Raising her interest level??

bunjy

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Mar 9, 2003
Messages
224
Reaction score
2
Location
Age: 36
So I get a match with this 9 on POF. We have mutual friends but have never met. Straight away we engage in lengthy messages and I get her number. We then start txting long frequent messages. I know this was stupid of me and wont have done me any favours but I got carried away.

Turns out she works a very high pressure and busy job, 80 hours a week, on call at all times etc. She tells me 'its no wonder Im single' and how shes a workaholic. In short it does seem shes genuinely a ridiculously busy woman who doesnt really have much of a life outside of work. Anyway after a week of txting, I arrange a date to the bar for a few drinks. She agrees. Date night comes and she tells me shes going to be a hour late. I suspect shes going to flake so act nonchalant about it. She shows, we have a great night and stay out late. Date generally went very well, I was on top form with my game and she lapped it up. Plenty of eye contact from her, good body language, laughter and kino. Night ended with a small kiss. She txts me the next morning saying she had a good night.

We carry on txting over the next few days and I ask her to meet again the following week (today). I suggest a night to get some dinner, she tells me she will check her diary, free a night and get back to me. She also mentions shes got the week from hell workwise next week. I start to feel that maybe shes not really interested.

Anyway txting carries on, playful and flirty although notably shorter messages and less frequent. Shes taking longer to reply than usual. I take it all in my stride and try my best to play it cool. I starting realise Ive been communicating with her too much and not really being much of a challenge.

Two days before planned second date I start hanging back a bit. Taking longer to reply to her txts and generally being more nonchalant and a bit distant but still flirty (as she is).

Today was date night and I knew she was going to flake as she hadnt got back to me about 'checking her diary' etc. So I txt her the night before telling her to let me know if we are still on for our date. The next afternoon she txts me saying she cant make tonight and is going to be in work until really late. Shes flaked. I see no offer of a counter meetup and no suggestion of another night so I just txt her back a short message saying 'No problem I know your very busy'. I figure at this point her interest is very low and that I should stop responding to any further texts until she offers another chance to meet.

Anyway since then she txted me again saying shes having a really busy day. I dont respond (as planned) but give in after a few hours with a short nonchalant txt. She responds immediately with a long txt explaining why her day is so busy and how she tried to get cover so she can get out tonight, but still no suggestion of another night she can make it. Ive not replied.

So heres my dilemma. Generally in this situation I will conclude that her interest level has gone right down and shes only txting me for attention but I do have a feeling she is too some extent being genuine here. I know the old idea that if a girl is interested she will make time but I think maybe here there is a chance to pull this back.

On the one hand I dont really want to be txting her anymore if shes not going to suggest another chance to meet, on the other if there potential to hang back and maybe get something outta this I figure its worth a shot.

So what you think DJs?? Should I just ignore her completely or hang right back and continue with short nonchalant txts. At this point I feel maybe keeping very limited contact may work in my favour more than just completely ignoring her but Im open to suggestions.

Ive not responded to her long txt explaining why she cant make our date.
 

SgtSplacker

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 18, 2011
Messages
2,041
Reaction score
499
I stopped at 80 hours a week...

I would only believe that if she owns a business.

If she doesn't own a business, she's working on another dudes tube not a job...
 

_sideways_

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 31, 2013
Messages
1,894
Reaction score
213
Are you that naive OP?

she's basically a stranger u just met. U don't know her schedule as if u lived with her. People exaggerate their jobs in conversation to look better.

as always....her actions before her words.

she could be with another dude, or girl, or reading to the blind....point is she's not with you.

if u had other plates you wouldn't have asked for advice.

do yourself a favor and start having fun with your life. She obviously is. Imagine this scenario....shes working 60 hours a week not 80 ...while she's busy having the time of her life, she also has a guy that in her head is just sprinkles on her ice cream cone.
and hot guys get played just like that too. And its that much sweeter for her/them.
 

goldengoose

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Apr 12, 2011
Messages
479
Reaction score
116
There are no 9's on POF. She isn't into you and is making excuses to why she can't go out with you. If she really wanted to go out she would instead of sending you long texts of excuses.
 

VladPatton

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 26, 2012
Messages
3,277
Reaction score
234
Location
NYC
Who cares if she's working, shoveling elephant shıt, or milking Yaks for extra money. She sure as hell isn't making much effort to hang with you. So why bother? Don't burn the bridge, but don't initiate texts, and reply whenever you're bored or on the crapper. She'll eventually go away with all her bullshıt excuses in tow.
 

