Quiet Lambo guy

[RichardTheFrog]

Even if I drove a Lambo and had it parked where everyone could see at some restaurant full of girls or whatever...

I'm still quiet. Extremely quiet. I am possibly one of the most introverted people on the planet. I once scored 100% introverted/0% extroverted on the Briggs Meyer.

Maybe people will ask me about it or something. I can do good in conversations when people start them with me and if I feel like talking. I've had so many conversations with strippers over the past few weeks, I can't even remember them all.

What I do during the day (flip houses) is impressive. Let's fast forward 1 year and say I've gotten several profitable flips under my belt. If you're going to respond and tell me that's not going to happen, then don't bother because you know nothing about it.

Also, lately I've been unsure about my looks a lot. Growing up, I always had the oponion of myself that I was good looking because that's what people told me. Nowadays, there will be times when I'm talking to a good looking girl and she says I have nice eyes or a good looking face, etc. and there will be no problem. But other times, I get insulted and ignored as soon as I send a pic. I realize that different girls have different tastes. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Ugly is also in the eye of the beholder.

 

[Misterchaos]

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

 

[guru1000]

You need a backup selfie, so when they ask, you have it ready. Do you need help?

 

[Billtx49]

Too frequently I like ice cream and cookies and milk sometimes. Not as severe as your M&M thing sounds, but it still worries me…

 

[RichardTheFrog]

You need a backup selfie, so when they ask, you have it ready. Do you need help?

Haven't we been through this?

You said I should thank you for the 19 year old, but she said she liked my directness.

But I did get one good looking match on Badoo recently. We each took many hours to answer each other's messages because I guess we're both busy. We talked about our jobs. I asked for her number and no response.

Other than that, it's still ugly girls and fatties.

 

[guru1000]

You said I should thank you for the 19 year old, but she said she liked my directness.

.

When was the last time you had free sex with a hot girl before her?

You would not have had free sex, if it was not for the likes of Guru1000 to the rescue.

Thank yours truly.

 

[Misterchaos]

Too frequently I like ice cream and cookies and milk sometimes. Not as severe as your M&M thing sounds, but it still worries me…

Yeah that sounds pretty intense...

 

[Billtx49]

Yeah that sounds pretty intense...

Probably is, but I direct my needs to the appropriate outlets.…

 

[Billtx49]

Yeah that sounds pretty intense...

Can you show me the right direction to counter my obvious mental chaos?

 

[Misterchaos]

Can you show me in the right direction to counter my obvious mental chaos?

The first step is always acceptance.

Here's what you need to do:

Step #1: Go to the store and buy one pack of 7 different brands of chocolate chip cookies. Not 8, not 6, but 7. Also grab 2 big mason jars.

Step #2: Play some soothing music at volume level 14. (Because 7 x 2 = 14). If you don't have a volume level of 14 just make sure if you are 14 feet away you can barely here the music.

Step #3: One by one open each pack of cookies and stack them in columns of no less than 5.

Step #4: Working from left to right disassemble each cookie and count the number of chocolate chips. If the number of chocolate chips is a prime number or odd you must put it in the mason jar and label it "Bad" If the number is not prime and even you put the cookie remains in the jar labeled "Good"

Step #5: After you have sorted all of the cookies go outside and bury the mason jar labeled "Bad". Keep the "Good" Jar.

Step #6: Whenever you are stressed or feeling anxious take one spoonful of the cookie crumbs from the "Good" jar and mix it with some 1% milk and drink.

Step #7: Profit.

I guarantee you will have the mental clarity of Superman himself! Good Luck friend!

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I myself have conducted similar experiments with the sugar-shelled wafer variant of the species, referred to in the vulgar vernacular as "Crispy M&Ms". Personally, I much prefer the proper term for the genus, Eminem Crispicus Maximus.

At first I was not sure whether the addition of a complicated matrix of honeycombesque filling would be a boon or detriment to the environmental hardiness of the specimens. It would appear that despite increasing the tolerance each organism has for initial crushing, once cracks do develop they universally result in explosive collapse.

The crumbs and fine dust from this stage of the study was most problematic and I had to resort to licking it up like a roguish cad.

For the next stage of proceedings, I have crafted miniature Lamborghinis for these Eminem Crispicus Maximus. I shall place them carefully within the driver's c*ckpit, and closely observe whether this improves the chance for them to engage in coitus with nearby unpaired specimens.

The exact method of this coitus is as yet unknown. While I was able to hear enthusiastic squeaking when rubbing two together, no offspring resulted. Further notes required.

 

[Misterchaos]

I myself have conducted similar experiments with the sugar-shelled wafer variant of the species, referred to in the vulgar vernacular as "Crispy M&Ms". Personally, I much prefer the proper term for the genus, Eminem Crispicus Maximus.

At first I was not sure whether the addition of a complicated matrix of honeycombesque filling would be a boon or detriment to the environmental hardiness of the specimens. It would appear that despite increasing the tolerance each organism has for initial crushing, once cracks do develop they universally result in explosive collapse.

The crumbs and fine dust from this stage of the study was most problematic and I had to resort to licking it up like a roguish cad.

For the next stage of proceedings, I have crafted miniature Lamborghinis for these Eminem Crispicus Maximus. I shall place them carefully within the driver's c*ckpit, and closely observe whether this improves the chance for them to engage in coitus with nearby unpaired specimens.

The exact method of this coitus is as yet unknown. While I was able to hear enthusiastic squeaking when rubbing two together, no offspring resulted. Further notes required.

Please report back this is quite the study you have underway.

 

[Serenity]

@Misterchaos You are a goddamn genius! This thread is a lot tastier than I expected from the title and OP.

 

[ohrein]

Is Jaws back? This feels like some Jaws humor. Be right back, purchasing cookies and jars.

 

[Dingo]

I'm definitely learning a lot about M&M's..

 

[Billtx49]

I'm definitely learning a lot about M&M's..

Don’t you want to hear about cookie and milk delights? Starting to feel slighted here…

 

[RichardTheFrog]

I'm going to the Asian massage parlor.

Screw you guys!!!

 

[Billtx49]

I'm going to the Asian massage parlor.

Screw you guys!!!

Do they have cookies?

 

[Dingo]

Don’t you want to hear about cookie and milk delights? Starting to feel slighted here…

OK.. and cookie and milk delights too.

 

[Billtx49]

OK.. and cookie and milk delights too.

Yummy. Are there other things to eat also? Lmao