Question for Guys Who Have Been Married

[PDubb75]

For those of you who are currently married, or have been married at some point, what "type" of girl do you feel is best to get into a serious relationship with?

By "type" I mean shy/inexperienced/passive girls, outgoing and fun girls, etc.

My reason for asking is, I have been in a mental debate with myself about this girl I am seeing. It's clear she is looking for a serious LTR. I'm not exactly opposed to one if it happens without being forced, but I'm just trying to decide if she is the kind of girl I want to get involved with.

She is a "good girl" in all sense of the term. She hardly ever drinks, has never done any drugs, her mom is her best friend, been in just a couple relationships in her life, told me her last relationship they waited 2 months to have sex for the first time, and that was really quick for her. We had sex for the first time last night and it had been so long for her that she was in a ton of pain. It was like fvcking a virgin.

Now, my last few relationships had been with very outgoing, independent, confident type girls. The ones that most other girls have told me they were intimidated by. I just think they are more fun, and I get the feeling that I am also strong and more confident looking/feeling when I am with them. That's just what I gravitate towards recently (aside from this new girl).

But now my question is... who is really best to have an LTR with? Which of these would I rather start up a relationship that could possibly lead to marriage? I know this answer could differ by person, but maybe someone was in a similar situation and has personal experience with this.

I'm curious to hear what you guys think.

 

[FairShake]

One who likes you for you. When there's no need to "act" around her.

One who has similar goals for life. When your paths are pretty parallel.

One who you can have fun with. Marriage is boring if you can't joke around.

I could careless if they are confident and aggressive or passive and quiet. I don't care if they are good or bad. I want those three things first.

 

[sodbuster]

I wouldn't worry about quiet/fun. See how she treats her parents, how her parents treat each other(will be how she thinks "normal" is), does she have FEMALE friends?[just like there are guys no man likes because they are losers, there are women no women like for the same reasons...sex just hides it from you]

 

[SecondHalf]

Good advice so far.

Make sure you pick a woman that you're less likely to get bored with, or one that supplicates too easily. You will likely get complacent, she will not say anything and the resentment usually coupled with entitlement and justification builds ...

SH

 

[PDubb75]

Good advice so far.

Make sure you pick a woman that you're less likely to get bored with, or one that supplicates too easily. You will likely get complacent, she will not say anything and the resentment usually coupled with entitlement and justification builds ...

SH

SecondHalf, I think that's my biggest worry. My initial thought is that a girl like this is someone I would get bored with. Like it almost feels "too safe". Especially since this site has helped me improve myself and become more outgoing, adventurous, and not take everything so seriously, maybe I'm seeing being with her as a step back?

Some good replies so far, thanks guys!

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear PDubb,
If you have to ask yourself this question on a matter so important,then forget it!....Don't you appreciate what making the State an interested party,in your emotional issues involves?...there is,statistically a better than even chance that you wont last the distance,with cataclysmic effects on your life....so if you are not quite sure,at least give it some time!

 

[Desdinova]

It really depends on a lot of things. After having fvck ups with women I've had lots in common with, I started questioning if that really should be considered a necessity for a good relationship.

I don't have much in common with my current gf. However, she's smart with her money, doesn't have an evil temper, comes from a family with good values, knows how to cook, keeps herself in shape, and is hot as hell. She's also quite young and was very low-mileage sexually (until I got ahold of her ) and therefore has very little baggage. She's damn near a blank slate.

Her maturity is still not fully developed, but that's quite normal for a woman her age. Every single woman I've known or dated in their early 20s is no longer the same person. The most noticeable is after 10 years, they've not only matured, but they've accumulated a lot of baggage including kids, debt, and hatred towards men.

The way I see it: the younger you go, the less problems you're going to inherit with the relationship. The only side effect is you'll have to wait for her to mature, but what's the hurry? While you're waiting, you can help fill that blank slate with things that YOU would like in your companion. When she's finally matured enough, you'll have a spectacular woman you can settle down with.

 

[roflzaur]

For those of you who are currently married, or have been married at some point, what "type" of girl do you feel is best to get into a serious relationship with?

By "type" I mean shy/inexperienced/passive girls, outgoing and fun girls, etc.

My reason for asking is, I have been in a mental debate with myself about this girl I am seeing. It's clear she is looking for a serious LTR. I'm not exactly opposed to one if it happens without being forced, but I'm just trying to decide if she is the kind of girl I want to get involved with.

She is a "good girl" in all sense of the term. She hardly ever drinks, has never done any drugs, her mom is her best friend, been in just a couple relationships in her life, told me her last relationship they waited 2 months to have sex for the first time, and that was really quick for her. We had sex for the first time last night and it had been so long for her that she was in a ton of pain. It was like fvcking a virgin.

