Questions for the LTR Experts.

[InLawsHateMe]

We've been together for about 3 years, we do not live together... she's getting ready to have our baby. Lately, I've been feeling a bit lost as to how I actually feel for her. Neither one of us spoke a word to each other for a week. I did miss her. She phoned my sister after a week, they talked, sis told me she has been crying herself to sleep at nights, missing me. We get together, all seems fine. Yesterday, she talked me into going with her up to the hospital cuz aunt is having surgery, and she needed family there. So I took day off, sat with her in the waiting room for 8 hours. After we left, went out to dinner, I started having those feelings again, like maybe we aren't compatible. I think we can be, but I'm not sure if it's because she's pregnant, and her hormones are driving me crazy, or what? ....also, our sex life has gone done the sh*tter since the pregnancy, that can also be a factor.

Went to the club with some friends last weekend, danced with a "21 year old" woman, who got a handful of me while on the dance floor. We kissed, and exchanged numbers. she's called me several times, latest was last night, but I haven't responded. I'm seriously thinking of hooking up with her asap. I could have hooked up with her that night but opted to talk my friends into leaving before I got into trouble.

I dunno.... is this just a phase? Will this pass? Will my interests come back for the woman who's about to have my baby?

I think after yesterday, she's got to wonder the same thing about me.

Help on what to do here....

 

[Nameless]

Now that she's expecting a baby, the rules change now man.

You dont only take into consideration your relationship with her, but also that which you will bring the baby into.

I wouldnt go and do anything stupid now that things are at this stage.

Im not saying youre stuck with her for life, but both your emotions/feelings and even more so hers, are being affected by this baby.

See things through for a while longer until the immediate major issues are taken care of/over.

Then both of you, with a clear mind, should talk things through a little later on.

 

[( . )( . )]

Originally posted by InLawsHateMe

I dunno.... is this just a phase? Will this pass? Will my interests come back for the woman who's about to have my baby?
I think after yesterday, she's got to wonder the same thing about me.
Help on what to do here....

i would have a serious sit down with yourself, and ask yourself what you want, is this what you want?, is this where you want to be heading?

if your having doubts now, the chances are slim that everything will "just come good" although stranger things have happened, and maybe having the baby will bring direction, most likely not though.

i cant really say much else because i swore i would never get back into an LTR after coming out of 6 year one, so anything else i say would be biased.
sorry i cant offer much more help.

btw when she due?
the girl ive been seeing is having our baby in feb, a girl.
our relationships a bit different to yours though.

EDIT: on a side note, dont be doing any puzzy hunting yet mate, you probably already know about the stress and sh!t that an upset mum can put onto her baby, stressful mum means a troubled kid.

 

[prosemont]

Far be it for me to be handing out LTR advice and far be it for me to be the women's advocate, but in this case I'll make an exception. Suck it up. Quit your fvcking whining. Your LTR gf is PREGNANT with your child. Guess what? It's not always a bed of roses and any time there is a rough patch in your relationship, you're going to run off and fvck the nearest little ho?

You don't have to marry her, but you should at least have a little INTEGRITY and do your best to make it work. Of course things are different right now. She IS hormonal. But, more than that, you've been a sh!t head. When your LTR GF is "getting ready to have your baby" is NOT the time to be using all your DJ weaponry to the max. Give a little here. Be romantic. Read her poetry. Bring her fvcking flowers for Christ's sake. These things aren't AFC in themselves, it's the person who uses them unwittingly and who can be pushed around or loses power because of them who is an AFC.

This should be a joyous time in your life. You really want to look back at having a child and it not being joyful because you didn't know how to handle it???

I'll never understand you kids.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

January 1st. is the due date... I dunno, things are just strange right now. It seems so hard to put on a smile around her, and most of the time, I'm hiding behind a fake smile. Biting my tongue, as to not upset her, but it's hard. Example:

