Quick question...what would you do?

[jophil28]

This is the bottom line, you don't *have* to confront your boss. And given the fact that your job could be put in jeopardy, you are perfectly justified in NOT confronting him.

But make no mistake, by letting this slide, a little piece of you has died today.

In order to live, you must be willing to die

What's interesting is, I think it's a good thing that girls test us like this. I love situations like these, now a girl can see very clearly if her boyfriend is a man, or a boy. You cannot hide anymore, you are stripped naked for her and everyone to see.

PS. BishOp, I just read your last post after I wrote the following. However you might like to digest what took place and extract some lessons in case it happens again.


I agree with Trader.
" In order to live, you must be willing to die"
" We have to fight for the peace."
" A life lived in fear is a life half lived."

This supervisor is not an alpha male at all. His physical size and his position in the company are elements which he simply uses to intimidate and bully his way.
I have known several guys like this, both in the military and in civvy life.
Just supersized turds .

BishOp ,if you are satisfied that this situation actually happened, then you need to decide on a course of action, and take it, partly for the sake of your relationship with your G/f but mainly for the sake of your own self regard.
Unless you do , she will always doubt you, the turd will know that you are an easybeat, and we will know as well.

 

[jophil28]

Don't be fooled - your boss apologized not out of repentance but out of expediency.

Your girl could have easily filed a sexual harrassment lawsuit against him, and he would be toast.

I still don't trust the joker.

This is good advice ^^

The boss is probably one of those guys who has developed deeply established bullying behavior to get his own way.

IF I were the OP I would avoid company social events with G/f, turd and alcohol all present.

 

[bish0p]

" In order to live, you must be willing to die"

I repeated this throughout the day as I had read it somewhere else as well.

Make no mistake about it, I have been through my AFC days of letting people run over me. When I was younger, I would have let this go and not even considered confronting him.

Even though I have become quite ballsy in life, I still have to choose my battles. When I confront someone (particularly those I see on a consistent basis) who I feel disrespects me, I have to psych myself up to die. An unwanted side effect is that my emotions take control and I become more aggressive which causes me to act even more standoffish rather than calm, which is what I want to be.

I've thought about how others in higher positions have approached me (including the same guy) when I've done something they didn't like and they always do it in a respectful manner. I also had to reverse the roles in my mind, what if it had been his wife/girlfriend and I did something similar. I'd imagine he'd approach me the same way as I would have wanted to approach him. So, losing control over my emotions is still a risk for me at times.

If I had been emotional when I had approached him, I could have easily lost my cool, then my job and put myself in a worse position than I already am in life. Hell, I could have potentially been put under a microscope by him if I had approached calmly and any mistake I made would have been amplified. I did have a way of beating that though and that was to let another supervisor know about the situation, so that my actions would not have been exaggerated.

Basically, I had to weigh the pros and cons of this situation. In the end, I came to the conclusion that it was better for my self-respect to confront my boss. Still, the tables turned and he confronted me first.

Still, I don't trust him...I never have and I never will. I understand his type just as well as you guys do. But, as long as he went out of his way to apologize to me, than that's acceptable for now. Amazingly enough, he was really nervous as his voice was shaking and he just seemed uncomfortable. He understood that he was wrong and more importantly, he talked about employee retaliation, but not in any particular form, which is still good. I mean, he didn't just apologize, we talked for quite a bit.

Anyways, make no mistake about it, and like I told my girlfriend, this won't be forgotten....not on his part, and not on my girlfriends part.

With that, I will take the first posters advice and see if it happens again. I go by the second strike rule and if it happens again, it's over...the relationship that is, as well as me immediately looking for a new job.

 

[bish0p]

IF I were the OP I would avoid company social events with G/f, turd and alcohol all present.

Honestly, I'm more concerned about her at this point. You can't stop a woman from cheating...all you can do is look at yourself and what you did to cause your woman to stray.

 

[jophil28]

Honestly, I'm more concerned about her at this point. You can't stop a woman from cheating...all you can do is look at yourself and what you did to cause your woman to stray.

A few posters suggested that her behavior with your boss was some kind of "test" of you , perhaps of your willingness to "save" her. I doubt that was true, but you never know with some women.

You know her best, so make up your own mind.

Surely, if she reports another episode in which he is even chatting her up , then you have reason to be suspicious and wary of her explanation of the event.

If a woman truly wants nothing to do with a guy then she has many ways to avoid being in his presence.
She also works for another company, so there are lots of dividing fences between them.

Whenever a woman took a dislike to me ( hard to imagine !) she found ways to totally avoid me.

Good luck with this dilemma, Bishop.
And congrats on the way that you handled it . You maintained your composure, kept your self respect and retained your power and your job.

 

[Mr.Positive]

A few posters suggested that her behavior with your boss was some kind of "test" of you , perhaps of your willingness to "save" her. I doubt that was true, but you never know with some women..

I was going to say, sometimes it's just better to fail these tests. It tells her, 'hey, my job is worth more than you' and 'if you try and play me like a puppet, I'll not respond'.

It's a way of removing the problem, instead of the symptoms.

But like jophil said, I don't think that was the problem here. I would have told her that since she laughed...she thought it was funny and start teasing her at that point.

If she was generally upset. Say, "I'll take care of it, it won't happen again" End the conversation right there.

Go to your jokester boss, tell him "hey boss, I got a personal issue I'd like to discuss...my G/F told me some big hairy ape leaned her against the wall. She smells like him now, how do we get rid of the smell?" Say it in a light-hearted manner. If the boss teases and prods all his subordinates...bust on him back. Also, sends a message you won't take his ****.

Again, might not work in all situations. I'm blue-collar, I can get away with saying something like that.

Anyway, glad this situation worked out for you, bishop. I think you handled it great. It's also good to read about a situation where a G/F doesn't get nexted. It happens a lot on this site (for good reasons though, mostly)