Question for those who have read "How to Win Friends & Influence People"

[gigantasaurus]

First of all, let me say it is a wonderful book. I have not yet finished it, but I am enjoying it very much. I recommend that everyone read it.

My question is, with the principles that Dale Carnegie teaches in mind, how would you relate them to women you are interested in? Obviously the word "friend" is used in the title of the book, but you don't want the women to become "friends".

I kind of get the impression that the principles Carnegie teaches conflict with things taught on this site. For example, a lot of people on this site tell others to be really big headed; when you walk into a room full of people you automatically think yourself "I am the hottest, coolest person in this room" (or something along those lines). Whereas Carnegie teaches an attitude of humility and to focus on other people instead of yourself.

Would this book deter from DJ efforts?

 

[Joe The Homophobe]

Originally posted by gigantasaurus

I kind of get the impression that the principles Carnegie teaches conflict with things taught on this site. For example, a lot of people on this site tell others to be really big headed; when you walk into a room full of people you automatically think yourself "I am the hottest, coolest person in this room" (or something along those lines). Whereas Carnegie teaches an attitude of humility and to focus on other people instead of yourself.

the answer to this is simple. The principles of "how to win friends" are meant to be used in your everyday environment. The principles of the Don Juan are to be used around non work environment/women you are trying to game/parties/friends etc.

Obviously you aren't going to act like a DJ when in a business environment or a job interview. You have to know that they are different situations that require different approaches. There is not 1 single approach for everything. Be the DJ around women, while use Carnegies principles in the workplace etc. Combine the best of both if you can.

 

[gigantasaurus]

Re: Re: Question for those who have read "How to Win Friends & Influence People"

Originally posted by Joe The Homophobe
the answer to this is simple. The principles of "how to win friends" are meant to be used in your everyday environment. The principles of the Don Juan are to be used around non work environment/women you are trying to game/parties/friends etc.

Obviously you aren't going to act like a DJ when in a business environment or a job interview. You have to know that they are different situations that require different approaches. There is not 1 single approach for everything. Be the DJ around women, while use Carnegies principles in the workplace etc. Combine the best of both if you can.

I agree with you that if they could both be meshed together, then that would be ideal. However, I am under the impression that both Carnegie's methods and DJ methods are something that you apply internally for an overall change of attitude. If you take Carnegie's methods to heart to change your overall behavior, wouldn't you just be faking a DJ attitude later? Perhaps I am wrong.

I suppose it would work best if you could adapt high confidence without being affected by pride. Adapting rules that would be used for the general public, than other rules that would be used for dating prospects, (which is basically what you stated Joe). But sometimes it is not so black in white. For example you could be with a group of business people while you are trying to hook up with a girl. Or the girl could be someone you work with.

Another thing I've just come across in Carnegie's writings is his principles concerning arguments. Carnegie tells us to avoid arguments at all costs, which I'm sure the DJ world would agree with. He also says if someone says something wrong and you know it's wrong, to just keep it to yourself (because pointing it out makes the other person defensive and/or hurts their ego), but many DJs would say you should call out a girl, especially if it's some BS game.

On the other hand, Carnegie does have somethings that go right along with DJing. Like smiling at others. Giving sincere compliments (although we know not to go overboard).

I also get the impression that you have to sacrifice your own ego/pride a lot in order to "win friends & influence people".

Maybe I'm just looking at this the wrong way. Anyone have any ideas?

 

[charolastra]

I've read the book. But if you apply the knowledge to women and relationships, it just doesn't make sense. I recall Dr. Carnegie stresses the fact that in order to make friends and influence people, you have to show interest in what people do...in other words, be concerned about people...and they will remember you for it.

That's exactly what most of us have been doing all along...being concerned about people (women) who take us for granted!

"Relationships" is just a different game plan...

It sems to me that the less concerned you are about most women, the more they'll love you..at least in my case(s).

charolastra

 

[mungro]

Strange thing is... my dad gave me a copy of this book the other day... and I've been reading my way through the second chapter. I haven't finished it but I've already noticed how different the philosophies are from most DJ philosophies.

I think that they don't necessarily clash, however the book is about how to generally become a better leader and social person. Its about how to gather and keep friends and make them like you so that you in turn can influence them. The book isn't titled, "How to sexually attract people" If you wanted to be "friends" with a girl and influence her, especially in a work environment or non sexual arena... this book's philsophies would make 100% sense. At least that's what I gather so far... looking forward to finishing this book