We get out of the hospital and go looking for a new mattress... started talking waterbeds.... she's the type of woemn who really doesn't research on anything before actually making the purchase, so this was a bit new to her... so as I'm talking with the store guy, I asked him if that price includes the bed frame, and she jumps chimes in 'I don't think so baby...' and I'm thinking to myself, 'I'm never taking this woman out with me to buy a car.'...the clerk goes, 'No.... umm.. it doesn't but, we can throw that in, on a bed $400 or up.' ....then at another place, as we're nearing a deal, and the guy is obviously trying to help us by offering a damn good deal, out of nowhere she chimes in '....and you'll throw in this pillow with it?' ....as the guy leaves us to talk it over, I jokingly say, 'Baby, please.... we don't want the guy to hate us...' she jokingly gives me the finger and say, 'Well, you don't have to sleep with me, and I can keep my old mattress, and you wouldn't have to spend a red penny.' .................I was about to lose it right there, but went out to have a smoke.... I mean, here I am, after spending 8 f'n hours with her in a hospital waiting room, all I'm trying to do is do something nice for her, and I get eat sh*t...... so on the way home I say 'So you ok with your old mattress?' she obvioulsy not in a good mood says, 'Yea....' I then reply 'Well I wish you would have told me before we spent two days looking for a mattress for you.' she replies in a soft quiet voice, 'i'm sorry....'

I think I'm going through compatible issues now...

 

[Crotch Sniffer]

Of course you are going through it.

Her hormones are going crazy! This is only the beginning my friend. It gets worse, so I hope you are prepared to deal with it for the sake of your child.

You think this is bad, wait till post-partum depression sets in, THEN you are in for a rude awakening! It will get better, but most likely, it will seem to get worse before that happens. Be a man and hang in there. Even if it's not for her sake, do it for the kid. It's not his/her fault mommy is such a b!tch!

Oh and don't shag any other chicks just yet, that would not be smooth at all.

 

[bp1974]

It sounds like you two really need to talk. Right now you're both trying to guess what the other one's thinking, or p*ssed off about, or whatever. Suck it up, take the risk, and tell her, really, how you're feeling right now. What your difficulties are, what you're afraid of, what your hopes are. How you feel when she tells you to "eat sh*t". All of it. You can only hope that she's prepared to do the same.

F*cking some ditzy bimbo you met in a club is not a solution.

I know it's not easy, but either you want to try, or you don't.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Ok....

Nameless - You said 'You dont only take into consideration your relationship with her, but also that which you will bring the baby into.' ....this is true, and is also the reason why I think, I haven't done anything with anyone else. I will remember what you said. Last thing I need is to bring the baby into a situation where his Mom hates my guts.

( . )( . ) - '...dont be doing any puzzy hunting yet mate, you probably already know about the stress and sh!t that an upset mum can put onto her baby, stressful mum means a troubled kid.' ....will do bro... it's hard, but I will try.

prosemont - Thanks, I needed that. You're right, this should be a joyous time but, MAN! ....the stress that I'm going thru right now, on top of everything else, I can almost feel my heart about to explode.

Crotch Sniffer - 'It gets worse, so I hope you are prepared to deal with it for the sake of your child.' .....for my baby boy, I will deal with anything.... just wish there was a tip or clue to how to handle it better.

bp1974 - You hit my situation right on the nose! She's pissed at me, he's pissed at her type of sh*t. I sucked it up, and just got off the phone with her... I told her that I loved her, and that we're both going through a lot of stress right now, and to try not to worry, because everything will be fine. She said, 'The baby must of known you called, he just kicked me....' she said she's been waiting on the baby to wake up all morning. She also said that she's 'a b*tch' and her homones are kicking her ass, and that she's sorry because she wants me to be happy to.. she said, 'It's important that you are happy too, because how am I going to be happy if I know you are not?'

During our phone convo, the 'other woman' phoned me on my cell, twice..... I think I may have to have a talk with this woman soon, before it may get worse.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

One more thing....

...thanks guys, for being a bro, and answering. I think I would of made some really bad mistakes had I not asked you guys for some advice. Thank you so much... any suggestions on what to say to the other woman? I've already told her that I have a gf, and that I have a baby on the way.

 

[Matt ala Casanova]

ILHM,

Well, I can say that you have some major decisions to make.

However you need to wait until she has had the child and give her atleast 3 months after. Her hormones have gone crazy, think what you would be like if you lost your nuts for 9 months! You would go through all kinds of changes, this is just the start of her situation. It is quite normal to have a messed up sex life while your women is prego....its NORMAL! So move past that for a minute. Also if you lost your nuts for 9 months, do you think it would be fair if she went out and fvcked some other guy because you couldn't or wouldn't perform?? No I think you would be really hurt, so don't go off trying or even putting yourself in the situation where you 'may' dig up in some young chica! Don't go off exchanging numbers...would you like that done to you? My guess is no!

