Raising boys to men

[Fruitbat]

Bit of a read here, but here goesI have nephews who I spend a lot of time with taking them to sporting events.

I’m a go getting type but my sister and her man deeply resent people like this, they have a kind of anti-system anti-success attitude and have very few friends. They’ve never been abroad and have no intention on doing so. I’ve been subtley trying to show the boys there is another way and they can be rich, fit and successful, but their general response is “we don’t want that”. It’s frustrating that what I see as their own self created reasoning for not challenging themselves and their resentment for those that do is being dialled into their kids, ready for some extremely disappointing years as young men.

One of them has got really fat. I offered to buy him a gym membership and train with him and get him fit, but mum and dad don’t like people who go to gyms (his parents think people who go to gyms are idiots) and he sent me a message basically saying the same thing as them “gentle changes to diet are more for me not gyms and extreme dieting” which = I don’t want to work hard.

yesterday I made 2 comments about the kids weight - just in the usual way that uncles do. Uncles are supposed to shoot the shyt with their nephews. I get an angry text later from my brother in law saying how upset he was and I shouldn’t comment on it

I was fat at his age, he’s 17, he can vote next year. I was working full time and going travelling, alone.

my dad would have told me to toughen up and give a bit back.

what on earth is going on with how we are raising boys, the father really surprises me as he’s not usually a snowflake.

I just ignored the text. Ridiculous.

I made 2 comments in 6 hours and I also paid thr lads whole day out. Didn’t get a thank you for that from either parents or the boy, but one word and he’s off crying to mum and dad and all this nonsense.

To be fair I’m fuming about this. The only time I ribbed him was when he was being an annoying teenage kid, shouting at me to do things etc.

if he had shot me back (I’m overweight) and called me a fat has-been I would have loved it. Why aren’t father telling their kids this?

 

[Willie Naylor]

Modern parenting is in the sh!tter.

If mom and dad have a fat, out of shape kid that breaks a sweat when he gets out of bed, it's their fault.

Scr3w kids and their feelings. That's the crux of the problem. Parents nowadays want to 'sit down and talk about' things with them. They're fvcking 10 years old. They shouldn't have a say in how they're raised.

I'll tell one story from my childhood.... I was 11 years old, and me and my mom were walking thru the grocery store. I wanted to get something, and she said No. I whined about it for the next 10 minutes, to the point where I started to make a scene.

We were walking to the checkout, and I was still whining about it. She spun around and smacked the sh!t out of me, across my face.

Throughout grade school, I was never in trouble and never in the principal's office. I have her tough parenting to thank for that.

We need more of that in society today.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Be careful to avoid making my mistake.

Although I classify myself as an only child (for the most part, I grew up that way). I do have a half brother and half sister.

Here's the background: I type this not to vent or share stories, but to give you an idea of my role as an Uncle and how things turned out.

When they were young, I was the uncle that found coins behind their ears, brought over whoopie cushions and silly string. You get the idea. The kids absolutely loved this, but the adults sort of tolerated my antics (and frowned upon the whoopie cushions). Growing up, I always wanted an Uncle like this and so, I became that Uncle for them.

As they began to mature, I'd throw out new thought to them. For instance; they grew up calling all adults "mam" and "sir." I told my niece (the oldest of the bunch). " When I was young, I didn't like doing this because I always thought that an adult should earn my respect before I give it. And besides, adults are just big kids. We still make mistakes. It's just that as adults, most of them don't admit it as much."

I suspected that my niece grew up with parents too strict and so for Christmas, I bought her a diary. This would have been okay, but I brought her one that had a lock on it (I did this intentionally) . I also bought a nephew (that was eleven) a bb gun (the parents weren't very pro gun). My nephew loved it. I could tell by their facial expressions that neither parent approved.

I could go on, but here's how things changed. I was no longer invited over for home family events. Instead, I was only invited over when everyone meets at a restaurant. It sounds weird to type, but I was basically treated like I was some pedophile uncle or something.

