Ran into my gf's old one night stand guy today....

[speed dawg]

And I must say, seeing a dude your gf fukked at one time is not so nice. Now I know, we live in a society where people fukk people, and it's going to happen from time to time, but the thought of my gf, maybe soon to be wife, life partner, future mother of my children, blah, blah, riding some other guys
d1ck and sucking him off is just a thought that you never want to enter your head.

I try not to find out too much about people's past because sooner or later you'll find out something you didn't want to know. Yeah, she had a one night stand with this guy in high school, she may have done it again, who cares. It's all in the past, and I've done things just as bad. I look at all my ex's boyfriends and think to myself, "how can they date her knowing what I did to her?"

Either way, it was nothing to it, he said hello and she said hello, then he walked away. I've went out of my way NOT to meet her old flings but sometimes it's just unavoidable. This was in a friggin Quizno's.

Just life I guess. So, any of you married or LTR guys out there have any advice on the matter?

 

[azanon]

Just dont think about it. My wife claims to have only had sex with one guy before i married her (I have plenty of reasons to believe her that i dont want to go into), and though I know his name and have seen his picture, I've never run into him.

My advise is just dont think about it ASAP. What else can you do? He didn't actually hurt her in any way, so its all just a mental thing.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

This is one thing that I'll never get, how does it help the relationship to know who your woman has slept with? Would it help for her to know who you had slept with? If it's really an issue, why are the two of you still together? Why did you get together in the first place?

 

[speed dawg]

This is one thing that I'll never get, how does it help the relationship to know who your woman has slept with? Would it help for her to know who you had slept with? If it's really an issue, why are the two of you still together? Why did you get together in the first place?

That's just it, I don't want to know. However I know this guy and you just learn things if you're around for awhile. Trust me, I DON'T want to know at all.

However, I feel comfortable knowing she didn't fukk too many people. I've made it a point to stay away from that conversation.

I just hate seeing a guy that has fukked my gf. It's only happened twice to me in my life, but it's like they are subtley calling me a chump, ya know?

 

[Bourne]

This is one thing that I'll never get, how does it help the relationship to know who your woman has slept with? Would it help for her to know who you had slept with? If it's really an issue, why are the two of you still together? Why did you get together in the first place?

I agree. In no shape or form will help you in your current relationship knowing that piece of info.

 

[amoka]

In this modern world, it is difficult to find a woman who has not slept with anybody else ( be it a man or a woman). You simply just can't avoid it. Beside, you'd want her to be equally experienced in the act like you.... so why bother?

 

[DoubleA]

Fascinating.

Why would you ask??????!!!

The truth blows five at one time.

This reminds me of that movie, "Clerks". If you haven't seen it then go and buy it. It's a classic. Also, check "Chasing Amy." Both are worth the money.

Look we all aren't Saints out here. I'm no Saint. I'm human. My past isn't spot clean. But I don't bring it up in front of the woman.

I say deal with it, either let it go or let her go. The older you get you're going to run into MORE "Damaged Goods".

Trust me..if you think this one girl is bad wait until you're hitting a late twenty/early-thirty year old chick doggystylo and you see a list of names on her back of who was here. :nervous: Not literally, but you know what I mean.

I don't ask anymore.

If she's willing to tell me then...RED FLAG!!..it says to me that she is trying to justify the amount of partners she's had so you don't shyt your pants when she keeps running into to guys she played those games like Catch The Salami with.

It's a fact of life. Women and Men get down when the laws of attraction are presiding. There are no Virgins out here so to speak. More male virgins than women. Like Rollo T. says when he's quoting Andrew Dice Clay, "

Dice: Is that ya GF?
Dude in audience: Yeah. (GF next to him)
Dice:Is she good in bed?
Dude in audience: ...Yeah (smiling)
Dice: Wanna to tell me how she got that way? (Audience erupts in laughter)

Dice Clay had the ultimate persona of what to believe when it comes to women. I see why Rollo T. quoted him.

Enough about Dice. Look either you let it go and show your're a mature guy about the situation. Or you next her go on the hunt again and find a woman whose old lovers you don't know about.

Tough choice. A true test for one's maturity and what they want from woman in a LTR.

Good Luck.

- DoubleA

 

[DJDamage]

Fascinating.

Why would you ask??????!!!

The truth blows five at one time.

In defence of the original poster, sometimes you just don't need to ask you can just tell.

I have been in a situation where I went out with a girl and she bumps into some guy who clearly had a past with her and you just know they slept together. She doesn't have to tell me that.