So...after all that let me put it to you straight, be patient until she has the kid, let there be a 3 month cooling off period. THEN if you are not happy and she is STILL very flakey and is showing NO improvement, drop the b!tch and go buy a depot supply of rubbers and go DJ every younging you can find.

Until then, I suggest jerking off alot and be understanding of the women who is going to drop your kid off soon!

M.A.C.

 

[( . )( . )]

Re: One more thing....

Originally posted by InLawsHateMe
. any suggestions on what to say to the other woman? I've already told her that I have a gf, and that I have a baby on the way.

this is like drawing a moth to a flame for her, i can almost hear her mouth watering at the challenge you just put infront of her.

just tell her, "what do ya know , turns out im gay"

 

[NewMan]

Lesson....

This string is probably very good reading for younger DJ's.

There's several things here I'd like to point out - and please, I'm not attacking anyone when I say this - so I oppologize up front.

First thing - Lesson here is not to have a Kid unless your completely ready for it. It's really not fair to bring a kid into the world without a solid relationship between mum and dads. A Huge problem with Boy's who have no father at home, is that they become a Mums boy and have no idea what it takes to be a man - because they wouldn't see their dad very often. I'm not saying that this is what will happen here - But without some advice, ILHM may have made a mistake and Fvcked up his relationship with his LTR. Plus he's already been thinking of banging other chicks.

Second thing - Paying child support for 18 years is not cool.

Third thing - I'd recommend living with the woman who's having your child. It's easier in the long term plus gives the kid a stable relationship.


InLaws - just out of interest how old are you?

I think so far your doing fine. This is not an easy time for the man, and a lot of people forget about what the male has to go through (when his woman is having a baby) - Lack of attention, sex, stress, the pressure from the woman. People always are concerned about the woman - her hormones are going crazy etc - but very few think about the person who has to deal with that - you.

As for this chick who's calling. I wouldn't call her back - and if she calls you just tell her you were having fun at the club dancing with her - got a little out of control, but that, that was it. No repeat performances.

Good luck - hold in there.

 

[( . )( . )]

gonna have to disagree with you on of a few of those points, for starters

First thing - Lesson here is not to have a Kid unless your completely ready for it.

this is false for the simple fact if she wants a child there is ABSOLUTELY nothing he can do to prevent her from having one, whether hes "ready" for one or not, nothing, and im living proof.

secondly

A Huge problem with Boy's who have no father at home, is that they become a Mums boy and have no idea what it takes to be a man

this is no longer the case in todays society, being around our "men" of today and i use the term loosely will not make them anymore of a man, most men today are pathetic and are far from being manly role models.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Re: Lesson....

Originally posted by NewMan
This string is probably very good reading for younger DJ's.

There's several things here I'd like to point out - and please, I'm not attacking anyone when I say this - so I oppologize up front.

First thing - Lesson here is not to have a Kid unless your completely ready for it. It's really not fair to bring a kid into the world without a solid relationship between mum and dads. A Huge problem with Boy's who have no father at home, is that they become a Mums boy and have no idea what it takes to be a man - because they wouldn't see their dad very often. I'm not saying that this is what will happen here - But without some advice, ILHM may have made a mistake and Fvcked up his relationship with his LTR. Plus he's already been thinking of banging other chicks.

Second thing - Paying child support for 18 years is not cool.

Third thing - I'd recommend living with the woman who's having your child. It's easier in the long term plus gives the kid a stable relationship.


InLaws - just out of interest how old are you?

I think so far your doing fine. This is not an easy time for the man, and a lot of people forget about what the male has to go through (when his woman is having a baby) - Lack of attention, sex, stress, the pressure from the woman. People always are concerned about the woman - her hormones are going crazy etc - but very few think about the person who has to deal with that - you.

As for this chick who's calling. I wouldn't call her back - and if she calls you just tell her you were having fun at the club dancing with her - got a little out of control, but that, that was it. No repeat performances.

Good luck - hold in there.

Newman makes very good points here.... and I am a 33, divorced male. I was married for 12 years.

