Ran into my ex gf yesterday...

[mattyt]

Ok so perhaps you didn't know how to lead her in the relationship then...ergo the rut due possibly to your lack of understanding about male/female dynamics. You were quite young & perhaps had no idea. Glad you found your way here.

Lack of leadership by the man kills attraction for the woman in time. This (if that's the essence of what happened) is something you'll have to grow through to have a successful relationship in the future, whether it's with her or anyone else. The DJ Bible and Book of Pook are good read/review materials. There are lots of useful threads in the forum too.

She may have stayed with you hoping things would improve but she may have been just as clueless as you were about how the dynamic was affecting you both. So if neither person understands why things are the way they are then neither person knows how to fix the situation.

How it goes from here is up to the two of you. We can give you insight based in experience that is statistically accurate but only you & she were in the relationship & know each other as individuals. So you have to proceed in the best manner for yourself that only you can know in the end.

There are plenty of men here who figured out they had a good girl they lost (the ones who got away) before they understood male/female dynamics, often when they were very young but not always.

The main thing, whatever ends up happening, is that you grow and become a better man and cultivate your leadership ability. This will empower you in your future interactions with women, whether her or someone else.

The first paragraph. You hit the nail on the head. I didn't know how to lead, I had a lot of growing up to do, and being single, going thru the breakup, learning about myself and how to be happy with myself I think has taught me how to be a leader. That's why I told her that I think our breakup was the best thing that ever happens to me because I have learnt and grown. She did lose attraction, and from what I can tell she has somewhat seen me as an attractive man now, not just a wanderlust boy. I'll see if she reaches out again, and take it from there to see how I feel about the situation. Regardless of whether something happens between me and her, she needs to can her current relationship. It's unhealthy to be feeling that way only a year in. But I think that's up to her to make the move on that, no one can tell her.

 

[wifehunter]

I hate running into exes...it's aways SO Fukking emotional!!!

 

[Skyline]

Read the DJ bible.


If you think you can lead and maintain your frame better then go for it. Just note that women generally don't change. Whatever issues you had with her back then will come back up now. You would have to act accordingly and be ready to leave her.

 

[Chev.Chelios]

Wooo more breakup talk, a pot of gold awaits the man who can come up with a cure for this unbelievable, toxic, fvcked, goddam retarded, fvcking aids, epic bull**** moutherfvcking goddammit ****ed peice of **** problem all men have to face.. fvck your ex fvck her life in neck she's dead and always will be.

I say this alot because I can't stress it enough be glad you dont have kids

If you still haven't gotten over her there's chit you haven't faced, scary chit.. put a gun to your head and think about pulling the trigger, though iv never done that thankfully i can imagine it's the same blind fear you get telling your ex off once and for fvcking all..

It feels like death, letting go of the woman you love, if you can't tell your ex in strict words you will NEVER EVER be with her ever again and nothing you can do will ever bring me back. You stupid btch, I love you but I'm slitting this relationship in the god damn throat..

Maybe It's like ending your buddys life.. a fallen soldier suffering when he's laying on the battlefield with his guts blown out of stomach. Kill him quick because you love him.

DO THAT SAME THING TO YOUR EX.
Funny enough, when you muster up the balls to murderived your relationship it unlocks your fear and allows you to function properly.

Those that try to save there lives will lose it.
Translated; Those who try to save there relationships will lose them.

The only hope you have is to accept the fact that you’re already dead. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll be able to function as a soldier is supposed to function: without mercy, without compassion, without remorse. All war depends upon it.

The only hope you have is to accept the fact that you’re ex is already dead and getting railed by black doodz. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll be able to function as a pimp is supposed to function: without mercy, without compassion, without remorse. All da btchz depends upon it.

Serously, meet up with her and say this to her face. We're fvcking over forever.. you shouldn't of ever thought I'd be willing to take you back dirty nazi banging fvck. If you got hit by a car I'd laugh and Facebook your mom telling her how lucky she is to finally have you out of her hair

Jk that's means..

