Question for you happily married men...

[Mr.Positive]

I have a question for the men on this forum who are in happy marriages.

Looking back, the day you met your wife, did you know she was the gal when you met her?

I'm in a situation and my mind is lost in thought. In my 40 years, and having dated many women, I find myself having met a gal where we are completely compatible, on every level, and I think she might be "that gal", so to speak.

It's an exciting adventure to embark on, but I wanted to ask this question, because right now, I have 4 different plates and I can't even think about the other 3.

This gal is amazing, and I just want to spend more time with her.

 

[Frogster]

Nope,

I met her shortly after a LTR and the intent was just a FB. We've been married for 23 years, and are still hot for each other. Yeah, we're the exception. We're going out of town this weekend to attend the NudeArtShow in Tulsa, and have lots of crazy monkey sex.

:rockon:

 

[Epimanes]

Yes! When I met my wife (started dating and 15 and 16) .. We clicked. She has strengths I don't and I have strengths she doesn't. We fit like a glove on all levels. We have crazy moments but we also give ourselves self imposed time outs to recoup so we don't get too nasty towards eachother when things get heated. Once our rational thought returns we both appologize for our contributions to the incident and try and turn it around with thoughts of best intentions and forward relationship momentum. Many times my wife and I have been in the 0-30 out of a 100 in relationship interest and figured out how to stop draining our love and prevent hate and resentment.

So yes. We knew right away. After 6months I game my wife a promise ring and she wears it today with pride. Been together ever since with a lot of ups and downs but we made it.

Epi

 

[Frogster]

Yeah,

I started dating my wife when she was 16. Married her three months after she graduated HS.

 

[Epimanes]

Yeah,

I started dating my wife when she was 16. Married her three months after she graduated HS.

Awesome man.

You know.. Sometimes youust get that deep gut feeling. Many times we have been on brink of divorce and many times my wife has had those moments a lot of guys here would say she's BPD but it was just a time... Felt permanent at the time but your feelings can decieve you and cause you both to rewrite history in negative light.

Feelings follow actions. You don't feel good to work out you workout to feel good. Relationships are the same way in LTR and marriage. If you don't work at feeling in love your going to fall out of love. Once your rational thinking comes back after an argument you look back and think "man we were acting like children. Wtf" then you come together.. Own your shyt appologize for it (both of you) and move forward to build positive momentum.

Epi

 

[Mr.Positive]

Awesome man.

You know.. Sometimes youust get that deep gut feeling.

Yup, it's that deep gut feeling that's creeping me out a bit. That, and this gal has every single quality that would fit into my lifestyle. Every single quality (so far) of a good woman.

On a compatibility level, just a complete perfect match. Actually our lifestyles are identical, fit like a glove, as you said. She's a hot blonde version of me.

Thanks for the posts guys.

 

[Epimanes]

Yup, it's that deep gut feeling that's creeping me out a bit. That, and this gal has every single quality that would fit into my lifestyle. Every single quality (so far) of a good woman.

On a compatibility level, just a complete perfect match. Actually our lifestyles are identical, fit like a glove, as you said. She's a hot blonde version of me.

Thanks for the posts guys.

No problem man. Just remember your relationship will be a balance of alpha and beta. MOST of the time you be alpha.. And incorporate beta when deemed necessary. There will be trying times... There will be emotional drama in the long run as you get to know eachother further and grow together. Own your shyt and agree to go for a time out when things get heated so you don't withdraw too much love from eachother in those heated moments. Both of you should agree to avoid angry outbursts at all costs.

If your love for eachother was a bucket. Do your best to not drill holes in it. If you do anything to rebuild the love while the bucket is full of holes it will drain out as quickly as it went in. Fix the holes before you begin refilling the buckets or you will end up spinning wheels and get no where. (A marriage builders concept)

Epi

 

[Married Buried]

I love latinas they are great so when I met my wife I knew I wanted to keep her. So I kept her.

 

[Mr.Positive]

No problem man. Just remember your relationship will be a balance of alpha and beta. MOST of the time you be alpha.. And incorporate beta when deemed necessary.

You know, I've never adopted this mindset. Be "alpha" not beta. This whole theory suggests that there are only a certain percentage of guys who are alpha, and you have to be better than them, or else you are beta.

My thoughts are just be the masculine guy who we are all supposed to be, our unique self, and not put any labels on it.

For me, I don't have any interest in being the biggest swinging **** in the bar.

Yet, with this gal, if you were to label it. Honestly she's more alpha than me. So far she's better at everything than I am. She has a better career. She's more attractive (if we were to compare). I'm good looking and fit, but don't stand out in a crowd. She's a head turner. Guys tend to stare.

