Question about intelectual woman..

[mtbbkr111]

Ok guys, I had a bit of a slip and I wonder if you have ever done the same, and how has been the outcome.

So my buddy and I were out for a bit to eat last thurs. Our waitress was super cute, and we hit it off really well, she is really intelegent (27, actress, in uni part time). We had a very intelectual conversation. I ended up asking for her # and got it. I called her yesterday and we made plans for last night (she wanted a study break). So I meet her, we go out for some wings and have an incredibile convo (High IL, touching, general flirting). She asks me up her place to check out a book she was reading but said I can't stay long because she had to get back to work.

We get up there, she pours me a glass of water, we are laughing and she shows me the book. We had a moment, and I went in for the kiss. She leans back, kind of suprised and said "Wow, that was pretty confident of you, but I barely know you". I brushed it off and quickly changed the subject! We talked for a few more min, then I said I should let her study and should go. She gave me a big hug/smile and I left.


Have you guys ever experienced this before, and what has been the outcome? I have not encountered this in a long time! Usually I'm good for a kiss on the first date!

I think one of the reasons it happened is because I met her outside of my circle of friends/work, etc.. So we did not have that rapport of knowing for a while. Also she is really intelectual, so I think that could play a factor.

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

Bonus points for moving in for the kiss.

Always move in 1st or second date. Why waste time since women make up their minds where you stand with them within the first few minutes of meeting.

Based on the above I'd say her rebuff does not bode well. I've had the same experience several times and always moved on. At least you know where you stand.

It may be salvageable, however I defer to others on this forum as to how to do that.

Any contact since last Thurs?

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

Meant last night

 

[mtbbkr111]

Oh, no I got the # on thurs, called sun early afternoon and went out that night (sun).. I was going to give the call back tmr to que up a 2nd date...

 

[Vulpine]

She asks me up her place to check out a book she was reading but said I can't stay long because she had to get back to work.

Ok, so she wants to ƒuck...

We had a moment, and I went in for the kiss. She leans back, kind of suprised and said "Wow, that was pretty confident of you, but I barely know you".

...and then she doesn't?

I'd imagine it was one or both of a couple things. If you just leaned in for a kiss out suddenly, I'd say it was an uncomfortable thing, like an ambush. Without some EC and kino escalation, the first kiss is a scary thing when it just happens out of nowhere.

Or, in this day and age of "The pickup artist" on television... I'd be more likely to assume "sh¡t test" since she tilted her hand just a little too far by saying "confident of you". I'm guessing that she was testing your confidence to see if it was genuine or "Lee press-on confidence".

Whatever the case, actions speak louder than words, bro. Don't call, don't text, don't e-mail, don't contact her. She shut you down with the ol' "lets be friends/let's take it slow". Translated, that means she might someday want you as the next branch but has to dump the current BF first... or maybe not... or maybe something else... or maybe, or maybe even... the actions point to "not right now". Rejection means "no".

Don't get strung along: keep your frame and don't chase someone who rejected you.

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

Oh, no I got the # on thurs, called sun early afternoon and went out that night (sun).. I was going to give the call back tmr to que up a 2nd date...

Bump Vulpine.

Moving in WAYY to quick.

Let her make the next move.

 

[mtbbkr111]

Yes , and I probably should have waited until the good bye hug to go for the kiss.. Ah well, chalk this one up to experience! And I will be letting her make the next move..

 

[Colossus]

I think you went in way too quick. It doesnt sound like she outright rejected you; that was more like a "not now".

She's obviously interested, so give it a couple of days and call her for a second date.

I rarely go for a kiss on the first date unless is basically begging for it with her actions. I've had to learn over and over again NOT to move too fast!!! No girl is ever going to be put off that you waited a little longer to kiss her, but if you jump the gun she'll get probably get uncomfortable.

Waiting is actually good because it builds suspense in her. Women LOVE this. Just remain confident and let the tension draw out a little bit...if her interest is high enough she'll be aching for you to take her. It's sort of an art.

 

[Vulpine]

Right on, Danger. There is that, too.

Sometimes guys over think scenarios and/or talk themselves out of going for what they want. Or, sometimes they are scared to "push too hard" for fear of "messing up". It takes some ba11s to push ahead after the ASD and not get into "cuddle time" or "talk it over time".

I struggled with that, too.