FinalWay

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 4, 2010
Messages
119
Reaction score
5
I work in manufacturing and work 10-12 hour days 7 days a week so it is possible..jobs ask for a lot in people these days. I dated a chick who worked in the medical field and her starting position was exactly like that (on call 70-80 hrs etc.) Get to know more about her position etc..but if she blows you off again and goes to hang out with friends, I would drop her
 

bunjy

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Mar 9, 2003
Messages
224
Reaction score
2
Location
Age: 36
_sideways_ said:
Are you that naive OP?

she's basically a stranger u just met. U don't know her schedule as if u lived with her. People exaggerate their jobs in conversation to look better.

as always....her actions before her words.

she could be with another dude, or girl, or reading to the blind....point is she's not with you.

if u had other plates you wouldn't have asked for advice.

do yourself a favor and start having fun with your life. She obviously is. Imagine this scenario....shes working 60 hours a week not 80 ...while she's busy having the time of her life, she also has a guy that in her head is just sprinkles on her ice cream cone.
and hot guys get played just like that too. And its that much sweeter for her/them.
I take your point. Im not naive and indeed am pretty sure she is making excuses but not 100%. That being said I am a firm believer that if a chick is interested they will make the effort/time to see you and if they genuinely are too busy (rare cases) they will make some sort of solid counteroffer.

As you say actions before words as always. I do have another plates, got a date on Thursday but tbh they dont match upto this 9. Hence why im here asking for advice.

Shes texted me twice more tonight after me not responding. Mostly just her trying to engage me. Ive not replied.

Should I just ignore her and forget about her? Ive no problem with nexting her but if I could get a bang outta this I dont necessarily want to burn that bridge.
 

bunjy

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Mar 9, 2003
Messages
224
Reaction score
2
Location
Age: 36
VladPatton said:
Who cares if she's working, shoveling elephant shıt, or milking Yaks for extra money. She sure as hell isn't making much effort to hang with you. So why bother? Don't burn the bridge, but don't initiate texts, and reply whenever you're bored or on the crapper. She'll eventually go away with all her bullshıt excuses in tow.
This sums it up. Shes clearly not making the effort but likes the attention. I have no desire to initiate any further communication with her from now on, frankly Im rather bored of it and have other chicks to game so it feels like a waste of time.

I can guarantee she will txt me tomorrow, shall I just ignore her? I was thinking I might just send a single late txt tomorrow night when Im heading to bed. Nothing substantial or maybe I should just leave it for a few days. I do think in this situation ignoring her will probably get to her. Shes already started seeking more attention after I stopped initiating.

I think what happened here was I had her interested and then blew it by too much communication this past week. Its obvious now she thinks she has me where she wants me.

Im not putting anything into this and fully expect nothing to come from this so got nothing to lose. I am interested to see how this can play out though.
 

bunjy

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Mar 9, 2003
Messages
224
Reaction score
2
Location
Age: 36
Well as expected she txted me this morning. Thats 3 txts now with no reply from me lol.
 

_sideways_

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 31, 2013
Messages
1,894
Reaction score
213
After 3 texts...i say fight fire with fire.

string her along. Say ur phone dropped and it cracked and you've been at the store trying to fix it because it won't let u type the right letters.

say everything is ok...except that u pulled a muscle yesterday at the gym. Then ask her out for the hell of it.


if she's hot to u, u deserve it for fvcks sake...but get ur head, emotions, feelings out of it
 

bunjy

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Mar 9, 2003
Messages
224
Reaction score
2
Location
Age: 36
Well as always the DJ's here where absolutely spot on about this chick.

I spend the past two days ignoring her, she was txtxing me yesterday a few more times. Eventually she gets cranky and asks 'Why are you ignoring me'. I respond with a short 'Been busy txt'. She doesnt reply.

Today she starts txting me again and I engage this time, I figure I give it one more shot and ask her out again for the hell of it. She comes up with some vague excuse and says 'we can sort something another day'.

Just attention seeking. As always, actions speak louder than words and Im disappointed in myself for letting myself get carried away with this timewasting chick simply because shes hot. Onwards and upwards.
 

Induced Drag

Don Juan
Joined
Dec 8, 2013
Messages
68
Reaction score
5
Is she a medical doctor? I dated a MD who was interning. Always on call and practically living and sleeping at the hospital. If she is a doc then I'd cut her a little slack because it really is that rough. Thing is her behavior isn't going to change. She's married to the job and you'll take a back seat to her career.
 

bunjy

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Mar 9, 2003
Messages
224
Reaction score
2
Location
Age: 36
Induced Drag said:
Is she a medical doctor? I dated a MD who was interning. Always on call and practically living and sleeping at the hospital. If she is a doc then I'd cut her a little slack because it really is that rough. Thing is her behavior isn't going to change. She's married to the job and you'll take a back seat to her career.
Yes she works as a medical professional. In fairness, It does sound like she has a stupidly busy life. She constantly moans about her long hours and lack of 'having a life'.

I have given her some slack over this, but after asking her out twice and her not really giving me any alternative Im tired of it tbh. Shes clearly making no effort.

