Question on Jelousy Vs. Trust/Confidence

[Jose88]

About a month ago my girlfriend and I broke up. Since then I've been reflecting on our past to try and learn from possible mistakes I made with this girl (trying to learn more from my experience). I noticed that everytime my ex wanted to go to clubs and such I would act like it was no problem but afterward I would ask her things and (perhaps) that revealed insecurity on my part. Now, here's the quesiton...

Say your girlfriend wanted to go out to a club with her friend and two other guys. What would you do? Would you disapprove (seeming aggressive enough though insecure and jealous) or let her go (possibly mistaken for passiveness and lack of interest)?

 

[Desdinova]

I'd let her go.

Every woman will decide who they want to be with. If she no longer decides to be exclusive with me (and messes around with some other dude), she's out the fvcking door.

Trying to control a woman's actions is useless and it will make her resent you. It also shows your insecurity.

If you're a true Don Juan, a real man, and are very confident in yourself, you shouldn't have anything to worry about. You've already blown away the competition so why worry?

If you're NOT confident in yourself and act like a woman, you need to work on yourself more before getting into a serious relationship.

 

[Bourne]

I went to bar/club last night with friends to get me cheered up. But it only brought me down.

2 Friends I was with. 1 single another has a g/f.

They were dancing with 2 girls who are friends, sort of. Single guy used to sleep with one of them.

Both of the girls have b/f. They danced to the point of almost f__ucking the my single friend and my buddy who has a girl. After the club closed. they were all over each other but still talked how they are going back to their b/fs.

WTF? I was in total confusion.
I wouldn't want a girl, who I am serious with going to sh1t like that. But yet I still need to know myself more and explore. Just my view.

 

[Bobbles]

Trying to control a woman's actions is useless and it will make her resent you. It also shows your insecurity.

Totally true. Trying to change a woman's actions is a waste of time. The only solution is to find a girl who behaves the way you would like her too naturally, from her own principles.

 

[ScrewIt]

Funny you made this post...

a couple weeks ago i broke up with this girl, didnt find out why until 2 weeks later. normally she doesnt go clubbing, but her cousins made her go consecutively since they were visiting...and you guessed it, lost her to a guy she met there.

Anyway...nuff said, any self respecting girl in an exclusive relationship would & should not go clubbing. they know better than that.

it's obvious what happens at clubs. But as others said, telling her no is just controlling and insecure. if she finds someone else, then so be it, thats how life goes, just put it behind and move on as i did.

 

[Bourne]

I agree, you shouldn't tell her no, and she can't go. So how do you go about telling her that you don't like that type of behavior without seemed like you are trying to control or be jelaous?

 

[ScrewIt]

I agree, you shouldn't tell her no, and she can't go. So how do you go about telling her that you don't like that type of behavior without seemed like you are trying to control or be jelaous?

you cant really. The best idea i can come up with is probably suggesting to her that she and her friends should try other new things instead of clubbing. But i doubt that would produce results.

If the girl truly respected the relationship she wouldnt go in the first place. if she still goes, she isnt worth your time.

 

[Bourne]

you cant really. The best idea i can come up with is probably suggesting to her that she and her friends should try other new things instead of clubbing. But i doubt that would produce results.

If the girl truly respected the relationship she wouldnt go in the first place. if she still goes, she isnt worth your time.

Thanks.

That made me even more sure I did the right thing my breaking up with my g/f a week ago.

 

[TxCowboy]

I can attest to this whole scenario quite well and I always find it quite disturbing and a "lose-lose" situation. I had a g/f a year ago who pulled this one on me and we went around with this crap for several months and finally called it off. Always ask yourself if you dont mind dating a girl who goes to bars from the get-go!

Birds of a feather flock together (IE bar-flys will stick with other bar-flys)

I met my ex in a club who loved going out clubbing with the girlies and I was having to ask myself occasionally if she was cheating and if the dude she started "out of the blue" started talking to her on the phone is "new, who she just picked up" or "one of her ex's and just a so-called friend" .