Your stuck in fear, I'm being nasty because I dealt with this for a year. Only I have a KID. So I couldnt leave or ever go full no contact. Only way to get over it is literally emotional suicide. Cry your eyes out, get mad.. feel the pain %100 fully for sure, but the reason why your stuck on her 2 years later because losing her feels like death.

Just some thoughts..

 

[mattyt]

Wooo more breakup talk, a pot of gold awaits the man who can come up with a cure for this unbelievable, toxic, fvcked, goddam retarded, fvcking aids, epic bull**** moutherfvcking goddammit ****ed peice of **** problem all men have to face.. fvck your ex fvck her life in neck she's dead and always will be.

I say this alot because I can't stress it enough be glad you dont have kids

If you still haven't gotten over her there's chit you haven't faced, scary chit.. put a gun to your head and think about pulling the trigger, though iv never done that thankfully i can imagine it's the same blind fear you get telling your ex off once and for fvcking all..

It feels like death, letting go of the woman you love, if you can't tell your ex in strict words you will NEVER EVER be with her ever again and nothing you can do will ever bring me back. You stupid btch, I love you but I'm slitting this relationship in the god damn throat..

Maybe It's like ending your buddys life.. a fallen soldier suffering when he's laying on the battlefield with his guts blown out of stomach. Kill him quick because you love him.

DO THAT SAME THING TO YOUR EX.
Funny enough, when you muster up the balls to murderived your relationship it unlocks your fear and allows you to function properly.

Those that try to save there lives will lose it.
Translated; Those who try to save there relationships will lose them.

The only hope you have is to accept the fact that you’re already dead. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll be able to function as a soldier is supposed to function: without mercy, without compassion, without remorse. All war depends upon it.

The only hope you have is to accept the fact that you’re ex is already dead and getting railed by black doodz. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll be able to function as a pimp is supposed to function: without mercy, without compassion, without remorse. All da btchz depends upon it.

Serously, meet up with her and say this to her face. We're fvcking over forever.. you shouldn't of ever thought I'd be willing to take you back dirty nazi banging fvck. If you got hit by a car I'd laugh and Facebook your mom telling her how lucky she is to finally have you out of her hair

Jk that's means..

Your stuck in fear, I'm being nasty because I dealt with this for a year. Only I have a KID. So I couldnt leave or ever go full no contact. Only way to get over it is literally emotional suicide. Cry your eyes out, get mad.. feel the pain %100 fully for sure, but the reason why your stuck on her 2 years later because losing her feels like death.

Just some thoughts..

Dude, I went thru the bull****. I went thru the days weeks and months of my mind going a million miles an hour. And I am well and truely past that. I hadn't spoken to her for a year, and if I didn't speak to her again then so be it. But somewhere in there I still have love for this girl and still have some attraction to her. I'm not in fear of letting go.

 

[Chev.Chelios]

Hey guys, bit of background info. My ex girlfriend and myself were high school sweethearts. We started dating when we were both 19, and had a strong 7 nearly 8 years together. We broke up in 2015 after being stuck in a rut for sometime and not really progressing forward.

Our breakup hit me hard and took me a longtime to get over it. I am fine now.
Anyway, in the past 2 years, her mother had gotten sick and passed away, and she has a boyfriend and lives with him.

I ran into her last night, I haven't seen her since her mothers funeral nearly a year ago, she was with her work friends and I asked her if she wanted to hang around for a couple of drinks with me and my friends which she did.

In that time she had told me that she is not happy with her new partner, and she is always getting in trouble for doing things she likes to do etc. she was telling me that she is really unhappy with where her life is at the moment, and continued to tell me that it was a mistake, is breaking up. Now I knew that all of this would eventually come out. Keep in mind that I still care very much for this woman, she was the second woman I truely loved after my own mother. And it really upsets me that she is feeling like this. I cut off all contact when we broke up and only spoke to her when I really had to because it truely did hurt too much.

