houses). I was happy, and since I'm not materialistic I didn't need a whole lot. I drove and still drive a crappy car, which is need of some expensive repairs, and although I wasn't saving huge chunks of money I was saving a little bit, and not usually stressed out financially.

Now that I'm working I just bought a house due to favorable market conditions/interest rates. Houses are quite expensive up here, and we ended up spending >400k... its basically 2 suites w/ ~1900 sq. feet in the upper level... way too much space for 2 people and 2 cats. My mortgage payments, and the associated costs of owning a home are substantial, and although I'm saving more money than when I was a student, and living more comfortably, I'm not sure if I'm truly happier. In addition, since I've moved farther from work, I have to pay extra for gas instead of just walking. Since I have more disposable income I tend to spend a bit more freely on supplements, entertainment, eating out, etc.

Regarding making money off of training/nutrition and associated knowledge: many of the ways that you can make easy money from your build are morally/ethically reprehensible. I'm talking about stripping/being an escort, or starting up an underground AAS lab, etc. I can't tell everyone about my part time gig, and although I've been asked to help w/ underground labs, I really can't afford a criminal record in my line of work.

I know I'll never be a professional athlete, and I can't justify killing myself in the gym and having a hardcore diet 24-7 in the hope that I can some day become a pro fitness model/elite bodybuilder. I simply do not have the genetics to be a pro bodybuilder, and although I do indulge in occassional AAS use, I'd never want to put the amounts of drugs into my body as the pros do. I train because I love it, so I look okay for shows, and to stay healthy. I have definite strength goals that I want to achieve. In addition, the modeling world from what I've discovered is really quite phucked up. My gf models professionally on a part time basis, and she tells me all the time about gigs being cancelled, people not showing up, totally *****y women, shady guys, etc. Stripping is way more stable than modeling w/ respect to shows not being cancelled, people not flaking. Plus you kind of get a mini-celebrity vibe at some shows when its really busy, and there's good energy in the room. I'm definitely gonna miss that when I'm finished.

I was a personal trainer for a few months. I have no direct formal education in the field of training, but still got a fairly steady stream of part time work when I was doing it. I really did enjoy it, but as some of the guys have said, its tough to make decent money in the field, as its very much related to the prevailing economic situation. Furthermore, if you start out training at a commercial gyms, they'll really push you to sell more training sessions to prospective clients. They'll charge anywhere from 50-75/session and only pay you a small fraction of what they charge. I have trained privately as well, and this did pay better. However, the work was still very sporadic. I've seen some trainers make good money, but you'd probably have to be quite elite as a trainer to clear the 6 figure plane.

Socially, I'm not sure if I'd ever want to be the guy who's always getting calls on his cell phone about people wanting to hang out, etc. I'm in a committed relationship, am often busy w/ other shiite. I have many acquaintances but very few close friends. My gf is my best friend. I know that sounds cheesy, but I think its a big reason why we have such a wicked relationship. I think I'm at the stage where although I enjoy attention/popularity, I don't really seek it out, and wouldn't call it a significant social goal, etc. Maybe its a because I'm getting older... I'm really not sure.

 

[muscleman]

So I'm sitting in my hotel room this morning in L.A. waiting for my buddy to wake up. There are so many hot chicks here it's unbelievable. I've lost track of all the Lamborghinis and Bentleys I've seen. Anyway, awesome replies here, definitely some stuff to think about. I'm gonna try to organize this:

1) Regarding my financial goals. This is something I'm in the process of structuring. I'm a firm believer in LBYM (live below your means) and to that end if I make more money that doesn't mean I'm going to spend more. I'm actually working on spending less each paycheck. I did make what I consider not to be the wisest decision when I purchased my condo (decent price, really nice neighborhood, and $8k credit) as it's a major liability, but I am renting out part of it and at least a portion is going towards the principal so it's not a complete wash like rent is ... then again it's also a lot more $$. Still, I manage to put away a decent amount. I'm currently reading some financial books and planning out my money making goals and what numbers I have to hit by what time in order to make that 100k and retire and what not.

I realize 100k by 30 and retiring by 40 is a lofty goal, but I'm confident I can do it. It will mean getting a part time weekend job (probably personal training) in addition to my website and full time job. Getting more into real estate is my other option. That's really neither here nor there, but suffice it to say that I realize it's a huge challenge, I have a rough of idea of what is necessary to get there, and I'm working on it

2) Regarding the fitness field professionally. I know I probably won't make serious bank as a personal trainer (or even gym/fitness club owner), but it would be good supplemental income. I was actually talking to some dude here in LA yesterday because I'm seeing tons of fitness studios here and he said he clears over 400k/year; he's a former competitive bodybuilder. Might be BS, but ya never know, especially here on the west coast. Where I currently live I do have a nice option though - I belong to a rec center that's subsidized through city taxes because it's in a certain municipality. The personal trainers here get 100% of the money they take from clients (in return they're required to teach 2x group fitness classes/week at a reduced rate). This is great because the clients get charged less and the trainers take home more. This is the only gym in the area that does this, but it's a solid money making opportunity as some of the more advanced trainers clear $50/hour, taking 100% of it. And of course you can charge personal clients more. Only thing keeping me back here is getting my ACSM certificate.

As far as fitness modeling, I will have to wait and see. I refuse to ever take any kind of anabolics. I lift to better my health, not destroy it. If I were to ever compete, it would be at the natural level, not IFBB (although I thought Layne Norton is a natural IFBB pro). Powerlifting is an afterthought. I realize it doesn't make any real $$ cause few people actually care about it. As far as running labs or supplement promotion, what I meant by that is non-anabolics; more along the lines of promoting every day supplements (protein powders, creatine, vitamins, etc).

3) Regarding other forms of money. I will never do escorts. I will never dance for other dudes. I may consider dancing for bachelorette parties once I get my body to where I want and get my dancing down however. I'd have to keep a really tight lid on that though. Ultimately there's only so much time left after the full time job and lifting, which can be spent developing several other means of income, but unfortunately not all of them as there just isn't enough time:

-dancing
-personal training
-my website (though it is about 90% self sufficient)
-real estate
-some other type of part time job

4) Regarding living location and "the path to millionairedom". I was discussing this with my wing last night as we were flying down Santa Monica Blvd. Big fish in little pond vs. little fish in the ocean. One the one hand, we could apply for jobs here in LA or some other major city, make more $$ and spend more $$ because of the cost of living, as well as having much higher competition. On the other hand, we could do our best where we currently live and make the money there, then move to LA or some other major city once the capital is there and less work is necessary. See, rolling in a BMW where I live is serious status. Rolling in a BMW here in LA is the norm. It's sickening how many Bentleys, Maybachs, Rolls, Lamborghinis, Maseratis, etc are here. I rarely see anything other than a Mercedes, BMW, or Lexus. There are as many hot chicks here as there are fat chicks where I live.

Now I don't hate the place I live, but I don't want to be there forever. If I could stick around for a few years and develop a nice business there (most likely in real estate) and make enough money, I could then move out to a bigger/more expensive city. Or I could go straight for a job in said city. And once again my head is spinning, but at least I'm getting some more clarification.

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Fugly - regarding you not wanting to "be that guy", I know it's not for everyone, but I also think you don't want it as much because you have a girlfriend and are in a steady relationship. When you get into a committed relationship your priorities change, a lot. I've been there plenty of times and have seen guys here change a LOT (whether they want to admit it or not) within the confines of an LTR. I don't think it's you "getting older" per se, probably just less enthusiasm as you're more comfortable in your current situation. Everyone gets domesticated to some degree in an LTR; that's kind of the point.