Question to you guys tired of quick lays and looking for a LTR...

[dereklearnslow]

How do I get to the 'Tired of quick lays' stage?

I've read the bible, I've read most if not all of the 5 star threads here, and countless other literature about it, probably to the point of over-analyzation.

I go out as often as my time and budget allow me to. I'm pretty tall at 6'4", I'm not super hideous, I have all my teeth, but I still have a problem approaching women. I'm a little skinny for my height, so I'm pretty lanky. I'll be hitting a gym for that real soon. My forehead is a wee bit bigger than others, but I can't b1tch about what I was born with. I could post a pic, but I will not bother because I know for a fact looks don't matter, as I have seen some pretty hideous guys with trophy chicks.

I need to get some things going in my life to better improve my self-esteem (becoming a DJ, not read Don Juan, but guy who spins dance records at clubs, actually joining a gym, getting a better job, etc). Right now I got nothing really going for me.

I'm not completely lost though. I have awesome friends who constantly tell me how awesome I am and how every woman who passes me by is a fool.

I've had women actually approach me, but I usually turn them down for lack of attraction. I guess that's karma for ya. My last and only relationship of 3 and a half years was from an attention starved maiden that I ALMOST wished I had never met (better to have loved and lost, yada yada). She was actually too intimidated by me to ask me herself, so she asked her friend who I worked with at the time for my #. I thought it was a joke, but sure enough she called me later that week. Sucks that she was an uber ho before and after we hooked up, but thankfully not during. In fact, she was %200 devoted to me while we were going out and wanted to marry me and have my kids (which I never want) but I could not stand to be around her for long periods of time after a while. She ended up living with me for most of that 3 1/2 years (yes I know now that that was a big big big mistake) and I ended up dumping her last Feb (yea around V-day, I'm an insensitive bastard).

Sad thing is I still think about her and if I made the right decision to dump her, because she the only girl I've had any play from, which is sad.

I don't know how to fix myself. I can make women laugh and feel good about themselves to some extent. And like I've said before, some of them have approached me. Last time I was at the Smartbar in Chicago a 27 year old fitness instructor from Cali sat next to me at the bar, started up some convo on her own, had her 24 year old bf buy me a drink (yea still shocked about that), and played with my dreads for most of the time we we're talking. I can safely say I had no idea how to approach that situation so I just smiled and talked back. Her bf afterwards thanked me for 'watching his girl' while he was cruising the scene. I'm too nice it seems.

Meh, I don't even know what I'm ranting about anymore. I just need to get over this dry spell and approach more, but damn getting the guts to do so is killing me! Maybe I'll have to lower my standards (yea right).

 

[The_411]

Yo Derek,

Right now I got nothing really going for me

You've got to change this thought pattern. It's self-defeating and does not lead you anywhere. Believe me I went thought a similar pattern.

Take a step back and think about what you have a) youth b) all of your limbs c) willingness to change d) awesome friends e) a lot of other great positives that you haven't mentioned.

You don't have to lower your standards, but you need to raise your self-esteem.

Make yourself #1. There's a great post about taking on the King Mentality that you should read.

Too often guys think they are unworthy to date hbs and by thinking you are unworthy you're not giving yourself a shot.

Obviously you can pull women if some 5s are coming up to you. Now you just need to up your DJness so you can get some 7-10 HBs eating out of the palm of your hand.

Keep your head up and start DJ bootcamp.

 

[belividere]

man you gotta give up the self-defeating perception of yourself. Your friends are probably right about you. You are most likely a great guy that any girl would be lucky to have.

 

[belividere]

The 411 beat me on that one huh. He nailed it on the head though you still got all your limbs. Whats holding you back?

He's right (you too) your standards are there for a reason. I have recently come to the realization that I have been playing in the minor leagues for to long. I deserve a great looking girl who has her **** together. You do to. Sure both of us will have to wade through piles of **** to get what we deserve but oh well that is how it works.

 

[dereklearnslow]

Ah, up my DJ-ness so to speak...

And therein lies my other problem. I cannot 'dj' to save my life. It all seems so contrived and fake to me. Any attempt at dj-ing looks forced and staged.

Then again, maybe I just have to find a method of 'dj-ing' that fits my style. Which would mean I'd have to go out and experiment with a bunch of different styles, which in turn requires alot of brawn...

I need more brawn.

And I did started a bootcamp a while ago, didn't make a thread about it, but I did go through the motions. It kinda tapered off after week 4 when I had actually gotten a couple numbers, but every last one of em flaked out on me.

 

[naes]

There's a great post about taking on the King Mentality that you should read.

here is a summed of version of it .... http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=65049

 

[The_411]

Derek,

Here's the skinny for you in a nutshell.

There's a process and then there's the method behind the process.

Essentially what this board tries to examine are the interactions between males and females and how they translate for the average guy.

I understand what you mean by contrived and fake and that's exactly what you want to avoid.

What many DJs MDJs, RAFCs et al are trying to get at is the following

1) improve one's quality of life 2) understand your fellow man(woman) 3) enjoy life 4) this woman business

You probably hate selling just as much as I do and yes in a sense you probably feel like you are trying to sell yourself instead of just "being yourself"

Ask yourself why do you talk to people.

Now ask yourself why do you talk to women.

Try to take the approach of talking to normal people and apply it to when you're talking with an HB and that's the basic premise.

Think about how you talk with your good guy friends. Do you smother them with compliments and buy them gift after gift? Most, if not nearly all, guys do not.

The reason guys (me included) fail with women has to do with the fact that we in our AFC mannerisms put a girl on a pedestal and treat her so well that she gets bored and spoiled.

It is the very nature of people to want things they can't have or can't control.

Try not to think of djness as a fake or contrived thing but rather think about being a DJ for your own self development as a human being.