I, personally, have never been in this situation before in my life. Never had a child, but always wanted one, now more than ever. Career is great, financially content (amazing, after ex-wife took almost everything), and I'm still very young, so I'm ready. Didn't know what the stress involved would be.. but I'm learning. Also, I think my common sense is working overtime too. Had it not kicked in under my alcohol induced evening at the club, I'd probably have two babies on the way instead of one. It got a bit hot and crazy, but nothing other than numbers was exchanged. Too much to risk for me to make stupid choices now. I didn't get this far for being stupid.

 

[NewMan]

this is false for the simple fact if she wants a child there is ABSOLUTELY nothing he can do to prevent her from having one, whether hes "ready" for one or not, nothing, and im living proof.

I agree only in the fact she has the ultimate choice when she PREGNANT - but before this happens wrap the peenie, always. Don't always rely on her to use the Birth Control. Bring the topic of childeren up before you rely on her to take the pill every day. have these conversations with women your going to trust. and if you don't trust her, don't rely on her.

I've heard of something called the "hail mary" - to get you out of this situation if you don';t want the kid and she does.

this is no longer the case in todays society, being around our "men" of today and i use the term loosely will not make them anymore of a man, most men today are pathetic and are far from being manly role models

I can't disagree with you there. But we are on the Don Juan board, so I'm giving the men her cudos for wanting to improve. In general men today are "Correct" and "Pvssy whipped". But I'm speaking about DJ's. I hope DJ fathers would raise their son's the right way.


I would just like to say, it's hard enough bringing up kids today when you have a good woman to do it with. But should the person your having the child with, not be compatible with you - or should you not be interested in her (Inlaws seems to be going down this path) then it's even harder - for all involved.

My opinion, being a DJ is about you life in total. That means, having kids with the right one - and doing things in your life for the right reasons. We all go through sticky points in our lifes - Inlaws seems to be at a crossroads, and it's good that her can come here for advice or to get things off of his chest. We should also use his experience to educate ourselves and perhaps learn soemthing from him. What I've taken from this is that i need to be sure when I have a kid with someone (I know there's a chance that it could happen by mistake - these are the chances we take in life though).

Over and out.

 

[iqqi]

wow. the advice given so far is so good, it brings a tear to my eye

reading your guys' responses to this situation is what gives me hope for the entire male population

 

[ZeeOwl]

I think most has already been said. From reading just your first paragraph, it's obvious you're having new dad jitters. Perfectly normal. I've been there, had my first child when I was 20, and I was not ready. I basically freaked out, not so much during the pregnancy as the few months after.

A lot of women's sex drives go to zero during pregnancy (and immediately afterwards), that's not surprizing. Count yourself lucky to have to deal with this at your age. The 3 month after pregnancy adjustment period is right on, from my experience also (I have 3 kids). And also in my experience, it's tougher and more stressful than the pregnancy itself. Because then you'll have to deal with the baby too, not just your gf. Hang in there, it gets better afterwards, and if you stay strong and support her, she will be grateful for a long time (unless she's a bltch). And a word of encouragement, the 1st one is the toughest.

 

[Slickster]

Just a story.

A good friend of mine was having alot of trouble getting along with his pregnant wife too. Up until the point she had the baby.
He was in the delivery room and as the doctor said "Its a girl" his wife looked at him and smiled.

They've been going strong ever since.

I guess I'm saying that you should be in the delivery room. I hear that it really changes your outlook on life in a good way. It might not improve things with your LTR but its a crash course in growing up.

P.S. You're always going to want to f*ck other chicks. In this case Don't.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Thanks bros...

 

[( . )( . )]

Originally posted by NewMan
I agree only in the fact she has the ultimate choice when she PREGNANT - but before this happens wrap the peenie, always. Don't always rely on her to use the Birth Control. Bring the topic of childeren up before you rely on her to take the pill every day. have these conversations with women your going to trust. and if you don't trust her, don't rely on her.

nope still not with you on this, all of those precautions were met, always talked about being safe and not wanting children, accidents still happen, and even if its not an accident, once she gets it in her head that "hey you know what it may be good to actually have this baby" there is NOTHING you can do, because believe me when she finds out shes pregnant her ways of thinking can do a total 180, its just the way they are, and whether you want one or not or how much you "trust" her is irrelevant.

so once again there is no such thing as only having children when you and her are ready, its a myth