In those situations I always tell myself after the other guy goes away: its over with and done with, he ain't fvcking her now but I am. The only time the situation is going to bother me if I bump into him a second time while he is talking to my girl. Second time is no coinsedence.

 

[squirrels]

Either find yourself a nice, virgin, religiously born and raised girl...or get over it. Those are your choices. Premarital sex happens in this day and age. It happened back in the "old days", too...it just wasn't all that publicized.

I've had a hard time reconciling my casual attitude toward sex with the idea of a stable exclusive deal with a single girl. Her appetite would have to be almost insatiable at least until we'd both had our fill and sex took a "back seat".

It's an interesting dilemma, trying to awaken a girl to sexual decadence when it's to my advantage and then trying to control that newly sparked desire before it expands into an unmanageable wildfire.

But then, isn't that what makes men evolve as seducers and romantics in the first place?

I think your insecurity should motivate you, not discourage you.

 

[Vulpine]

Boy, if there is only one thing I fear, it's my past. Women just love to ask "So... how many xxxxxx...?" :nervous:

The only good answer I could come up with is "You'd be surprised." and change the subject as quickly as possible. They would be surprised... when they find out that I've slept with an easy 4 or 5 times more women than they have men.

Ignorance is bliss.

Don't ask, don't tell (just please don't give me any heebie-jeebies!).

As far as bumping into people, it's called "move the fuxx away every once in a while."

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

That's just it, I don't want to know. However I know this guy and you just learn things if you're around for awhile. Trust me, I DON'T want to know at all...

This type of information just doesn't appear from nowhere. If you didn't seek out this information, someone told you to get your reaction to it and you are giving them a show.

I just hate seeing a guy that has fukked my gf. It's only happened twice to me in my life, but it's like they are subtley calling me a chump, ya know?

Who's fvcking her now? Isn't that more important? You're not a chump in this unless you make yourself one.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Boy, if there is only one thing I fear, it's my past. Women just love to ask "So... how many xxxxxx...?" :nervous:

Any woman who would ask me that would not be worth my time. It wreaks of insecurities and its just plain rude.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

So, any of you married or LTR guys out there have any advice on the matter?

Yes, accept it and grow up. This is actually one of the strengths of my marriage; that we both understand that we're not each others "first" lay and we've had other partners. That's life and we're both adults. I've banged a lot of women in my past and I've known some of her past boyfriends. We even talk about the bullsh!t that our old LTRs used to pull. And part of that bullsh!t was a psychotically insane LTR of mine who obsessively accused me of just looking at other women and mentally tormenting both me and herself over the women I fukked prior to her.

Don't worry about this crap, you only come off as insecure and unconfident. In fact, look at this situation as a chance to prove how confident you really are. If you are visibly distraught by meetng one of your GF's former lovers it only gives that guy the satisfaction of seeing you like that and makes you an inconfident chump. Not only this, she'll pick up on your subcommunicating this stress and it will register as a lack of confidence.

The guy that can confidently look at a wife or LTR's former and know that he's the one who she's fukking now and if the guy had been all that he'd still be in there - that's the guy who's confidence is unshakable in himself and this will register for her too.

I had to have this very situation spelled out for me by one of my best friends while I was dating my wife. I was invited to go to some work party where I knew I'd see her last boyfriend. This guy was a radiologist and made fukking bank, but I was the one she'd left him for (or at least stopped dating for). I had exactly the same insecure reaction at the time and I was considering blowing it off and being all indignant with my soon to be wife for even suggesting it. Then I was working out with my best friend and at the gym I told him what was going on and he damn near slapped me. He said "who's she banging now?" I said "me." He then proceeded to say that exactly the reaction I'd had was what the guy would want and who was a better man? Needless to say it was a pretty intense work out. But I went and did exactly the opposite of what my impulse would've made me do and although I didn't know I was doing it, I AMOGed the guy at the party and my wife gave up the good sex that night.

 

[speed dawg]

Great posts. I need a swift kick in the ass every now and then. I mean, even the BEST of us gets a little shaken confidence every now and again.

I passed the "sh1t test" part of this deal. This was today at lunch, and I just went on about business normally like I was before after it happened. Trust me, it was just one of those mental pictures that jumped in my head momentarily. No biggie.

Me and the gf have a good relationship like that, though. We've been together for a year and two months, and we can talk about most things without getting our feelings hurt. It was nothing she did, it was just an image in my head.