Say hi to people, talk to people, try to develop your speaking skills, develop a great sense of humor. The women will come if you do these things. More importantly you'll feel better about yourself and that's biggest thing that come from self-improvement.

 

[dereklearnslow]

Yes, things are slightly starting to look up. I have a few potential prospects now.

 

[wind20mph]

Originally posted by dereklearnslow
How do I get to the 'Tired of quick lays' stage?

I've read the bible, I've read most if not all of the 5 star threads here, and countless other literature about it, probably to the point of over-analyzation.

Meh, I don't even know what I'm ranting about anymore. I just need to get over this dry spell and approach more, but damn getting the guts to do so is killing me! Maybe I'll have to lower my standards (yea right).

Hey Derek,

I'm just wondering what do you mean by "probably to the point of over-analization"?

You see, the most critical part is the approach, if you have observed carefully the other guys meet women in the bar or any place, you think its just that easy. so why are you rejected?

I have the same problem before, I admit, Thanks for Marius Panzarella he taught me how to fix that problem. And i'm not master of it, I'm still on practice. if you don't get the correct way to approach, or you were too slow to learn or too lazy to read about it in the DJ bibile, then I would recommend you to download the Ebook of Thundercat. "The Art of Approaching" it is there step by step, every place, every situation. it will make a good start. Good Luck.

 

[dereklearnslow]

'Over-analyzation' in that I think I've absorbed too much text knowledge that I have a billion things running through my mind when talking to a woman, like C + F, neg hits, being mysterious, good posture, oozing confidence, eye contact, tone control, kino, patterning, blah blah yakedy. And while I'm doing all this, I feel likea damn nervous fool trying to give a half-assed speech in front of an audience. This is the attitude I'm trying to rid my self of. I want to be aware of all those things, but let them flow at my own natural pace, which I know takes practice practice practice, which is something I need to do more often, blah.

 

[teamplayer]

Bro,

My 2 cents on this part because I've been there, not there anymore, and don't want you to be either:

...

I'm a little skinny for my height, so I'm pretty lanky. I'll be hitting a gym for that real soon. My forehead is a wee bit bigger than others, but I can't b1tch about what I was born with. I could post a pic, but I will not bother because I know for a fact looks don't matter.

...

I was 6'2", 140 lbs when I moved into the dorms, vegetarian fed by my mom. Now I'm 190 lbs of muscle.

There's only 2 items that are proven (Men's Fitness mag) to add muscle mass: Creatine and HMB.

Let's get alpha male with some staples from the nutrition store; it doesn't cost that much either.

Optimum Nutrition Whey protein (you get 80 25 oz protein servings for around $30. It's the most servings, most amount of protein per serving, and lowest price.)

Creatine (any brand but make sure its micronized or else it doesn't dissolve. cost is around $20 for 3 months supply). Creatine is natural in the body, normally the body making 2 grams and using 2 grams per day). Creatine is used as an energy source for anything that requires more than one rep. It also has been shown to increase mental energy.

You'll start getting mass even if you don't work out just with the above 2 items. If you want to add more mass in the first month take HMB for just a month. That one is a little pricier at $40 for a month's supply.

Check if your chest is even slightly pigeon-chested which means that the spot in the center of your ribcage goes in instead of being at least perpendicular to the floor. Schwarzenegar defied the medical community when he proved you can increase the size of the chest and remove pigeon-chesting (The New Encyclopedia of Bodybuilding by Swarzenegar... about $20 at amazon a great buy, 2 inches thick and the standard in bodybuilding books). You want your chestline to at least be vertical not sunken in at all. Check your back right behind that same spot on your chest. That too should be perpendicular to the floor.

For your forehead, the traditional measure of beauty in both guys and girls is 2-2-2-1. The distance from your chin to bottom of your nose (2), nose to brow (2), forehead (2), and hair (1). If it's anything different than that try to get it to the standard 2-2-2-1. Besides from one's genes which one doesn't have control over causing androgenetic allopecia (male pattern baldness), forehead's get larger from frowning from getting angry, drugs, eggwhites (the avidin protein binds to biotin which is used for hair), lack of protein, too much testosterone, and wearing hats (Asians only because the hair grows perpendicular to the scalp and get damaged and fall out). Notice if you make an angry look bringing your eyebrows down it stretches the size of the forehead. When you make an attentive look raising your brow it makes the size of your forehead smaller. This is what history calls the high-brow and low-brow person. Try to keep the right size forehead (2-2-2-1) and use an anti wrinke cream to make the lines disappear that form when you raise your brow. Use rogaine on and above your eyebrows and on the area just below your hairline. As a side effect rogaine makes pecs grow which is a good side effect. If you can afford it take propecia. Watch what you eat staying away from egg whites and add the whey protein which will make sure you're not deficient in protein.

It's true that girls only look for 2 things in guys security and symmetry. You can say looks don't matter but why not do the research about beauty and solve the common aging problems instead. Anything else would be being ignorant. Like in the older lady in that movie "Under the Tuscan Sun" said "Hold on to your youthful essence because if you don't, nobody else will for you.

Maximize yourself so you get top girl. I'm a 32 year-old time-rider and will always do my best to be Dorian Gray style (an unaging immortal). I like young girls and stay competitive because most people think I'm way younger than my age. And I want you to and all the bros and girls on this site to be too.

Teamplayer

 

[wind20mph]

Derek,

OK. Since you were equipped with those materials, then you must put it into use. Have you read what the great Bruce Lee said? Here it goes:

"Learning is not enough, you must apply. Willing is not enough, you must do."

I made a little chat with a dating expert. he said it again. You must start with a good confidence.

So start building your confidence now. If you don't know how to do it. that is the critical part of reading a book. You missed the part. The real pages. Read it again. And apply it.

Good luck.