Now, my last few relationships had been with very outgoing, independent, confident type girls. The ones that most other girls have told me they were intimidated by. I just think they are more fun, and I get the feeling that I am also strong and more confident looking/feeling when I am with them. That's just what I gravitate towards recently (aside from this new girl).

But now my question is... who is really best to have an LTR with? Which of these would I rather start up a relationship that could possibly lead to marriage? I know this answer could differ by person, but maybe someone was in a similar situation and has personal experience with this.

I'm curious to hear what you guys think.

This girl sounds like a good girl to get into an LTR with. Sluts/bad girls are headaches to be in an LTR with.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Look at her relationship with her father.

If you are a logical choice for her as a relationship - committed, have some sort of a job, didn't just get out of jail - basically the type of guy you would want for her if she were your own daughter, then you want her to have a good relationship with her father.

But if you want to be an illogical choice in an LTR, which means the opposite - her friends and family have no idea why she's with you - then she must have a poor relationship with her father.

 

[The Duke]

I'd say this girl has some good things going for her that would make her a smart choice for something long term.

I've sampled all sorts of women. I was married to a highly social, confident, outgoing type. I've also dated those types since. I've also been with the shy, passive, more introverted type. And yes those social, confident, outgoing ones are a lot of fun but it seems that was also their downfall. They were never as loyal.

The shy, inexperienced, passive type was never as wild and crazy. However plenty of fun can still be had. I'm not so sure wild and crazy is really substainable long term anyways. The shy passive types always seemed more wholesome and trustworthy to me. They are less likely to be attention *****s. Its seems this type doesn't need a social medium to validate their self worth.

 

[PeakIV]

mine was a shy quiet softly spoken girl, it can be a front to lure you in, mine turned into a full blown raging cluster B after a while.

don't rely on that one, check the dad and their past

 

[pdx1138]

Look at her relationship with her father.

That rings true for me.

Every relationship I've had that didn't last more than a few months.....they despised their father's.

 

[PDubb75]

I'd say this girl has some good things going for her that would make her a smart choice for something long term.

I've sampled all sorts of women. I was married to a highly social, confident, outgoing type. I've also dated those types since. I've also been with the shy, passive, more introverted type. And yes those social, confident, outgoing ones are a lot of fun but it seems that was also their downfall. They were never as loyal.

The shy, inexperienced, passive type was never as wild and crazy. However plenty of fun can still be had. I'm not so sure wild and crazy is really substainable long term anyways. The shy passive types always seemed more wholesome and trustworthy to me. They are less likely to be attention *****s. Its seems this type doesn't need a social medium to validate their self worth.

This was exactly my thinking. This was more along the lines of what I was expecting to hear...

Look at her relationship with her father.

If you are a logical choice for her as a relationship - committed, have some sort of a job, didn't just get out of jail - basically the type of guy you would want for her if she were your own daughter, then you want her to have a good relationship with her father.

But if you want to be an illogical choice in an LTR, which means the opposite - her friends and family have no idea why she's with you - then she must have a poor relationship with her father.

This is where this girl in particular gets interesting. She has no relationship with her father. She is originally from Florida, moved here with her mom about 6 years ago, and her father didn't come with. I don't know when and why he left the family, but I know she has zero contact with him. Based on how she is, I was shocked. I would have put money on her parents still being together. I always try to use that somewhat as a gauge, so I was curious to ask. So... now what? haha

 

[Bible_Belt]

Interesting. Are they not in contact at all? I could see a divorce being amicable and not causing issues. But then he should still talk to her. Is someone mad at someone else? If so, why? Those are the questions that I would subtly try to get answered. It's not the exact circumstances that matter; it's her reaction to it and her resulting emotions.

 

[PDubb75]

Interesting. Are they not in contact at all? I could see a divorce being amicable and not causing issues. But then he should still talk to her. Is someone mad at someone else? If so, why? Those are the questions that I would subtly try to get answered. It's not the exact circumstances that matter; it's her reaction to it and her resulting emotions.

I'll work on getting those answers. The only mention of it to this point was her saying "we don't talk to my father. He's back in Florida and we don't speak." This was on our second date, so I didn't press, and that was the end of that conversation.

I haven't had to deal with father issues with a girl I got serious with. Hopefully I'll have more info sooner than later.

 

[FairShake]

Look at her relationship with her father.

If you are a logical choice for her as a relationship - committed, have some sort of a job, didn't just get out of jail - basically the type of guy you would want for her if she were your own daughter, then you want her to have a good relationship with her father.

But if you want to be an illogical choice in an LTR, which means the opposite - her friends and family have no idea why she's with you - then she must have a poor relationship with her father.

Not fair. I've dated many black and Puerto Rican girls in my time and many (actually most) of them don't really know their fathers!