Quit with my girl because I feel I want to improve my game and self

[Mr.Fantastic]

Ok, I feel really bad about not being with my girlfriend any more. She is a wonderful girl and hasn't really done anything wrong, but a while back we started getting a bit stressed at eachother and she eventually was the one that called it off. We made the decision to split and now we are friends. I speak to her a lot and we still go out sometimes.

It is clear now that she really wants to get back together, but I am reluctant to. I mean she has all these ideas about marriage and kids n stuff, she said to me that she needs to have kids before the age of 26 otherwise she cant have them (aparently nurses have told her this) and I think she feels under pressure from her family to have a boyfriend. As I say, she is a great girl and we get on brilliantly, but I dont think that at this stage of my life I can be with someone and make that commiment, there is too much out there for me to do.

Another thing that I think about a lot is the fact that she has a lot of health issues and a brother who is autistic so I wonder if she would be the best person to have kids with or not? I mean she talks about her genetics and kind of knows that she may have inherited problems, and this is a large part of the reason why I just can't be with her.

I mean even the fact that i'm thinking this way, and about having kids and marriage and stuff just blows my mind! im only 23 years old, I shouldnt be thinking about this, I should just be enjoying life.

It just gets me down, i mean I speak to her and she is all 'I miss you' and stuff and I just dont know what to say, I mean I really do care for her, but I dont feel that i can be with her. What should I do?

 

[JDA70]

Sounds like she wants, wants and wants.
She wants to lock everything up with you.
Kids, marriage and all that other stuff.
Your only 23 and I take it from your words
your not ready for that kind of relationship.
You have to figure this out for yourself.
Ask yourself " What do I really want?"

 

[ready123]

just be honest w/ her, you're not ready. if you go w/ those commitments when you're not ready, you're gonna end being depressed and/or an ******* to her. I don't think that's what neither of you want. and to put everything in perspective, the sadness you feel now when your girl says she misses you will turn into resentment toward her pretty fast when you realize you're now stuck in something you didn't want, and now have kids you have to raise

about the not being able to have kids over 26, what medical condition is that?

 

[kakashi]

As hatebreed say sometimes you've gotta destroy everything to start again.

not being able to have kids after 26 sounds like one huge elephant trap. i hope it isn't but it sounds weird.

i think your doing the right thing, but if your gona cut her out of your life do it completely. or else those times you speak will be like in the morning when you really now you shouldnt be pressing the snooze button but you cant help yourself.

 

[Interceptor]

double post

 

[Interceptor]

Unfortunately, this fact is true.

Women's prgancy ratio and the health rate severly plummet after the ripe young age of 27.

Dude, this is very tough for a woman.

But remember, you're a man, not a baby making machine.


You have dreams, goals, desires, expereinces you wan tto have..

..........you have a very high chance you will never be able to do them.

DO not succumb to any womna' "guilt trip" she tries to put on you, no matte rhow much you love her.

Thsi is a tough one.

But you come first.
Trust your gut.
If you're getting a "punched in the gut feeling."
You're probably right.
It's probably NOT what you really want to do.

 

[PlaysToWin]

The correct move for you now is to take a step away from her. Hang out less. Chat on the phone less. Make yourself less available. Allow yourself to get over her (and her you).

Your instincts about not committing so early in life are absolutely right. The only thing suggesting otherwise is your feelings for her and a certain amount of pity/guilt. But you'll get over them in time if you allow yourself to.