Questions to challenge you guys

[Askingstar]

Im in need of some serious help. this about about improving my self and not really about girls but i want to become a better person.

first off i have low confidence.
i am shy and scared to approach girls because i dont know what to say.
i suck at having convos
i barely have any friends and the friends i do have they barely like to be around me because im boring and dont really talk.
i akways think negative.
im stuck inside this inner shell and i want to break out of it.
i hate being the center of attention so im scared to death of public speaking even in front of a small crowd.
for some reason i have a negative boring vibe that i give which people dont really like to hang with me.

i want to address of all these because once i do, i know my girl problems will disappear. but idk where or how to start. therapy isnt an option because im a student with no money living with mom and dad. pleasee helpp

 

[Don_Dom]

Honestly, start with guys. BS about football, the weather, the news, anything. Catch a buzz if you need too. You gotta crawl before you can walk. Eventually you will get a feel for what makes good random conversation and you will be good to go for talking to girls.

By the way, don't confuse a fear of public speaking for not being able to talk to people. I'm still scared to death of talking to crowds at my age, but I can chat up anybody one on one or in a small group situation.

The more excuses you make for yourself the harder it will be.

Good luck.

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

You clearly lack confidence.

And this is the number one thing that women like plus the number one thing guys advise each other on. "Real" men are confidence people, at least in several arenas of life.

The problem newbies have when they hear this is that they think they are just supposed to "be" confidence, like turning on a switch. Yeah, some can fake it until they make it, but nothing beats real, true, hard won confidence.

How do you get that?

Accomplishments.

Any or all of the following (posters can feel free to add their own):

Compete against other men and sports. Win or lose, don't back down.

Completing a college degree.

A decent job.

Learning to write, paint, play an instrument, cook, whatever.

Train your body.

Read lots of books.

Build something.

Learning something new, such as how to ride a motorcycle or shoot a gun.

Dress well. (see the "Pygmalion effect")

Cultivate your vocabulary.

Get out of your comfort zone. If that means public speaking, do it.

Travel.

Kiss a girl you've known only 15 minutes.

Etc.

The more you do, the more you succeed, the more you fail and try again until you succeed, will build confidence.

You will slowly build yourself up. You will grow more and more comfortable with other people and social interactions.

If you are a wallflower now, just work on yourself and observe social interactions but don't force yourself to add to them until you have something substantive to add. Eventually you will.

Make people feel comfortable in your presence by being comfortable in theirs. Don't force yourself to control a social interaction right now because you don't know how. That will come too, with more experience and confidence...it will come "naturally". One day you'll do it and not realize it until looking back on it.

Work. Try. Fail. Pick yourself up. Get hobbies, talents, interests.

There's no destination, only the journey (cliche, but true)

 

[Perroloco]

You say you are a student? Take an acting class.

 

[sph21]

Here's a simple truth: people love to talk about themselves. So, if you love to talk about yourself/ other things that doesn't concern the person you're talking with, then you'll end up as someone who's boring. To become an interesting person, you need to let them talk about themselves. Listen to what they're saying and you'll get more clues to ask them later. Just talk less about yourself and you'll be an interesting person to talk with.

The first step to become a confident person is to stop negative thinking. Put more respect on yourself even if you're making a bad mistake. No one is perfect.

Public speaking is a skill that needs time to master. Don't worry about this for now. Build your confidence first. Everything else will follow.

FYI: I was like you.

 

[lux1984]

gotta crawl before you can walk. you need to address your social anxiety and your self esteem first.

 

[Askingstar]

I already play basketball at my community college, my grades are not bad 3.0+ and I'm fair looking, i'd like to think I dress good and I have nice hair. These are things to be confident about but I'm not. ;/ . I just can't love myself they way I'm supposed to ....idk why. Maybe its because of my upbringing? Who knows but ineed to change