Fast forward:

Just before Covid, I was informed that my half-sister and her husband had separated and getting a divorce. I told my half sister some things that our dad and my mother did (using me as a pawn to get info on the other or using me to get the other angry). I told her that it messed me up as a kid and I never forgave them for it (our dad has been dead for over thirty years). And that tempting as it may be, she and her former husband should avoid this - for their children's well being. After that talk, I haven't heard from her since or my niece and nephew since.

I hope that you don't end up experiencing what I experienced.

 

[The Duke]

Fruitbat, I think all you can do is show them what you are about. Let them nibble on it. If they want to take the bait then support them.
I've been in your shoes before. Encountered the same problems. Some people just don't share our same desires and ambition.

But as long as you help expose them to another world different than their own you have done your part. That's all you can do.

 

[manfrombelow]

OP, there's always a limit on what we can do to other people's children, regardless how much love and well intent we meant for them.

 

[2Rocky]

Fruitbat, It is tough watching other people make mistakes whether with their animals kids or relationships. and NO ONE wants to be told what they are doing wrong...

Unless the kids parents are behaving in a way that they are a danger to their children you need to let them parent their way, and be near for your nieces and nephews. I had a real good relationship with my bachelor uncle. When our Grandfather died, his and my father's relationship became strained and thus, I don't get to see him as much as I'd like.

Be a good role model that his parents WANT in his life. not the Role Model you think he needs...

 

[Genetic Error]

bro u cant call him fat if ur fat lmfao

 

[Rainman4707]

Bit of a read here, but here goesI have nephews who I spend a lot of time with taking them to sporting events.

I’m a go getting type but my sister and her man deeply resent people like this, they have a kind of anti-system anti-success attitude and have very few friends. They’ve never been abroad and have no intention on doing so. I’ve been subtley trying to show the boys there is another way and they can be rich, fit and successful, but their general response is “we don’t want that”. It’s frustrating that what I see as their own self created reasoning for not challenging themselves and their resentment for those that do is being dialled into their kids, ready for some extremely disappointing years as young men.

One of them has got really fat. I offered to buy him a gym membership and train with him and get him fit, but mum and dad don’t like people who go to gyms (his parents think people who go to gyms are idiots) and he sent me a message basically saying the same thing as them “gentle changes to diet are more for me not gyms and extreme dieting” which = I don’t want to work hard.

yesterday I made 2 comments about the kids weight - just in the usual way that uncles do. Uncles are supposed to shoot the shyt with their nephews. I get an angry text later from my brother in law saying how upset he was and I shouldn’t comment on it

I was fat at his age, he’s 17, he can vote next year. I was working full time and going travelling, alone.

my dad would have told me to toughen up and give a bit back.

what on earth is going on with how we are raising boys, the father really surprises me as he’s not usually a snowflake.

I just ignored the text. Ridiculous.

I made 2 comments in 6 hours and I also paid thr lads whole day out. Didn’t get a thank you for that from either parents or the boy, but one word and he’s off crying to mum and dad and all this nonsense.

To be fair I’m fuming about this. The only time I ribbed him was when he was being an annoying teenage kid, shouting at me to do things etc.

if he had shot me back (I’m overweight) and called me a fat has-been I would have loved it. Why aren’t father telling their kids this?

It's their kids. They will raise them how THEY Want. Put yourself in their shoes. You would raise your children how you wanted. Friends and family may offer you advice, you would listen to their advice, then make YOUR OWN Choice.

Every human is different. Have their own outlooks on life.

I think all you can do is offer advice in a friendly way. That is all. You have said your piece. If you want to remain in their life, you will now remain silent on those issues.

 

[ubercat]

Sad but true. I had an example in my own life not with kids but with a friend. He was a ridiculously fat bastard in his 30s and no Bueno with the ladies. I took him to golf and started messing around teaching him some boxing just with training pads. We also tried to set him up with this hot Asian girl we knew, was a bit of a disaster but certainly she was trying her best. At some point he just stopped answering my calls. Guess I tried to get him out of his comfort zone and he was just happy being who he was and I guess I should have accepted him for that. Got a good mate who is going through similar problems with his sister's kid who is a bit of a fvck up.