Questions about past relationships: how to deal with them?

[stonedface]

Ok here's the story, the gal whom I am interested in were chatting online that day. This is one of the few times we actually chatted online. Things were going pretty positive. In the middle of the conversation she suddenly told me(volunteered info) about her past failed relationship and how it failed, which caught me by surprise. She then proceeded to ask me about my previous failed relationship and how they ended. She told me she had apparently turned into a workaholic after that particular bad experience 2 years ago. It seems that after these questions, the ensuing conversation was not as positive as before.

I just told her to move on from the previous relationship and said that I don't reveal anything about my past. She had asked me the same thing face to face during one of our first few dates and I skirted the question by saying its a secret in a funny way.

She didn't elaborate on how it failed in detail(briefly like long distance plus parental objection), and I am not really concerned about what happened. I am more concerned about why suddenly she had to screw up an interesting and positive conversation by mentioning all that. I also find it quite awkward to call her and ask her out in a positive way after this incident. By the way I am about one hour away from her by plane.

Any comments? Thanks

 

[DeePee]

I usually like to shy away from past relationship topics also. The furthest I'd go into discussing anything from the past is to understand that she's been burned and that's that. I usually tell them that I don't like to dwell on the past because, "It's history and we all learn from our experience," and "You're someone new. What we're doing today is fun and tomorrow will be even better." The past has no correlation with today or tomorrow, so let her know that and move on to more interesting things to say.

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

"I let this person into my life. We had fun. But it didn't work out."

 

[karlosalter]

To deal with problems concerning relationships require you to look deep into your own self and discover shortcomings that you need to work on. Living in a close relationship with a person is a source of comfort, support and fun but also at times it is a source of pain, frustration and distress. Problems can occur in relationships due to many reasons both individual as well as due to pressures from outside. Since each situation is different, you will have to use your resourcefulness, along with good communication skills and other strategies, to decide what to do and what action to take each time a difficult situation comes up or you become aware of a difference that is keeping your friendship from being a good one. Here are some things that you can do to improve your relationship.
[edit]
A few suggestions

1. Poor or no communication is one of the commonest reasons for relationship failures. When people do not talk with each other it can cause a lot of distress and tension within a relationship. Voice your feelings. A person is not always aware of what you have and what you want.
2. You must not only talk, you also must learn to listen. People like to be listened to attentively and appreciate it if you pay attention to what they say. Take time out to listen to them and if possible suggest ways out of their problems.
3. Arguments lead to fights and fights lead to poor problem solving attitudes. So avoid arguments and deal with problems without letting ego coming in between. Do not always be concerned with putting your point across and considering your view to be the correct one. If you find that you were wrong, apologize as soon as possible and find it in your heart to forgive the other person if you were right.

 

[GaryUranga]

just be liek "yeah it was fun while it lasted" boom hit the next topic

 

[stonedface]

I usually like to shy away from past relationship topics also. The furthest I'd go into discussing anything from the past is to understand that she's been burned and that's that. I usually tell them that I don't like to dwell on the past because, "It's history and we all learn from our experience," and "You're someone new. What we're doing today is fun and tomorrow will be even better." The past has no correlation with today or tomorrow, so let her know that and move on to more interesting things to say.

Yeah I said something like that.

I asked my friends and ALL of them said that I should have revealed a bit of info instead of saying that I don't want to say it. They said that saying a bit builds a bit more trust with the girl instead of building a wall around myself(by not saying it).

Please advise. Thanks

 

[DeePee]

Depending on how much you like her, how long you've seen each other, and what your goals are with her it depends on what to do next. Let it go for now, and if she presses next time, give her a snippet of what it may have been like. A SNIPPET. But remember, a little goes a looooooong way in this situation.

I've done it before (reluctantly), but it's never bit me in the ass or killed my game. Make sure that you don't end your convo talking about your past relationships. Smooth transition to something fun and positive will please her inquisitive side and keep her wanting more of you.

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

Depending on how much you like her, how long you've seen each other, and what your goals are with her it depends on what to do next. Let it go for now, and if she presses next time, give her a snippet of what it may have been like. A SNIPPET. But remember, a little goes a looooooong way in this situation.

I've done it before (reluctantly), but it's never bit me in the ass or killed my game. Make sure that you don't end your convo talking about your past relationships. Smooth transition to something fun and positive will please her inquisitive side and keep her wanting more of you.

What up Chris nice to see you joined the site