The last txt I got off her basically said she will try her best to sort something this weekend and that I should leave it with her. I figure this is nonsense anyway but I'll give her until the weekend is over.
 

bunjy

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Mar 9, 2003
Messages
224
Reaction score
2
Location
Age: 36
Thought Id post an update on this as its an interesting example of how women work and what as DJ's can do to respond.

Firstly I wanna point out Ive long given up on this chick and have been gaming other chicks. Had a date on Friday, went well. Seeing her again on Wednesday, all good. Im not bothered at all how it works out with this 9 but interested to see if I can a) get a bang and b) how it plays out and how she responds. Test case if you will.

So as it stands I asked her out at the weekend and she told me to she would let me know if she can make it. I then ignored her for a couple of days. Come Saturday night I was out in the club with my friends and drunk, she'd txted me that day, no mention of the date I proposed to her so I continued ignoring her. After far too many beers I txted her (I know bad move but what you gonna do) basically being flirty and asking her if we are on for a date tomorrow (Sunday). She gives a vague answer saying I will be too hungover (Id told her I was out partying) but she will meet me if I want. Bear in mind Im quite drunk at this point, I figure she wont really meet and will probably bail come the next day so basically txt her saying Im not really that bothered about meeting her tomorrow as I probably will be hungover and have stuff to do anyway. I get the impression she would of met me on Sunday If I had of agreed.

She quickly replies saying she can do Monday if thats better. In my drunken state I decided Ive had enough of her and reply 'I cant do Monday and Im very busy all week'. She replies saying how about Thursday? I reply saying maybe but not sure will have to check my schedule. I could infact meet her on either Monday or Thursday but Im tired of it all and figure im wasting my time anyway.

So I msg her on Sunday saying I cant do later on as Im busy, she replies saying its fine. I then ignore her next msg.

Come to this afternoon (Tuesday) she messages me trying to engage in flirty chat. Ive not replied yet. Not sure whether to just ignore her or maybe give one last shot and say ask her to meet on Thursday night?

Its kinda weird cos since distancing myself shes offered two nights she is free to meet and I rejected both. I dont know whether to just leave this or go in for one final date setup. She may flake, she may not. Either way I dont care.

I spoke to a friend of mine whos very much a DJ, he thinks its possible she is very shy (she is indeed shy as I found out on date 1 and was intially apprehensive about meeting in the first place) and is just a bit apprehensive at taking it further. He also thinks she is interested and is just pulling some test on me to see if Im worth it. In short shes the sorta chick who wants me to work hard to get her. I do get the vibe off her that shes maybe like this, shes not much of a partier and is her life is very much career focused. On the other hand he also suggested shes just as AW and loves the constant txt attention.

So what you guys think? Is it worth one more shot to hit this 9? Ive not replied to her txt from today yet, I could engage with her and then set a date for Thursday up.
 

ovoxo

Don Juan
Joined
Apr 7, 2012
Messages
47
Reaction score
2
Try it. Sounds like a potential Fck Buddy (since she's so busy) if you play it cool and aloof. Moving to terms where she just hits you up to bang is the best case scenario here. You've already rejected her offers a couple times now so you have nothing to lose.

PS. She may have avoided counter offers before because of being unsure of her work schedule and not wanting to flake more than once in a row.
 

jay07

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Nov 22, 2012
Messages
218
Reaction score
16
Dude you already have all the answers written down by yourself.

Tell her thursday is good for you, if she flakes after she proposed thursday, then its donezos.
 

Mr Gyalist

Don Juan
Joined
Sep 8, 2013
Messages
20
Reaction score
0
stop playing games man, she offered you two dates, which what you want right, and you turned her down.. your not serious, stop messing about and take up her offer
 

bunjy

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Mar 9, 2003
Messages
224
Reaction score
2
Location
Age: 36
ovoxo said:
PS. She may have avoided counter offers before because of being unsure of her work schedule and not wanting to flake more than once in a row.
As this had played out I do think there is an element of her being genuine involved. I dont get a total AW vibe off her and although she has made some AW moves she hasnt shaped up to be a classic case.

She has been hard work but seems to be leaving options for me to take.

Ive txted her back some idle flirty chat. Thats all shes getting for now. Will call her tomorrow and ask her to meet on Thurs, if she flakes case closed.
 

bunjy

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Mar 9, 2003
Messages
224
Reaction score
2
Location
Age: 36
Mr Gyalist said:
stop playing games man, she offered you two dates, which what you want right, and you turned her down.. your not serious, stop messing about and take up her offer
Admittedly in my drunken state It wasnt the best move to reject both. With a bit of hindsight I probably should of agreed to meet her on at least one of the days.

She still has huge potential to flake though so Im not hedging my bets.
 
Top