I think out of all of what she said last night, she was implying that she is planning on giving the bloke the flick and was more or less asking if I'd give her another chance. Now I know that it's all good and well to assume that, but until she does or if she does get rid of the bloke it is all neither here nor there. I don't know whether I'd give her another go, she would definately have to put in some decent ground work and prove herself to me befor I'd give it thought.

Some of your opinions as to why she has said all of this now, especially the female dj's. I get the feeling that I will hear from her again sooner rather than later.

But all this, seems to me you haven't gotten over her fully. If you walk passed her in the street with complete indifference towards her thats one thing, but contemplating getting back together with her because you still have lingering feelings?

Are you a happy guy living a good life for yourself? Maybe just wondering sense your back on your feet emotionally and willing to give things with her another go because youve really worked on yourself and what the heck mine as well.

Or are you still sad over her and getting back together will make you feel better...

 

[mattyt]

Definately not sad over our breakup. I was for a long time, and it was weird one day I just wasn't. I have worked fcuking hard on myself. Matured a sihtload, grown as a person, and learnt a lot about myself. Like I said earlier I think the breakup was the best thing to happen to me. When we were together I was very judgemental, negative and I guess a bit jealous towards a lot of things and people. I have done a complete 180 from the person I once was.

 

[Von]

Definately not sad over our breakup. I was for a long time, and it was weird one day I just wasn't. I have worked fcuking hard on myself. Matured a sihtload, grown as a person, and learnt a lot about myself. Like I said earlier I think the breakup was the best thing to happen to me. When we were together I was very judgemental, negative and I guess a bit jealous towards a lot of things and people. I have done a complete 180 from the person I once was.

You will only know if you get back to her.

I think people mature alot in their 25-26-27..... especially if you were in a ''high school sweatheard situation''.

I'll be with Skyline.... go for it.

However, another poster had a great post.... Go for It but don't be a rebound.

If your a rebound, she'll just throw **** back in your relationship.

She branch to you... take it when its right for you

Wait until her relationship is over, she's done the rebound and come back to you for real

Her ''maturity'', your ''maturity'' might make it work better the 2nd time.... but know: there will not be a 3rd time

 

[The Duke]

Here are some things to remember:

1. People tend to revert back to what they know and were once comfortable with.
2. She is looking for a safe easy transition out of one relationship, into the next and you provide that.
3. She will tell you all sorts of great things to get back in your good graces.

Notice all of these things are self-serving. Its all about her needs. If you do go down this path, put lots of road blocks in front of her. Make it difficult. Its the only way you will know if this is about convenience or she really wants to be with you. Don't forget people always want what they don't have, and once they get it things often change. I wouldn't go into this with a whole lot of optimism. Take your time, and don't get too invested.

 

[mattyt]

If it comes to that, it will all depend on how I feel about the siruation at the time. If I do decide to go with it, she would have to prove herself to
Me. I won't be putting up with sh1t, I've come so far no b1tch is going to ruin that. That's if I hear from her again. I don't think it's wise to go out of my way to msg her. If she wants to
Get a hold of me she will. She needs to own her sh1t.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

If it comes to that, it will all depend on how I feel about the siruation at the time. If I do decide to go with it, she would have to prove herself to
Me. I won't be putting up with sh1t, I've come so far no b1tch is going to ruin that. That's if I hear from her again. I don't think it's wise to go out of my way to msg her. If she wants to
Get a hold of me she will. She needs to own her sh1t.

You have a great attitude.

 

[kronreiff]

They are ex's for a reason! You're not over her! All she has to do is drop her present fool and puppy dog talk you into thinking that you should resume things with her that didn't work years ago leaving you a mess for two years. Why would anyone want to relive what a fvked up ex did to you two years ago? Tell her to fvck off and enjoy her new found love. You've licked your wounds and say your fine. So, move on with your self respect in hand and spin some plates and let history remain just that, HISTORY!