Next time I get that feeling I'll just think about some of the hotter pieces of asses I had before her and try to remember where my cvm landed on them....

 

[DoubleA]

Great posts. I need a swift kick in the ass every now and then. I mean, even the BEST of us gets a little shaken confidence every now and again.

Written by Speed Dawg

Man, don't stress it!

It takes people lifetime to lose certain insecurities and some never do. It's called growing and seeing the things and coming to grips with reality under your own terms.

Me..I learned it by dating different women. Not even sleeping with them all. Ex GFs as well. I just understood that women fuk just like we do but they're..more COVERT (Rollo T., I swear I'm not on his jock but he did call it. See HOW WOMEN COMMUNICATE).

You're only 25. Most guys couldn't comprehend the fact that the girls they're kissing on might have been Ms. Gangbang in 2001, because remember women tend to experiment when they're younger (See Chasing Amy) so I wouldn't be surprised if the next chick I meet had a GF.

Just understand that because she was screwing this guy or guys. LOL. I know it sounds bad but listen. LOL. She wasn't playing you for a sap or sucker. She was single or committed like right now to you.

Don't sweat it. Every guy here can attest to what you're going through. After awhile you'll get used to it. But if you can do it now, you'll be ahead of the game.

 

[Golden Arms]

I am best friends with my recent ONS and she brings her current BF around all the time when he hang out.. now I know how he feels, noone's more jealous than that guy...

(even though she hasn't told him, I am sure he more than suspects that we've slept together)

 

[joekerr31]

the reason it bothered you to see the guy who use to bang your gf is low self esteem and the delusion that you're her one and only true love.

we like to project ideals onto people - they are the final piece of an equation of delusional perfection.

anything that challenges that delusion will make you angry.

you want to see her as your one and only. but the knowledge that some dude probably blew his load up her *ss numerous times is like a 9.9 earthquake.

you're suffering from the 'princess' syndrome. you think your woman is a princess, and only a ***** for you.

truth is women aren't princesses.

i dont know, perhaps this comes back to the illusions most of us have of our mothers. we want women who we perceive as being pristine like our mothers were.

only problem is theres a 99% chance our mothers werent pristine. they were probably JUST like the women we date.

I also think theres a pride male thing. You see this guy who banged and its like you're driving his old mustang. its just a sh*tty situation. I mean, if folks who haven't done your gf they don't know the mustang is used. But this dude, he knows its used, he knows the stain on the back seat, that the steering is a bit misaligned etc. - he KNOWS your sh*t, because it use to be his.

that just sucks plain and simple. because you want what you have with her to be between just YOU and HER - and bumping in to this guy intrudes on that.

the important thing in all this is to realize that no matter what girl you are with this is going to be a problem. which is why you have to follow my golden rule in life : NEVER LIVE IN THE PAST!

sounds simple, but im serious. whatever happened yesturday is 99% irrelevant to tomorrow. whats important is what you have now and what your strategy is for making that even better - whether that be your health, job, money, or girl.

recognize this guy bothered you because it dragged you into the past. cut those ties quickly and be thankful. this guy probably broke her in for you, now you get to reap the rewards of his efforts for life.

anyway, we all know how it feels. and its always going to sting knowing some dude stuck his d*ck up in your girl - but she aint your mom and she ain't a princess so stop applying such standards and youll be much happier.

on the flip side this phenomena can be beneficial in the oneitis scenario. there have been plenty of chics ive had the hots for who were attached. during initial phases its easy to not even recognize that they have a bf. but once some time has gone by i always remind myself that some while she may be flirting with me she's getting *ss pounded by some guy at home. it really does a great job of removing any illusions that I'm dealing with any kind of princess.

 

[st_99]

I think the older you get and the more women you've had flings with you find that it just doesnt get to you to see a guy you're women had sex with..

Now if you find that there has been A LOT, then you should worry...

 

[Latinoman]

I am best friends with my recent ONS and she brings her current BF around all the time when he hang out.. now I know how he feels, noone's more jealous than that guy...

(even though she hasn't told him, I am sure he more than suspects that we've slept together)

You cannot be "friends" with people you have sex (unless she is your girlfriend, fiance, wife). Fact is...we don't phuck our friends.

 

[Golden Arms]

You cannot be "friends" with people you have sex (unless she is your girlfriend, fiance, wife). Fact is...we don't phuck our friends.

I beg to differ. She's my very good friend, we just had one drunken night.