In your situation, your girlfriend , basically just asked "Hey babe, listen, Im gonna go on a double date here with my friend and these 2 guys we're gonna grind on all night and maybe go home with, so listen .... ill just call u a lil later , okay ? " - FVCK that

You did the right thing ~! Congrats ... find a better h0 ... game 0n


NEXT

 

[Juan_Man]

It's no good big deal. I grinded this one girl at a club once. She had a boyfriend and she even told me I was cute and that she liked to flirt every now and then despite being committed. I was hesitant about dancing with her after hearing that but nothing happened. It was just dancing.

I also grinded a girl from behind while her boyfriend was dancing next to her in a group (I didn't know he was the boyfriend). The guy was cool with it as long as I didn't put my hands on her.

I say that you should just play it cool. Believe me, it's only going to make you look even better.

 

[Jose88]

I appreciate the advice. I'm just trying to learn from my past so that I can become better at this. I just discovered this forum and it's amazing how much I've learned about women in the past few days!

So basically... if your girl wants to go out clubbing, partying, etc. you just say "All right.. whatever" and keep doing your own thing. Signs of insecurity and jealousy=unacceptable.

 

[Tomatoes]

I would let her go. If she did do anything. Shes out....Normally if she went out and did something i would find out pretty sharpish but a relationship is about trust. If you aint got that what have you got.

 

[redd]

Kinda is a similiar situation right now, My gf is going out clubbing tonight with her best girl friend and another guy friend I cant come because it a friends only night apparantly or some bull**** like that, i did kinda act a bit pissed off at first but i know its stupid to show it so quickly stoppped acting pissed off. No win situation is it really but just have to say yeah whatever find something else to do like u dont give a ****.

 

[Ilovemesomeme]

I am going to disagree with the masses here. If it bothers you tell her. Don't act like a wussy about it, but just tell her I don't like it. A women has no respect for a man who doesn't stand up for himself. Believe me, I have tried to play it cool, and act like I don't care, but what happens is they keep doing it, and then it you become resentful, and they lose respect. Don't overplay your hand. Why not just be yourself. There is a way you can tell you don't like it without sounding insecure. You have to set us some boundaries, you have to let her know you are not going to take ****. If she doesn't respect that, than you can't be afraid to walk away. In other words, its called assertiveness.

Assertiveness is being honest with yourself about your own feelings.
Its being clear, specific and direct, without being a ****.

Here is the key, don't be afraid of her reaction, don't be afraid of what she is going to thing. Just focus on your needs, and you will see. She will have more of respect for you.

 

[SamePendo]

I started posting a reply last night to this but got cut out...

You must realize, life isn't as you've been led on to believe it is by several sources whichever they may be (parents, tv, other men, society...). For example, if you happen to, let's say, fart! After you've shown your value to a woman.. in sex and the city and ****, she would go to her friends and oh! criticize you and never see you again. yada yada. Not the case in real life. Women hold on to men and won't let them go, men give meaning to their life, without that man in her life, she's nothing.

My point? Do whatever you want to. If it makes you uncomfortable, tell her. If it's cool with you.. go ahead. Because, maybe it's a test, maybe it's .. I dunno.. whatever. Letting her go has its cons, not letting her also has its cons. If she's interested she'll stay, if not, whatever you do, she won't.

Focus more on yourself and what you do to yourself, rather than what you do to women. That is the way to grow as a man.

 

[Bourne]

My situation was this.

I expressed my dislike and my opinion about her doing something I didn't like. I didn't tell her what to do or not to do. I made sure to say that is how I feel and that is my opinion only, but she can do whatever she wants. But I did express my like/dislike.

She kept on doing it regardless and based on that stand that she took I walked away from her and ended it.

I don't think ignoring is good idea. So there is a fine line here, that I would love to understand more.