She's a better surfer than I am. Everything we do together, she's better at it.

How in the heck can you be alpha when the gal you are dating is better at everything?

Anyway, didn't mean to go on a rant, but this is the situation I'm in. Not sure if any of you guys have been in a situation like this. She's an amazing gal, and yes, I do need to step up and better myself. For example, she scuba dives, so I am going to take dive lessons.

 

[backbreaker]

Hell no lol

 

[Mr.Positive]

Hell no lol

I have oneitis. I know I have this affliction right now. Like getting the cold or the flu, sometimes it's not a choice.

I guess a properly worded question is what men had oneitis when meeting their wives initially?

Heck I don't know. If I get my heart stomped on I promise not to complain on the forum.

 

[backbreaker]

i liked her but when i first met her she was no different than any of hte other chicks i was seeing. it took a month or so for her to seriously grow on me. that was just to decide to stop dating other women. it took another year and a half for me to want to marry her

 

[JoeMarron]

Not yet married but engaged. I had no magical oneitis experience. She was simply a chick who grew on me. She was the one who popped the question and it took me months to finally agree to it.

 

[Don the Legend]

Yes!

I knew early on that I could see myself marrying her! I never had that feeling with anyone else.

It seemed like every time we would get together, it felt as if we knew each other forever even though we just started dating. It was very weird but very cool at the same time.

One thing you want to make sure is that she meets your core values! Looks are great, but over time your core values is what is going to either keep you together or not. Looks will go away over time, values won't!


Good Luck!

 

[Married502]

I was surprised that mine was the one.

I've been married almost 18 years. Before her, my longest relationship was 5 months. Most, were well under a month. I've always been the kind of guy to get a girl to do exactly what I want when I want it. As a high school and college student I was never looking for the one, just the one for right now and if I slept with her on the first date, normally the same day we met I quickly lost interest. The ones that were more interesting made it a few weeks. I was an ass, I know that now but then I wore it like a badge of honor.

When I met my wife mentally I had went through a change brought on by me growing up very quickly and I knew I was ready for substance but never expected to find it so easily. Even while I was out with her on that first date I still wasn't thinking beyond that day thinking of a possibility of a second. On the second date I wasn't really thinking about much beyond a third. We were engaged in about a month (which was crazy) but it truly felt right. Our families didn't approve, we got married about four months after meeting each other. July we will have been married 18 years. We have two kids, 16 and 12 and I love her more now than I did then. Our marriage has been far from prefect. We truly have lived our vows with both of us having some major health issues that required the other to fully take care of the other, the house, bills and boys. We have been flush, we have been broke but we never broke.

We are each other's best friend. We know how to love each other, we know how to call each other on their bs, it works. I don't think you can go into any relationship thinking she's going to be the one. You need to stay focused on your needs because you need to be happy and content but not unbending. At your age you have some habits and such that may not be that attractive to someone else. You need to be open to a better you without loosing who you are. Go in to any date just looking for it to go well enough for a second date. After that second, look for another and so on. If you force it you may break it. Love life, love yourself, if you can't then you can't find someone else to.

 

[DJ Logic]

I friend zoned my wife at one point because I was too busy being a manwh-re and I knew that if I smashed her the feelings would be too strong. Sure enough, 4 years later we hooked up and the fireworks were off the chain. I haven't ****ed anyone else since we started, that's how good it was. Still mad about her, 12 years later. In fact I just finished waxing that ass

I will say that a sure sign of a keeper of this magnitude is the lack of interest in anyone else, even (or especially) when you have options. Of course the game can deceive you early on. Best to take these things in stride and let them unfold organically.

 

[Callmejoe]

I didn't know the day I met her, but on our first date. On the day we met, she went home and complained to her mother about this "pushy" guy she met. Her mother looked at her funny and said, "You've never said anything about anyone you've ever met before".

Yeah, we got married. She lets me sleep with other women too.

 

[Albatross953]

Real question is did you divorced guys feel thr same way about your ex wives when you met them, lol.

Yes, we did. There are no exceptions, no "meant to be". Keep improving, keep gaming. Or risk coming over here.

 

[speed dawg]

No, I did not. The only time I got that 'gut' feeling was when I had one-itis and got my heart ripped out by another girl (the one who led me to this site). So that gut feeling, in this instance, is nothing more than a reflection of desire....not logic.

Need both to marry a woman. Remember that. And honestly, if you have that little tingly feeling, best cut that sh*t off right now and figure out why a woman is making you happy, but you couldn't do it yourself before her. That 'I just know...' feeling is for the movies, pal. It's isn't real.