Hell, I struggled with the first kiss for the longest time. But, I just made sure to consciously think "there is no spoon" to straighten myself out, calm the anxiety, and go ahead and bust a move. Call it a "Dumbo's feather" of sorts, but, it's just my little mental "nut grab".

Experience... you know better for next time, mtbbkr.

 

[jophil28]

We get up there, she pours me a glass of water, we are laughing and she shows me the book. We had a moment, and I went in for the kiss. She leans back, kind of suprised and said "Wow, that was pretty confident of you, but I barely know you". I brushed it off and quickly changed the subject! We talked for a few more min, then I said I should let her study and should go. She gave me a big hug/smile and I left.

Going for a kiss is entirely the Wrong Move in that setting. You had not established enough attraction and rapport. The thing to do with these smart types is to TALK to them - that is their world ..the world of ideas and concepts.
Do not touch them in a sexual way UNTIL they do it first to you.

The "intelligent" woman is a pushover IF you allow her to be an equal contributor to "the action" ..smart women usually have their own kind of self confidence. It is a good thing. They do not respond well to clumsy DJ tactics.
This is not some Starbucks chica working her way though 100 hours of Community Service .

However I do appreciate your attraction to a cute smart woman. Rare indeed.
I love this type.
Learn to leave early in the interactions. I call it "premature evacuation ".

 

[decades]

more kino

 

[mtbbkr111]

jophil, you are quite right. I mentioned what happened to my friend who dates these types, and he said that they will basically seduce you and pretty much guide the way.. Thanks for the words of wisdom!

 

[SoCalMike]

Ok guys, I had a bit of a slip and I wonder if you have ever done the same, and how has been the outcome.

So my buddy and I were out for a bit to eat last thurs. Our waitress was super cute, and we hit it off really well, she is really intelegent (27, actress, in uni part time). We had a very intelectual conversation. I ended up asking for her # and got it. I called her yesterday and we made plans for last night (she wanted a study break). So I meet her, we go out for some wings and have an incredibile convo (High IL, touching, general flirting). She asks me up her place to check out a book she was reading but said I can't stay long because she had to get back to work.

We get up there, she pours me a glass of water, we are laughing and she shows me the book. We had a moment, and I went in for the kiss. She leans back, kind of suprised and said "Wow, that was pretty confident of you, but I barely know you". I brushed it off and quickly changed the subject! We talked for a few more min, then I said I should let her study and should go. She gave me a big hug/smile and I left.


Have you guys ever experienced this before, and what has been the outcome? I have not encountered this in a long time! Usually I'm good for a kiss on the first date!

Intellectual girls usually are more picky. Sounds like she's still "feeling you out". Nothing wrong with that. But if you don't get at least a kiss on the next date sounds like she's probably not interested. Guess you could give it a 3rd go, if you really like her... but I've found if no kiss by 2nd date it's usually not worth it.

You did the right thing by going in for the kiss. That takes balls and it flatters her, all women love knowing that a man is attracted to them.

I think one of the reasons it happened is because I met her outside of my circle of friends/work, etc.. So we did not have that rapport of knowing for a while. Also she is really intelectual, so I think that could play a factor

Yep, this is a big factor. Makes you more of a "stranger". She's being cautious. Don't sweat it, just keep doing what you're doing. Give it one or two more dates.

One thing which would help a lot is to make sure she knows you're not "weird" or "stalker" material, by having other friends / interests/ being busy. For example, she calls and asks if you want to hang out Friday, it would be a good thing if you already had plans on Friday, such as a party you were going to, or another date. You get the idea.

 

[#41]

You gotta hand it to her -- she saw what you were doing and re-took control of the situation by putting you on defense.

I wouldn't stress it -- if she was really put off by the move, she'd have told you to beat it after the botched attempt. If I were you, I'd use it as an opportunity to flip the game on her: make it the subject of C+F stuff and pull back on the next kiss you go for at the last second.

 

[sodbuster]

She didn't say no,you aren't out of the game. Sometimes play hard to get. I've declined to make the move on women before and later on as it was time to leave,she just about checked my supper out with her tongue. Come to think of it, thats how I got married. I was out until 4am,drunk and playing bedroom gymnastics with a different woman and had a noon date with my now ex. She came over to my place and I still didn't put a move on her-she moved on me and kept moving on me until the "ring".