Question for RKTek

[LouieVaton Don]

I just hit a dead end with another dead end chick. Anyway im glad its finally panned out and because of it I've gotten many steps closer to finding out about myself, others and what I want. Even though my goal was to sex her and I failed, I feel as though I came away with something far greater. One of the few things I noticed is that I have a problem with attracting females who are mentally and emotionally unstable because I am. Over the past few days I have been doubling back on posts, relating to the info, taking personality tests etc. The prognosis is that im depressed, avoidant, passive-aggressive and co-dependant, albeit not as much as I used to due to experiences and so-suave of course but I know that my underlying problems are still there.

I just cant see the silver lining in anything, nothing is fun or makes me happy. Staying focused on one task is also always a mission. Im into chicks but its like I never put any effort in. When I have gotten them I would always been able to get their intrest very high intially but they would always end up disrespecting me in some way. The longest relationship I have ever been in was never a shade past 2 months. My sexual libido isn't what it used to be and im only 21. I mostly stay to myself and when I did develop relationships with anyone it didnt last long(male/female). Either I'd get used or I would push people away(which up until now I had'nt noticed I was doing it). Look im not trying to cover up my problems and mistakes with excuses but I can see how my upbringing and my relationship with my mother, father and stepfather have played a hand in all this but I still take sole responsibility for my issues. I feel like I should've noticed a whole lot earlier and Ive already wasted too much time.

I need help getting rid of these inner demons and I need to hear how from someone who's been down a similar road. If you would like more information about my background and how I was raised I wont be ashamed to share.

 

[LouieVaton Don]

BUMP

 

[RKTek]

Louie, the very fact that you are so self-aware is already fantastic. Recognition of a problem is already half the solution. There are hundreds of thousands of people who live their entire lives in loneliness and quiet anger and depression. And this is not just some new-age or recent observation. Henry David Thoreau, who lived from 1817 to 1862 said "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation". That was over 140 years ago!

The main thing is you are amazingly self aware. It will be a long road to feeling better, but think of how your life would be if you didn't have these insights until you were 40, 50 or 60 years old. Yes, some people don't realize what the problem is until half their life is over. Be at least thankful you're young enough to change easily and have the energy to do it. They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Okay, you're a young dog!

The best thing to do is read. Read all you can on the Internet, or if you find books that give more insight, get them. Read so that you thoroughly understand yourself, because with understanding will come acceptance and the realization that you're probably a pretty good guy and that you're being a lot harder on yourself than you need to be. But first you need to learn all about who you are. With understanding comes acceptance, and with acceptance will come self-love. With self-love, you'll begin to see that others love you too.

You can't love anyone until you love yourself. You've already got a toe-hold on this problem, so keep at it. The information is out there, there's plenty of it and on the Internet, it's free. Read. Learn. Everyone has struggles. Those with lots of friends struggle with intimacy and can't get depth in their relationships. Your type can. Once you find a good relationship, you'll see that you have very much to offer. But first, discover yourself.

The truth is out there.

Good luck. And sorry I didn't see your original post. Sometimes I go for a few days without visiting here.

Later...

 

[LouieVaton Don]

Thanks RK you don't even know my level of appreciation.

 

[RKTek]

"...you don't even know my level of appreciation"

You could tell me

Louie, as you can see, this entire board is a large extended family of 'bros before hos'. Others here have also plumbed the depths, touched the gates of personal hell and walked back to tell of it.

It's like this is a huge "mosh pit" where you can cast yourself out and we'll all support (for the most part) support you. Even when you get a good swift kick in the *ss, generally even that is well-intentioned. There are also other boards geared specifically for discussing particular personality or emotional botherations that you might find helpful, even though I'd keep this as your main one. You might do a Google search for things such as (to use your own descriptoin) "depressed, avoidant, passive-aggressive and co-dependant"

Several years ago I unwittingly fell into a deep and extremely dysfunctional relationship LTR with a woman who was later diagnosed as Borderline Personality Disorder. Wow, what a rollercoaster ride to hell that was! It was the worst time in my life, and strangely the best because phoenix-like, I arose from the ashes of that prolonged crash as a new man. Mind you, the recovery was long and fraught, and it was a year or so before I found this board, but I occasionally visited and posted on a Borderline Family Board or some such. I think it's gone now, but it was for 'survivors' or family members of someone with this god-awful disorder. They tend to drag down anyone near them, and I was caught in that toilet flush.

Anyway, do a web search for "Avoidant discussion board" or some such and see if you can find closer support there as well.

 

[myfriendblu]

Hey I can relate as well......
The fact that you relize whats going on at such a young age puts you ahead of 99 percent of the population. Im young like you, and its a good thing that we realize the problems we have at such a young age, and look to fix them. most people, if ever, never realize this.

 

[-Zero_h0uR-]

Beautifully put, RK.

Louie, I've been there.

I was depressed a while back. I tried going to psychologists, psychiatrists, and I was on paxil for a while.

Nothing seemed to help me. I went to a therapist for three years, before I finally said "**** it, I'm goin to do this on my own."

I started by setting small goals for myself. Do a little bit at a time. Maybe one or two things a day you don't normally do, but wish you could. Make a basic idea of where you see yourself in a week, a month, two months, 6 months, a year, five years, ten years.

Once you jot down where you want to be in that time frame, start taking small steps towards completing the things you need to complete in order to reach the places you strive for.

It's not an easy thing, but you have a brotherhood of support on this board.

Good luck, bro.


-- Zero-

 

[myfriendblu]

absolutely Zero,
I think the number one thing that has helped me the most is hobbies, especially anything physical. i love to work out and anything to do with physical fitness. It really has helped me dramatically. Snoboarding/lifting weights/rollerblading/rock climbing. i suggest taking up a physical hobby its helped me treemendously/